Battle Scars
by SarahCullen17
Summary: Bella is devastated when her husband is killed in Iraq. Only her surprise pregnancy and her new friend Edward can pull her through. Bella falls in love with Edward, but what happens when she finds out Jacob isn't dead? Nominated for 4 TwiFiction Awards.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** This was partly inspired by the movie "Brothers". I haven't seen the movie yet, but the preview was great and inspiring. Obviously, as I've written a whole story! I really need reviews. Desperately.

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all of these characters.

Prologue: Bella's POV

My two best friends Alice and Rosalie sat on the ledge of the bathtub, one on each side of me. Silent tears were streaming down my face, and they both held my hand. Today was not the day I had planned to do this. But, of course, who really planned on this day to happen?

"Don't cry, sweetie," Rose whispered. "Jacob would hate to see you cry."

I sniffled. "I know," I said, my throat thick with tears. "He would want me to be strong."

"That's right," Alice said, squeezing my hand. "I bet right now he's watching you, trying to somehow tell you that everything is going to be okay. That there is hope for you."

I nodded. "Uh huh. That's so Jake." Although I was responding to them, I couldn't quite comprehend her words. They just didn't sink in. I was numb.

"Bella, if this test is positive, what are you going to do?" Rose asked me gently.

I shrugged. "Not sure. Honestly, Rose, it took me two hours to decide on a dress for today. And even longer to do my hair and makeup."

"You look great," Alice told me. "I bet Jacob thinks you're beautiful. When did he not?"

I kind of liked how Alice was referring to Jacob in the present tense, as if he were really alive. It made me believe that there was a Heaven. How could someone as good as Jacob simply have his life ended? Of course my only love was being rewarded now for his goodness.

"I don't feel beautiful," I sighed. "I feel like a pile of charred bones. Nothing left in me."

Rosalie softly stroked my hair. "Honey, it'll get better."

I ignored that comment, because I didn't agree with it at all. There was no light at the end of this tunnel. I was trapped in this darkness forever.

But I knew I had to face reality. I had to get out of my bathroom and go to my husband's funeral. I had to go listen to everyone's condolences. I had to hear the slow droning of "Taps", bear the gun salute, and I had to hold that dreaded American flag. I had to drop my beloved husband's body into the ground. Never to see those beautiful brown eyes again. Never to run my fingers through that jet black hair again. Never to kiss those perfect lips again.

After today, my life would be sealed away in a coffin.

But of course I couldn't accept that. Because even though Jake was gone, I was still here on Planet Earth. And possibly, quite possibly, I would be responsible for another life.

That's what my head said. But my heart wouldn't listen.

Suddenly, I heard the dinging of the timer, and it brought me back to reality. I drew in a ragged breath. Now was the moment of truth.

"Hand me the test, Alice," I whispered.

Slowly, gently, she handed me the little white stick. I took a deep breath and held it up to read it.

Positive.


	2. Last Kiss

**Author's Note:** I know that some of the military terminology in this story might be unfamiliar with some, so I'll have a "glossary" of sorts at the bottom of the chapters. The terms will be marked with an asterisk. If you don't know a certain word, just look at the bottom of the screen. And review*****!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of this. It's all Stephenie Meyer's.

Chapter Two: "Last Kiss" Bella's POV

Three Months Earlier

"Jake, don't forget your stationery!" I called as I scrambled around the house, checking to make sure everything was perfect. I knew that my husband would be able to email and occasionally call me, but I still told him I wanted to do the snail mail route as well. Just so I could hear from him as much as possible, and so he would have something to do in the desert so he wouldn't go crazy.

While I inspected his BDUs***** and made sure every wrinkle was ironed out, two strong arms came from behind me and wrapped around my waist. "Bella," Jacob whispered in my ear. "Honey, you've mentioned the stationery five times."

I shook my head frantically. "I can't help it. I'm just so stressed out."

He kissed my earlobe. "Why, sweetie?"

"Because I don't know if you're coming back!" I admitted.

He spun me around so I could see his face--or maybe so he could see mine. "Honey, I'm going to come back to you," he said, his eyes intense. "You have to trust me."

I said nothing.

His eyes softened, and he bent down to kiss my forehead. "Don't you trust me, baby?"

I pursed my lips and nodded.

"Do you really?" His mouth made a slow trail of chaste kisses down my face.

"Yes," I whispered. "I do trust you. I just don't trust the people you'll be fighting. The people who will be trying to _kill_ you."

"You can't think of this coming year like that," he said, holding my face in his hands. "You just have to think of it like basic training. Just pretend I'm back in basic, and you're waiting on me to come home all buff and kinky."

I laughed and then sighed. "People weren't trying to kill you in basic, Jake."

"Really?" he asked, his face wearing a mask of surprise and disbelief. "Could have fooled me. Those drill sergeants don't play."

I laughed again and leaned into his bare chest. "God, I'm going to miss you," I said.

"I'll miss you, too, honey. More than you'll ever know. But guess what?"

"What?" I asked.

"My tour lasts only a year. And then I'll be home for good."

I smiled. "Those last three words sound wonderful."

He nodded. "I know. Time will fly by for both of us. I'll be somewhere in Iraq, drowning in sand, and you'll be here in La Push, drowning in love from other supportive people."

"I don't want other people," I sighed. "I want you."

He leaned down to kiss me. "One year." His lips went to my neck with open-mouthed kisses.

"You promise?" I asked him.

He stopped kissing me and looked me squarely in the eyes. "I promise."

The intensity of his stare comforted me. I trusted Jake. Jake never lied to me or broke his promises.

Knowing that in twelve short hours he would be gone for twelve long months, I suddenly jumped into his arms, wrapping my limbs around him. My mind was distracted as he fell back on the bed, me on top of him. He quickly pulled my shirt off, and just as he was about to unclasp my bra, I stopped kissing him.

"Do you promise that you promise?" I asked him, my voice strained again.

He laughed. "I promise that I promise that I promise to come back. I love you, baby."

Slightly comforted, I nodded. "I love you, too, Jake."

And then we picked up where we left off.

* * *

The ride to the airport was quiet. He held my hand as he drove my truck, saying nothing. I tried not to look at his uniform and combat boots. And I really tried not to notice the fact that his long black hair had been buzzed.

He quietly parked the truck and leaned over to kiss me before pulling his bag out of the back. I followed him into the airport, a lump in my throat as he signed in to get his ticket. His _one-way_ ticket.

I was miserable.

Not wanting to leave just yet, I pulled him to a bench in the front of the airport. I knew that once he walked past security, he was gone for an entire year.

He pulled me into his lap. "Honey," he whispered. "You have to be strong for me."

I nodded, tears filling my eyes. "I'm trying. You have to be strong, too. Stay safe so you can come back to me."

He nodded and kissed my hand. "I will. I am coming back to you, Bella Black. And then we'll be together for the rest of our lives."

The tears spilled over on my cheeks as I nodded. "Yeah. I can't wait."

He smiled and pulled my face to his so he could kiss me. I tried to ignore the tears that were streaming down his face. Jacob was always the strong one; he shouldn't cry, I thought. But somehow those tears just confirmed his love for me.

After what felt like only five minutes of holding each other, he had to leave. I stood up and watched him as he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Stay strong," he reminded me in a whisper, stroking my hair. "The stronger you are, the faster time flies."

I nodded. "I am. Call me or email me as soon as you can."

He smiled, stroking my face. "I will."

We stared into each other's eyes, both of us crying softly. Finally, he bent to kiss me. It was a passionate kiss, soft and lingering but still needy. When he pulled away, he smiled. "I love you, honey."

"I love you, too, Jacob," I told him, pulling something out of my purse and handing it to him. "I want you to take this with you."

It was a picture of me, one of my bridal portraits. He smiled at it. "Thank you, Bella. Now I get to carry the most beautiful girl in the world with me...all over the world."

I nodded. "Be safe. Don't forget to write."

"I will. I really have to go. I love you, Isabella Black."

"I love you, Jacob Black." I stood on my tiptoes for another kiss, and then it was time. He wiped a tear from his cheek and walked to security. Just as he was about to go through, he turned and blew a kiss to me.

Forcing a smile, I pretended to catch it and press it against my heart.

He smiled, turned around, and he was gone.

And more than anything, I was terrified that that would be our last kiss.

* * *

Glossary:

**BDUs:** the "fatigues" of the US Army, a.k.a. the camouflage uniform that soldiers are famous for.

**Review**: a simple and quick gesture that the author of this story will love you for.


	3. Something to Do

**Author's Note:** I know it's been forever since I've updated, and I'm sorry! The past week has been my spring break. My sister and her fiance came and spent a few days with us, and then I was sick for four days, and then I had to take that goddamned ACT. So I've been busy. But I hope you enjoy! Let me know with a review.

Also, please remember that there is a glossary at the bottom of the screen that lets you know what the heck Jacob is talking about when he starts his military jabber.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not cool enough to own any of this. However, I owned the ACT today! Ugh, not really, but I can dream...

Chapter Two: "Something to Do" Bella's POV

The first week he was gone was nearly unbearable. I wanted to stay in bed and mope, but I knew that Jake would kill me if he knew I was doing that. So I made a promise to myself that I could sleep in the day after his departure, and then I was going to get up and find something to occupy my time.

I was surprised to wake up at eleven AM and see Alice sitting on the foot of my bed. "Jesus, Alice!" I shouted, hitting my head on the wooden headboard. "Ow," I complained, not in the mood for this kind of disturbance.

"Sorry, Bells!" she said, taking my aching head in her hands. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"How did you get in?" I asked my best friend.

"Jacob gave me and Rosalie some keys, to check in on you," Alice said. "And today we're going out to eat. Jazz and Rose are meeting us at the diner at noon. So go get a shower and I'll pick you out a cute outfit!"

"Thank you, Alice," I gasped as I hugged her tightly. My friends really were great. They knew that I couldn't get through this alone.

I showered, dressed, and let Alice primp me until I looked publicly-presentable. We then got into her yellow Porsche and drove to the diner. Our best friend Rosalie and her brother (and Alice's fiancé) Jasper had a table for us, and they appeared to be genuinely happy to see me. Jasper kissed my cheek and Rosalie squeezed me tight. Conversation flowed easily, and I found myself having a good time. Jacob was mentioned, but only long enough for me to admit (morosely) that I hadn't heard from him yet.

After the happy lunch, Jasper and Rose went to work and Alice suggested going shopping in Port Angeles.

I shook my head. "No, Alice, actually I was thinking..."

"What?" she asked curiously.

I sighed. "I want to get a job."

She raised her delicate eyebrows. "Why? Isn't Jacob making plenty of money?"

I blushed. "Of course he is! And the benefits are great. But I need a routine. Something to occupy my time. You understand, right?"

Alice grinned widely. "I have just the thing for you." I gasped as she did a sharp, illegal U-turn in the street.

I was nervous as she drove to Main Street. Where would I work there? The souvenir shop? I wasn't really excited about selling shot-glasses emblazoned with the words "I Love Forks". The Newtons' outdoors equipment store? I didn't know anything about hiking boots or pitching tents. But Alice pulled up to the public library, and I automatically grinned. "You're a genius."

She smirked. "I try, my dearest." She linked arms with me as we walked into the small building.

Mothers and children were swarming around quietly. My heart lurched as I saw the stack of books behind the desk. So many books I could read...it would be a divine job.

"Mom!" Alice said quietly as we approached the desk.

Alice's mother Esme peered up at us with a huge smile on her face. "Alice! Bella!" she whispered. "What a lovely surprise!"

"Hi, Esme," I smiled at her. Alice's mother was a gorgeous woman, with a smooth face and caramel hair. She was probably the nicest--and most talented--person I had ever met. Esme was originally an architect and an interior designer, but a back injury kept her from that line of work. So now she was head librarian at the Forks Public Library.

Esme stood up to hug me tightly. "How are you doing, dear?"

"I'm fine," I told her softly.

Her loving eyes stared at me thoughtfully. "Have you heard from Jacob?"

I shook my head sadly. "I've had my cell phone on all day, just in case. I'm kind of antsy to check my email."

She nodded understandingly. "How are you holding up in his absence, Bella?"

I forced a smile. "He only left yesterday, but I'm doing well, thank you."

"Can we do anything for you?"

"Actually, that's what we're here for," Alice cut in. "Mom, has Miriam's spot been filled yet?"

Esme's eyes widened in surprise. "No! Oh, what a good idea! Bella, do you need a job, honey?"

I shrugged. "I need something to keep me busy."

She beamed. "Excellent. As far as I'm concerned, you're hired, but we have to go through the formalities." She rummaged through a file folder. "Here's an application."

I took it from her and hugged her again, kissing her cheek. Esme truly was one of the kindest people in the world.

* * *

Luckily, I did hear from Jake the next day. He called me around eight in the morning. I saw the unknown number and breathlessly answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, beautiful," my favorite voice said, making my heart turn somersaults.

"Jake!" I shouted. "Oh my god! How are you? Where are you? Are you okay?!"

He laughed. "Shh, honey, calm down. I'm in Baghdad. I'm fine, perfectly fine. I landed just a little while ago."

"Thank God," I breathed. "I've been so nervous."

"Bells, you're supposed to have faith in me, remember?"

"I know, sweetie. I'm..." I paused and took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Not worried. I'm cool."

He laughed again. "Good."

"How are you?" I asked him. "How is Iraq?"

"It's...not my favorite place in the world, but it's alright. I'm on post*****, so I haven't actually experienced the desert yet. The food sucks, but I guess I better enjoy it before I'm forced to resort to the damn MREs*****."

I giggled. "Sounds fun."

"How is La Push treating you?"

"Fine, I guess. I'm applying for a job at the Forks library. You know, for something to do."

"That'll be good for you. How's Billy?" he asked, referring to his father.

"I checked in on him today. He's worried about you, but other than that, he's great. I think he and Charlie are going to go fishing tomorrow." Billy was lifelong best friends with my father; they were thrilled to now be "family".

"That's good. Keep checking on him, Bells. Make sure he's eating right. I worry about him."

"Yeah, I think I'm going to cook him dinner tonight. Maybe steak..." I murmured, thinking aloud.

"Ah! Don't say that! I miss your cooking!" He sighed. "I miss everything about you."

"I miss you too, Jake. My arms are so empty at night."

"I know what you mean. I--" His voice trailed off, and I heard a voice say "Black! Wind it down!"

"My time limit is almost up," Jacob said sadly. "I love you, baby."

The tears filled my eyes. These few minutes had been heaven. "I love you, Jake. Be careful and keep your ass safe."

He chuckled. "I will. Hun, I meant to tell you to ride both of the motorcycles every now and then. Keep them in tune."

"Okay," I sighed. I only really liked riding bikes with him.

"I gotta go. I'll call or email or write as soon as I can. I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too. So, so much".

He hesitated before making a kissing sound in the phone. I giggled, knowing that whoever was listening would make fun of him for that. "'Bye, sweetheart," he whispered.

"'Bye, Jake!"

He hung up, leaving me alone. Ugh. While it was great to hear from him, I was just going to be depressed for the rest of the night. Maybe the rest of the week. I sighed and decided to start working on those steaks. I would invite Charlie over. And maybe I'd eat an extra-large steak for Jacob.

* * *

Glossary:

**On post**: On base.

**MREs**: Food that soldiers eat when they're in the wilderness or desert. Most of it is mush that comes in a brown packet and instantly becomes food once you add water. It's not exactly a rib-eye and creme brulee.

**Review**: A small, quick gesture that automatically makes you my favorite person in the world!


	4. Time Is Up

**Author's Note: **Last happy chapter for a while. We get to meet Edward here! And before anyone asks, BELLA WILL NOT CHEAT ON JACOB! I love Jacob way too much to do that to him.

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all of this.

Chapter Three: "Time is Up" Bella's POV

Like Esme had almost promised, I got the job at the library. Though it was a fairly uneventful job, I loved it insanely. When I wasn't stocking books, I was sitting behind a desk, reading to my heart's content. I had a computer at my desk, so I was immediately notified if Jacob sent me an email. Plus I could hang out with Esme all day, which was wonderful.

I heard from Jacob every few days. He was in special training to perform a mission that I couldn't know anything about. He assured me that he would be okay, and that I had no reason to worry about him. Again, he told me to have faith in him.

I busied myself with the library and with taking care of my father and father-in-law. Billy stayed worried about Jacob, and I noticed that he was drinking just a little more than I had ever seen him. Jacob was his father's pride and joy, and I knew it hurt Billy to not have him near. Jacob's buddies were all very supportive of me. Quil and Embry constantly checked in on me. Seth helped me out around the house, changing my light bulbs and making small repairs. One time I saw a peeping tom in my window, and my next door neighbor Sam Uley came and ran him off. Sam and his wife Emily were wonderful neighbors.

Two months passed by rather quickly. Jake found out that he would be able to take two weeks' leave in four short months. I was really excited and was already making plans for his little vacation.

Two months and fifteen days after his departure, I received the following email: 

_My Bella,_

_This is the last chance I'll get to email you or call you for a while. We're headed out to a site in the desert. That's all I can tell you. I'll warn you that you have heard of this place in the news quite a lot. However, that is not a good enough reason to worry about me. I'll be with a highly trained crew. We've all been specially-trained to do what we're going to do. I have faith in myself (and my men), so you should have faith in me as well. _

_Sweetheart, you mean more to me than anything in the world. Everyday I regret the fact that I'm missing one minute of your life. We've been man and wife for a year, lovers for six years, and best friends for twenty. I can honestly say that you have lit up my life like sunshine. Every morning, I watch the sun rise over the Iraqi desert and I imagine that it's you. You give me hope. I know that it's the same sun that you (occasionally) see in Washington, and for some reason, that brings me closer to you. _

_Though it sounds cheesy, I really do love you endlessly. Your beautiful face is in every thought I have. For years now you have possessed my heart and soul. I fully intend on coming back to you and giving you any piece of me you want. I don't want life unless it is with you. And I'm lucky enough to say that when I come home, that's exactly what I'll have. _

_Stay strong for me, baby. I know life is hard for you, because I know how much you love me. But I'm going to be home soon. And when I'm permanently in your arms, maybe we can work on having that son I've always dreamed of. (Of course, a daughter would be cool, too--as long as she looks like you.) _

_Honey, my time is up (just like it usually is). I don't know how frequently the mail carrier comes to the site I'll be at, so I can't promise you'll hear from me soon. But as soon as I get back to post, I'll work on calling you so I can hear my favorite voice in the world._

_Don't forget how much I love you, honey. I love you more than anything. It's your love that gives me motivation to get out of this country. _

_All my love, _

_Jacob_

That email scared the hell out of me. I sat and cried after reading it, and then I turned the news on to try to get some inkling of where he could be. The damn economy was taking up all of the news stories. So of course, I immediately called Alice. "Alice," I groaned. "I need a distraction."

"What's wrong?" she asked automatically.

"Jake is going on a special mission," I explained. "It could be very dangerous and I won't be able to hear from him for a while."

"Jazz and I are on our way. Oh, wait! Bella, have you ridden the motorcycles yet?"

"No," I sighed. "I don't know if I want to..."

"Why not?"

"It's something I do with Jake."

"So? Bella, honey, you sleep at night, don't you? You can't just avoid things that remind you of him. Besides, Jacob is going to be pissed when he comes home and his bike is out of order..."

"Ugh, you're right," I sighed.

"So Jasper will bring his motorcycle, and we'll ride through La Push. Oh, by the way, my brother Edward is here. Do you mind if he comes?"

"Jeez, Alice," I sighed. "I didn't know you have company. I'll call Rosalie or Emily."

"No, girl! It's totally cool. You should meet Edward, anyway. He's the only one in the family you haven't met because the freak has been in Chicago. He's going to be Jasper's best man, so since you're the matron of honor, you totally should meet!"

I rolled my eyes at the Alice-jabber. I was so used to it by now that I could completely ignore it and still get the major details.

"Alright then, I'll be there in thirty," she said before hanging up.

Always on her perfect schedule, Alice pulled up in her Porsche at one thirty, Jasper trailing behind on his monstrous bike. They met me on the porch. "Bella!" Alice exclaimed, hugging me and kissing my cheek as if she hadn't seen me in years.

"Alice," I replied in a warning tone. "You're going to get that cute little outfit muddy today."

She shrugged. "I'm marrying a doctor. I'm perfectly fine."

I laughed and hugged Jasper. "Hey, Jazz. I hope you're aware of her little spending habit."

He cringed. "I already know about it. What Alice wants, Alice gets. Why do you think she's driving a Porsche?"

"Because you love me," Alice enthused. "Now move your cute little butt, Jazz, and let me introduce my favorite brother to my favorite girl. Bella, this is Edward."

I looked up and saw an absolutely gorgeous man. Not that I had eyes for anyone other than Jacob; that was just what was first noticeable about Edward. Like everyone else in the Cullen family, he was unbelievably attractive.

He smiled at me warmly and stuck a hand out. "Hi Bella," he said, shaking my hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard lots about you from, well, everyone in my family."

"All good, I hope," I replied. "It's nice to meet you, too." I turned to the others. "Can I get anyone something to drink or eat?"

"Nah," Jasper said. "Let's ride."

We spent the afternoon riding the bikes on some back roads in Forks and La Push. Jasper and Alice rode his motorcycle, while I rode Jacob's and Edward manned mine. I found that I liked Edward a lot. He seemed just as decent as the rest of the Cullens, which was good, because they were the most decent people I had ever met in my life. (Except for Jacob, of course.)

After we rode bikes for a few hours, we went back to my house, where I put steaks on to grill. Alice was known to be a terrible cook, so she and Jasper perused a magazine for wedding ideas. I was surprised to find that Edward was handy in the kitchen. He made an excellent stir-fry with a delicious seasoning.

It was, in effect, a good day. After the harrowing email from Jacob, there was only one sad moment. While Edward helped me get my good china out of the dining room, he pointed to a military portrait of Jake. "Is that your...?" he asked, his voice trailing off.

"My husband," I said quietly. "Jacob. He's serving in Iraq right now."

Edward nodded. "How long?"

"He's been over there for about two and a half months," I replied, my voice sharp. "He has nine and a half months left."

Edward pursed his lips in concern. "Is he...safe?"

I shrugged. "I'm not allowed to know where he is or what he is doing right now," I admitted. "So I'm not sure. It worries the hell out of me."

Surprising me, Edward pulled me into a hug. "He'll be okay, Bella. I know he will."

I smiled. Edward really was a soothing person who always made you feel comfortable. "Thanks, Edward. That means a lot."

Like I said, it was a good day. But I'm afraid it was the last happy day for a very long time.


	5. Collapsed

**Author's Note:** I've been working hard at writing chapters for this story, but I promise I haven't neglected my other story-in-progress, _I Love College_. If you haven't checked it out, please do so. It's light and all silliness, but it's a welcome relief from the intensity of this story.

Remember the glossary at the bottom!

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. I just write sad stories about them.

Chapter Four: "Collapsed" Bella's POV

As Jacob predicted, I didn't hear from him. I worked overtime just to stay busy, and I even spent the night at Rosalie's house quite often because I had nightmares. I kept imagining the worst.

A week after his email, I decided to get a grip. I was worrying myself to the point of sickness--my monthly cycles were irregular, and I had back aches. Sometimes I vomited when I woke up from the nightmares. I had had enough, and it was time to get over these crazy fears.

So I invited our buddies over for a cook-out. It was a rare sunny day, and by God I was going to enjoy it! The guest list included the entire Cullen family, Rosalie and Jasper, and my father and father-in-law. The menu was elaborate with steaks, chicken breasts, baked potatoes, salads, and a giant cheesecake. I even told Jasper to pick up a case of beer for the older men, though I detested alcohol. I was determined that everyone would have a good time.

Rosalie and Alice came over early to help prepare for our little party. (Luckily, they brought covered dishes. My steak habit was draining my paycheck!) I found myself laughing with them as Rosalie and I cooked and Alice strung twinkle lights on the deck. They were both peppy and upbeat. Alice was telling us her wedding plans: classic winter ceremony, with red roses and black bridesmaids dresses. Rosalie was discussing her latest date with Alice's brother Emmett; they had only been dating for a short while and everything was going great.

The guests started to arrive in small groups. Emmett was first. He walked into my kitchen without knocking and met Rose with a kiss. Alice and Emmett's parents Esme and Carlisle were next, Edward in tow. He surprised me by bringing a yummy-looking side dish along with Esme's cupcakes. Jasper showed up about the same time as Charlie and Billy, and I noticed with chagrin that they all brought a six-pack of beer. I didn't complain, though. As long as there was a happy atmosphere, I was okay.

We all gravitated outside to the deck, eating and laughing, when Fate stepped in.

We were out of ice, so I went inside to grab a bag out of the freezer. I was actually having quite a good time hitting the frozen bag with a hammer, simultaneously breaking up the ice and taking out my frustrations at the fact that Jacob was not here with us. My doorbell rang, perplexing me. All of my guests were in the backyard. I thought it was probably Emmett, trying to annoy me. (He was the older brother I never had, and he loved to play the role of the annoying big brother.)

I went to the door and opened it, getting ready to sucker-punch Emmett. Who I saw there made my heart stop; the blood ran cold in my veins.

Two men in uniform stood on my porch step. "Oh, God," I gasped, my hand going to my throat.

"Mrs. Black?" one of the men asked softly. I nodded, my tongue frozen.

"I'm Colonel Jerry Winston," he said. "It hurts me to say this, but I'm afraid I have some news concerning your husband Jacob." He paused, but my silence remained, so he kept going. "A body that we have identified as your husband's was found yesterday," he said quietly. "He was the victim of a car bomb in his Humvee*****. Mrs. Black, your husband was serving his country well..."

The last thing I heard was Edward shouting my name in alarm as I collapsed to the floor.

* * *

Glossary:

**Humvee**-- the Hummer-style vehicles troops are transported in.


	6. Jacob's Gift

**Author's Note:** A very emotional chapter. I would love a review or two!

**Disclaimer: **It's all Stephenie Meyer's!

Chapter Five: "Jacob's Gift" Bella's POV

Alice and Rosalie put the memorial service together. It was scheduled for three days after Colonel Winston delivered the news.

Me? I was almost suicidal. I cried for hours before, the next morning, finally throwing up everything I had eaten. A migraine set in, and I vaguely remember Dr. Carlisle Cullen (Alice's dad) checking in on me several times throughout the night. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice all stayed with me.

The day before the memorial service, my neighbor Emily Uley came over to help me clean my house. Alice had forced me to get out of bed and go to the kitchen table while she attempted to cook me breakfast. Emily came to my kitchen with a box of cleaning supplies. "Hi, Bella," she said gently after Alice let her in. "I'm here to help."

The tears sprang to my eyes. "Oh, Emily, you don't have to," I sobbed. I was an emotional wreck.

She came to hug me. "It's okay, Bella. I'm your neighbor--helping you is my job." She kissed the top of my head. "Shh, sweetie, we're going to get through this."

I nodded, not believing her. "Thank you, Emily."

"You're welcome, Bella." She squeezed me tightly while I cried on her shoulder. I barely heard her politely decline Alice's offer for breakfast, but I didn't really notice. All of my senses, my consciousness, my _life_ was preoccupied with that huge hole of emptiness. There was nothing left in me. Everything had died with my…my…_husband_.

"Here's you an omelet," Alice said softly. I sat down as she plopped down a dish with a huge ham and cheese omelet on it. It looked good, for an Alice creation.

But the smell wafted into my nostrils and my stomach turned. I ran to the garbage can and threw up noisily. Alice and Emily immediately ran to me. Alice held my hair back while Emily ran a cold, wet paper towel over my forehead.

When the heaving was over, I sprawled out on the cool kitchen floor, spent. I noticed that Carlisle and Esme were surveying the scene, concern saturating their faces. I also noticed the glance they exchanged with Emily.

"Bella," Emily said gently. "Honey, is this the first morning of this?"

"No," Alice answered for me. "She's been doing this for a while now."

Carlisle came and pressed a hand to my forehead. "Bella, is it possible you could be pregnant?"

I shook my head urgently. "No, definitely not! I haven't been with anyone since the night before…" I swallowed hard as my heart broke into a millionth piece. "…_he_…flew out." The tears started flowing steadily again.

Emily stroked my hair. "When was your last menstrual cycle?"

I blushed. "Uh…I've been irregular…you know, spotting."

Emily bit her lip. "I'll be right back." She abruptly left the house.

I stood up and hobbled to my chair. Alice thoughtfully removed the offending omelet from the table. Carlisle and Esme stood by the refrigerator together, both of their faces thoughtful.

Emily hurried back with a small box in her hand. "I'm lucky I have this," she said. "Sam and I have been trying for a few months now. Um, I don't want to freak you out, but I think you should use this." She set the box on the table in front of me.

A pregnancy test.

* * *

I couldn't make myself do it that day. I simply did not have the strength or the emotional capacity. I highly doubted I was pregnant, but I knew it was more prudent to check--just in case.

The next day was the memorial service. I forced myself to get out of bed and shower. As I stood in the hot steam, I stared at my belly.

Was it my imagination, or did it seem to be…rounder? Experimentally, I poked it. It felt…hard.

_Oh, shit._

Hurriedly, I scrambled out of the shower and ran to my closet. I had three black dresses. I grabbed my first choice and threw it over my head.

Too tight.

How had this gone unnoticed? I frantically racked through the clothes I had been wearing to work. Loose summer dresses and tops.

_Oh._

I grabbed the loosest of the three dresses and pulled it over my head. After doing my hair and makeup on autopilot, I immediately called Rosalie.

"Bella?" she answered in alarm.

"Rose. Come to my house now. You can get ready for the service here. I'm having a moment. Possibly the biggest of my life."

"On my way."

I hung up and called Alice, relaying the same message. There were both at my house within minutes.

They let themselves in and found me in the bathroom, where I was sitting on the ledge of the bathtub, almost catatonic.

"Bells?" Rose said softly.

I pointed to the pregnancy test that was resting on the far side of the ledge. Rose didn't look surprised so I knew that Alice had already filled her in.

My two best friends Alice and Rosalie sat on the ledge of the bathtub, one on each side of me. Silent tears were streaming down my face, and they both held my hand. Today was not the day I had planned to do this. But, of course, who really planned on this day to happen?

"Don't cry, sweetie," Rose whispered. "Jacob would hate to see you cry."

I sniffled. "I know," I said, my throat thick with tears. "He would want me to be strong."

"That's right," Alice said, squeezing my hand. "I bet right now he's watching you, trying to somehow tell you that everything is going to be okay. That there is hope for you."

I nodded. "Uh huh. That's so Jake." Although I was responding to them, I couldn't quite comprehend her words. They just didn't sink in. I was numb.

"Bella, if this test is positive, what are you going to do?" Rose asked me gently.

I shrugged. "Not sure. Honestly, Rose, it took me two hours laying in bed to decide on a dress for today. And even longer to do my hair and makeup."

"You look great," Alice told me. "I bet Jacob thinks you're beautiful. When did he not?"

I kind of liked how Alice was referring to Jacob in the present tense, as if he were really alive. It made me believe that there was a Heaven. How could someone as good as Jacob simply have his life ended? Of course my only love was being rewarded now for his goodness.

"I don't feel beautiful," I sighed. "I feel like a pile of charred bones. Nothing left in me."

Rosalie softly stroked my hair. "Honey, it'll get better."

I ignored that comment, because I didn't agree with it at all. There was no light at the end of this tunnel. I was trapped in this darkness forever.

But I knew I had to face reality. I had to get out of my bathroom and go to my husband's funeral. I had to go listen to everyone's condolences. I had to hear the slow droning of "Taps", bear the gun salute, and I had to hold that dreaded American flag. I had to drop my beloved husband's body into the ground. Never to see those beautiful brown eyes again. Never to run my fingers through that jet black hair again. Never to kiss those perfect lips again.

After today, my life would be sealed away in a coffin.

But of course I couldn't accept that. Because even though Jake was gone, I was still here on Planet Earth. And possibly, quite possibly, I would be responsible for another life.

That's what my head said. But my heart wouldn't listen.

Suddenly, I heard the dinging of the timer, and it brought me back to reality. I drew in a ragged breath. Now was the moment of truth.

"Hand me the test, Alice," I whispered.

Slowly, gently, she handed me the little white stick. I took a deep breath and held it up to read it.

Positive.

* * *

The memorial service was beautiful. We held it on the beach, just where Jacob would have wanted it. I sat in the front row of chairs with Billy, Charlie, and Jacob's sisters. We all held hands, crying silently.

Jacob's good buddy Seth was the speaker. He delivered a heart-touching message that highlighted Jacob's cheerfulness, optimism, love for everyone, and courage. I almost lost it when Seth talked about how much Jacob loved me.

But those weren't the significant things in the service. As I sat, staring at the display of pictures by Seth's podium, I felt something…_move_…inside of me. Alarmed, I placed a hand on my belly and felt the flutter within me again.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered softly, wrapping my arms around my belly.

I knew then that no matter how badly my heart would hurt, or how hard it would be to financially support us, I couldn't give this baby up. This was Jacob's child, a gift that he had left me with. This baby would have Jacob's blood running through his veins. Giving up this precious child would be giving up a part of Jacob.

I found myself pining for the son that Jacob always dreamed of. A little tiny Jacob, with raven hair, dark, expressive eyes, and a smile that could light up the rainy Washington skies. I would let his hair grow long, just like I loved it on his father…

I suddenly felt my father touch my shoulder, and I realized that it was time to stand up and leave.

* * *

_Review, please! I would love to make this story more popular so I'll have more motivation to write more chapters! Plus I need some ideas as to how you want the story to end._


	7. In the Wake of the Rain

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer is a genius and she owns just about everything related to _Twilight_! (In other words...I'm not and I don't!)

Chapter Six: "In the Wake of the Rain" Bella's POV

After the funeral, the entire La Push population (and a good portion of the Forks population) filled my house to express their condolences. The women brought food so everyone could eat together and remember Jacob.

As much as I appreciated every kind word and gesture, I was so relieved when my house emptied out. Alice and Rosalie spent the night with me in my living room floor. Rosalie had wisely brought three pints of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. We were all tearful messes as we sat in our pajamas in dim light, chugging ice cream, and lamenting on my new life.

"So what are you going to do about the baby?" Rosalie asked me around two AM.

For the first time in days, I smiled. "I'm keeping him. He's not just _my_ baby--he's _Jacob's_ baby." Although I was smiling at the thought of my new little treasure, the tears trailed down my cheeks. "It's like Alice said--this baby is my hope."

I looked up and noticed that they were both crying into their ice cream. I put my half-eaten pint down and pulled them both into a group hug. As we cried in each other's arms, I felt little Jacob Jr. kick inside of me.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, pulling my t-shirt up to reveal my slightly-swollen belly. "He loves his aunts already."

"May I?" Rosalie asked, holding her hands up.

I nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."

Tenderly, she placed her hands on my belly. "Hi, there," she choked through her tears. "I'm your Aunt Rose. You better get used to hearing my voice!"

I actually laughed, amazed at how much joy this child was already bringing me. My little rainbow in the wake of the rain. "He likes your voice. He's a kicker already! I wonder if that's normal."

"He's probably tall like his daddy," Alice murmured, "so he doesn't have much room. Even though you're small for at least three months."

"How have you not noticed this little miracle?" Rosalie asked me softly.

I shrugged. "I actually just talked to Emily in my bedroom. You know she works at the OB/GYN clinic in Forks, right? We scheduled an ultrasound appointment for tomorrow. She said that some women's natural signs show up much later than other's. Since I've been under so much stress over the past few months, my period has been crazy. Of course, now I know that spotting is actually common in the first trimester. And I've been to distracted to notice my weight gain. Of course, I _definitely_ notice it now." I poked my stomach. "It's all that steak he has been craving."

"Why do you keep saying _he_?" Alice asked.

I smiled sadly. "I'm hoping for a boy so he can carry on Jacob's name. Jake always wanted a son."

Suddenly, it hit me that Jacob would never see his already-beloved son. I would be the only parent that little Jake Jr. would ever know.

I fell to pieces.

* * *

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	8. No Vacancy

**Author's Note: **I know I've abandoned you guys, and I'm sorry. It's been crazy lately, but I only have 23 days of class left! Yay!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters! Stephenie Meyer does. Surprising, I know.

Chapter Seven: "No Vacancy" Bella's POV

Only the Cullens, the Hales, and Emily knew about my pregnancy. I didn't want to tell Billy, Charlie, and Jake's buddies until I knew that everything would be okay with my little baby. Honestly, it worried the hell out of me that I was at least three months along and I hadn't received medical attention.

Emily had scheduled an ultrasound for me the day after the memorial service. (She worked as an ultrasound technician at the Forks Clinic for Women that specialized in OB/GYN attention.) I knew that I definitely did not want to go into this thing alone, but both Alice and Rosalie had to work. Esme was holding down the fort at the library in my absence, so she wasn't an option, either.

Jasper and Emmett both volunteered to take me. After the almost-brothers argued for a few minutes, I gave in and said, "You both can escort me!" They seemed to be happy with this arrangement, and Jasper picked me up bright and early.

Emmett met us in the parking lot of the clinic, and we went into the waiting room together. Both of the men seemed to be disappointed at the everyday décor of it--plain wallpaper with small television sets that showed the news. I silently wondered if they were expecting naked women all over the place. As we waited, Emmett became fascinated with a plastic model of the uterus. He joked that we could put a "No Vacancy" sign on mine. I would have laughed if I wasn't so depressed.

Though I was thrilled about my pregnancy, I was naturally still floored by the fact that my Jacob was gone forever. I didn't want to eat, but I had to for little Jake Jr. I only wanted to rest, but I knew I couldn't just waste my body away. I wanted to be the best mother possible for my--our--baby.

After twenty minutes of waiting, an older woman in a lab coat called "Isabella Black?" My stomach hurt at the sound of my last name, but I stood up. Jasper and Emmett stood with me, but the woman shook her head. "I just need to do a quick physical on Isabella. We'll call the…?" Obviously she was trying to figure out which one was the father and who the heck the other one was.

"The uncles," Emmett filled in. "We're the doting uncles. I'm the baby's favorite."

"Right," she replied, probably thinking of some possible scandals. "We'll call the uncles in for the ultrasound, if you wish."

I went into an exam room with her and quickly relayed my story to the woman--Dr. McCray. She said that I shouldn't panic, that many women discovered their pregnancies later than others and that the babies were usually fine. I had actually gained ten pounds, and Dr. McCray complimented me on my ability to "distribute the weight".

Finally, the moment I had been waiting for was upon me. I called Jasper and Emmett into the ultrasound room with me. Emily came in with a sympathetic smile. "Good morning, Bella," she nodded. "And Jasper and Emmett. I see you have a good lineup," she winked at me.

"I do," I said, my throat dry. I was so ready to see my baby and make sure he was okay.

I wasn't embarrassed to bare my slightly-swollen belly in front of my male friends, and thankfully they were sensitive that they didn't say anything. Emmett wanted to play with the goo that was rubbed on my belly, though. He almost made me smile. Some people may have found Emmett's behavior very overbearing and inappropriate around a grieving widow, but I knew that humor was his way of coping. He loved Jake; they were good buddies. Emmett was grieving just as much as I was. We just coped differently, and I appreciated his attempt to make me smile.

"Let's see if we can play peek-a-boo," Emily smiled encouragingly as she started running the little probe on my stomach. "It's kind of fuzzy, as you can see. The bun in your oven is still small. Just let the camera focus. Forks doesn't have cutting-edge technology."

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked automatically.

"Not necessarily. He or she should only be about two and a half inches from head to backside. Your baby just developed toenails, if things are going correctly."

"Huh," I said, fascinated. I had toenails inside of me. Apparently Emmett was thinking the same thing, because he chuckled.

"Oh my God," Emily suddenly said, and I glanced up at the screen.

"Emily…" I whispered. "Is that…?"

"Two," she nodded.

"Twins?" I gasped.

She nodded again.

"Oh my God," Jasper and Emmett murmured as we stared up at the screen. There were two perfect little bundles in my womb, with perfect little heads attached to perfect little bodies.

Shock was radiating through me. _Two babies? How the hell am I going to manage that? _I started worrying about finances and my job and daycare and…

_My children._

Not just my children.

_Jacob Black's children._

Tears started streaming down my face. I was carrying _two_ perfect miracles inside of me. Two pieces of my beloved husband. A double blessing.

As I stared at the little screen--at my future--I found that I was just as in love with one baby as I was with the other. My heart had bubbled up to size to love three people passionately now--my late husband, and our two children.

Jasper and Emmett had both taken my hands, and I was surprised to find that they were crying, too. I let out a small smile. "Have you ever seen anything so perfect?"

"No," they both said quietly.

Emily sniffled--she was crying, too. "This may sound crazy, but Bella, they're beautiful!"

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "They are. I hope they look just like their daddy."

Emily let me lie there and stare at my babies for a while, but finally, she had another appointment. She cleaned my belly up and Jasper and Emmett both helped me up carefully. I had a feeling I was the new Cullen/Hale project. I would never be alone when I had those wonderful families around me.

She printed the pictures and gave me my vitamins, and I walked out into the parking lot smiling.

"Let's go to the steakhouse," Emmett suggested. "Emily said you need to eat protein. Do you think that Bun 1 and Bun 2 like steak?"

I nodded. "Yes! I've been craving it a lot, actually."

"Ride with me," Jasper suggested. "It's probably smoother than Emmett's Jeep."

As soon as we were in his sports car, Dr. Jasper Hale, psychiatrist extraordinaire, kicked in. "Bella, are you sure you're alright?"

I hesitated before I nodded. "Yeah, I think. I mean, I'm thrilled about my babies. I wish Jake was here, though…it hurts to be doing this without him."

"I know, sweetie. I miss him, too." I saw tears fill his eyes. "Are you eating, sleeping, and taking care of yourself?" he asked gently.

"Yes," I said. "Rose and Alice won't let me do it any other way."

He smiled fondly. "Bella, you know that I'm practically your brother, and that I love you dearly. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I want to make sure you're grieving healthily. I must say, you're doing a hell of a job of it. I've never seen such strength."

"It's because suddenly, my life is not all about me," I whispered. "I'm now responsible for three lives. I can't just sit around and pine for someone who is never coming back. I have to get up and take care of…_us_." My hands molded around my round belly, and I rubbed it lovingly.

"You're going to be a wonderful mother," Jasper said softly.

"I'm going to have to be more than a mother," I sighed, the tears falling once again. "I'll be both Mommy and Daddy. God, that sucks."

Jasper squeezed my hand. "Bella, your babies will have plenty of father figures. Me, Emmett, Carlisle, Billy, Charlie. Even Edward, I suspect, is planning on sticking around."

I nodded. "I know," I said. "And I'm so grateful to you all, Jasper. You and your sister--and the Cullens--are all so wonderful to me. To me _and_ my babies."

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you," he repeated himself. "I can be your brother Jasper or your counselor Dr. Hale. Whatever venue you think would be more comfortable for you."

"Thanks, Jazz," I said, kissing his cheek. "That means so much."

We spent the remainder of the drive in silence. I was thinking about my babies and how I would have to have Esme and Alice create a nursery. Alice and Rosalie would undoubtedly shop for the kids, and Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle would help me out if I ever needed it. Plus I had my father, my father-in-law, and all of Jacob's buddies at La Push. I had a _great_ support system.

I recounted my conversation with Jasper, and something stuck out to me. Edward was planning on helping me? We barely knew each other, but I liked him a lot. He had come to the funeral to support me and his grieving family, and he had helped me clean up my house after the reception. He was kind, gentle, and loving toward everyone. He reminded me of Jacob.

_Oh, Jake. Why can't you be here? Do you realize, wherever you are, that you have two children on the way? Don't you know that they'll never be able to call you "Daddy" or play catch with you? Why can't you come back to me? Please, baby?_

"We're here," Jasper said gently, interrupting my morbid brooding.

"Right," I said, brushing the tears off my cheeks with the backs of my hands. "Ugh, I'm a mess."

"Naw," he replied. "You look fine. We just need to put some more weight in that oven so your buns can rise."

I laughed. It seemed that my babies, until they had actual names, would be referred to as "buns". Oh, well. It could be a lot worse.

"We have a tagalong," Emmett announced, and I looked up from my belly to see Edward getting out of his Volvo. "He wanted to eat lunch with me, so I invited him. I hope that's okay," he added self-consciously as he noticed my tears.

"It's great," I replied. "The more, the merrier. Of course, that's kind of been my whole day." I poked my belly.

Edward gave me a tight hug. "I heard the news," he said. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," I replied. "I'm actually…happy…about it."

"Let me know if I can give you a hand around the house or something," he told me as we walked into the restaurant. "I would love to help you out."

I nodded. "I will. Thanks."

Lunch with the three guys was fantastic. I could tell they were walking on eggshells, not entirely sure what to say in front of me. Still, Emmett babbled on and on about the fact that I had two people living in my uterus. He had me crying--from laughter, that is!

Edward paid for our meal, including my large rib-eye steak and baked potato. It was possibly the most delicious thing I had ever tasted, and the babies seemed to approve of it.

When lunch was over, I went straight to the library. After I told Esme the news, she literally started _crying_. "Oh, Bella!" she exclaimed. "These will be the two most spoiled and beloved children in Washington!"

I couldn't agree with her more.

* * *

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	9. Haunt Me

**Author's Note: **I hope that this chapter answers a few questions that some of you have presented to me. I also hope you love it. Let me know with a review.

**Disclaimer:** My name is SarahCullen17, _not_ Stephenie Meyer, therefore I can't possibly own _Twilight_ or anything related to it.

Chapter Eight: "Haunt Me" Bella's POV

The hardest part of the pregnancy so far had come upon me: how to tell Charlie and Billy that they were going to be grandfathers. Of _twins_.

I honestly didn't know how they would take the news. Charlie would probably be happier than Billy. Billy was grieving just as harshly as anyone. He didn't have good relationships with his daughters, but he was always close to Jacob. And Jacob had been taken away from him. Billy's health was also in limbo. I just didn't see how he was making it.

But Billy and Charlie were leaning heavily on each other, so I figured the best way to tell them would be together. I consulted Jasper about this, and he agreed.

So I heated up a pan of Rosalie's frozen lasagna she had made me, and I invited them over. I sat them at my kitchen table, and I was serving them both.

"You seem to be looking well, Bella," Charlie observed. It was a very subtle way of asking how I was making it.

"I'm making it," I confirmed. "Um, I actually have something to tell you guys."

Hot tears sprang to my eyes as they both looked at me. Billy had deep circles under his eyes, evidence that he had not been sleeping. I kissed the top of his head gently before sitting down at the head of the table.

Jacob's spot.

_Ugh, bad idea, Bella._ I moved back to my usual chair. Billy and Charlie didn't question my sudden change of location; maybe they understood.

"What is it?" Charlie asked dully.

"Um," I stammered, bunching my hair up in my fist. "I've tried to think of the best way to tell you this, and I guess that this is it. I want you to know that Jacob left…us…with a gift, and I am very happy about it, and I want you both to be happy, too."

They stared at me like I was speaking in Russian.

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked me. "A gift?"

I sighed. "Yes. Um…" I reached into the pocket of the flannel shirt I wore--Jacob's shirt--and pulled out the ultrasound photo. Tentatively, I placed it on the table so they could see. "I'm…pregnant."

They sat in shocked silence, eyes wide, for a minute. After I counted seventy-five seconds, Charlie mumbled, "You're sure about this?"

I pointed to the picture. "Yes."

Slowly, Billy's large hands picked up the picture. "Uh, Bella…I see two babies."

I nodded. "Yes, Billy. I'm having twins. _Jacob's_ twins."

Charlie opened his mouth, and then closed it, and then opened it, and then closed it. Billy simply closed his eyes for a minute.

Finally, he opened them, and whispered, "I hope we have a boy."

I started crying when he did. "I do, too," I whispered. "A boy_ and _a girl, just like Jacob wanted."

"How are you going to raise twins on your own?" Charlie asked me.

I swallowed hard. "Their grandfathers are going to have to help me," I admitted. "It will be hard, but I just can't give Jacob's babies up."

Billy stared down at his untouched lasagna.

"Billy, how do you feel about this?" I whispered.

He pursed his thick lips. "It's hard," he admitted. "I always pictured my grandchildren to have their father with them."

"Me, too," I admitted.

"But…everything happens for a reason. God wanted you to have these babies, so I guess you are, huh?"

I laughed quietly and nodded. "Yes, I am. Dad…how do you feel about this?"

"I'm thrilled," he admitted, even though he was crying. I was touched; Charlie rarely ever showed his true emotions.

"What are you going to name them?" Charlie asked.

I shrugged. "If I have a boy, he'll be named Jacob. I'll probably call him Jake. If I have two girls, I might feminize the name. I haven't thought about much else. I'm still…in shock." Billy nodded. "Me, too. I'm happy, though."

But tears fell off his cheeks and into his lasagna, and before I knew it, we were all crying together.

* * *

After that part was over, I glided into pregnancy effortlessly. Alice and Rosalie supplied me with plenty of clothes that catered to my growing belly. Esme was always ready to take me out to eat to cater to my every craving. (I was craving a lot! The steak, and then cheesecake. Emily told me that since I was having twins, I would gain weight quickly due to a big appetite and cravings.) And the Cullen men (and Jasper) checked in on me a lot. Edward was quite handy around the house. He changed light bulbs and greased squeaky doors, and often surprised me with desserts that always pertained to cheesecake. Cheesecake bites, homemade cheesecake-flavored ice cream, and cheesecake cookies.

I was just being catered to all over.

I kept my job at the library. It was a good way to keep some normalcy in my life. I needed it. I was fine during the day, as long as I was around other people. But when nighttime came, I was a wreck. I would slide in bed and curl my arms and knees around my belly and just cry. My bed was _so_ empty. When Jacob was alive and at home, it felt like his side of the bed was an eternal warm spot. Now it was cold and empty. I would run my hand over it, and it felt like the cold sheets were stinging me. I often called Alice or Rose over to spend the night with me. I couldn't wait for the twins to be born. They would give me something to do at night, and as they grew older and slept better, they could sleep with me.

I had already accepted the fact that I would never be able to love another man like I did Jacob. My love for him was endless, and I knew it would intensify as I watched our children grow. When I did sleep, I had dreams about him. Dreams of him holding me, kissing me, and laughing with me. Dreams of him wrestling with our children--always a boy and a girl--in the living room floor or playing with them in the waves at First Beach.

My love for Jacob just wasn't going to go anywhere.

But, honestly, I was such a lucky war widow. So many young widows were left without an immediate family. I had two little people growing inside of me, and I could bestow all of my love for my late husband onto them. Like Esme had said, they would truly be the most beloved children in the world. These wonderful children gave me so much hope already; how could I not love them? They were the only reason I even smiled anymore.

One night, two weeks after my ultrasound, I went to the Cullens' mansion for dinner. Alice, Emmett, Edward, Jasper, and Rosalie were all there with Esme and Carlisle. I knocked on the door and walked into the living room.

"Hey, Bella, and Bun, and Bun," Emmett grinned at me, pausing his _Guitar Hero _game. "I think they're rising."

"I don't know if they're growing, or if I am," I admitted, lovingly patting my belly. "You guys have been feeding me way too much." I slanted my eyes and glanced at the copper-haired one. "_Edward._"

He laughed and shrugged. "I love to cook, and you're a good person to do it for."

"Pansy," Emmett said. "You should do manly things…like hunt."

"All you do is play the X-Box," Edward replied. "That's more geeky than manly."

Emmett shrugged and started playing again.

"Here, Bella," Rosalie said, getting off the couch. "Sit here. Put your feet up."

"Jeez, Rose, I'm not huge," I said as I sat down. "Just…swollen."

"Baking," Emmett suggested.

"That, too," I snorted. _And tired. God help me, I just want to go to sleep._

"Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed as he entered the living room to see all of his children. He came and kissed the top of my head. "I'm glad you could make it. Are you feeling alright?" Of course the doctor would be concerned.

I nodded. "I'm just…tired. And my allergies are out of control."

"That's normal. Your nose is stuffy because your blood volume has increased. You're supporting three people now," he reminded me. "I hope you're eating well."

"I don't have a choice!" I chuckled. "Your family is obsessed with food."

"We are," Esme agreed, entering the room with a glass of iced tea for me. "And speaking of, dinner is almost ready."

I took a long sip and balanced the glass on my belly.

It moved.

"What was that?" Alice asked, peering at my stomach.

"I…don't know," I admitted. "I think…one of the buns is moving."

I felt a little nudge in my womb, followed by another big shove.

"Yup," I verified, breathless. "Maybe both of them." I was amazed. I hadn't felt them really kick yet, just nudges. It had been worrying the hell out of me.

All attention was turned on me. Even Emmett's _Guitar Hero _was forgotten.

"Do it again," Jasper suggested.

Esme chuckled. "She can't just tell them when to move."

But I only vaguely heard them. I was in an odd sort of vertigo. These two little darlings--the two most important people in my world--were moving inside of me. Loving on each other, or maybe having some sibling rivalry. I wasn't sure. But that didn't matter.

For the first time, they truly felt _alive_.

My reality was altered so much then. I really did have two people inside of me!

Alice took my tea and I thoughtfully poked my stomach, where I had felt a hand or a foot shoving against me. I instantly felt another little kick. "Right there," I murmured. "Soccer players."

"Ballet dancers," Alice disagreed with me.

"My son is _not_ going to be a ballet dancer," I replied, and I nudged my belly again. "Jake would probably come back to haunt me…"

On second thought, that wasn't such a bad idea.

_Ugh. Bella, don't do this now…_

"I'll be back," I muttered, standing up and going to the bathroom.

I locked the bathroom door and slumped against the wall, sliding to the floor in front of the full-length mirror. I pulled up my shirt and stared at my belly.

"Hey, babies," I mumbled, giving it a good massage. "Mommy loves you both so much."

This was how I coped.

I ran a hand through my hair, only able to see Jacob's face. Sometimes I was attacked by grief like this. My babies were the only ones who could bring me through it.

I could only think of the fact that Jacob wasn't able to feel my babies kick. It absolutely killed me. I had seen so many movies and TV shows in which the husband would get kicked away from his wife in bed by the baby.

My babies didn't have to share me with anyone. I only had them.

_Quit panicking, Bella. You're at somebody's house. Dinner time. Go eat. Be normal._

"You're both getting so big," I cooed, trying to get my mind off of him. "Mommy's going to run out of room for you two."

A kick in my belly was my response.

"I hope you're nice and warm in there," I said before another big shove. "Seriously, guys, quit fighting. Kiss and make up."

I actually giggled as I realized I was already sounding like a stressed-out soccer mom.

_Shit, Bella, you're going crazy._

_No, you're not, _the rational side of me replied. _You're absolutely fine. This is normal. Just talk to your children; let them calm you down._

"Buns, you're going to have to get used to each other," I chided gently. "You still have a long way to go until you're done baking."

For some reason, that seemed to settle them down. I kissed my fingers before pressing them to my belly, whispered again that I loved them, and then I splashed cold water on my face. Covering my belly with my shirt again, I stepped outside.

Edward was walking down the hallway, carrying the _Guitar Hero _controllers. At first, I was scared that he had heard me, but then I decided I didn't really care.

"Sorry, I wasn't eavesdropping," he said. "I'm just cleaning up Emmett's mess. Everybody else is making their plates. Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I just…wish that Jake could have been there for that."

He nodded. "Me, too, Bella. I thought it was really neat. He _should_ have been there for that," he said sweetly.

I mustered up a small smile. "Um, do you want help?" He was doing a balancing act of two guitars and a drum set.

"Yeah, sure. You can have a guitar."

"I can carry two guitars."

"You're carrying enough," he said, giving me a crooked grin that was beautiful and teasing, reminding me of the beauty and good nature that seemed to mark all of the Cullens.

"No, seriously. Let me carry both guitars. I never get to do anything for myself anymore."

He sighed and handed me the two guitars. I followed him into the game room, where he placed the controllers in a corner.

"Thanks," he said as we walked back out. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm _always_ hungry," I replied.

"Good, because I made turtle cheesecake," he grinned.

"Edward," I said, rolling my eyes in mock annoyance. "You are _way_ too good to me. And to the buns." I snorted at how awkward that sounded. My babies needed new nicknames.

"Hey, that's how my parents raised me," he replied.

"I'm well-aware," I said just before tripping over my own two feet.

"Whoa!" he gasped before catching me. The room spun around me, and I felt his large hands steadying me by my shoulders. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Pregnancy is just dizzying sometimes. I have to be more careful. Thanks for catching me."

"No problem," he said before giving me the once-over, obviously checking my balance like his father would. "You sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Oh," I said, rubbing my nudging belly. "The buns are hungry again. Let's go."

He gently placed an arm around my shoulder to make sure I kept my balance, and we walked to the kitchen. Though my little episode of depressed insanity was temporarily over, I still had a huge hole in my chest.

A hole that would never be filled.


	10. Best Friends

**Author's Note:** It's been a while, and I apologize. I have three more weeks of school left, and then summer is here. Which means I'll be able to update a lot more in three weeks. Don't worry, I'll post a new chapter or two before then! But only if you review. Seriously people, I need reviews. Reviews are my own personal brand of heroin.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything here, except for this silly little story. All of the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter Nine: "Best Friends" Bella's POV

"Hey, preggers," Emmett grinned as he walked into my house, Jasper and Edward on his heels.

I was resting on my couch with my feet up. "Shut up, Emmett," I rolled my eyes, tossing a throw pillow at him. But despite my pregnancy hormones, I wasn't mad at my teddy-bear-like friend. Who could ever be mad at him?

"Seriously, Bells, the bugs are getting big. You're looking pretty damn pregnant. How far along are you?"

"Eighteen weeks. Halfway there. You haven't seen anything yet. I should be about forty-five pounds over my regular weight by the time they pop out. Where the heck did you come up with the name _bugs_ for my babies?"

"He has no idea," Edward filled in for him. "I told him it makes no sense--"

"But you're so sensitive about the _bun_ nickname," Emmett finished.

"Because in case you haven't noticed, Mr. Cullen," I grinned at Emmett, "the word _buns _often applies to a rather rude part of the body."

"Like this?" Emmett randomly smacked Jasper's ass, causing Jasper to push him down onto the couch next to me.

"You are so crazy, Emmett," I rolled my eyes again. "I wish I could be as carefree as you."

"Can I…touch the bugs?" Emmett asked, his hands hovering over my belly.

"Sure," I replied, shrugging. "Thank you so much for coming over, guys. I just can't reach the smoke detector, and I can't afford to _not_ be alerted to a fire."

Jasper laughed. "It's no problem, Bells. I'll be happy to fix your smoke detector. I don't know why the other two came, though."

"I came because I'm morbidly curious about my nephew and niece," Emmett shrugged, his hands on my belly. "I mean, I'm imagining that they're a boy and a girl. Ugh, I want to feel them _kick_. Come on, bugs, wake up."

"And I came because I have Butterfinger ice cream," Edward smiled at me, holding up a plastic pail.

I gasped. "Your homemade Butterfinger ice cream?"

"Of course!" Edward replied, laughing. "What other kind would I bring you? I'll put it in your freezer. Do you want a bowl now?"

I grinned guiltily and nodded.

"Me, too!" Emmett called.

I had moved on from cheesecake to ice cream, and Edward was absolutely fabulous about making me different flavors. His first attempts at homemade ice cream were futile, but Esme had gently helped him out until he was an expert.

"Your belly button is sticking out," Emmett laughed. "You're getting pudgy!"

Ah, I could easily get back at him. "That's because my uterus is pushing against my navel," I replied nonchalantly. "My uterus is right under your hands right now. You know, the thing that makes me have periods and eggs and all that."

He crinkled up his nose and dropped his hands. I laughed at his disgusted expression.

I heard Jasper and Edward in the kitchen. "Oh!" I exclaimed, standing up and walking into the kitchen. "Edward, the bowls and spoons are in the--"

He held up a few bowls and spoons. "I know."

"Oh," I said. "Uh…okay. Jasper, do you need a screwdriver or anything?" I winced as I thought of Jacob's toolbox. He loved his little treasure chest of toys; I wasn't sure that I wanted to pull them out.

"Nah, Bella. I brought my own. Don't worry about me. You need to sit down."

"I _don't _need to sit down," I sighed. "My doctor has been chiding me about not exercising. But who wants to exercise when you have a basketball for a belly?"

"I'll go on walks with you, if you want," Edward volunteered. "I don't really trust you walking around by yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up. I'm perfectly capable of walking without tripping. Most of the time." I happily took the bowl of ice cream from his hands. "Thank you, Edward."

"No problem," he smiled at me.

The ice cream, as always, tasted delicious. I ate in silence, watching Jasper as he stood on a chair and nimbly worked on my smoke detector. Jacob always did that for me--he was just as fast as Jasper, but Jake didn't need the chair to reach it…

"Oh, hey, did Edward tell you the news?" Jasper asked me, interrupting my thoughts.

"What news? That he's an absolutely fabulous ice cream churner?"

"Well, besides that," Jasper said.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "It's no big deal. I signed on to work at a law office here in Forks. So I'm here permanently."

"Really?" I exclaimed. "That's great!" I immediately stepped over to hug him.

He hugged me delicately, careful not to squish the babies. "Thanks, Bella. It _is_ good news. It's hard to find a job here, but I guess it's a stroke of luck that Stanley, Newton, and Cheney are hiring. Mr. Cheney is retiring, so it'll be Stanley, Newton, and Cullen pretty soon."

Edward was a licensed attorney who had previously worked in Chicago, but he wanted to move back home to Washington. The Cullens were from Seattle, but Esme and Carlisle moved to Forks when the kids were out of the house because they liked small-town life. It turned out that the kids did, too. Forks was now a Cullen family affair. So I could imagine that Edward was thrilled he could live in Forks. He had been dreading having to move to Seattle, Tacoma, or Port Angeles.

"That's very exciting," I grinned at him. "I was worried that my personal chef would have to move away."

"I'm here as long as you need me," he replied.

And for some reason, I believed him.

* * *

Edward and I were becoming best friends. He had been the only Cullen I wasn't familiar with, due to his desire to study law at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He possessed every quality that made his family members great--Carlisle's intelligence and compassion, Esme's ability to love everyone passionately, Alice's enthusiasm and kindness, and Emmett's humor (though it was a very different sense of humor). He even had Rosalie and Jasper's qualities, even though they weren't related. He had a nurturing quality like Rosalie and could always soothe someone like Jasper could.

He came to my house to check on me often, but he was never overbearing or intrusive. Sometimes we had dinner together, sometimes we went on walks down the beach, sometimes we just lounged in my living room and watched movies. Edward made the house seem a little less empty. It made me feel better.

No, _he _made me feel better.

One day while I was working at the library, Edward surprised me and Esme with lunch.

"Thank you, Edward!" I said gratefully as Esme kissed his cheek.

"No problem," Edward beamed at us. "I thought you could both use a pick-me-up. I also came to see if you have any books by Thomas Harris."

"We do," Esme nodded. "Bella, will you show him where it is?"

"Sure," I said, hiding my lunch under my desk so nobody would steal it. I led Edward to the correct shelf. "You're into Thomas Harris? I adore his writing style."

Edward nodded. "I love his books. You know, I didn't think that you would be a serial-killing-cannibal type of girl."

I shrugged. "Hannibal Lecter is a great character, as are Clarice Starling and Francis Dolarhyde. Dolarhyde gave me nightmares." I cringed as I remembered the way Jacob had kissed away those bad dreams and then gently teased me about getting too caught up in my books. "I guess you could say that my life has been pretty morbid lately..." I sighed quietly.

Edward looked confused about my random pessimism, but he moved to a different topic as his green eyes started to skim the book titles. "Actually, Bella, I wanted to ask you about something."

"Yes?" I asked him, praying it wasn't something stressful. I didn't need any more stress. As if they echoed my thoughts, I suddenly felt the twins move within me. My hand fluttered along my belly, lovingly patting them.

"Umm, so I've been wanting to find a place to stay since I'm an adult and I've been living with my parents," he began. "And I found a really great small, cheap house that's for sale. And it's next door to you."

I raised an eyebrow, puzzled by his nervous tone. "Yes. Old Quil Ateara lives there. He's moving in with his daughter because he isn't doing well physically."

"Yes, I looked at his house today. It's perfect for me, and I was wondering if you would like to have me as a neighbor."

"Oh, Edward!" I exclaimed as loudly as I could in a library. "That would be _perfect_."

He suddenly smiled excitedly. "Really? You wouldn't like, think it was creepy or get tired of me or something?"

"I could never get tired of you, Edward," I replied. "No, I would like that very much. As long as we can have neighborly cook-outs or something."

He chuckled. "I have to cook, of course."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah..."

"So you really don't mind?" he interrupted me.

"I would _love_ that," I assured him. "I would feel a lot better having you next door, anyway. Sometimes I don't exactly feel safe by myself."

"It's settled then," he said suddenly. "I'm going to make an offer to Mr. Ateara."

"Awesome," I smiled at him, and then I pulled him into a hug. When he pressed against my big belly, the twins went into hyper-mode, kicking me so hard that Edward felt it.

"I don't think they like me," he mused, staring down at my protruding belly.

I snorted. "No, they _definitely _like you. They only kick people they like. Why do you think Emmett can never wake them up?"

We shared a laugh, and then I went to eat my delicious lunch he cooked for me.

* * *

_Hmmm....so Edward is going to be Bella's neighbor, which will certainly bring them even closer together. But Jacob has only been dead for a month, so Edward is going to have to be a very good friend to Bella first. I can't wait to write out their relationship._

_Review, I beg. Reviews are my personal brand of heroin, and I need a fix 'cause I'm going down...  
_


	11. Band Aids

**Author's Note:** This one is kind of short, but I already know what is going to happen in the next few chapters, and that will make the chapters long. Bear with me...and review!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to _Twilight_ or any of these characters. That all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and we all love her dearly for it. Now if only she would publish _Midnight Sun._..

Chapter Ten: "Band Aids" Bella's POV

Edward moved in next door a few weeks after he told me of his plans. I tried to help him, but he, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme all kept me from touching one box. So I sat on his leather couch and unwrapped items from the bubble wrap. I was surprised that he let me help him arrange his kitchen later, but of course putting dishes in a cabinet wasn't strenuous work.

We had dinner together almost every night. He rarely let me cook, but when he did, he loved my food. He came over to check on me even more often. Surprisingly, it wasn't annoying. It was sweet.

One night I canceled our dinner together because Billy wasn't feeling well and I was going to cook him dinner. Charlie came over to Billy's house with me. I tried to keep up a light conversation as I made homemade soup in his small kitchen-mostly about work at the library, Charlie's work at the police station, and I tried to lightly hint at Billy seeing a doctor about his hacking cough.

Billy had definitely withdrawn from his surroundings after Jacob's death. He rarely smiled or carried on long conversations anymore. However, he _always _smiled when we talked about the twins. I could tell that though the memory of his son depressed him, he couldn't wait to let the memory live on in his grandchildren.

"How was your appointment today?" Charlie asked me as I cut up celery.

"It was good," I replied. "I'm perfectly healthy for twins at five months. So the bugs are doing great." I automatically gave my babies a loving pat.

"_Bugs_?" Billy asked me quizzically.

"That's what one of my friends calls the twins, and it's kind of rubbed off on me," I explained. "I know, it doesn't make any sense."

Charlie chuckled. "I can't wait to find out the genders so we can give them real names."

I nodded. "Yeah. We tried to see on an ultrasound today, but it's just hard to tell when you're so full." I went to my purse and pulled out the latest ultrasound photo. "Here they are."

Billy and Charlie looked at it, appropriately commenting on it. Still, they were unable to muster up the same feelings that women could. Esme and Rosalie had almost had a fit when they saw it.

Dinner was good, and Charlie left kind of late because he and Billy watched a game that went into overtime. I was tired and my feet were swollen, but I was delaying going home because I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't know if Edward would be at his house.

Finally, Charlie left in his cruiser. I had already cleaned up the kitchen and washed the dishes, so I was about to call it a night.

"Bella," Billy said softly. "I, uh, had another reason for inviting you over."

"What was that?" I asked, smiling as I noticed he had stuck the ultrasound photo on his refrigerator with a magnet.

"Come into the living room with me," he told me.

I dried my hands and went to the living room, where I sat on the faded loveseat. Billy was in his wheelchair, with what looked like a folded blanket in his lap.

"I have been saving this for Jacob's children," he admitted quietly. "Of course, I thought that the circumstances would be very different. I pictured you two having children after his tour was over, and he was alive and well."

I noticed tears in his eyes, but he coughed and kept on. "Jacob's mother made this for him. It was always his security blanket, but he kept it in good shape. When my Sarah passed away, this became his link to his mother. When he became a teenager, he still kept it folded at the foot of his bed. It's always been one of his cherished items."

He handed me the thick folded blanket. I unfolded it, and my breath instantly caught. It was a beautiful quilt. Different patterns of bright colors formed a few wolves against the green backdrop. Jacob's mother, Sarah Black, was obviously very talented.

"Is this why Jacob liked wolves?" I asked Billy timidly.

He nodded. "I think so."

I smiled, tears flowing down my cheeks, and put it to my nose so I could inhale deeply. Somehow, it still smelled like Jacob. That made my heart hurt, but my soul loved it.

"This means so much to me. Thank you so much, Billy," I told him, going to hug him. "I know the twins will love it."

"I hope they do," he said. "I've been meaning to give it to you."

"This is the best gift you could give me, besides Jacob himself," I admitted quietly before crying.

Billy nodded and held me close. He understood.

We cried together for some time before he decided that he needed to go to bed. I made sure he was okay before leaving.

I drove home and went into my house, draping Jacob's blanket over my bed. I thought about going to sleep, but I was already so worked up that I knew I couldn't be alone. I looked out my window and saw that the lights were still on in Edward's house, so I walked over there and knocked on the door.

"Bella?" Edward said when he opened the door. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, still crying. "I just can't be alone right now."

"Come in," he told me, immediately putting an arm around me and guiding me through the doorway and into the kitchen. "Did something happen to trigger this, sweetie?"

I wiped my cheeks dry. "I had dinner with Jacob's dad, and he gave me Jacob's baby blanket, and I'm just…overwhelmed," I sniffled.

"That's very understandable," Edward assured me, wrapping both arms around me and holding me close. "I'm here for you, sweetie."

"I know," I sobbed. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're very welcome. I love being here for you."

We stood in his kitchen for about ten minutes, Edward letting me cry on his shoulder. Finally, we went to his living room where he had been watching TV. I sat on his couch with him and eventually fell asleep with my head on the same shoulder I had cried on.

I woke up the next morning alone in an unfamiliar bed. After a few seconds of frightening confusion, I realized that I was just in Edward's bedroom, still dressed. The cold sheets told me that he hadn't slept next to me, and I felt terribly guilty for that. That meant he slept on the couch.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he smiled at me when I went into his kitchen. He was making coffee.

That comment would have freaked me out if a Cullen or Hale hadn't said it. I knew I could trust Edward just as much as I could trust Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle. Edward wasn't flirting with me. He was making me feel better about myself.

"Good morning," I replied, my throat thick and scratchy from all my crying last night. "You didn't have to put me to bed, Edward. You could have woken me up, and I would have gone home."

He shook his head firmly. "I wasn't going to leave you alone when you were so sad, Bella. It's fine. I was happy to give you my bed."

"Still, you had to sleep on the couch…"

He shrugged. "It's comfortable. I slept like a baby. How did you sleep?"

"Deeply," I admitted. "The bugs did, too. They didn't wake me up by kicking me or demanding food."

He grinned that crooked smile, the one that told me he was happy to be around me. "Are they demanding food now?"

I laughed, even though my throat was sore. "Yeah, I think they are."

We had breakfast together, and I was thankful it was Sunday so neither one of us had to work. After breakfast, Alice and Jasper came over so we played Scrabble for a good part of the day. Being around the people who had suddenly become my family soothed my aches.

But I knew that this soothing was only a Band-Aid. It covered up the hurt for a while, but it would fall off, and I would be hurt again. Fortunately, I was surrounded by people who didn't mind applying Band-Aids over and over. I knew that if I kept going in the same direction-living for my children and relying on my friends and family-that I could survive and that I could be a functional mother. Maybe even a good mother.

I just had to let my loved ones-Edward, Charlie, Billy, the Cullens, and the Hales-nurse me back to health.

* * *

_Review, please? I'll love you forever!_


	12. Plan of Action

**Author's Note: **I'm back! I only have one more exam left (Algebra, ugh) and then I'll be finished with this semester. I can't wait for a summer filled with plenty of free time so I can write.

By the way, I saw the movie _Brothers _last, whose trailer inspired this story. It's a wonderful movie. Go see it if you haven't. Be warned that it's intense, though. It gave me lots of ideas on where to take this story, but I'm not giving anything away.

**Disclaimer: **Render unto Stephenie Meyer what is Stephenie Meyer's.**  
**

Chapter Eleven: "Plan of Action" Bella's POV

I progressed into my sixth month, and the pregnancy was starting to take a real toll on my body besides humongous weight gain, oppressive cravings, and swollen breasts. I had almost constant leg cramps that I would have to walk off in the middle of the night. Dr. McCray told me to take calcium tablets, and they helped-a little. My feet swelled, I had stretch marks, and I just felt awful.

Part of it was the fact that Charlie had brought up a very unpleasant point.

"_Bells," he said while I sat at his house. He wanted me to come over after work to visit him and his girlfriend. "Has the Army sent you any of Jacob's items?"_

_My eyebrows crinkled together. "What…?"_

"_Deputy Mark's sister just lost her husband, too. He was in the Air Force. They gave her his wedding ring and a letter he carried around for her."_

_Sudden anger pressed on my heart. "No, I never received any of that," I admitted._

_He pursed his lips in deep thought. "That's…strange."_

_I swallowed hard. "Dad, his…body was charred beyond recognition. They knew it was him because his dog tags were near the body. They gave me his tags…but maybe anything else was burned or stolen."_

"_Yeah, that's probably it," he said quietly, but I could see the doubt on his face._

That conversation made me wonder, but even more, it made me _hurt_. Now that this point had been brought up to me, I _wanted_ his wedding ring. I wanted any personal items he may have carried around. Suddenly this became a possessive desire, and I could only think of Jacob. Though my explanation to Charlie made sense, something deep inside of me doubted it. I'm not sure why, but the whole thing made me suspicious.

Day after day, I sat in my house or the library and stared at my rings I still wore. I had a diamond engagement ring and a simple white gold band. I hadn't taken them off once since Jacob had been deployed. Dr. McCray told me to be careful because my fingers could swell and they could irritate me, but I didn't have the heart to take them off. They connected me to Jake, especially my wedding band. It was engraved on the inside with a little ribbon that looked like the "Support Our Troops" yellow ribbons. Inside the ribbon was a heart. It reminded me that I was an Army wife; that while I was separated from my husband, I should still be proud and grateful to him for fighting for me and my country. These rings literally were a part of me. I just wanted _his_ ring.

The Cullens and the Hales watched my emotions slowly decline, and they did everything they could to boost me back up to some form of tolerance for my pain. I was always invited to Carlisle and Esme's house for dinner. If I didn't want to go, Edward would come to my house and somehow always convince me to ride with him.

In the middle of my sixth month (at week twenty-six), Edward took me to see Dr. McCray to ask about my once again-increasing leg cramps, sore wrists, and headaches.

"You're not looking so good," the kind woman told me as I sat on the exam table.

"It's been really hard this month," I admitted quietly. "I've missed my husband a lot."

She nodded. "That's very normal, Bella. You said your wrists are hurting?"

"Yes," I said. "Actually, my wrists and hands are. It feels like-"

"Carpal tunnel syndrome? It's not uncommon during pregnancy. You're swelling and your fluids are rising." She moved my wrist joints, stretching the ligaments and causing pain. When I yelped, she sighed. "Carpal tunnel," she confirmed.

She gave me my routine exams and took my vitals. "Your blood pressure is really high," she said. "Do you have a particular stressor in your life?"

"Grieving my late husband," I said flatly. "Preparing to be a single mother to twins. Wondering why the Army won't send me my husband's belongings. Take your pick."

Her eyes turned soft. "I mean one that you can eliminate."

"No," I said. "I've tried to make my life as simple as possible."

"Do you work?"

"Yes, at the public library," I replied.

"Can you stop?"

I quickly shook my head. "No. I can't. My job keeps me from being alone all day. It keeps me from going crazy. I don't do any strenuous work there."

Dr. McCray sighed. "Unfortunately, the swelling in your wrists is probably caused by this. Do you have headaches or heartburn?"

I nodded. "Headaches, yes."

"Can you still feel your babies move?"

"All the time," I said, clasping my hands around my belly. "Are they in danger?"

"They could be," she said, making my heart drop. "We need to perform tests."

After they drew my blood and collected my urine, Dr. McCray sat in her chair and talked to me. "I can't risk prescribing you any medicines," she told me. "I'm putting you on bed-rest."

"Bed-rest?" I asked, my heart sinking.

"Yes. You should be horizontal at all times, except for using the restroom and taking a tepid bath."

I sighed. "This is absolutely necessary?"

She nodded gravely. "If this doesn't solve anything…if worse comes to worst, you'll have to have a C-section."

"I'm only in my sixth month," I gasped.

"I know. That's why we're working on this. Your babies aren't quite ready to come out."

Tears filled my eyes. There went my distractions from Jacob. And our _babies_ could be harmed by _my _body. That hurt worse than anything.

After my appointment was over, I went out to the waiting room with tears streaming down my face. Edward immediately stood up and came to see me. "Bella, honey, what's wrong? Are the bugs okay? Are _you_ okay?"

I wiped my cheeks. "I have hypertension," I told him. "I'm on bed-rest to try to keep from harming them."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to his Volvo. "Bed-rest?" he asked me as he opened the passenger door and helped me in. "What does that entail?"

I explained it to him. He held my hand in the car, rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. When I was finished, he looked at me. "Shh, sweetie, don't cry. You'll be okay, I promise. I'm going to take care of you, along with my family."

He called Esme, and she and Carlisle met us at my house. Obviously they had borrowed Alice's key because they were sitting in my living room. Edward immediately helped me to my bed, and they came and sat at the foot of my bed.

"It's time for a plan of action," Esme smiled at me as I laid down.

"I really don't want to impose on your family," I told them.

"You wouldn't be imposing," Esme replied sweetly, taking my hand. "Darling, I've been there before. I was put on bed-rest when I was pregnant with Alice. You won't be able to take care of yourself, and you'll go crazy if you're alone."

"It's really best if you stay with us," Carlisle told me gently. "We can cook for you, care for you, and entertain you. Plus I can keep an eye on you."

It probably _was_ a good idea to stay with a doctor, I had to admit.

"Dad, that's a good point," Edward said, "but you both have to work. What if you stay with me, Bella? Or I could stay with you. Mr. Cheney isn't retiring for a couple of months, so I'm not working yet."

"That makes sense," I said quickly as Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance I didn't quite understand. "I would be more comfortable at my house, anyways. And Edward is over here so much it would hardly bother him." I gave Edward a small smile, which he returned.

We were interrupted as we heard a little pixie flitting throughout my house. "I'm here!" Alice announced as she bounced into my room. "I just got Edward's text. Oh, Bella, that maternity top is _so_ cute on you!"

"Alice, focus," Carlisle said to his daughter.

"Right," she said. "What's wrong, Bella? Why are you in bed?"

"I'm on bed-rest," I replied. "We were just discussing my living arrangements."

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed, pushing Edward out of the way so she could hug me. "Are the bugs okay?"

I explained everything to her. Tears glinted in her eyes as she listened, and then she hugged me again. "What are we going to do?" she asked.

"Edward's going to baby-sit me," I replied.

She turned and glared at her brother. "_I_ want to stay with Bella."

"You can _help_ take care of me," I said quickly, diffusing a sibling quarrel. "But you have a job, a fiancé, and a wedding to plan."

"That can all be put on hold…"

I shook my head. "No, Alice. I want a kickass bridesmaid's dress. You better make sure I get one."

Everyone laughed, and she gave in. "Fine. You're going to have to lose all this weight to be in _my_ wedding, though."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, giggling. I wasn't offended. I really was huge.

"Your boobs look good, though. You finally have cleavage…"

I blushed and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders. "_Anyway_, I guess I'm staying here."

"You can," Esme said, "but we'll eventually have to move you to a different house."

"Why?" I asked.

She grinned broadly. "Because I've already designed you the perfect nursery, and you can't be around the paint fumes."

"And it really is perfect," Carlisle chuckled. "I've seen the plans and the textiles."

I sat up-just a little-and pulled Esme into a hug before they could all scream at me to lay back down. "Thank you," I breathed.

"Just consider it a present for the babies, dear," she said, kissing my cheek.

"Not that there won't be other presents," Alice added. "We're having a baby shower in a few weeks."

"Yay," I rolled my eyes. "Party in my bedroom. Literally."

"Hush," my female best friend scoffed. "You'll just have to deal with it. Now I'm going to call Rosalie and we're going to go shopping for you. Edward, don't leave her side until Rose and I get back."

"Shopping?" I said. "For what?"

She started counting on her fingers. "Cute pajamas since we'll have to see you in them all the time, books, DVDs, board games, and maybe a Wii. Or an X-Box 360 might be better since you can't move around…" She stopped talking and frowned as she debated in her head. "The 360, definitely. And stylish food trays so you can eat in bed…hmm, what about bed sheets? Gosh, I have a lot to buy! I'll see you all in a few hours!"

She kissed my cheek and took off running, pulling her cell phone out to call Rosalie, her favorite shopping partner.

"Cancel all of her credit cards," I begged Carlisle. "She's going to put you in massive debt by wasting all of this money."

He laughed and kissed my hair. "Not a chance. And she won't be wasting it if it's spent on you, darling."

* * *

_Aww, Carlisle. I love him, and I can't wait to write his character more._

_As always, reviews are appreciated. Give me ideas about how Edward can entertain Bella when she's stuck in bed. I can assure you that even though the story will take place in one room for a few chapters, it won't be boring. Edward will be there, won't he?_

_As I wrote this chapter, I realized that I should thank all of my faithful readers. You guys are the best; you're so supportive and you're so patient with my slow updating. I honestly don't know what I would do without you! I would be a very bored writer; that's for sure. I love you all immensely._

_That magic button is below...click it and leave a review. :)  
_


	13. Secrets

**Author's Note: **I didn't expect to have this chapter out so soon, but you can thank Algebra for being way too boring to study. I decided that Edward and Bella's blossoming relationship would be a lot more interesting!

One of my readers, **MissMusicLover,** wanted to know when the real drama is going to pan out. I'm just going to remind you that Jacob has been "dead" for only three months. (Bella was three months pregnant at his funeral. Now she's in her sixth month.) Bella is still in her early stages of grieving and she isn't going to start a romantic relationship for a while. However, I'm going to speed time up. Prepare to meet the twins in the next couple of chapters!

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all of this.

Chapter Twelve: "Secrets" Bella's POV

"Okay, dinnertime!" Edward announced on the fifth day of my bed-rest, juggling a tray full of food and a glass of iced tea to my bed. "Roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, and carrots."

"You are amazing," I told him as he laid the tray next to me. My belly was far too big to let my body lay under the tray. He smiled at me and turned to leave my room.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, pouting. "Eat with me."

He laughed. "I will. Let me get my food."

He returned a few moments later and sat cross-legged on the foot of my bed, careful not to jostle my tray. "How is it?" he asked.

"Mouthwatering, as usual," I replied before eating a big bite of mashed potatoes. "Where did you learn to cook? You always dodge my question."

He blushed. "Uh, when Emmett was playing football and fishing with Dad, I was cooking with Mom."

"Why are you blushing?" I asked him. "There's nothing wrong with that."

His cheeks flushed an even deeper crimson. "I didn't realize I was blushing."

I laughed. "Don't be embarrassed. My husband couldn't cook at all. I sometimes wished he would cook for me." My heart sped up and grew heavier at my memories. What I would give for one of Jacob's burnt grilled cheese sandwiches…

Edward gave me a small smile. "Tell me something you're good at. Besides cooking, because I know you're great at it."

I bit my lip in thought. "Um…I like to draw," I admitted. "I took art classes in high school and college. I always had A's, too."

"Bella Black, an artist," he mused. "I would have never guessed."

"Why?" I teased him. "Am I not _artistic_ enough?"

"I'm not saying that," he replied with a grin. "Just that you don't flaunt it like my mother and sister."

I shrugged. "I'm not as confident…or talented…or beautiful…as Esme and Alice."

"I disagree," he replied. "I can't judge your confidence or your talent, because I've never seen any of your work, but you _are_ beautiful."

Blood filled my cheeks as I snorted ungracefully. "I look like a cow."

"No. You look like a very pretty, very healthy mother-to-be."

I quickly ate a bite of roast beef. After swallowing, I said, "Your turn."

"My turn?"

"To tell me another secret," I reminded him.

He thoughtfully chewed a cooked carrot, and I dug into those. They were delicious, rubbed in some sort of brown sugar sauce. Finally, he said, "I write a lot."

"What do you write?"

"Poetry. Lyrics to go with the songs I compose. I've kept continuous journals since I was eight, and I still have all of them."

"You compose music?" I asked him, surprised.

He nodded once. "Yes. Your turn." He obviously wasn't impressed with himself. He was so different from Emmett.

"How am I going to beat that?" I groaned. "Um…hell, I don't know. I'm not really good at much."

He rolled his eyes and affectionately squeezed my foot. "Though I'm quite positive you're good at many things, it doesn't have to be something you're good at. It can be something you're really bad at, or something that no one else knows about you…"

"Hmm." I paused and went with the first confession that came to mind. "I don't know anything about being a mother."

Edward's eyebrows knit together. "You're not expected to."

"I mean, I never even babysat when I was in high school," I explained. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"It will come to you," he told me seriously. "Plus you have my mom and dad to guide you. And I can honestly say that I couldn't ask for better parents."

I shrugged, doubtful.

"Bella, do you love your babies?" he whispered.

I nodded. "More than anything," I admitted, tears springing to my eyes as I thought of how terrified I was for their lives. _Damn hypertension…_

Edward smiled encouragingly. "Then you'll find a way to be a great mom. You're already being a great mom. You've committed to being stuck in bed for three months or so, just to let your children have a chance at life. You're so mentally…_stable_…for someone who has been through everything you've been through in the past three months. And I know that your babies are the reason you're doing so well mentally." He lightly rested a hand on my protruding belly. "You're already taking care of them. You're doing great, sweetie."

This time, the tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes. "Thank you, Edward," I whispered.

"I'm only telling the truth, honey." He gave me a reassuring smile before lightly rubbing my belly. "Your kids will love you for it." He moved his hand so he could eat, and then he changed the subject to take some distress off of me. "Hmm, my turn. I've never loved any of my girlfriends."

"Never?" I asked, not even bothering to hide the shock that was plain on my face. "Not one?"

He shook his head. "No. That's why they are now my ex-girlfriends."

"I would have never imagined that," I said thoughtfully, sipping my tea. "You seem like such a romantic."

"I am," he agreed. "That's even more influence from my mother. But I don't _force_ love. I've dated some great girls, but it just wasn't there, so I let them go."

"I've only loved one person," I admitted. "Jake. He's the only man I've ever even kissed."

"'That's what's wrong with you,'" Edward suddenly said, grinning slyly. "'You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.'"

I snorted and then giggled. "You're no Clark Gable. Sorry, Mr. Cullen, but you're not."

"'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,'" Edward chuckled. "Do you like _Gone With the Wind_?"

"Very much," I smiled. "Except I'm more fond of the book than I am the movie."

He rolled his green eyes. "Of course. Why am I not surprised?"

"Librarian, remember? Do _you_ like it?"

Edward shifted in his seat. "Uh…only for the battle scenes, of course."

I giggled. "Yeah, right. Do you have a thing for Scarlet O'Hara?"

"Not exactly…"

"Is it Mr. Butler, then? Is _that _why you've never loved any of your girlfriends?" I playfully nudged his knee with my toes. "Edward Cullen, do you have something to tell me?"

He rolled his eyes and dramatically laid a hand over his heart. "Yes, Bella. I'm enamored with Clark Gable and Leslie Howard. _Oh, Ashley, Ashley, I love you…I love you, I do_," he quoted with a very bad Southern accent.

I laughed so hard the twins woke up. "Oh!" I exclaimed as I felt a kick. "The bugs enjoyed your little comedy show, too."

Edward's face went from serious Scarlet to my absolute favorite Edward smile. "Good," he laughed. "So I have to ask-are these kiddies really going to have so many aunts and uncles?"

I grinned, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "I don't see any other way! Alice has already bought onesies that say _If you think I'm cute, you should see my aunt! _As if she's related to them."

Edward crinkled his nose. "I can't believe my sister would have such bad taste."

"She told me they can't technically wear them. She's already given me a list of rules: no 'clever' sayings, no cartoon characters, no shirts that play music or anything equally obnoxious, nothing from Wal-Mart." I rolled my eyes at the silliness of my best friend. "But yeah. Emmett has already introduced himself to everyone as the twins' favorite uncle. And Jasper has already asked me if I think he should be Uncle Jasper or Uncle Jazzy. These kids are going to be smothered by your family."

Edward nodded, allowing that as he stood up and cleared my tray. He took them to the kitchen and returned with a fresh glass of iced tea and a stack of X-Box games. "I hate to disagree with my dear brother," he smirked, "but I'm going to be the favorite uncle." "I think I agree with you," I said truthfully. "If you remain to be so kind and loving _after_ they're born."

"Are you kidding me?" he grinned crookedly. "I'm going to be even more kind and loving. And since I'm your neighbor, I'm going to be in their lives a lot more than Emmett. Midnight feedings, anyone?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You're seriously going to help me to that extent?"

"Of course," he said, sounding offended that I would even ask. "Bella ,you can't handle newborn twins by yourself every night and still retain your sanity."

"Edward, you've already been so fabulous about helping me... I don't think I can ask any more of you…"

"Bella." He said my name sternly, but his eyes were still crinkled up into a smile. "Don't even go there. Now are you ready for a rematch of _Rock Band_? You had a higher score the last song we played, and I won't allow that."

"I have to pee first," I told him for the hundredth time that day, starting to sit up. He instantly put the games down and gently took my shoulders, helping me up and bracing me as I stood on my feet. "I've got it," I told him, but he still followed me to the bathroom, one hand on my back, the other arm extended to catch me if I fell. But I had to stop to catch my breath.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, concern etched across his face.

I nodded. "I just have too much weight to carry around. I've got it. I'm okay, Edward." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek to let him know that I was really okay, and then I went into the bathroom.

He was waiting on me when I came out, and he guided me back to bed and fluffed my pillows. Wow, I was tired. Bed-rest was so exhausting. I thought that laying around would give me unlimited energy.

"Girl, you worry me so much," Edward whispered as he made sure I was comfortable. It was spoken so quietly I wasn't even sure that I was supposed to hear it. After he took his place at the foot of my bed, he observed, "Your feet aren't as swollen anymore."

"It's because I rarely move around," I replied. "They hurt, though, just from my brief bathroom trips."

"Okay, I'm going to have to do something about that before I slaughter you in _Rock Band_," he decided.

I melted as he took my right foot in his hands and started massaging. "Damn, Edward," I sighed happily. "Where did you get so good at this? You can't blame this one on Esme."

He snorted. "No. I had a girlfriend who was a masseuse. Tanya liked to teach me how to do it so I could return the favor."

"Mmm. Why didn't that work out? Did you leave a crick in her neck?"

He shook his head. "I told you why. I didn't love her, and I knew I never would. Plus she was just as promiscuous as her career suggests. I found out she wasn't working at a typical massage parlor."

His magical fingers lightly caressed the balls of my feet, making me sigh in pleasure. "That's a sad story."

"Not really. She was beautiful, but she was an airhead. And especially susceptible to communicable diseases."

"Mmm," I said, making a face of disapproval on this Tanya girl's part. "I guess that's a good reason to dump someone."

"Yes, as good as any."

"So you've never been in love," I stated flatly.

He blushed. "Oh, I've been in love…just not with someone who was interested in me."

"That's terrible," I replied as he kneaded my soles soothingly. "That's the worst kind of love, or so I've been told. Who was she?"

He looked up at me and gave me a small smile. "I think we've shared enough secrets for the night."

"Oh, okay." I could respect that. Edward was my best friend, and I wasn't going to make him feel uncomfortable by bringing up a touchy subject. He never talked about Jacob, Iraq, or politics. I had even heard him quietly remind Jasper and Emmett to leave X-Box games like _Halo_ and _Call of Duty_ at home.

He finished my massage in silence, and then he looked up at me and smiled again. "Alright, old lady. Time to kick your ass at _Flirtin' With Disaster_ by Molly Hatchet."

"Old lady?" I scoffed.

"Hey, you're about to be a parent. I'm not. I'm just the fun-loving Uncle Eddie."

"_Uncle Eddie_," I snickered. "I'm not even going to tell you how lame that sounds."

"_Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,_" he said again, referring to our earlier conversation.

I laughed as he fired the game up. "Oh, save it for Scarlet."

* * *

_I love Edward. Don't you? Show him some love in a review._

_For my "I Love College" readers, the next chapter should be up by the weekend.  
_


	14. Security and Protection

**Author's Note:** This story has hit thirty reviews! Okay, so it's not a huge accomplishment when compared to stories that have twelve thousand…but for me, it's a big deal. Thanks to all of my reviewers…and I would appreciate more! To celebrate this milestone, here is a nice long chapter with 3000+ words. Enjoy, my lovelies.

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns it all, and she has the royalty checks to prove it.

Chapter Thirteen: "Security and Protection"

"Jasper, you just landed on Coruscant's Monument Square. I own that, so you owe me," Emmett said in a businesslike tone. "Pay up. Now."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Emmett, you still haven't paid me from when you landed on Tattooine's Mos Eisley."

"That was last week!"

I snorted as the "uncles" of my children argued over the _Star Wars _Monopoly game that was laid out on the other side of my bed. "You guys are so juvenile," I giggled. "How are the bugs going to have good role models if they act more mature than their babysitters?"

"That's easy," Rosalie piped up. She was in the floor at the foot of my bed with Edward, playing one of the _Grand Theft Auto_ games. "_I _will be the prime babysitter."

"Over my dead body," Emmett told her playfully, kissing the top of her head.

Rosalie beamed up at him. "Fine. We'll baby-sit together. But you do diapers."

"That's more like it," Emmett said. "Except for the diapers. Jasper, I need the money. Now."

"I'm counting it out in one dollar bills," Jasper replied tartly before handing Emmett a huge stack of white Monopoly bills.

"Jazz, you are totally dipping into the bank," I accused. "I _knew _I should have been the banker."

"Waste not, want not, Bella," the psychiatrist replied nonchalantly.

"I hope you're more fair to your patients," I muttered.

"He is!" Alice chirped as she suddenly danced into the room with about a million shopping bags on her arms. "That's why he has so many patients, and that's how he afforded this gorgeous four-carat engagement ring. And Bella, I have some surprises for you!"

"Great," I sighed before rolling the dice and moving my Princess Leia piece to a piece of unclaimed property. "Here's the money, you cheater," I said, tossing a few bills at Jasper.

"_Bella!_" Alice groaned. "Look!"

I turned my head to _ooh _and _aah _at the enormous pile of baby clothes she had bought. I saw jeans, shorts, shirts, onesies, dresses, tights, socks, shoes, hair bows, jackets…

"I really hope we aren't buying clothes for a gender that I'm not going to have," I sighed.

"If we are, then we'll donate them to Goodwill," Alice shrugged. "Or save them for when I get pregnant with a girl. Do you like them?"

"Of course," I replied. "They're gorgeous. Thank you, Alice. I'll pay you back as soon as your fiancé stops stealing money from the Monopoly bank."

"So quick to accuse," Jasper grinned as he read a card. "Damn it! Go to jail without passing go?"

"Serves you right," I muttered.

"Ugh, it's nine PM and I have to go," Rosalie sighed as she glanced at the clock. "I have to actually work tomorrow, unlike a couple of lucky people…" She glared pointedly at me and Edward.

"Don't complain," I replied. "I'm gestating your niece and nephew…or two nieces…or two nephews…"

"Nope, definitely a niece and nephew," Rosalie corrected me as she stood up. "Think positive thoughts, Bella. I will see you tomorrow." She kissed my forehead.

"See ya, Rose. Thanks for the company."

She smiled. "Anytime. Uh, Emmett, do you want to spend the night with me?"

Emmett's eyes lit up. "Definitely. That totally beats playing Monopoly with a _cheater_." He tossed all of his new one dollar bills at Jasper.

"'Bye, Em," I chuckled as he kissed my cheek. "See you later. You kids have fun and be safe so we don't have more than two bugs running around."

After they left, Jasper made a show of writing an "Emmett owes Jasper" note and leaving it in the board game. After he put it away, he took over Rosalie's controller next to Edward. Alice lounged on the bed with me.

"So," she told me with eyebrows raised. "Guess what happens tomorrow?"

"Hopefully not the birth of my children," I replied.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, _duh._ How far along are you again?"

"Thirty weeks. Only six weeks left. I'm going to go crazy in these four walls." I sighed and playfully nudged Edward's head with my toes. He looked back and grinned at me.

Alice smiled brightly. "You're going to get to see another room tomorrow," she announced. "You're going to Edward's house while Esme and I renovate your guest room into the perfect nursery."

I sighed. "Alice…"

She shook her head. "Don't argue. You can't be around the paint fumes. And Esme has already bought everything we need. It's going to be almost as gorgeous as your children." She rubbed my massive belly gently. Carrying twins, eating a lot of delicious food, and not getting up to exercise really piles on the pounds.

I laid back and closed my eyes. "I really hope they sleep well tonight. They kept me up last night."

"Ha, wait until they're actually out of your belly," Jasper replied. "When Rosalie was born, I thought about murdering my parents for having her. She was so _loud_."

"And I'll have two of them," I smirked. I had to admit, I was already becoming the proud, doting mother.

"Jazzy, I'm tired," Alice announced. "Let's go home, babe."

"Sounds good," Jasper replied. "We both have to work, too. Lazy bastards." He tickled the bottom of my foot, making me kick at him.

After they said their good nights, Edward flopped down on the bed in the empty spot next to me. "Your turn," he said, yawning.

Oh, our game. The game in which we exchanged secrets. I yawned and closed my eyes in thought. "Um, let's see. I can't handle alcohol at all. Three beers made me throw up all my guts."

He laughed quietly. "That doesn't surprise me. You're so tiny. Or you _were, _no offense. My turn. I can handle my alcohol quite well, but after about the fifth or sixth, I start to do really stupid things."

"Such as?" I asked him, already fading into sleep.

He snorted. "Emmett and I tried to hop over a bonfire. I lit my ass on fire."

"Goddamn, Edward. Were you badly burned?"

"Nah. Jasper threw some water over me. I was too drunk to feel anything."

I laughed sleepily. "I once ate a bug…"

"What kind?"

"A cricket."

"That's disgusting, Bella," he murmured. "How old were you?"

"Fifteen. Jake dared me to."

"Were you guys high school sweethearts?" he suddenly asked me.

"Mmm, yes. We started dating my sophomore year. His freshman year." I screwed my eyes so they were shut more tightly. I didn't want to think about this.

"Wow," he said. "That's impressive. That you guys ended up married and happy, I mean. My turn…" He paused, and then blurted out, "I lost my virginity when I was fourteen."

"Only fourteen?" I asked, my eyes flying open to stare openly at him.

He had a frown on his face, eyes still closed. "Yes. Biggest mistake of my life. Her name was Jane. She was fourteen as well."

"That's…slutty," I replied.

He grinned. "I know. Like I said, biggest mistake of my life."

"Why? Did she get pregnant or did you get a disease or something?"

"No, of course not. She became obsessed with me afterward, and she started stalking me."

"Stalking you…what do you mean?" I asked, suddenly very curious.

"I discovered her under my bed one night. And then she stole my puppy. And then she tried to kidnap me and sneak me across the border."

_What? _"Seriously, Edward?" I gasped. "That's seriously creepy."

His green eyes opened, and he smiled mockingly at me. "No, I just made all of that up." He started laughing as I grabbed a pillow and hit him with it. "I lost my virginity in college to my then-girlfriend."

"That doesn't count as a secret," I said between giggles, hitting him again. "You're a jerk."

He closed his eyes again. "Sorry, I had to come up with an impressive secret to match yours. You're really gullible, hun. Fine, I'll do another one. I hate Brussels sprouts, and I still hide them in my napkin whenever Mom cooks them. I couldn't ever offend her. I love her too much…plus I'm kind of scared to offend her."

I knew what he meant. Esme could be vicious when she was provoked. Luckily, it took a lot to provoke her. "Your mom makes delicious Brussels sprouts," I replied. "Start putting yours on my plate. I'll eat them for you."

"Sounds like a deal." He suddenly yawned hugely. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm exhausted."

"I know," I replied. "You're not taking care of yourself because you're so busy taking care of me. Why don't you go home, get in your own bed, and sleep tomorrow away?"

"Not a chance," he said quickly. "With your luck, you would go into premature labor and you wouldn't be able to contact anybody or something. I'm going to stay here. I might have to call Emmett to drag me to the guest room, though."

"I'm going to the restroom again," I told him, quickly putting a hand on his shoulder to weakly hold him down. "Don't move. I'm fine."

I could see him roll his eyes behind his heavy, sleepy eyelids, but he didn't argue. He probably knew better than to argue with someone as huge and hormonal as I was.

I slowly walked to the bathroom, peed for the thousandth time that day, and then went back to bed. Edward was sprawled out along half of it, snoring quite loudly, his mouth open.

I chuckled, turned out the light, and slid under the covers next to him. Oddly enough, the sound of his snoring put me to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up to the same snoring that I fell asleep to. His head was on my shoulder, his morning stubble tickling my neck. His body was snuggled up next to mine. Edward was a snuggler-not really that big of a surprise, for some reason. He seemed like the type who would enjoy spooning.

I hadn't woken up next to a man in seven months, so I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized what was causing the chainsaw noises. After I recovered from the initial shock, I started giggling. My laughing woke him up.

"Mmm, turn out the light," he groaned, hiding his eyes in my shoulder before jumping to attention in the same manner I did. He sat up immediately, rubbed his eyes, and glanced at me sheepishly. "Oh gosh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep-"

"It's fine, Edward," I giggled. "My only complaint is the chainsaw impersonation. Seriously, have you gotten that checked out?"

"I only snore when I sleep well," he replied groggily. "And I'm not quite ready to get up. I really didn't mean to fall asleep in your bed, Bells. That's _so_ inapprop-"

"Edward," I interrupted him again. "It's fine, I promise. It actually felt kind of nice. You like snuggling, eh?"

He flushed a deep crimson. "I'm not acknowledging that. Did I bother you or make you uncomfortable last night?"

I shook my head. "No, I slept well, too."

"Good," he smiled at me, though the tops of his ears were still red from the embarrassment. "Um, I'm going to run to my house and get some fresh clothes on, and then I'll bring you breakfast."

It only took him a couple of minutes to get dressed, and then a little while later he brought me pancakes with maple syrup. Once again, he was being too good to me. After breakfast, I made my first bathroom trip of the day.

When I returned to my bed-prison, Alice and Esme were waiting at the foot of my bed, smiling angelically.

"What?" I asked suspiciously, already dreading whatever they were going to say. I knew those looks.

"We called in sick to work," Alice said in her usual bubbly tone.

"Why?" I said flatly.

Esme's smile grew, if such a thing was possible. "Because we're creating you a nursery!" she said gleefully. Now I understood where Alice got her enthusiasm from. "Which is why we're about to move you to Edward's house right about…" She checked her watch. "Now."

I groaned and shook my head as I crawled under my blankets. "Why do I have to move?"

Esme rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh, Bella. The walls of the other bedroom are painted lavender."

"So?" I replied. I didn't really care. The previous owners of the house had a teenage daughter who had painted her room lavender. I had never even thought of changing it.

"Lavender doesn't match the theme I've designed, so we're going to have to prime and paint the walls. You can't be around paint fumes, _especially _when you're on bed-rest."

"And what theme is that?" I asked.

Alice cackled in delight. "We're not telling. However, you're going to _love_ it. Trust us."

"You don't have a choice," Esme said firmly. "Edward, darling!"

Edward returned from the kitchen. "Yes, Mother?"

Esme's eyes narrowed. I knew she didn't like to be called that because it sounded too formal and cold. Edward was only doing it to annoy her. "Have you prepared Bella a room at your house?"

He shrugged. "Not much to prepare. She'll be in my bed. I only have to set the X-Box up for her."

Alice cut in, "Bella, I'll pack your bags. And by the way, I know you read all of the books I brought last month, so I brought you a whole new collection. I hope you enjoy Nicholas Sparks."

"Please, not _Dear John_," I begged. I already knew what it was about-a US troop separated from his one true love.

Alice looked almost offended that I would think that lowly of her, but she quickly melted into sympathy. "Of course I didn't buy that for you," she said quietly. "I also bought Dean Koontz mysteries. Jasper recommended him."

"Dean Koontz is great," I replied. "Thank you, Alice."

"Anytime, my dear," she replied, kissing my forehead before crinkling her nose. "Bella, why do you smell like my brother?"

I rolled my eyes. "What are you trying to imply? Edward fell asleep in my bed last night while he was entertaining me with stories of stalkers, burnt derrieres, and Brussels sprouts."

Esme and Alice glanced over at Edward with perplexed eyes. Edward snorted and put his hands up as if he were being arrested. "I have an imagination, that's all," he replied.

Esme was the first one to shake it off. "Um, okay. I really do wonder about my children sometimes. Oh, Edward, that reminds me. I hope you haven't started lunch. I cooked some this morning and brought it over. Grilled chicken, baked potatoes, and your favorite vegetable-Brussels sprouts!"

I started laughing, attracting more mystified looks. "Oh yeah, Edward was telling me last night how much he loves Brussels sprouts," I told Esme, earning an incredulous look from Edward. "He has this really interesting way of eating them. He'll have to give you a demonstration today."

"Interesting," Esme said, glancing between me and Edward like she was watching a tennis match. "Uh, I'll go put the food in the refrigerator."

As soon as she left the room, Edward glared at me. "I hate you," he muttered.

"Why?" I asked innocently.

"You know why. You're forcing me to eat the vegetable equivalent of Satan."

I snorted. "Right. Well, I had to get you back for the fake secret last night."

"At least I can hold my alcohol," he smirked.

"And light your butt on fire," I giggled.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "You guys are really strange. I'll start packing for you now, Bella." She turned to her brother with a grin. "And Edward…Mom knows that you spit your Brussels sprouts out in your napkin. Emmett does the same with broccoli, cauliflower, and basically any other vegetable. You guys aren't as smooth as you think."

* * *

Moving over to Edward's place wasn't that bad. I actually got to have the luxury of standing up and walking next door, and it certainly felt nice to be in a different room. Edward also had a huge flat screen in his bedroom with a satellite connection. I had hundreds of channels at my fingertips. It was divine.

However, the question of sleeping arrangements had to be brought up. He had a couch and a very old Futon along with his bed. I suggested calling Jasper and Emmett over to bring my bed to Edward's house, but Emmett was working late and Jasper had been called to a hospital in Port Angeles.

"It's cool, Bells," Edward assured me. "I'll sleep on the Futon. It folds out into a bed, for crying out loud."

"That thing is so old, though," I replied. "I saw it when you moved in. It has rust on the rails, Edward."

"The couch, then."

"You're kind of bigger than the couch."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"We slept in the same bed last night," I replied. "And you have a king sized bed. We'll just bunk together again."

He was hesitant at first, but he eventually gave in.

Okay, I'll admit it. I liked sleeping next to Edward. It gave me a sense of security and protection. There was something about hearing a man breathe next to you, and feeling his body heat as he cuddled with you. I would have traded almost anything to have Jacob in bed with me, but Edward soothed some of the hurt away when he was laying next to me.

Edward was my comforter. Yet again. How incredible was it that we went from strangers to technical roommates/best friends in less than seven months?

Edward really was a man of many talents-apart from the writing, playing music, singing, and law career, he was kind, compassionate, thoughtful, empathetic, funny, charming, good-looking, conversational, comforting, and soothing. But above all, he was a godsend. A sort of guardian angel, sent to me to help me through the worst time of my life.

Edward, for some reason, gave me hope. He let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I needed that more than anything he did for me. Hope was more beneficial to me and my babies than food, bed-rest, and prenatal vitamins.

Hope was everything. And as the birth of my precious children was drawing near, I was beginning to feel it.

* * *

_I like it when Edward isn't being so serious. I prefer a playful Edward to any other. What could you call him? Playward? That sounds kind of perverted..._

_My goal for this story is to have at least fifty-five reviews. My record is fifty-three reviews for my story **What Sarah Said**. So why don't you help me meet my goal and press that magical button below?  
_


	15. Labor and Delivery Edward's POV

**Author's Note: This chapter is very different in that it is told from Edward's point of view. I've never given birth, so I was worried about telling the tale from Bella's point of view. So I decided to finally let Edward have a say. I don't know if we'll hear his side again, but I hope you enjoy this one. This is by far the longest chapter I've ever written.  
**

**In other news...after I published my last chapter, my review count went from thirty to over forty. I was absolutely amazed. Of course, I'm going to ask you guys to keep reviewing so I can hit fifty-five!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the rights to _Twilight_.**

Chapter Fourteen: "Labor and Delivery" Edward's POV**  
**

"I love this show," Bella whispered as I crawled under the covers next to her. Reflexively she scooted her body closer to mine so our arms were touching. Her soft, warm skin sent electric currents through my body, and I longed to touch more of her.

But of course I couldn't. She was a widow, for crying out loud, and a very recent one at that. Jacob Black had been dead for five months, and she was hugely pregnant with his two children. I could see that she still hung on to him. She often talked in her sleep, always talking about her Jake. And whenever her father-in-law Billy would come over, they would always end up crying together. The twins made her keep a brave about-face, but the hurt was still obvious behind her beautiful brown eyes.

"_True Blood_?" I asked in surprise. "And why are you whispering?"

"I have a thing for vampires," she admitted, still keeping her voice low. Suddenly, she winced. "And I have the worst heartburn I have ever had. It hurts to talk or breathe or eat."

"How long have you felt like this?" I asked her, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. For the past twenty-four hours, she hadn't been herself. She was tired, irritable, and she just seemed to be _drained. _She also had problems walking to the bathroom and eating. She chalked it up to being horizontal twenty-three hours and forty-five minutes of the day, but Dad and I were keeping a close eye on her.

She shrugged. "Since I woke up."

Six hours? Heartburn for _six hours_? "You should have told me earlier," I gently scolded her, lightly squeezing her hand. "I'll go get you some Tums."

After I brought her the medicine, I tried to watch the silly vampire drama with her, but I had no idea who Sookie was and why someone would like to be called Eggs Benedict. Plus, like with every television show and movie we watched, I was simply distracted by the remarkable woman who was laying next to me. The dark colors, themes, and Bella's sweet scent put me in a deep sleep.

I was woken up by my ringing phone. I didn't know what time it was, but I felt stiff, so I guessed that I had been sleeping for a while. Groaning deeply, I sat up and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hi, sleepyhead," my sister chirped. "Can you come over to Bella's house for a minute? We need help with something."

I glanced over to the object of my affection. She was awake, clicking through the channels. Obviously her vampire show had gone off. "Bella, is it okay if I go help Alice and Mom for a little while?"

She nodded wordlessly.

"I'll be there in a few," I told Alice before hanging up. As I got out of bed, I noticed my alarm clock. Eight PM.

"Oh, god, Bella," I stammered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to sleep for so long. I'll make you dinner right now."

She shook her head. "It's fine," she whispered. "I don't think I could eat, anyway."

"Is the heartburn still bad?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Take some more Tums," I suggested. "They're right there on the bedside table. Do you want me to stay?"

"No, go help them. I want to see my nursery ASAP."

I chuckled. "Okay." I bent and kissed her cheek, indulging just a little. "Call me if you need anything."

She smiled at me, and I was relieved that she wasn't freaked out by my kiss. I knew she wouldn't be, though, because she had kissed my cheek a lot. "Okay," she whispered.

Before I left, I remembered my mom's remedy for heartburn and I brought her a tall glass of milk. "Drink this," I told her. "It helps." I placed her cell phone in her hand. "And call me if you need anything."

"I will," she promised.

I jogged over to her house and went straight to the nursery. As soon as I stepped into the room, I gasped. It was gorgeous, and it appeared to be ready. Almost.

"You love it," Mom gushed, coming to hug me. "Is she okay by herself?"

I nodded. "She's having terrible heartburn, and of course the Braxton Hicks happen sporadically, but she's okay."

I shuddered as I remembered the fear that had planted inside of me when she started having stomach cramps. My father, doctor extraordinaire, had told her they were only Braxton Hicks contractions, which meant that her body was preparing for labor with false contractions. Needless to say, I had breathed a few sighs of relief at that diagnosis.

"Did you give her any milk?" Mom asked me.

I grinned at her. "Of course," I said. "I remember your remedies. What can I help with?"

"Building the cribs," Alice replied. "Emmett and Rosalie went to Port Angeles to pick up the textiles Mom ordered, so our primary engineers are gone. Dad is working. And Jasper is working at the mental hospital again." She sighed. "So you're our only choice."

"Jazz has been working a lot," I commented.

She nodded. "Yeah, a soldier in Iraq was just admitted for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Apparently it's a very bad case, and Jasper is the only doctor he can relate to. You know, because Jazz served in the Army."

I cringed. "I can imagine where that would be a difficult case. Well, what can I start with?"

Mom had ordered two heavy oak cribs. They were quite elaborate, with pretty curves and curlicues in the wood. Alice laid out a tool set and we started to work. I was never especially good with my hands, but I seemed to be doing pretty well. The oak was so thick and luxurious that it took all three of us to hold one side up as I connected the different pieces.

"It's gorgeous!" Alice squealed forty-five minutes later when the first crib was built. I picked up one side while the girls picked up the other, and we moved it to the spot Mom had designated.

"This room is perfect, Mom," I told her.

She shrugged. "I try to please, darling. Do you really think Bella will like it?"

I nodded. "I _know_ she will."

We were about to start on the other crib when my phone rang. It was Bella. "Hey, sweetie. Are you okay?" I immediately asked her.

Alice rolled her eyes. I guessed she just really wanted to make this room beautiful.

"Edward," Bella said in a strained voice. "I think I'm having contractions. _Real_ contractions."

"_Oh my god,_" I said, a sudden pain of worry shooting through me. "We'll be there in ten seconds."

"What is it?" Mom and Alice asked me as soon as I hung up.

"She thinks she's having contractions," I replied. "We have to go."

We all immediately ran next door, Mom already on her phone talking to Dad. Bella was sitting up in her bed, trying to breathe, sweat beading on her forehead.

Everything suddenly became a blur.

"How far apart are they?" Mom asked, taking Bella's hands.

"I've already packed a bag!" Alice shouted, running to my closet.

"Every five minutes," Bella breathed, trying to follow the routine that she had watched on the videos Dr. McCray gave her. "I've had five since Edward has been gone."

"Alice, start the car!" Mom called. "It's okay, Bella, darling. Just breathe. Edward, come help me move her."

"Call Charlie, Esme," Bella begged as we helped her stand up. I wrapped one of her arms around my shoulder and then supported her waist.

"I will," Mom assured her, pulling out her phone.

"I'll call Jazz and Rose," Alice volunteered.

"Breathe, sweetheart," I whispered to Bella, who was clearly in pain.

"Edward, I'm so scared," she whispered to me. "It's too early…"

"You'll be fine," I assured her, gently guiding her to the front door.

"It's not me I'm worried about," she replied before looking down at her legs in horror. Something wet was running down the legs of her pajamas.

"It's just your water breaking," I choked, kissing her temple. "This is normal. And the bugs will be fine as well, sweetheart. Come on, honey, we have to go." I continued to gently prod her to move, praying that I was right. Bella and her children just _had_ to be okay. She wouldn't be okay without them, and I wouldn't be okay without her.

Alice had already started my Volvo, and Mom assumed the driver's position. I helped Bella into the passenger's seat, leaning the seat back so she could be as horizontal as possible. Alice scrambled into the seat behind Mom, and I sat in the middle, holding Bella's hand. "Breathe, honey," I was saying over and over again. She was worrying the hell out of me.

"Hold on tight," Mom announced, and I recognized the edge to her voice. She was freaking out, so she was going to drive like a maniac. Tires squealed as she backed out of the driveway and made a sharp turn onto the street.

"_Shit_," Bella groaned. "Goddamn, it hurts!"

"Alice, start timing," Mom snapped just before she ran a stop sign, causing a van to slam on its brakes.

Alice faithfully pulled the stopwatch out of the humongous bag she had packed Bella.

"Now," Bella said, breathing a sigh of relief that this particular contraction was over. Alice hit the button.

"Charlie," Mom said into her phone. "This is Esme Cullen. Bella is having contractions, and her water just broke. Can you be at the hospital ASAP?"

"Tell Dad not to worry about me," Bella grunted.

"Excellent," Mom said, ignoring Bella. "We'll see you there." After hanging up, she turned to Bella. "Your father is picking up Billy, and they will be at the hospital as soon as they can, darling."

Suddenly, the car accelerated, causing Alice to squeal as she explained everything to Rosalie over the phone. We were out of La Push very soon, and we made it to Forks even faster.

"Mom, you just got blue lighted," Alice said in a terrified tone as we zoomed down Main Street. Thank God it was never busy this late at night.

Mom said a word I had never heard her use before, which made me and Alice exchange a wary look. The last time Mom had been this determined to get somewhere, I had been fifteen with a ruptured appendix.

Mom quickly pulled over, and the officer ran to her window, gun already in hand. "Excuse me, ma'am," he said, surprised to see a seemingly-sober middle-aged woman behind the wheel. "You were driving eighty in a forty speed limit. Have you been drinking?"

"I know I'm speeding," Mom snapped. "And no, I haven't been drinking, thank you very much. Your boss's daughter is in labor here! Perhaps you can pull your head out of your-"

Alice and I had to stifle giggles as the young deputy interrupted her. "Don't worry about it, ma'am. I know Bella well. I'll escort you to the hospital."

"I love you, Esme," Bella sighed as Mom pulled onto the streets again. "You're incredible. God, Alice, here we go again." Her grip on my hand became so tight I swear she cut the circulation off.

"Five minutes," Alice announced.

Bella moaned, tears streaming down her face. I smoothed her hair down and stretched to kiss her forehead. "Stay strong, sweetie," I told her. "We're almost there, and we'll get you an epidural."

Finally, Mom pulled up to the ER. Dad was waiting outside with a wheelchair. I quickly helped Bella out of the car and into the wheelchair and waved to the deputy who had followed us. He waved, shouted "Best wishes!", and left to go patrol the dangerous streets of Forks.

We ran through the hospital straight to labor and delivery, where a nurse intervened and took the wheelchair. "We'll take her in and see how far along she is," the nurse smiled at us. "Dad can come in very soon."

"Oh, I'm not the father," I stammered, a little taken aback.

"He's the uncle," Bella said. "But he is still going to come in whenever you're done. Can I have drugs, please?"

The nurse gave her a reassuring smile. "Very soon. Let's get you in."

We all collapsed into the chairs in the prenatal waiting room. "She's premature," I moaned, putting my head in my hands. "She's only at thirty-two weeks…"

"They may try to delay labor," Mom told me. She and Alice had just returned from parking the car.

Dad sighed. "I don't know. She's five minutes apart, which means she's probably about three inches dilated. She could be going toward transition very quickly."

I suddenly heard a fast set of footsteps and a wheelchair squeaking on the spotless floor. We all looked up to see Charlie Swan and Billy Black. "Where is she?" they both demanded.

"They're checking her out," Dad explained. "Contractions are five minutes apart."

"Whew," Charlie said, falling into a chair. "She's kinda early, isn't she?"

Dad nodded. "A month early."

"Is that extremely dangerous?" Billy asked.

Dad hesitated. "It can be. We're staying positive, though."

"I'm never getting pregnant," Alice announced. "Bella doesn't handle physical pain well, but that was just…bad."

"Should they be that intense at the beginning?" I asked my father.

Dad shrugged. "That may not have been the beginning. Some women mistake labor pains for cramping or something normal like that. She could have been in the early stages of labor all day."

"The heeartburn," I whispered. "She hasn't been herself at all."

"That's probably it, then," Dad said. "Bella doesn't handle pain well, like Alice said, but she doesn't like to draw attention to herself."

Charlie nodded. "That's how she has always been. When she was ten, she fell out of a tree and broke her arm, but she fought me about going to the ER. I had to call an ambulance so the paramedics could force her into treatment."

We waited for a while. I can't tell you how long it was-fifteen minutes? Thirty? Forty-five? An hour? It was just…a blur. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett joined us eventually. Emmett and Rose were literally bouncing in their seats.

"This is so cool," Emmett said.

"Not really," Jasper replied. "She hasn't carried to term yet, Em."

"Let's have lots of babies, Emmett," Rosalie suddenly said. "Like, four. Two boys and two girls."

Mom and Dad's eyes bugged out of their heads. "Do you have something to tell us, Emmett McCarty Cullen?" Mom asked him.

Emmett hesitated. "No, but I do now," he beamed. We all gasped as he dropped to one knee in front of Rosalie and pulled a velvet box out. "I've been carrying this around for like eight months, waiting for the right moment," he began. "And Rosie, I know that we've only been dating for a year, but I've known for a long time that we were meant to be. Ever since I met you through my sister two years ago, I've wanted to marry you. And so I guess I'm asking if you, Rosalie Lillian Hale, want to marry me, too."

Tears started leaking out of Rosalie's eyes, and she nodded. "Yes, Emmett! Yes, I will marry you!"

Emmett let out quite a loud "Whoo hoo!" as he stood up, picked Rosalie up, and spun her around. She giggled as he set her on her feet and slid the diamond ring onto her finger.

"It's gorgeous!" she exclaimed. "Emmett, I love you so much!"

"I love you too, baby," he said, and they shared their first kiss as an engaged couple.

Everyone immediately started applauding. "Welcome to the family, Rose," I told her, hugging her and then hugging my thrilled brother. After the congratulations started to die down, I sat back in my chair and started to worry again. On top of the girl I was in love with being in premature labor, I now had to realize that I was the last one in the family to get engaged. Great.

Finally, the nurse came in. "The mother can have visitors now," she said. "She's been given an epidural, so she feels a lot better."

We all raced to her room, which stupefied the nurse, but she didn't stop us. Of course Rosalie was in first so she could show off her ring.

"I'm engaged!" Rosalie shouted as soon as Bella was in sight.

It took Bella a moment to comprehend. "Oh, congratulations!" Bella said, giving Rose a hug. "Where is your fiancé?"

"Here," Emmett said. "When are you going to pop the bugs out?"

Bella shrugged, and I noticed that her gaze wasn't very focused. "They're not in any hurry to get out," she said, staring at the monitor. "Look, I'm having a contraction. Who knew?"

We all laughed and hugged her. Mom, Alice, and I were especially pleased to see that she was no longer in pain since we had seen her pre-painkillers.

"How dilated are you?" Dad asked her as we all situated ourselves. Alice and I sat on the foot of her bed, Rosalie and Emmett claimed the plastic couch so they could cuddle, Charlie pulled up a chair next to Billy's wheelchair, and my parents and Jasper stood by the bed.

"Four inches," Bella said. "When I hit eight and a half, they're going to start prepping me for delivery. I have a long time to go."

"And the waiting begins," Mom sighed.

Bella glanced at the clock. "It's after ten PM. Why don't you guys go home?"

"No way," everyone said. Emmett added, "I want to be the first uncle the bugs know."

A doctor entered the room then. "Good evening, Bella," she said. "I take it you're feeling better now that you've been medicated?"

"Much better," Bella replied airily. "How much longer?"

"We're waiting on your cervix to dilate," she reminded her. "Are you practicing proper breathing?"

"I think so," Bella replied. She spent the next couple of minutes going over breathing with the doctor.

After the demonstration, the doctor looked me in the eye. "Make sure she keeps it up, Dad," she told me. "That's your responsibility."

"Oh, he's not the fath-" Bella began in exasperation, but the doctor abruptly left.

I sighed. As much as I wished that I _was_ the father, it made me mad that people assumed that. It was disrespectful to Bella.

"Just let them assume, Bells," Emmett said comfortingly. "It's a hell of a lot easier."

She closed her eyes and nodded, clasping her hands on her belly.

Rosalie sighed. "It's going to be a long night."

Everyone murmured in excited agreement.

After an hour, Bella managed to convince everyone to go into the waiting room so she could get some rest. That is, everyone but me. She held a death grip on my hand, her chocolate brown eyes telling me to stay. After the room was empty, she whispered to me, "Are you going to stay with me through the whole thing?"

"Of course I am," I replied. "If you want me to."

She nodded. "It really…sucks…that Jacob can't be here for the births of his children…but since he can't be here, I want you to be the one to move me through this."

I smiled at her. "It would be my honor, Bella. You don't know how much that means to me."

She smiled and closed her eyes again. "Thank you, Edward. I couldn't have gotten this far without you. You don't know how much I love and appreciate you for this."

_She loves me. _Maybe she meant it as a friend or even a familial relationship...but still.

She loved me.

My heart turned backflips.

"I'm glad you can rely on me like that," I told her, softly smoothing her hair. "And I love you, too."

She gave me a dazzling smile and closed her eyes. "I'm so tired."

"It's been a long night," I told her. "Go to sleep while you still can."

"I think I will. Good night, Edward."

"Good night, sweetheart." I kissed her forehead and went and laid down on the plastic couch.

A doctor woke us up a few hours later. I stepped out of the room so he could examine Bella, only to find that my entire family was camped out in the living room. Billy and Charlie were also still there.

"Any news?" Mom asked me sleepily, pulling her head from my father's shoulder.

"The doctor is examining her now," I said. "You guys could have gone home. Bella told you to."

Alice snorted, Jasper's head in her lap. "Yeah, right. She's my best friend! I can't leave her."

I noticed then that Emmett and Rosalie were sprawled out on the floor, snoring. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

The doctor finally came out with a big smile on his face. "She's up to nine inches," he announced. "We're taking her to delivery. She requested that Edward comes with her." He glanced around the room, obviously searching for me.

"That's me," I said, standing up.

"Pardon me," Charlie interrupted. "I'm the grandpa. She's only at eight months. Are Bella and the twins going to be okay?"

The doctor gave him a reassuring smile. "It's risky, but she came to the hospital with her water already broken and painful contractions. We couldn't postpone it. The twins will probably be quite small, but modern medicine will allow us to take care of the mother and the children."

Charlie was pale, but he nodded. "Okay." He went and sat down next to my parents, who both hugged him tightly.

"Dad?" the doctor said, looking at me.

"Uncle," I corrected. "I'm coming." I walked behind him to Bella's room. A nurse was moving about the bed.

"It's time," Bella said excitedly, tears falling down her pale face. "It's time!"

"I know, sweetie," I replied. "You're going to do great."

Our entire party spilled into the room then, everyone kissing and hugging her and offering her words of encouragement. The doctor had to send everyone out so we could go to the delivery room. As they all left, Emmett yelled, "Let's pop these bugs out, Bells! Pronto!"

We laughed, and I grasped Bella's hand and kissed her knuckles. Her breaths were labored-no pun intended-and she was already sweating a lot. "Let's pop these bugs out, Bells," I repeated to her in a murmur. "Pronto!"

She smiled at me. "Yes, Uncle Edward."

"We have to go," the nurse said. They wheeled Bella's bed into the delivery room. I ran beside the bed, still holding her hand. She was crying-from pain or worry, I'm not sure-but kept her breathing up. Finally, after they moved her to the delivery table and I had dressed in scrubs, she calmed down and allowed the nurse to show her how to push through each contraction shown on the monitor.

"I can't feel my legs," Bella admitted to me between contractions. "It feels fabulous."

I smiled, sitting by her head. "You're so close," I told her. "So close to seeing your babies."

The doctor came in then and sat between her legs. In every Hollywood movie I had seen, the mother always screamed and thrashed on the table. But Bella, with her powerful epidural, managed to stay quiet unless she was pushing exceptionally hard. She grunted and moaned during that, simply from the pressure she put on her body. "I see a head," the doctor announced after some time. Bella's mouth fell open and she pushed even harder. After an immeasurable moment, we heard a baby cry. "It's a girl," the doctor smiled, and he handed the baby off to a nurse. Bella almost spazzed in relief, her body quivering.

"Congratulations," I murmured, kissing her hand. "Come on, sweetie. Let's push the other bug out."

"Push," the doctor commanded, and Bella pushed harder than ever, making herself cry out. "Come on, Mom, you're so close!" he prodded. Finally, he said again, "I see the head!"

"God!" Bella cried as she pushed. We waited expectantly for another baby to cry, but nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" I asked the doctor. "Why isn't the baby crying?"

The doctor was busy at work, though. After thirty seconds, we finally heard another cry. "It's a boy!" he proclaimed. "He was tangled in the umbilical cord, but he's okay." He passed the baby off to the nurse.

"I want to see my babies," Bella begged him.

"Hold on, Mom," he said. "You're bleeding a lot. Nurse, I need assistance."

"What do you mean, _bleeding a lot_?" I asked him, fear spreading through my body and taking over my mind, making me lightheaded.

He shook his head. "We can get it controlled. I need an injection of oxytocin for heavy primary postpartum bleeding!" he shouted. A nurse ran by him and instantly grabbed Bella's leg, sanitizing it before popping a needle into her skin. "Dad, stand back," the doctor told me before he came to Bella's side and started to probe her belly with his fingers.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, panicking too much to correct him.

"Massaging her uterus," he explained. "It's been proven to stop the bleeding, along with the oxytocin."

"Edward," Bella moaned, squeezing my hand. "Edward, are the babies okay?"

"Your babies are fine," a nurse assured her. "They're small, but they're being incubated and going through preemie protocol as we speak."

Bella nodded and stayed quiet as the doctor continued to work on her. Finally, he stopped. "We have it under control," he announced. "You're going to be just fine, Mom."

Bella nodded again. "I'm so tired..." she mumbled. And then she fell into a deep sleep.

"Oh my god!" I nearly shouted. "What's wrong with her?"

"The oxytocin is making her drowsy," the doctor told me, trying to calm me down. "Plus her body just went through more work than you can imagine. Calm down; she's fine."

I nodded and worked on steadying my breathing. My eyes tore from his face to hers. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. She finally had color back in her cheeks, and her thick mahogany hair was spread out along the pillow. Her lips were turned up into a smile.

"She's going to be okay," a familiar voice said behind me as a hand cupped my shoulder.

I turned around to see my dad. "How did you get in here?" I asked him.

"I had to put on my lab-coat and hospital ID," he admitted. "Dr. Harper told me that she had some heavy bleeding, but he stopped it. And the twins are fine. Everything turned out great."

"Have you seen the twins?" I asked him.

Dad nodded and smiled. "Yes. They're in the nursery. They're beautiful. Very small, only about four pounds each, but they seem to be okay. They'll have to stay here longer than Bella will, just because they're premature."

I nodded. "But Bella is okay, right?"

He took my chin and looked into my eyes, and I felt like a little boy again. "Bella is fine, son. She has to be, with how much you love her. You have taken care of her and loved her well."

"I'm not finished caring for her and loving her," I replied.

He nodded. "I know. But be careful, son. Her heart has been broken. It will be very easy for her to break yours."

* * *

_Bella's POV is next. I'll try to have it up within twenty-four hours._

_As of now, I have forty-two reviews. Care to add to my total so I can meet my goal of fifty-five?  
_


	16. Ask, and It Shall Be Given

**Author's Note: Before I say anything else, I want to answer a couple of reviews I received. The soldier in Jasper's care who is suffering from PTSD is NOT Jacob. First, the military would definitely contact Bella if her husband was found. Second, Jasper is a good enough friend to Bella that he would certainly break patient-doctor confidentiality and tell her if her dead husband was alive. While it would be an interesting twist...that whole little bit about the soldier in the mental hospital was my attempt at foreshadowing. So you've been warned about what's going to happen in future chapters.**

**Remember the glossary of military definitions at the bottom of the chapter.**

**The review count is still rising. It would be really awesome if I could hit fifty-five reviews with this chapter alone...*wink***

**And finally, we're back in Bella's POV. I introduce to you...the Black twins! (And yes, they finally have names!)  
**

Chapter Fifteen: "Ask, and It Shall Be Given" Bella's POV

I woke up to a burning light and cold air. As soon as I saw the plain ceiling tiles, I jumped to attention. I was in the hospital...and my babies were no longer inside of me. My hands went straight to my much-smaller stomach. Where were they?

I immediately flashed back to the delivery room. I could remember the pressure I was putting on my numbed body, the sound of my daughter crying...and eventually, the sound of my son's delayed crying. I could remember the doctor saying something about me bleeding too much... I sat up and glanced around the room. It was empty. I was alone, except for about fifteen bouquets of beautiful flowers that were decorating the room. Where was everybody?

_Edward_...he had been by my side the whole time. _Where was he?_

They're with the twins, I realized. And then I didn't care about seeing any of my friends. I only wanted to see my babies. I started to stand up, but I had a pinching pain between my thighs. Ugh. Epidurals obviously don't last forever!

My door opened then, and my guardian angel stepped into the room. He was wearing rumpled clothes and was running his hands through his bronze hair. He had stubble on his chin, evidence that he obviously hadn't left the hospital at all. He looked toward me wearily, and then his green eyes lit up with a beautiful sparkle. "Hey, sweetie!" he exclaimed, running to my bed to give me a hug. "You're awake!"

"Yeah," I said, amazed at the energy it took to say one word. I was exhausted. "Where are the babies?"

He smiled crookedly at me. "I'll go ask a nurse if you can see them. You're going to fall in love. They're...beautiful." He kissed the top of my head before running out of my room.

I sighed and glanced around the room again, wondering where everybody was. They were probably at work, since it was a weekday...but that had never stopped them from staying with me before. Finally, the door opened again and Edward entered with a kind-looking nurse. She smiled at me. "Bella? Is there anything I can get you to make you more comfortable?"

"I just want to see my babies," I replied.

"I know. I'm afraid that you'll have to come to the nursery with me. There's a wheelchair waiting for you outside."

My blood froze in my veins. "Why? What's wrong with them?"

Edward came and sat on the side of my bed to hold my hand while the nurse started her speech.

"They were premature," she explained. "They both had to be put on oxygen, and your little boy is having problems eating, so he's on a feeding tube."

"Oh, god…" I whispered. "Will they be okay?"

The nurse nodded encouragingly. "Yes. They just weren't ready to come out yet, contrary to what your body thought. They are very small. They're both just at four pounds."

"How long will they have to stay?" I asked her.

"The doctor will decide that, Bella. Would you like to come see them?"

"Yes, please," I said.

She rolled the wheelchair to me. Edward helped me into the wheelchair, and then he held my hand as we rolled down the hallway to the nursery.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Edward.

"The men all had to go to work. The women are in the hospital cafeteria getting lunch. Charlie and Billy are coming to see you on Charlie's lunch break at one, and my dad, Jazz, and Em are going to be here after they get off work."

"Oh," I said. Secretly, I was glad. I would rather share my first moment with my children without a ton of people watching.

We finally made it to the nursery, and she wheeled me to two incubators sitting side-by-side. I stood up and peered into the nearest one.

"Your daughter," the nurse said, gingerly lifting the little pink bundle out of the incubator and placing her in my arms.

I looked into my daughter's face, and suddenly, my whole world shifted.

My baby girl was gorgeous. She had a full head of black hair, just like her father's. I grinned as I realized that my little preemie had more hair than most babies carried to term. Her russet skin was plump on her sweet little face. She was tiny, like the nurse had said, but cuddly and warm. I held her up and nuzzled my nose to her face, luxuriating in her soft silky skin. At my touch, her long black eyelashes parted, and I stared into the most exquisite pair of chocolate brown eyes. She had inherited the same pair of eyes I had inherited from my father. Charlie was probably thrilled.

I planted a soft kiss on her forehead, and her mouth opened slightly. I was thrilled to discover that she had my lips-the top was just a bit too full for the bottom. I softly kissed her again. "Hello, baby girl," I murmured. "I've been waiting a long time to see you. You are so beautiful."

"She is, isn't she?" Edward whispered. "She looks just like you."

I suddenly realized that she had a little oxygen tube against her nose. My heart breaking, I cradled her softly to my chest.

"Your son is over here," the nurse said. "He's a little more delicate than his big sister."

I handed my daughter to Edward and took my son from the nurse. I immediately noticed the feeding tube that went into his mouth and the oxygen tube that mirrored his sister's.

And then I noticed his ethereal beauty. He was just as beautiful as his sister, but in a different way. He was Jacob Black shrunk down into four pounds. He had the same thick black hair that covered his scalp and the same Native American skin. His features were wide-set, and his mouth was a carbon copy of his father's. But he had my eyes, too.

"Jacob…" I whispered. "You look just like your father, baby boy."

My little boy stared into my eyes, not moving much, obviously uncomfortable with the plastic tubes that plagued his face. I stroked his hair softly, kissing his cheeks, and whispered, "Mommy is going to get you out of here. You'll be healthy very soon."

I heard the little pink bundle in Edward's arms make a crying noise, and I shifted my son to one arm. Edward saw what I wanted, and he placed my daughter in my other arm.

For the first time since Jacob had been deployed, my arms felt full. They no longer felt like phantom limbs, empty spaces without any purpose except to feel pain. I had heaven's two most precious angels in my arms, and I suddenly felt like a mother. For the first time, I felt like I was created for this role. These two children were my world, and I knew I would do anything to keep them safe, happy, and healthy. Mothering was a terrifying concept, but I wasn't scared. This felt natural.

"Mommy loves you both so much," I whispered to them. "So, so much."

I didn't realize the nurse had left until Edward crouched down beside my wheelchair and asked, "Have you thought of any names?"

I blushed and nodded, watching a teardrop fall from my face to my son's. "Alice sneaked a baby name book into my little personal library she created for me. I have a few ideas."

"Care to share?" he asked me, stroking my baby girl's hair.

"Well," I said, shifting my little boy. "This beautiful little girl is Abigail Hope Black."

"That's pretty," he said. "Is there any symbolism behind it?"

A sob built up in my chest, and I had to let it out. "Yeah, there is. Alice told me when I found out that I was pregnant that the baby was Jacob's gift of hope to me. That idea stuck with me. These babies _are_ my hopes." I had to take another breath. "And the meaning of _Abigail _is debated, but some say it's Hebrew for 'a father's joy' and some say it's Hebrew for 'my father is a joy'." I paused. "I thought that both meanings fit. Jacob was a joy. He still is, for giving me these two little blessings."

"They do fit," Edward agreed. "They're perfect. She looks like an Abigail."

"And _this_ handsome little man," I said, kissing my poor little boy's forehead, "is Edward Jacob Black, but you can call him Jake."

Edward's mouth fell open and his green eyes stared into mine. "Are you serious?"

I smiled and nodded at him. "You've been just as much a father to these children as Jacob has. He created them; you've cared for them."

Edward's eyes glistened with tears and he leaned in and kissed my temple. "Thank you so much, Bella."

"No, Edward. Thank _you_."

He kissed my temple again and put an arm around me, watching my two little angels with me. It was a quiet, sacred moment until I heard the clicking of heels walking across the floor. I recognized those three sets of heels immediately. I turned and saw Alice, Rosalie, and Esme walking toward me.

"Bella!" they said quietly, coming and kissing me. I smiled at them as they crouched down around my chair like Edward.

"Hey, girls," I said. "May I introduce my children?"

"We've already met them," Rosalie admitted.

"You haven't been properly introduced," Edward said.

I giggled, unable to stop smiling. "Aunt Esme, Aunt Alice, and Aunt Rose, may I introduce Abigail Hope Black…"

They all immediately gasped and told me how cute the name was, keeping their voices low for the other sleeping babies.

"And Edward Jacob Black," I concluded, which started a frenzy of squealing that a nurse had to overrule. After they managed to contain themselves, Rosalie demanded to know the meanings of the names. After I told her, they started squealing again.

"That's so perfect," Esme breathed, stroking Jake's hair. "How are they doing today?"

"Better," Edward said. "Poor little Jake has had the feeding tube in for a while."

"They're so beautiful," Alice gushed. "Abby Hope looks just like you."

"And Jake is the exact image of his father," Rosalie added.

"Abby Hope?" I asked Alice.

She shrugged. "Is it going to be a double name?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I guess we'll see how it pans out."

I could tell that Rosalie was itching to hold one of them, so I handed her Abigail Hope. "Thank you," she giggled, kissing Abby's cheeks. _Abby...I could get used to that._

I cradled delicate little Jake against my chest, breathing in his baby scent and kissing his tummy. "Such a handsome little boy," I cooed.

Eventually I had to pass around both of the kids to Edward, Esme, Alice, and Rose. My arms immediately felt empty as the aunts and uncle played with them. More evidence that I was created to become a mom.

Charlie and Billy did stop by the nursery. They had both already seen the twins, but they acted like they had never seen a baby before. Billy held Jake while Charlie cradled Abby Hope, and they both cooed and talked to the babies like they didn't have any time left with them.

"They have my eyes," Charlie grinned.

"And my hair," Billy added.

"Yeah," I laughed. "They have pieces of both of you. Aren't they beautiful?"

"The prettiest babies I've ever seen," Charlie admitted.

But Charlie's lunch break eventually ended, and Billy decided to leave with him.

"I'm coming back tonight, kid," Charlie whispered as he hugged me. "I haven't had enough time with my grandbabies."

I laughed. "You'll have plenty of time with them after we're discharged, Grandpa."

He frowned. "Do I look like a Grandpa?"

I giggled again. "You look like whatever you want the twins to call you."

"I'll think about it," he said, kissing my hair-a rare moment of affection from Charlie. "I'm so proud of you, Bells."

"Thank you, Dad," I smiled at him.

He handed me Abby Hope and patted her head. He turned to Billy, who was still loving on Jake. "Ready to go, old man?"

Billy sighed and stared at his grandson. "Not really."

"You can stay," I told him. "I'm stuck here, anyway."

He shook his head as he leaned over and handed me Jake. "No, I need to rest after my late night. And so do you, my daughter."

"I will," I promised him, kissing his cheek before positioning Jake comfortably in my arms. "Are you going to make me spaghetti when I come home?"

"Of course!" he grinned.

* * *

I hated to leave the twins in the nursery, but a doctor wanted to examine me. Everyone waited outside my room while she ran routine checks.

Though I had been bleeding heavily after the delivery, they had controlled the situation so that I wasn't bleeding any more than what was normal. The doctor wanted me to stay one more day in the hospital, just in case.

Abby Hope and Jake were not so lucky, though. They had to stay longer so they could be monitored and taken care of. I tried not to let that fact bring me down.

In the afternoon, the nurse allowed me and Edward to bring the babies into my hospital room so everyone could see them. I laid in bed, giving Abby Hope her bottle while Edward rocked Jake and quietly sang to him. He had a beautiful voice that was so smooth, it almost put _me_ to sleep. Meanwhile, Esme, Rose, and Alice had ran out to pick me up a real dinner. It was a peaceful moment.

That is, until Uncle Emmett ran into the room with a bag from a toy store.

"Bella!" he greeted me, dashing to my bed and kissing the top of my head. "How are you feeling? God, aren't the bugs beautiful?"

I laughed. "I'm great, Em. And yes, they are."

"She looks just like you," he gushed, gazing at Abby in adoration. "I can't wait until Rose and I have kids." He turned to Edward. "Can I hold…um, what are their names?"

I laughed. "That's Jake, and this is Abby Hope."

"Can I hold Jake?" he asked his brother, who sighed and surrendered the baby to him. Emmett carefully cradled Jake and sat on the bed next to me.

"You look experienced, Em," I remarked as he expertly held Jake, supporting his little head and bracing his entire body.

"I worked in a day care for a while," he replied. "That was a fun job. Hey, little man. It's your Uncle Emmett. I'm going to be your favorite uncle. Do you know why? Because I brought you toys already!"

Edward and I laughed as he pulled out one of those Build-a-Bear cardboard houses and handed it to me. "This is for Abby Hope," Em smiled proudly. "And this one is for Jake."

"Oh! Thanks, Uncle Emmett," I smiled at him, propping Abby's bottle up with my chin so I could open the house. Inside were two teddy bears. The first one wore a pink ballerina's outfit complete with slippers and tights. Edward pulled out Jake's new toy-a bear in a Seattle Mariners baseball uniform.

I laughed. "This is great, Em. Thanks so much."

"Look at the other ones," he encouraged me.

I raised my eyebrow and pulled out a stuffed wolf wearing an Army dress greens uniform*****. Tears filled my eyes as Edward revealed another wolf wearing a camo Army BDU***** set.

"Emmett, that's really sweet," I said. "What gave you the idea?"

He shrugged. "I saw the uniforms in the Build-a-Bear workshop, but only after I had built the baseball player and the ballerina. Of course I couldn't resist."

"Why did you choose a wolf?" I asked him.

"I saw the baby blanket in your bedroom," he replied. "Do you like them?"

"I love them," I replied, awkwardly stretching to give him a one-armed hug. I kissed his cheek. "That means so much. You have no idea."

"I'm glad, Bells. And I'm glad you finally popped the bugs out. They're so cute. I can't wait to baby-sit."

Edward groaned dramatically. "You're going to corrupt these poor children's minds."

Jasper entered then with a huge bouquet of flowers. "Good thing I'm a shrink," he piped up. "Maybe I should study child psychology. These are for you, Bella."

"Thanks," I said. "I think half of the population of La Push beat you to it, though." I pointed at the massive amount of bouquets that decorated my room.

He shrugged. "It's the thought that counts. Can I hold one?"

"Yeah," I said. "Abby Hope wants to see her Uncle Jazz."

My arms automatically had that empty sensation as soon as my baby left them, but it felt good to be able to move them around. I would have to get used to sitting still long enough to put two babies to bed.

Carlisle eventually showed up with a kiss for me and both of the babies. After asking about the names and the meanings and discussing the pros and cons of having boys and girls, he hugged me tight. "'Ask, and it shall be given unto you,'" he quoted in my ear.

I smiled at him, knowing he was talking about having both a son and a daughter. "You have _no_ idea how true that is."

* * *

**Glossary:**

Dress greens***-**the green dressy uniform soldiers wear at banquets and ceremonies

BDUs*****-the camo uniform soldiers are famous for

* * *

_So? What do you think of the bugs? Do you like their names? A lot of thought and research went into their names. Edward Jacob was a given, but Abby Hope was harder to name. I almost named her Sarah after Jacob's mother (that's the name of his mother according to the Twilight Lexicon), but then I discovered the meaning of Abigail and it just seemed to fit._

_Let me know what you think with a review! Remember I'm trying to reach a goal! *wink*  
_


	17. Lullabies

**Author's Note: I know it's been a very long time and I know that I did not warn you. But my laptop ended up going to Miami and San Diego with my father on a business trip because his laptop unexpectedly crashed. But I'm back! And with a chapter that's all about the bugs!**

**So far I've gotten positive reviews about the twins. A few people think that _Abby Hope_ is a mouthful, and I kind of agree. I'm from the South, where double names are extremely common. I was Sarah Beth until I hit the training bra years. So _Abby Hope_ was pretty natural for me. But I found that as I wrote that I didn't just stick with one name for her. I've written Abby Hope, Abby, Abigail, Hope, Abs...it's just what naturally flows out of my brain. So bear with me.**

**And as for the Edward Jacob name...I've been asked why it wasn't **_**Jacob Edward**_**. My answer is...you'll see.**

**Read on, my loves. This is just a fluffy chapter with the bugs, Bella, and Edward.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_, but I own a 2010 Toyota Corolla S…as of today!**

Chapter Sixteen: "Lullabies" Bella's POV**  
**

In my first weeks of being a mommy, I learned a few lessons.

Lesson 1: Babies will cry because they're hungry, full, lonely, surrounded by people, hot, cold, sleepy, wide awake, or if they just feel like it.

Lesson 2: Babies are sympathy criers. One cries, and they all cry.

Lesson 3: Babies eat on their own schedules. Which is usually not the mother's schedule.

Lesson 4: You don't magically lose all of your pregnancy weight/aches/pains once the child is born. In fact, sleep deprivation makes it a whole lot worse. And the "mommy glow"? Spit-up and unwashed hair do not constitute a glow.

Lesson 5: There is nothing that feels better in a woman's arms than a baby…or two babies, in my case.

Lesson 6: There is nothing that feels better to a baby than his or her mother's arms.

Lesson 7: I was created to be a mother. It came so naturally and felt so right.

Lesson 8: Babies brought out the best in everybody.

Especially that last one. The bugs made everyone they met fall in love with them. I was completely dedicated to them, and I found it easy to keep my mind off of my dead husband. Even when I was looking into his face that had been pasted onto my son's face.

Like I said earlier, everyone fell in love with them. Billy and Charlie were at my house almost constantly. They both loved their first grandchildren immensely, but I had noticed that they each had a secret favorite. Unsurprisingly, Billy, or "Granddaddy", took up with little Edward Jacob, the carbon copy of Jacob Black. And Charlie, or "Grandpa", had a soft spot for Abigail. I think it was because she looked like me. And the Cullens and Hales! I knew I was so blessed to have them. Uncle Edward was a natural nurturer. Not a big surprise, because he had taken care of me so well, but I was still amazed. He was especially gifted at putting Jake and Abby to sleep. His Josh Groban-esque voice and Beatles lullabies were practically narcotic. Aunt Rosalie was much the same. I had never noticed her maternal inclinations, but now they were obvious. Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper loved to play with the twins, and they were always buying them new toys. Aunt Alice used her ceaseless energy to be my cheerleader. She also let me take naps while she entertained the kids. And of course with Alice, I never had to shop! And Carlisle and Esme were my lifesavers. They helped me with the areas I was completely unfamiliar with-colic, for example. They were so involved, they insisted on being called grandparents. They called themselves Nana and Doc.

So yes, even though I was a messy, exhausted widow and mother of newborn twins...I was happy. Happier than I had been in months.

* * *

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout! Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and the itsy-bitsy spider went up the spout again!"

I clapped my hands together animatedly. Jake and Abby stared up at me, identical brown eyes wide at my performance. I laughed. "I know I can't sing, guys," I said, bending down to kiss both of them. "At least give Mommy some credit for trying."

"I thought it was a beautiful performance," a very familiar voice stated behind me, surprising me.

I turned to see Edward in his charcoal suit and shirt. He was loosening his tie. He had a house key, of course, so he tended to check in on me. Plus he liked hanging out with the bugs. (Yes, that nickname was still in use, especially by Emmett.) "Hey!" I said, standing up to kiss his cheek. "How was your first day at the office?" He had just started working for the law firm.

He rolled his eyes. "Boring. Dull. Forks really doesn't need a law firm."

"Eek," I said, dropping back to my knees to return to the twins. They were laying on a big blanket on the carpet. Esme told me to let them wiggle around as much as possible to develop their muscles.

"Hello, my darlings," Edward cooed to them, softly stroking both of their heads. "I didn't mean to interrupt a moment alone with your mommy. Those moments are rare."

I smiled, picking Jake up and holding him above my head. He gave me that look-the one where he didn't really smile, but his eyes sparkled. I was so ready to see their first real smiles. "Em and Jazz are bringing takeout from Port Angeles," I told Edward. "I'm not sure who all is coming over. Abby, I think Uncle Edward is itching to play with you."

Edward laughed and picked her up, blowing a raspberry to her cheek. "Beautiful girl," he murmured to her.

I sat on the couch with Jake, hugging him tightly. "Mommy loves you," I whispered in his ear, nuzzling his velvety skin. "Both you and your sister." He responded with a grunt and a slurp on his fist. He seemed bored with my admission, as if he were saying, _Come on, Mom. You tell me this sixty times a day._

Once I hit the couch, it suddenly became very comfortable. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"Tired?" Edward asked softly, sitting beside me.

"Very," I replied. "It was a long night." Abby let out a squeal as I heard Edward make kissing noises at her. I opened my eyes and saw that Edward was, indeed, loudly kissing her forehead, cheeks, chin, and nose. "Abby Hope, you're a lucky lady," I commented. "You have six men wrapped around your little finger, including this very handsome one."

"So do you," Edward replied. "Do you want me to baby-sit while you take a nap?"

"I would say yes, but I don't want to move to my bed," I answered, resting my head on his shoulder.

He lightly kissed my forehead. "Then I'll be your babysitter and your pillow," he replied. "Do you want me to take Jake?"

Scared I would fall asleep and drop him, I handed my son to Edward. His long arms skillfully held both of the bugs, and he began to sing one of his beautiful songs.

_I've got an angel,  
She doesn't wear any wings.__  
She wears a heart that could melt my own,  
She wears a smile that could make me want to sing.  
She gives me presents  
With her presence alone.  
She gives me everything I could wish for,  
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home.  
She can make angels,  
I've seen her with my own eyes.__You've got to be careful when you've got good love,__Because the angels will just keep on multiplying.  
But you're so busy changing the world,  
Just one smile could change all of minds.  
We share the same soul..._

I woke up an hour later to Esme's voice. She was in the kitchen, obviously talking on the phone. Rubbing my eyes, I saw to see that Edward's head was on mine. He was asleep with Jake and Abby asleep in his arms. Esme came in the living room then. "Good afternoon, Bella," she said quietly. "Am I interrupting a good nap?"

The way she eyed Edward snuggled against me did not escape me. "No," I said quickly. "Edward just gave me a chance to catch up on my sleep...and apparently he thought he should have a chance, too."

"Oh," she said, still looking at her son. "I brought you some diapers and formula. I noticed you were getting low on those supplies."

I nodded and snorted. "Yeah, they tend to use their digestive systems a lot." I sighed and stared at my children. "They really shouldn't be asleep. They're going to be up all night."

Esme shrugged. "It's Friday. Edward isn't working tomorrow. Make him stay up with them."

"Good idea," I smirked. "I'm going to put Jake and Abs to bed, and then I'll be back."

"I'm going to set the table," she told me. "Emmett and Jasper will be here soon."

As soon as she left the living room, I nudged Edward. "Sweetie," I said quietly. "Let me put the twins to bed, and then you can go back to sleep."

"I'll help," he said groggily before cocking his head toward the kitchen. "Who is here?"

"Your mom," I replied, taking Abby from him. "She's setting the table." Abby made a little noise, so I cradled her and went into the nursery. Edward followed with Jake, and we tucked them into their respective cribs.

Ever since I had been allowed to see the nursery, it was my favorite room of the house. Esme had centered the entire room around the blanket of Jacob's that Billy had given me. Two of the walls were painted green to match the blanket. All of the furniture was made of beautiful oak-the elaborately-carved cribs, changing table, dressers, shelves, and two rocking chairs. Jacob's blanket was conspicuously draped over a little rocking cradle. The curtains were a sunny yellow, along with the monogrammed crib sheets and blankets.

I had a few favorite parts. One part was the two walls that were painted with murals. One wall showed a forest scene, with trees, flowers, and a baby wolf peeking out. The other mural was of a sunset over a beach that looked remarkably like First Beach in La Push. Esme had done a really good job of blending both masculine and feminine details into the room. And the oak bookshelves, filled with every classic and new children's book...well, _that_ was amazing, too. Truly a librarian's work. My kids were going to be the most well-read kids in Washington.

But my most favorite part: the mobiles that hung over the cribs. Esme had made them herself, incorporating little facets of Jacob into them. His Native American heritage was represented in the wooden wolves and the dream catchers. His military service was highlighted with his set of dog tags. One dog tag hung from each mobile. Replicas of his motorcycle keys were also there. And there was a small picture of me and Jacob. The mobiles were almost identical. Both of my children slept with their father watching over them.

"This is a beautiful room," Edward whispered as he tucked little Jake in.

"I know," I smiled. "Your mom is amazing." I yawned hugely as I cut the baby monitor on.

Edward pulled me into a hug. "What if I help you with the twins tonight? It's a weekend."

"You don't have to..." I said.

"Bella," he whispered. "No offense, but you have bags under your eyes and you smell like baby formula and Desitin. Let me give you a break tonight."

I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. "Okay, fine. But I get to cook your favorite breakfast tomorrow."

"It's a deal. I love French toast."

I giggled. "Let's go before we wake them up."

Dinner with the Cullens and Hales was wonderful. We ate Chinese and just enjoyed being in each other's company. The twins did wake up, but Emmett and Rosalie gave them their bottles and they magically went back to sleep.

When everyone left, I started loading the dishwasher. Edward was helping me before he sighed. "Bella, I've been in a business suit all day. Do you mind if I go change into some pajamas since I'm staying the night?"

"Not at all," I replied. "I'll finish cleaning up." Not that there was much to do. Esme had taken care of everything but the dishes, which I had firmly set my foot down about.

When Edward returned, he looked much more comfortable. "That feels better," he told me. "Why don't you go take a hot bath? You look like you could use one."

Hmm, bubbles did sound nice. "Yeah, especially since I smell like formula and diaper rash cream," I teased him.

"And Chinese food," he added with a smirk.

I did take the hot bath, with some expensive aromatherapy candles and bubbles that Carlisle and Esme had given me the previous Christmas. The hot water was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. After a good half-hour soak, I got out and put on the modest silk pajamas Alice had bought me. She was right-they did make me feel like a queen. After combing the snares out of my hair and brushing my teeth, I went to my bedroom to find Edward on the bed, reading a thick paperback novel. I crawled under the covers, snuggling into his side. We were so comfortable with one another that our snuggling was commonplace and entirely platonic and friends-only.

"Hello," he said gently, wrapping an arm around me.

"Hi," I said. "What are you reading?"

"Thomas Harris," he replied with a grin.

I opened my mouth to say something, but we were interrupted by a loud cry that I instantly recognized as Abby. "I'll get it," we said at the same time.

He put a hand on my shoulder. "No. I owe you, remember? Go to sleep, hun."

I sighed as he walked out of the bedroom. I felt guilty that he was sacrificing a good night's sleep, but..._are these clean sheets?_ I ran a hand over the Egyptian cotton-obviously an Alice gift-and luxuriated in the fact that there wasn't one formula or spit-up stain. "Mmm, yes," I murmured, stretching across the bed. I didn't know if Alice or Edward had changed my sheets, but I was seriously grateful. Edward calmed Abby down fairly quickly, and I drifted off into sleep.

But that didn't last long. I was woken up by another baby around one AM. Edward and I both snapped to attention, immediately rolling off opposite sides of the bed.

"Go back to sleep, sweetie," he told me.

"No," I replied. "Both of them are crying. I bet Jake woke Abigail up."

He sighed, but allowed me to follow him to the nursery. He went immediately to Jake's crib; I went to Abby's. I tried to alternate between them, giving them equal attention and affection. "It's okay, my love," I said to her in a singsong voice. "You're just hungry. I bet your brother is hungry, too." I turned to Edward. "I'll go get two bottles of warm formula."

I sang quietly to Abby, patting her back rhythmically and kissing her little head as I warmed the formula. When I went back to Edward, he was in one of the rocking chairs, rocking a crying Jake. "Thanks," he said, taking the bottle. He popped it into Jake's mouth, who immediately quieted. I did the same to Abby.

"I wish I could eat every two hours," I said quietly. "I feel guilty just eating breakfast!"

Edward snorted. "You don't even look like you just had twins."

"Bull," I replied. "I'm huge."

He rolled his eyes and started singing one of his lovely songs.

_Now it's time to say good night,__  
Good night, sleep tight.  
Now the sun turns out his light,__  
Good night, sleep tight.  
Dream sweet dreams for me,  
Dream sweet dreams for you.  
Close your eyes and I'll close mine,  
Good night, sleep tight.  
Now the moon begins to shine,  
Good night, sleep tight.  
Dream sweet dreams for me,  
Dream sweet dreams for you. _

After the babies went to sleep, we went back to bed. "I'll get up next time," I told him. "A successful lawyer like yourself needs a good night's rest."

"I think a new mother needs more sleep than a lawyer who will never have a case as long as he is in Forks, Washington," he replied.

I pulled the covers up to my chin. "Why do you help me so much, Edward? I mean, I know that you're a selfless philanthropist, but why me? What are you getting out of it?"

He raised his eyebrows at me incredulously. "Selfless? I wouldn't go that far. But…I guess I help you out because you've become my best friend. When we rode motorcycles and Alice introduced me to you, I knew that we could be great friends because we're so much alike. And then when…well, when Jacob died, my family was entirely focused on you. It was hard not to focus my attention on you, too. And Bella, I _am_ getting something out of this. In Chicago, I was extraordinarily unhappy because I was away from my family and I couldn't find any true friends. Just people like Tanya, the masseuse I told you about. But I moved to Forks and met you…and I found my best friend. Does that make sense?"

I nodded slowly. "Uh…yeah. It does. I love Alice and Rose, but you truly have become my best friend, too. I just don't understand why you've been so willing to lose sleep and take care of me and change diapers…"

He softly took my chin in his hand. "Bella, sweetie. I do all that because I love you." He paused and then added in a bubbly cheerleader's voice, "You're my BFF!"

I giggled, and then snorted. "I like your Scarlet O'Hara accent better."

He grinned. "Me, too. And another reason is: you have really beautiful children who fascinate me more everyday. Jake and Abby are incredible." His face suddenly grew serious. "Uh…can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I said, my eyelids growing heavy.

"Would…Jacob approve of this relationship?"

My eyes snapped back open. That was...random. "Um…yeah, I think so," I stammered. "Jacob never had a problem with me hanging out with Emmett and Jasper. Honestly, Edward, I think Jacob would be relieved to know that I am being taken care of. You've cared for me in ways that no one else could have…" My voice trailed off. "Like I said at the hospital, you've been a father to Abby and little Jakey when their real father couldn't be here. I think Jacob would be seriously grateful to you."

Edward nodded slowly, hesitantly, but I continued rambling. "Edward, you and Jacob are extremely different people, but you do have one thing in common: you both worry about me. Jacob was _always_ worrying about me!" I started laughing as a memory danced into my head. "One time when we were in college, I had a cold and he kicked my roommate out of our room so he could take care of me. He gave me so much NyQuil that I slept for twenty-four hours straight-and then he took me to the hospital! After I sobered up, I went home to a seriously pissed off roommate and a tearful fiancé."

Edward laughed quietly with me as I giggled. "Did you make up with your roommate?"

I nodded, and I realized that tears were falling as I laughed. "Yes. Sort of. Leah put a pink sock in my laundry to get back at me. We never really got along. But Jacob felt horrible about the NyQuil incident. It took me forever to convince him that I was okay." I blushed scarlet as I remembered the way I "convinced" Jacob of my good health. Sex. God…_that _really made me miss him. _Oh, the post-partum hormones…_

Edward ignored my blush, if he even noticed it. "I can see myself overreacting about that, if it concerned you. Or one of the bugs. I nearly had a heart attack when Abby had an upset tummy a few nights ago. You were at the hospital with Jake."

I nodded, remembering. Abby was sent home before Jake, so the Cullens babysat her while I stayed with Jake at the hospital. We changed shifts so I could still bond with Abby.

But I was still distracted by Edward's question. "I guess what I was trying to say is that I think Jacob would be glad to know that I have a man who lives next to me and is keeping me safe. That was the hardest part of military service for him, excluding missing me-he never knew if I was safe in the house alone. As if I would be raped and killed in La Push." I snorted.

Edward nodded. "Yeah…I was just wondering if you felt uncomfortable with this relationship and the fact that I'm a man. I know that except for the twins, Jacob is still your primary focus."

I nodded in agreement. "I miss him like crazy. And little Edward Jacob looks so much like him! It's almost surreal. But it's…easier…knowing that you're here for me. It kind of gives me extra oxygen to breathe in, if that makes sense. And I don't want you to be creeped out by this, but…I like sharing a bed with you. It literally hurts when I have an empty bed. As if I'm too cold and too…unprotected. Abandoned…" My voice trailed off as I realized just how abandoned I felt. Sometimes it hurt so badly that Jacob had chosen the military over me.

Edward gently scooted closer to me and draped an arm over my torso. "Better?"

I sighed, luxuriating in the safety that came with Edward's hug. He felt nothing like Jacob. Jacob was so _big_-tall and muscular. Not that Edward wasn't. He was easily six foot three, and he obviously had an excellent workout routine. But Jacob was six foot eight and he broke records in his Army post's physical training. And Jacob had a woodsy scent, and he seemed to produce more body heat than a bear…

Edward could never be Jacob, or anything close to him, but he was a nice platonic substitute. A friend I could trust…who also happened to be a man who could keep me safe.

"Much better," I admitted to Edward. "Thank you, sweetie."

"You're welcome, love. You need to sleep now. No more questions."

I smiled. "Good night. Thank you."

"You're very welcome." He turned out the lamp and kissed my cheek. "Good night, BFF."

I giggled once before drifting off to dreams of Jacob swimming in an ocean of my salty tears.

* * *

_I'm trying to think of ways to speed up this process. I may fast-forward a few months in the next chapter...and the next chapter may be in Edward's point of view. I haven't decided yet._

_The songs Edward sang are "Angel" by Jack Johnson (one of my favorite songs ever) and "Good Night" by the Beatles (my all-time favorite band)._

_I would love some reviews...even if you're just cussing me out for updating wayyyy too late._

_"I Love College" should be updated very soon.  
_


	18. Father Edward's POV

**Author's Note: Surprise! A new chapter! It usually takes me a week or two, but I wanted to get this one out of my system. I love a good Esme moment!**

**By the way...this one is from Edward's point of view! I wanted to show just how much he's in love with Bella.  
**

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all of the recognizable characters in this story. I own Abby and Jake!

Chapter Seventeen: "Father" Edward's POV

"Mr. Cullen, you have a call on line two," my secretary Gianna said over the intercom.

"Who is it?" I asked her, hoping for only one name.

"Your mother, sir."

I snorted. "Thank you, Gianna. I'll take it in my office."

I hit the flashing "line two" button and leaned back in my chair. "Hi, Mom."

My mother's voice filled the room on the speaker. "Edward, my baby! You sound tired, sweetheart."

"I am," I admitted. "Jake is under a bout of colic, so I was helping Bella out last night."

"I see. Uh, honey, do you want to meet for lunch? No one else can."

"I'm glad I'm your last choice," I teased her. "Sure, I'll meet you. My lunch break is at noon."

"Is the Lodge alright?"

"The Lodge is perfect, Mom. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay. Goodbye, my handsome lawyer! Your father and I are _so_ proud of you and-"

"I know, Mom," I cringed. "Thank you. I'll see you later."

"Okay, baby. I love you!"

"Love you, too," I snickered before hanging up. I grabbed my sports jacket and cell phone and left my office, locking it.

"Edward!" my law partner Mike Newton boomed behind me. "Come eat lunch with us. We're going to the diner today."

"Please come," our other partner Jessica Stanley begged. "It will be fun."

I had to suppress the sigh that was bubbling up out of me. Jessica was a young, intelligent, successful attorney, but lately it seemed like all she wanted to cross-examine was _me_. "Sorry, guys," I said in what I hoped was a friendly tone. "I have a lunch date with my mother."

"How sweet!" Jessica gushed. "Everyone loves Esme."

Of course they would know who my mother is. Forks was just _that_ small. "I'm quite fond of her myself," I joked. "But I have to leave. Maybe next time."

"Maybe," they echoed as I turned to leave.

As soon as I was in my car, my phone beeped. A multimedia message from Bella. My heart turned backflips as I opened it. She sent me a picture of Jake, finally asleep in his crib. The text read:

_I win!_

I laughed and sent back:

_**So you do…this time. I'll get him to sleep next time. See you tonight.**_

The Lodge wasn't far away. My mom had already flagged us down a small booth. I sat across from her, taking my jacket off and loosening my tie.

"I ordered you Coke," she told me. "I hope you don't mind."

"Coke is great," I said, looking at the menu. "This is my treat, by the way."

"I won't argue with that," she grinned. "So how is your day going?"

"It will be better as soon as I eat that ribeye," I replied. "How is yours?"

"Painfully slow. I had storybook time with a kindergarten class, but that's been the only exciting part of my day."

"I see," I said. "Is it hard to work with Bella being on maternity leave and all?"

"I'm just bored," she explained. "Not busy. The public library of America is becoming a forgotten treasure, I'm afraid. People don't read anymore, and if they do, it's on those godforsaken electronic Kindles."

"Ah," was my reply. "I'm sorry, Mom."

She shrugged. "So Jake was acting colicky last night? Did he get any sleep?"

"Very little," I replied. "Bella just text messaged me and said he's sleeping now, though. His crying kept waking Abby Hope up, too. I bet she's sleeping as well."

"How many nights do you spend over there?" Mom asked nonchalantly, sipping at her iced tea. I knew that look. It was her suspicious look.

"Three or four a week," I said just as the waiter came to take our orders. I ordered a steak and fries. Mom ordered a Caesar salad.

"Three or four days a week?" Mom asked me in surprise.

"Yes," I replied. "Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No, dear. It's just…where do you sleep?"

I blushed deeply. "Um, with Bella."

Her eyes bulged out of her head. "You're still doing that?"

I swallowed a gulp of Coke, swishing it around in my mouth. When I finally swallowed, I said, "Yes. What's the problem?"

"She's only been widowed for seven months," Mom murmured. "Edward, can't you respect that?"

Now _my _eyes widened. "Mom!" I exclaimed. "Oh my god! I'm not having sex with her or raping her in her sleep!"

Blood filled my mother's cheeks. "Edward Anthony Cullen," she hissed. "Keep it down." Her eyes flickered to the people around us, who were suddenly very interested in our conversation.

"Sorry," I said lowly.

"I didn't mean to imply that," Mom murmured. "I'm sorry for offending you. I just want to make sure that you understand that Bella is in a very _delicate _condition. You don't need to force yourself on her and-"

"Mom," I said quietly but firmly. "The only time I share a bed with her is when she asks me to. She doesn't like to sleep alone. It makes her feel lonely, abandoned, and endangered. Sometimes she even has the twins sleep in the same bed with her."

Mom's eyes softened. "Oh…well, Edward, I'm glad she has you…but…"

"I know," I said quietly. "I know. I have to be careful."

"You have feelings for her," the woman who knew me better than anyone stated gently. "I know that, dear."

The waiter suddenly dropped a basket of bread on our table. I grabbed a breadstick and started ripping it into small pieces on my napkin.

"And it's perfectly logical," Mom continued. "She's beautiful, intelligent, and talented, like you. You both share the same quiet, gentle, kind spirit. You have the same tastes in books, movies, music, and even food. Even though Bella actually eats my Brussels sprouts." She paused to briefly glare at me. "And, most of all, Bella has a family…which I think is what you have wanted for a while now."

I stared at my mother, dumbfounded. Was she really that perceptive?

"You've always been very family-oriented, dear," Mom continued. "And admit it-you love little Edward Jacob and Abigail."

"I do," I said quietly. "I do. They're quickly becoming the center of my world."

"You're their father, Edward. You do realize that Bella put _your_ name before Jacob's?"

I looked up at her in surprise. "No…" Bella only did that for the phonetics of the name…_Edward_ was definitely a first name.

Mom pursed her lips. "Bella doesn't have romantic feelings for you right now," she said slowly. "I'm not saying it won't happen. But she's looking at you as her rock. Edward, right now you can only be a friend. Don't force yourself on her. Be there for her in every way she allows…but you may want to cut back on the _sweeties_ and the kisses."

My steak arrived then, and I started to focus on roughly sawing off bite-sized pieces with my knife. I didn't say a word. "Can I give you a piece of motherly advice?" she asked me after a bite of salad.

"I don't believe I have a choice," I said wryly, making her smile.

"My only advice to you is to be careful," Mom said quietly, taking my hands. "Bella isn't capable of falling in love right now. She's still grieving the only love of her life. Your heart could be broken very easily. She might not even mean to break your heart. She might unconsciously do it. And you don't recover easily, baby. If Bella breaks your heart…_you'll_ be over."

"I know," I whispered. "I've fallen in love with the wrong girl."

"Maybe not the wrong girl," Mom replied softly. "It may just take some time for her to come around. She already loves you a lot…just not in the same way you love her."

"She's still wearing her wedding rings," I remarked. "She has a long way to go."

"But she's worth waiting for, right?"

I smiled. "Yeah. She's worth an eternity."

* * *

"Edward!" Bella squealed, and she suddenly jumped into my arms as I walked into her house.

_Just like we're married. Or dating, at least._ My heart was pounding as I shifted my hands to support her against my torso. "Honey, I'm home," I said in a joking voice. "Why are you so happy to see me?"

"You'll never guess what Abby Hope just did!" she said, pushing some hair out of my face.

My skin tingled beneath her touch. "What?"

"She's _smiling_!" Bella sang out. "And not just those weird little gassy smiles. I was playing with her while Jake was napping, and she smiled at me! And she made this little chuckle…"

"Is she awake?" I asked Bella.

"No," she sighed. "But I am _so_ happy!"

I laughed. "I can tell. I think that they're developing just fine, even though they're preemies."

"I do, too," she admitted. "I read online that babies start smiling at two months, so she's right on time. I wish Jake would start smiling. I want to see if he has the famous Jacob Black smirk."

I chuckled. "I'm sure he will, hun."

Bella suddenly realized that she was still in my arms, and she uncomfortably scrambled back to the floor. "Do you, um, want some tea? The kiddos are asleep."

"Sure," I replied. "How was your day otherwise?" We walked into the kitchen together, and I sat at her table.

"Fun," she said. "After Jake got a good nap in, he was in a much better mood and was feeling much better. I worry about him." She sighed for a moment. "But we read every Maurice Sendak book Esme put in the nursery. I think the bugs are fond of Little Critter."

"I was always a _Where the Wild Things Are_ man myself," I stated. "But Mom used to read the Little Critter books to us, too. We liked to find the spider on every page. Emmett named him Susan…even though I thought he was a boy."

"I did that with Charlie," Bella admitted. "I think tomorrow we're going to have a Dr. Seuss day. Books are so much better than TV." She brought me a glass of iced tea. "Let's go to the living room, where it's more comfortable."

We sat on the couch together. "How was your day?" she asked me, sitting close enough that our arms were touching.

"Boring, as usual," I replied. "I had lunch with Mom and then I played Solitaire on my computer for a few hours."

"Sounds…relaxing."

We were interrupted by footsteps walking into the foyer. Rosalie and Emmett came into the living room. Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but we quickly shushed him. "The bugs are asleep," Bella whispered.

"Oh," Emmett said quietly, looking crestfallen. "We came to see them."

"They'll be up shortly," Bella smiled at him. "You can read to them." She tossed him a floppy Little Critter book.

"Hey, it's Susan!" Emmett said. "I haven't seen this in forever!"

We all laughed and made small talk. Rosalie the diva was already planning her wedding, and she and Bella were discussing the pros and cons of having an outdoor ceremony. My heart nearly broke as Bella recalled her seaside wedding to Jacob.

"Rose, you remember my wedding," she said. "How I nearly freaked out because there was supposed to be a tropical storm? But everything worked out."

"It was a beautiful ceremony," Rosalie said nostalgically. "With that pretty altar that Jacob built…"

"And the dress!" Bella said. "Wait a minute, I have a picture." She stood up and ran to her bedroom.

Now that the twins were two months old, they slept a little better, and Bella got a little more rest. Also, she had lost a lot of the baby weight. I must admit that I admired her as she left the room.

"She's looking good," Emmett said, elbowing me in the ribs.

"She is," Rosalie agreed. "Em, honey, will it be okay when I get pregnant and lose my figure?"

"Of course," Emmett said. "As long as you get your figure back after the baby is born."

Rose slapped her fiancé upside the head and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to go get some water."

As soon as she left the room, Emmett looked pointedly at me and said, "So…?"

"So…what?" I asked him.

"How are things…_going?_"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Emmett," I replied.

"Oh, come on," he whispered. "You know you have it bad for her. Has she fallen under your spell yet?"

"Her husband has been dead for seven months, Emmett."

"It won't be long until she realizes what she's got right in front of her," my brother vowed. "Trust me. I've heard it takes a year to accept reality and move on."

Bella and Rosalie entered the living room at the same time. Bella was holding a framed wedding portrait. She handed it to Rose. "Remember the dress?"

"Oh, yes!" Rosalie exclaimed. "You looked so beautiful. Jacob looked good, too."

"Jacob always looked good," Bella sighed longingly. "But yeah, Alice made him wear that suit. He really didn't have a choice." A small smile crossed her face. "Jacob wanted to get married in shorts and a t-shirt. I would have been fine with that, too. I just wanted to get married so my dad would let us live together!"

"And the flowers you chose," Rosalie continued. "The orchids…gorgeous. The pink looked so nice with your ivory dress. I might do pink…"

"Yeah, a pink tux would go so nice with Edward's red hair," Emmett snorted. "Bells, didn't you almost trip down the aisle?"

Bella flushed a deep red. "Um…maybe…my dad caught me."

"That was funny as hell," Emmett chortled.

"Uncle Em," Rosalie reminded him gently. "Aren't we kicking your little cursing habit for the sake of the bugs?"

Everyone laughed. Except Bella. She stood up, biting her lip. "I'm going to the restroom."

"Oh, I hear the bugs!" Emmett exclaimed, overjoyed. "Edward, can I go get them?"

His question confused me. "I'm not their father…but yeah, they're probably hungry. Rosalie, there are bottles of formula in the fridge. I'm going to go check on Bella."

Em and Rose ran to the nursery at top speed, and I went to the closed bathroom door and knocked. "Bella, sweetie, are you okay?" I cringed as soon as the _sweetie_ dripped off my lips. Mom was probably right about that one…

"Are you alone?" she asked me in a choked-up voice.

"Yes," I replied. "Rose and Em are checking on the babies. Can I come in?"

I heard the door unlock, so I opened it. Bella was in the floor, struggling to wipe the tears off her face.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked her, closing the door and sitting in the floor next to her.

"I…just…miss…him…" she sobbed. "I just want to see him one more time…"

I didn't know what to do. Hug her and kiss her like I usually would? Or just love her from a distance?

"It's been easy to distract myself in the past two months," she went on. "The bugs take up every one of my brain cells. But when I'm alone and they're asleep…I start to melt down…" She sniffled. "And talking about my wedding wasn't helping, either. I thought I could handle it…god, I'm such a mess…"

_Screw distance. _"It's alright, sweetie," I told her, taking her into my arms. "You're a much tidier mess than is expected of you. Trust me, you're doing great."

"I don't feel great," she murmured into my shoulder.

"You're not supposed to," I replied, rubbing her back. "Honey, you're doing better than normal."

"I…just…want…him…back," she sobbed, and my heart broke into two.

"I know," I said, barely above a whisper. "I…wish you could have him back, too."

And I did. Anything that made this angel cry made me cry, too. If it was good for Bella, I could handle it. No matter how bad it was for me.

She didn't say any more. She didn't have to. She just scrambled into my lap and cried into my shoulder before drifting off into a deep sleep.

When I was sure she wasn't going to wake up, I lifted her up and carried her out of the bathroom. Emmett was standing there with Jake in his arms. "Is she okay?" he whispered.

I nodded. "Just another meltdown. They're sporadic, but bad when they do occur."

His frown was so deep it looked as if it was permanently etched on his face. I took her to her bedroom and tucked her into bed. She stirred and opened her eyes halfway. "Shh, love," I told her, kissing her forehead. "Emmett, Rose, and I will watch the twins. Go to sleep."

She nodded, and tears welled up out of her eyes and down her cheek. "Thank you," she whispered before closing her eyes.

I sat on the bed next to her until I was sure she was asleep. After I kissed her cheek, I went back into the living room, where Emmett was playing peek-a-boo with the twins. Rosalie looked up at me in concern. "Is she alright?"

I nodded wearily. "She's asleep now. I think it's a mix of grief, hormones, and exhaustion." "I shouldn't have brought up my wedding," Rosalie sighed. "That was so bitchy of me."

I shook my head. "No, Rose. Bella appreciated the attempt at normalcy. She's trying to get involved with the real world again."

"I wonder when she'll get involved with love again," Emmett murmured. "For your benefit."

I sighed in exasperation. "God, Emmett, can you give it a rest? Why does everyone think I'm in love with her?"

"We see the way you look at her," Rosalie smirked. "You have it bad, big brother."

"Big brother?" I teased her halfheartedly, trying to change the subject.

"You're about to be my brother," she replied, kissing Emmett's cheek. "Right, babe?"

"Right, honey buns," he replied, bouncing Jake up and down.

"Anyway, don't change the subject," the blonde continued. "Edward, don't even try to pretend. You love her insanely. And you're the only father these kids know."

"I take offense to that," Emmett announced, blowing a raspberry into Jake's stomach.

"Just stop," I sighed. "I've already had this conversation today with Mom. I don't need to hear it again."

"Esme knows best," Rosalie said smugly. "Isn't that right, Abby Hope? Nana knows best?"

Abby immediately let out a cry, as if she disagreed with Rosalie. Rosalie's blue eyes grew huge with fright. "Oh, god, what did I do?" she said in a panicky voice. "What's wrong?"

"It could be a number of things," I replied calmly, reaching for the wiggly baby. "Let me see her." Rosalie carefully placed her in my arms. "It's okay, sweetie," I said in a singsong voice, kissing her face. "Uncle Edward is here. Notice I said _Uncle Edward _and not _Daddy_." I glared at my future sister-in-law.

Abby Hope immediately quieted down and smiled at me. My jaw dropped. I hadn't seen one of her "real" smiles yet. Her mouth was open and her lips were curved widely. She looked...stunning. "Miss Abigail, you are such a beautiful girl," I told her. Of course it meant a lot that her first smile I saw was meant for me. It made me feel like she loved me, too. I loved both Abby and Jake insanely. The idea that they loved me was...well, incredible.

Plus Abby looked so much like Bella when she smiled. It made me feel a little weak.

After I stared into the little angel's face for far too long, I heard Rosalie snort. "I rest my case."

* * *

_Aww. Daddyward, even if he isn't the real baby daddy. Tell me what you thought with a review. _

_We'll be back to Bella's point of view next._

_In other **Twilight** news, I just saw **Eclipse** and I thought it was great. In your review, let me know what you thought about it. Was it everything you hoped for? Or just another stale **Twilight** movie?  
_


	19. State of Mind

**Author's Note: Okay, I get it. A lot of you want to see some hot Edward/Bella romance and a lot of you want to see Jacob back. Believe me, I am really ready to start writing all of that. But pretend that this happened in real life. I can't force Edward and Bella into a relationship while she is still a fresh widow. And I'm working on a timeline in my head as to when Jacob comes back. (That's not a spoiler; you all already know he's coming back because of my summary.) So I'm really sorry that I can't write on the timeline you have in your head. But the "real drama" is about to start happening within the next two or three chapters. I promise.**

**Another thing: I've already said this, but Jacob is NOT Jasper's patient. A few people are still confused about that. If Jacob were alive, Bella would be notified immediately. And Jasper would definitely tell Bella-and Edward-if he were treating Jacob in a hospital.**

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all that is recognizable.

Chapter Eighteen: "State of Mind" Bella's POV

Jake gave Edward his very first smile only a few days after his big sister gave me hers. Tiny little Abby already seemed to be the leader of the two tots, even though she did rely on Jake a lot. She cried if she wasn't with him. They were two peas in a pod-inseparable in every aspect of the word. I was glad to see that between them. I had always regretted the fact that my dad had never remarried and given me siblings after my mom's death.

Alice gave the twins a mini-party when they hit three months. The party consisted of baked chicken and cake for the grown-ups, formula for the babies, and a few little gifts. I had to remind Alice that months were not as significant as years, and that my children would _not_ need a party every month. She pooh-poohed the idea, but promised me that she would try to refrain from spoiling them.

At the party, the twins laughed for the first time. Jake laughed first at Grandpa Charlie, and then Abby apparently loved the sound, because she giggled at Jake. It was literally the most adorable thing I had ever seen or heard in my life-my children laughing with each other. All conversation was forgotten as each member of my extremely big, happy family tried to coax some more giggles out of them. Edward put an arm around my shoulders and gazed at the twins proudly, as if they were his own. (Which they kind of were, lately.) He wiped the happy little tear out of the corner of my eye and we shared a very big smile.

After the party, Charlie was the only one who stayed. He sat on a blanket in the kitchen floor, playing with the twins as I washed dishes.

"How long has it been since Jacob died?" he asked softly.

"Eight months," I said softly, a lump forming in my throat.

"And you still haven't received any personal belongings from the Army?"

I dropped the dish in my hands. It thankfully went into the sink without breaking. "No," I whispered, and the mystery that had preoccupied me months ago was tugging at my heart once again. "I haven't."

"That's fishy," he commented, and I heard him plant a loud kiss on one of the kids.

"Yeah," I replied absentmindedly, twisting my rings on my finger. "Maybe…maybe they were stolen from his body by the enemy, or something. Or just lost…burned…"

"I don't know," he sighed. "So…have you thought at all about seeing other men?"

"Dad, it's only been eight months," I said shakily, staring down at the sink full of water. "I still feel very married to Jacob, which is why I still wear my rings. My heart is still his. Besides, I'm a single mom who hasn't lost all of her baby weight. I don't think I would have a line of men knocking at my door, even if I did put myself back on the market."

"Seems like you have one man at your door," Charlie said casually. "But he already has a key…"

I knew immediately who he was talking about. Edward's beautiful face filled my mind. "Edward is my best friend. Nothing more." Suddenly, something occurred to me. My own father had been in my position before. He became a widower at a young age, with a newborn daughter to care for. "Dad, can I ask a question?"

"Of course, Bells." I heard him shake a noisy toy at the kids.

I turned around to face him, wiping my hands dry with a dishtowel. "How long did it take you to get over Mom?"

My father's soft, familiar brown eyes closed. "Well, Bells…I've never remarried. What does that tell you?"

"Oh," I said in a voice barely above a whisper. "You still love her?"

He nodded. "Of course I do. She was an incredible woman. I've never met anybody who _couldn't _love her. But above all, she gave me you. And because of that, I am eternally grateful to her."

"That's how I feel about Jake and Abby," I admitted. "I'll love Jacob forever for giving them to me. Even if I do remarry…" Again, Edward's face entered my mind, which made no sense at all. Edward was my best friend. Nothing more. "But right now," I said in a timid voice, "I don't see that ever happening."

"You may not feel that way for a long time," Charlie told me. "But there comes a time when you'll have to think about your children. Abby and especially Jake will need a constant man in their lives. A father figure. And I think you need to do it the right way, honey."

"Marriage," I said, internally rolling my eyes at my old-fashioned father. But a little voice inside told me, _Don't discount his advice. He's the one who said you had to marry Jacob before you could live with him. And marriage made you so happy..._

I knew that someone like Edward could move in with me without any true commitment, and I would be happy. Even if that relationship didn't involve love and sex. But I also knew that life would indeed go on after the pain had healed in my heart. The rational side of me admitted that remarrying was a possibility.

But that side of me only took up about twenty-five percent of my body. The other seventy-five percent belonged to the fragile, wounded girl that I truly was. The one who held onto Jacob with every ounce of strength she had. The one who would have to be pulled, kicking and screaming, away from him.

"It feels like there are two sides to me," I admitted to Dad. "I want to move on…and I _don't _want to move on at the same time. If Jacob is dead for ten years and I kiss another man, I'll feel like I'm cheating on Jacob."

"Will you really feel that way after ten years?" Charlie asked me doubtfully.

Ugh, good point. "I don't…know. In this present state of mind, I would have to say yes…"

"But you won't be in that state of mind forever," he told me gently. "I'm still in love with your mother, but I don't hang on to her. I actually am wishing the right woman would come along and make me forget Renee, but I haven't found her yet."

"It sounds like a tedious state of mind _you're _in," I remarked, closing my eyes and pressing my fingertips to my temples.

"I could say the same for you," he replied.

I nodded, chewing my lip. "But like I said, it's only been eight months. I still feel him everywhere. I guess that if I ever will remarry, that's going to have to disappear first." My heart sank at the very thought of that feeling ever vanishing.

"Yeah, it will," Charlie nodded. "You'll always love Jacob, sweetheart…it just may change into a different love."

I nodded. "Yeah. Um, I'm going to bathe the twins now. Want to help?"

"Sure."

We stood side by side at the sink, both of us bathing kids. Charlie actually started humming to himself, which was unusual. Excluding tonight, my father was not a man of many words. His little song told me how happy his grandchildren made him. I had to smile at him, even though the weight of our conversation was still pressing on my lungs, making it hard to breathe.

I pulled Jake out of the sink, kissing his cheek and saying, "There you go, little man. All clean. Mommy loves you."

"I think you tell these kids that enough," Charlie chuckled. "I've heard you say it about seventy times tonight." I shrugged and took the toweled Abby out of his arms, kissing her and saying basically the same thing. My babies smiled at me and Charlie tickled them, making them giggle and wiggle in my arms.

"You two are getting _so big_," I said dramatically, carrying them to the nursery to find them pajamas to sleep in. After pawing through the massive amounts of Alice-provided clothes, I settled on yellow ducks for Abby and green frogs for Jake.

As I put diapers on them, Charlie decided to bring up the subject again. "So Edward is helping you a lot?"

A smile escaped my lips, and I nodded. "He's been so good to me. And to them. I think they sometimes prefer his arms over mine."

"You know, Billy has admitted to me that he worries that Abs and Jake will grow up and never know who their father was. He's scared that Edward will eclipse Jacob."

"That will never happen," I said firmly. "Just look at the mobiles over the cribs. The picture on the dresser." I motioned to the official military portrait of Jacob that decorated the chest of drawers. "Jake and Abigail will grow up being told stories of how wonderful their father was, and how he…" I choked a little bit. "Sacrificed everything for his country."

"I know," Charlie said softly, taking Jake from me so I could dress Abby. "I know, Bells. Don't worry about Billy's concerns. You're a great mother."

I nodded. "Edward is filling Jacob's shoes by helping me out, but he'll never replace Jacob."

Suddenly, Charlie pulled me into a hug. "Never say never, Bells. I see the way he looks at you. I really think that you'll end up with him one day."

I screwed my eyes shut. "Dad…eight months. Not enough time for me to get into _that_ state of mind."

"I know," he sighed, pulling back. "I'm sorry if I've offended you at all."

"You're not offensive to me, Dad," I said, giving him a chuckle. "You're defensive for me. And I'm grateful for that. Sometimes it still feels like I need a daddy to fight my battles."

He laughed and leaned down to kiss Jake and Abby's foreheads. "I'm here to fight any battles any of you three need me to."

"Thanks, Dad," I grinned at him.

"Do you want me to help put the uh…bugs to bed? Where did that nickname even come from?" He smiled as he clutched Jake tightly.

"Emmett," I laughed. "I have no idea where he got that name. But it stuck. It's an Emmett original, I guess. Those are rather frequent."

"He's a good kid."

"They all are. And sure, you can help. I'll go get two bottles of-"

The doorbell rang, interrupting me.

"I'll answer that first," I finished. I cradled Abby in my arms and went to the door, peeking out of the curtains first. Carlisle was on the front porch. I eagerly opened the door. "Hey, Doc," I greeted him, using his preferred "grandparent" name.

"Hey, Bells," he smiled at me, stroking Abby's face. "And beautiful little Abigail. I'm sorry to bother you, but I left my cell phone here. I hope I didn't interfere with bedtime."

"Not at all. I just finished bathing them. Come on in."

Charlie came into the kitchen as we entered it. "I was just called by Deputy Mark," he told me. "I've got to go to the station."

"No problem," I said. "I'll put them both to bed."

"I'll help," Carlisle offered, reaching for Jake. My little boy smiled at his Doc and happily accepted his kisses.

"It was nice chatting, Bells," Charlie said, hugging me and kissing the bugs.

"Yeah, Dad," I said. "I'll see you later."

"'Bye, hun. Love you."

"Love you, too."

After he left, Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "Did I interrupt a father-daughter moment?"

I shook my head. "Nah. We were actually talking about Emmett when you rang the doorbell. Charlie loves your family."

He smiled. "I love his family, too. Um, I think I left my cell phone in your living room."

"I'll help you look."

We found it quickly, and then we retreated to the nursery. I mixed two bottles of formula and we rocked them to sleep. Carlisle sang this time. I had never heard his voice before, but it was beautiful. It soothed Jake and Abby right to sleep.

After we tucked them in, we went to the kitchen. "I wanted to talk to you about something," he said, running a hand nervously through his blond hair. He was my father's age, yet he didn't have one strand of gray hair like Charlie.

"Okay," I said, already dreading the topic. I had a pretty good idea of what he was going to say. "Would you like some tea?"

"Sure."

He waited until I had made two cups, and we sat at the kitchen table. I sipped at my tea, letting the warm flavor run over my tongue and saturate my mouth.

"I'll just get to the point," he said after a long drink. "Is Edward getting on your nerves?"

_I knew it._ "Not at all," I replied. "Why?"

Carlisle bit his lip. I had never seen the cool, calm, and collected doctor be so unsure of himself. "He's hovered over you quite a bit. Esme and I are just concerned about you."

I shook my head. "No, Carlisle. Edward has been a godsend. I couldn't have made it this far without him. Perhaps his kindness _should _be overwhelming, but it's not. It's wonderful."

The handsome doctor visibly breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. We were just wondering if you wanted us to politely discourage him."

"Not at all," I admitted quietly. "He makes me feel safe…and loved."

"He's exactly what you need," Carlisle murmured.

"Yes," I admitted. "Exactly."

And as the word left my mouth, I suddenly saw many possibilities. Edward loved me in a way I knew was rare. It would be hard not to return the same feelings for him. It would be hard…but I felt like it would someday be possible.

After Carlisle left, I stood on the porch and looked over to Edward's house. He was taking the garbage to the curb, waving at his father.

I walked down the porch steps and called to Edward. "_Rhett, Rhett…Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?_" I said in a dramatic Southern belle accent, referring to our mutual love for _Gone With the Wind_.

He gave me his amused smile-the really beautiful crooked one. "I would give you Clark Gable's answer, but I don't feel it is appropriate," he called back to me.

"I have cake and ice cream left," I replied. "Come help me eat it so I don't eat it all."

"Will do, ma'am," he said in a phony drawl. He ran to my yard and accompanied me into the house, wrapping an arm around me.

I stood on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his jaw.

A self-conscious stain crept into his cheeks. "What was that for?" he smiled at me.

I shrugged, a little embarrassed myself. "I just appreciate you so much. I know that I'm an emotional mess, and I'm not that fun to be around, but I also know that you love me for it all. And I'm so grateful for you."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I'm grateful that you allow me to love you."

* * *

_All of my review goals so far have been met for this story, so I'm shooting for the stars and saying that I want one-hundred reviews by the time the last chapter is published. I've never broken 100 before, and I want to see triple digits. *winks* Reviews are my personal brand of heroin._


	20. The Little Things

**Author's Note: I received an anonymous review stating that the twins shouldn't be so small if they're only one month premature. I wasn't being overly dramatic with that one-I actually have a friend who had twins who were one month premature, and they only weighed around four pounds each. I based my information on her story. Also remember that for three months, Bella was not on prenatal vitamins or in prenatal care. She also was suffering from hypertension in her last trimester, which puts a major strain on the fetuses. Thanks to anyone who showed concern for the veracity of my story, but I always do my research before I put down anything, and this time, I didn't have to go far to find my information. I know that four pounds sounds extreme. It certainly did to me, because I was one month premature and I almost weighed nine pounds. But in the medical world, I suppose anything can happen.**

**Disclaimer: **It's Stephenie Meyer's world, and the box office records prove it.

Chapter Nineteen: "The Little Things" Bella's POV

Time marched on…

And I began to notice.

Just the little things. The way Edward would brush his fingers against mine. The way he always sang love songs whenever I was helping him put the twins to sleep. The way he would kiss the top of my head and hold me tight whenever I needed it most. The way he always told me he loved me before I went to sleep. The way I always woke up with his body snuggled into mine, his lips curled into a smile.

Whenever I wasn't around him, it felt like ice locking around my heart. I was empty. But when I was with him…my heart melted like hot butter. And that warm feeling was slowly dripping out of me, back to Edward. The way I would hold his hand…kiss his cheek…tell him I loved him, too…and the way I couldn't sleep unless his strong, warm body was next to me.

I hadn't felt these fresh emotions in so long. I didn't know what to do with them.

* * *

_I know, I know. A short chapter. I started to write a six-page chapter from Bella's POV, but I wasn't feeling it. It just didn't convey what needed to be said. So I switched to Edward's POV. But there was this little nugget of information that was demanding to be published. And I hate chapters that switch POVs. So…there you go._

_The next chapter is going to be up within thirty minutes of this one. I always post chapters as soon as they're written.  
_


	21. Fight For Me Edward's POV

**Author's Note: My bad! I posted the super short chapter last night and literally fell asleep typing this chapter. Luckily Microsoft Word saved the document when my laptop died. But this one is a loooong one. And yay, another Edward POV!  
**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all that is recognizable. Damn writing genius...

Chapter Twenty: "Fight For Me" Edward's POV

"Bella, sweetie," I murmured to her as she robotically gave Jake his bottle. "You've been wearing that shirt for almost three days."

She looked down at the stained, stretched out t-shirt, blushing. "Yeah," she said. "I don't need to dress up if I'm not going out into the real world."

"So go out into the real world," I suggested.

"I do, occasionally…"

"But always with the bugs," I pointed out. "Careful, love, you're going to suffocate Jake."

She tiredly looked down at her son, more color filling her cheeks at my term of endearment. That little extra blush made my heart leap. She noticed for the first time that she was holding Jake tightly against her, forcing his bottle into his mouth. He looked uncomfortable. I held my arms out, and with a sigh she surrendered him to me. I plucked the bottle out of his mouth and put him over my shoulder to burp him.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I feel like my brain is a big bowl of oatmeal mush seasoned with baby formula and Dr. Seuss books. They're only six months old, but it feels like they should be in their toddler years by now."

I smiled at her. "Go out into the real world, like I said. Go have lunch with Emily. I doubt you even remember what the real world is like."

"I can't leave Abby and Jake…" she protested, though I could tell that the idea of hanging out with Emily sounded nice to her. Emily came over sporadically, but Bella was always distracted by the bugs. I knew they missed each other's company.

"Yes, you can. I'll baby-sit," I offered.

She bit her lip, turning her eyes to Abby, who was asleep on the couch. "Um…okay," she said flatly.

"Go get a shower and put on some fresh clothes," I told her. "Enjoy your day."

She gave me a grateful hug and ran to the back of the house. After a few minutes, I heard the shower kick on. To distract myself from the fact that _Bella_ was in the _shower_, I lifted Jake above my head and tried to make the airplane noises that Emmett was so good at. Abby woke up pretty soon after that, so I grabbed a book and settled the bugs in my lap, reading over the noise of Bella talking to Emily on the phone.

When she came into the living room, I know my eyes widened. She wore a pair of tight jeans and a blue blouse. She had lost most of her baby weight, and she looked fantastically curvy. "You look very pretty," I complimented her.

"Thanks," she said, blushing. "Alice left a surprise in my closet. A few surprises, actually."

"I know," I replied with a smirk. While Bella was busy with breakfast this morning, I had let Alice go to her closet and leave all the new clothes there.

Bella instantly glared at me. "Why didn't you stop her?"

"Because you deserve a little pampering," I replied. "Come on, Scarlett. A lady like yourself should be spoiled and often, and by someone who knows how."

She rolled her eyes, but a smile broke out. "Don't disrespect _Gone With the Wind_. _I never heard of such bad taste!_" she added in a Southern accent.

I laughed. "_How fickle is woman._"

"Indeed," she said dryly. "Are you sure you'll be okay with them?"

"Of course," I said, slightly offended. "They're six months old. How much trouble could they get in?"

She snorted. "Alright. I, um, have my cell phone, and I won't be gone long. I'm riding with Emily. Don't forget that Jake has a diaper rash and Abby-"

"Has had a runny nose, I know," I filled in for her. "Sweetie?"

"Yes?"

"Stop worrying. Enjoy your time with Emily."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I trust you. You're _Edward_, not some teenage girl I'm paying seven dollars an hour…wait, do you want me to pay you?"

I rolled my eyes. "_It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I'll give you two._"

She raised an eyebrow. "_Breakfast at Tiffany's_?"

I grinned. "Of course. Audrey Hepburn is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world. One Mississippi…"

"Okay!" she laughed, taking the hint and rushing to me to kiss Jake and Abby. "'Bye, bugs," she cooed to them. "Be good for Uncle Edward. Don't run him off just yet. Mommy loves you two." She looked up at me, pressing the sweetest of kisses to my cheek. "'Bye, sweetie. I'll be back in under two hours."

"Take your time. Two Mississippi…"

She kissed my cheek again and ran to the door, grabbing her purse. "'Bye, my loves!"

I shuddered at the way the term of endearment so easily dripped off her lips. It was going to be a good day, I thought. I snuggled down with the twins, kissing each of them once, and started to read again.

We were interrupted a couple of hours later when my cell phone rang. Bella. I smiled as I answered it. "Hey, love."

"Hey," she said dully. "Emily and I are going to stay out a little longer. Is that okay?"

"Of course," I replied. "We're having fun. Bella, are you okay?"

"Yes." She paused. "Just tired. See you later."

"Okay, sweetie," I said hesitantly. "Call me if you need me."

"I will." She hung up without a goodbye.

"Your mommy worries me," I sighed to the twins just as my phone rang again. My mom this time. "Hi, Mom," I said, answering it.

"Hey, darling. I need your handyman skills again."

"Oh?" I asked dryly, still worrying about Bella.

"Yes. I bought a new bookcase for your father's office, but he isn't home to help me build it…"

"I'm babysitting the bugs right now, but I'll call Bella and tell her that I'm swinging by your house. Give me thirty minutes."

"Oh, I'd love to see the children!" Mom exclaimed as if she hadn't seen them yesterday. "See you soon, honey."

"'Bye, Mom."

I dialed Bella again and explained everything to her. She didn't have a problem with me taking the twins out. I loaded the car-seats into my Volvo and buckled Jake and Abby in before driving to my parents' house.

Alice was at our parents' house, so she entertained the bugs while I helped Mom put together the shelf. After the shelf, I replaced some light bulbs for her and did other odd jobs around the house. Then I made brownies with Mom and played with the bugs. The hours ticked by, and I still hadn't heard from Bella.

Finally, at nine pm, the bugs were asleep and I was about to load them up and take them back home. Just when I stood up to do it, my phone rang.

"Bella?" I said, remembering her depressed tone from earlier.

"Edward?" she slurred, dragging out my name. "Can you come-" She hiccupped for an instant before adding "Come pick me up?"

_Is she drunk?_ "Bella, have you been drinking?"

"Just a…sip…" she replied.

_Ha. And I'm a monkey's uncle. _"Where are you?"

"The Wolf Pack…the bar in…La Push."

"I'll be there ASAP," I replied. "Stay there. Don't leave. Don't drink any more."

After I hung up, I turned to Mom, who was wide-eyed. "Can you keep the bugs for the night?" I asked her. "Bella isn't in such a great condition."

"Of course," Mom replied. "Oh, dear, I hope she isn't drinking to make herself feel better."

"I've never seen her drink," I replied. "I'm pretty pissed off at Emily Uley for letting her get drunk, though. Um, there's enough formula and diapers in the diaper bag to last you until tomorrow. I'll pick Jake and Abby up when Bella isn't puking from a hangover."

"I'll keep them as long as you need me to," Mom said. "Go help Bella."

To say I sped a little on my way to La Push was an understatement. I was pushing ninety. What were the police going to say if they pulled me over? _Sorry, sir, but you can't speed on your way to rescue the chief's only daughter?_

I didn't like the Wolf Pack. I enjoyed a beer or whiskey just as much as the next guy, but the Wolf Pack was trashy and just plain grimy. The owner, Paul something-or-another, didn't have the greatest reputation among the legal world of Forks. My coworkers had told me about a lawsuit against him a couple of years ago.

When I pulled up, I didn't even cut the engine before going inside and finding Bella. She was sitting at a barstool, downing some kind of shot.

"Bella," I said, my voice cracking in relief that she was safe. "Come on, sweetie. Let's go home."

She turned to me with a large smile and threw her arms around me. "Edward!" she exclaimed rather loudly. "Dance with me."

"Not tonight," I said, ducking to pick her up and cradle her in my arms. "You have kids now, you know."

She weakly slapped at my chest. "I…don't…need your h-h-help with walking."

"The way you told me that pretty much tells me that you do," I replied sharply as I walked us out of the bar. "What were you thinking? Where's Emily?"

There was something about Emily's name that seemed to sober her up-just a little. "Um…Sam and E'ily…went home. I told them that you would pick me up." After effectively dragging out her consonants, she suddenly leaned up and pressed a slightly-wet kiss to my cheek. I mentally scolded myself for feeling a twinge of excitement at that meaningless kiss.

I buckled her into the front seat of the Volvo and ran to my side of the car. Once I was driving, I brought my other question up to her. "Bella, what were you thinking?" I demanded. To put herself in danger like this…she had confided in me that she couldn't hold her liquor well…

"I…needed…to forget," she stammered, staring out the window. "I feel…dizzy."

"I'm not surprised," I replied, cranking up the air conditioning of my car. Cool air could prevent vomiting. "You're wasted."

"_I'm very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening's over_," she quoted Clark Gable before turning and giving me a funny look. "Where are the bugs?"

"At my parents' house. Were you even thinking of them when you started to drink?"

She slanted her eyes, studying my face. "You're not as…beaut'ful…when you're angry." And then she dramatically dropped her head on my shoulder, inhaling my scent.

God, I was flattered. But I knew that was most likely the alcohol talking. Finally, I pulled up to her house and helped her out of the car.

"Edward?" she slurred as she collapsed on the couch in the living room. "Am I a…bad person?"

"What?" I asked her, crouching down beside the couch and smoothing her hair. "No, sweetie. You just made a bad decision tonight."

"Sam Uley said…I'm dishonoring Jacob…." Her voice sounded thick with tears. "Because you spend the night with me ev'ry night." Before my heart could even react, she grabbed my face and pulled it down so we were inches apart. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. "Am I a bad person?" she stage-whispered.

I had to admit, if she were happier, Drunk-Bella would be pretty darn adorable. Especially the way she touched me. But Sam Uley's comment about the two of us dishonoring Jacob…well, that stabbed right through my chest like a knife warmed in a fire. "No, Bella," I assured her again. "People are just talking. People love to have something to talk about."

Bella rolled her eyes and shakily stood back up. "Well, I no longer care about being the topic of…gossip!" she yelled quite loudly before stumbling to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" I asked her.

She turned around and looked at me through half-shut eyelids. "Just stay right there, darling," she said in what was meant to be a comforting tone, dragging out the _R_'s.

I sighed and flopped back on the couch, waiting for her to come back. After a lot of noisy bustling in the kitchen, she came back with a half-empty bottle of whiskey, taking a long drink of it.

"Whoa, sweetie," I said, standing up to go take it from her. "You've had enough."

"This is Jacob's whiskey," she mused, staring at the bottle with a penetrating glance that stopped me dead in my tracks. "He always enjoyed a shot every now and then. Well, here's to you, Jacob Black. Here's to your damn heroic endeavors that left me abandoned and alone." She knocked back another long gulp. "God bless America," she added in a long slur.

"Bella," I said firmly. "You smell like a brewery and you can't walk straight. Give me the whiskey."

She ignored me and sat in the rocking chair, tucking the bottle under her arm. "You know what's really funny?" she asked me. Now that her mission to drink Jacob's memory had failed, she was suddenly very honest and she was making sense. Her words were slurred and she stumbled as she walked, but she had some heavy stuff on her heart that was dying to come out of her mouth. The alcohol just made her brave enough to say it.

"What's really funny, love?" I asked her, sitting at her feet in the floor.

"I was the one who encouraged Jacob to enlist," she admitted. "He couldn't find a job as a mechanic and he always wanted to…defend his country, or something. My patriotic husband…when I told him to go enlist, it was like I had made his dream come true. He wanted to be the one to turn around the War in Iraq." She took another drink, and I unsuccessfully tried to swipe the bottle from her. It returned to its spot under her arm. "So from a certain point of view, I could eas'ly be seen as the reason he's dead." Her eyes grew distant and filled with grief.

"No, Bella, you're not the reason he's dead," I told her gently. "For all we know, Fate wanted him dead, and even if he did work as a mechanic, he could have been killed by an engine fire or something."

"Fate…" Bella mused, staring into the neck of the whiskey bottle. "Do you know what I want to say to Fate? That she can take her stupid plans and shove it right up her-"

"I get it, Bella," I said to her. "I completely agree. Sweetie, can we please go to bed? Give me the bottle."

"No," she replied. "I'm tired of keeping all of this bottled up." She suddenly smiled and snorted. "Get it? _Bottled _up?"

Okay, so excluding all the depression and self-blame, she was a really entertaining drunk. "Yes, love, I get it," I said. "How many have you had?"

She shrugged. "I'm doing good. I haven't passed out yet."

"I see that," I replied dryly.

She took another long drink, this time missing her mouth by a fraction of an inch. "You know," she mumbled. "He's not coming back."

"I know," I whispered. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

She looked at me quizzically. "Isn't that what you want?"

_Don't you understand my feelings for you at all? Can't you see that I want you to be happy, no matter the pain for me?_ "No," I said in a breathy tone. "I would never wish that kind of pain on you."

She closed one eye, as if trying to see me more clearly. That probably _was _what she was doing. And then she put the almost-empty bottle up to her eye and looked at me through that. Finally, her eyes shut and her teeth took her bottom lip captive. She was worrying…or wondering…either way, she was hurting. "You love me," she whispered.

"More than anything," I admitted.

She looked at me, still chewing her bottom lip. The weight of this conversation had definitely sobered her up some. "Do you know what the difference is between you and Jacob?" she whispered.

_The fact that he still has your heart?_ "No," I said quietly.

She let out a bitter laugh. "Jacob dedicated his life to fighting for his country. You have dedicated your life to fighting for me. Fighting for my health, and happiness, and my children…" Her voice trailed off for an instant, and tears started rolling down her face. "Is it wrong to love you more for that?"

_Wait…what?_ "Bella, you're drunk," I said softly. "You still love Jacob."

"Of course I do," she replied. "God, Edward, why do you have to be so goddamned sensible about things?"

"Because when you're dealing with a person under the influence, you have to be the adult in the situation," I said firmly, looking her in the eye. "Bella, it's bedtime."

She shook her head, openly crying. "Why aren't you fighting for me now?" she whimpered. "Why are you just watching me and judging me?"

"I'm not judging you," I replied. "I'm wondering why the hell you decided to try to drink your sorrows away."

"Sam Uley," she said softly. "That's all."

I was definitely going to have a talk with Sam and Emily Uley. _Especially_ for leaving Bella at a bloody bar. I clenched my fists, making my knuckles go white. _Come on, Edward. Keep yourself under control._

"Edward?" Bella said again, still in a soft tone. "Fight for me. Please."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked her.

She bit her lip and placed the whiskey bottle on the coffee table. "Hold me."

I stood up and held out my arms. She stood up and fell onto me, refusing to support herself. I awkwardly managed to twist us so I could fall onto the couch with her on top of me. She laid there for a while, ruining my shirt with tears that reeked of booze. Even though she was drunk and probably wouldn't remember this, I still relished the feel of her body so completely covering mine. She was perfect for my arms.

But eventually she stopped crying. I thought she had fallen asleep or passed out until she dragged her head up to look at me. "Edward?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I love you." Her brown eyes stared into mine, and I couldn't resist smiling at her.

"I love you, too."

Her hands grasped my face, and I read her intentions before she leaned her head into mine. I held still and accepted her kiss on my cheek. Slowly, her lips trailed down to my jaw, and caressed the skin there. She had circled around my jaw when she slowly dragged her lips to the corner of my mouth.

I knew then that I had to turn my head. I was dying to kiss those beautiful ruby lips, but I wanted our first kiss to be loving. Passionate. Sober, at the very least. Something that she would remember.

I looked to the left, and her soft kiss landed on the side of my face. "Edward, don't pull back," she begged.

I sighed. "Bella, we can't do this. You'll regret it in the morning."

She shook her head, the tears falling again. "No. I won't. There isn't room in my heart for another regret."

"That's what you think now," I told her. "But it's my experience that when you don't feel your heart is big enough to hold anymore, it swells up to a bigger size."

She nodded slowly. "Yeah…" I had no idea if she was comprehending what I was saying.

"Come on, darling," I told her, sitting up. "Let's go to bed. I promise you I'll hold you throughout the night."

She slowly slid off my lap, and I had to catch her from falling. She was going to be so sick in the morning. "I guess I should change into my pajamas before I pass out," she muttered. "Since you don't seem to want to ever see me that way…"

I sighed. "You're misreading me," I admitted, holding onto her arms so she wouldn't fall. "I love you, Bella. I just don't think you're ready for another relationship. Especially when you're not in your best frame of mind, and you don't have much judgment or discretion."

She nodded, eyeing the whiskey bottle again.

"I'll put that up," I offered. _And pour it out._ "Come on, let's go to bed."

She hesitated. "One more thing, Edward."

"What's that?"

She awkwardly started doing something with her hands. I was confused for a moment before I realized that she was drunkenly trying to pull her wedding rings off. I watched in amazement as she freed her finger from them, and tossed them across the room. They landed behind a loveseat.

"_Don't_ pick those up," she warned me.

"Yes ma'am. Let's get you to bed, sweetie."

She didn't protest this time. She let me lead her to the bedroom. I gave her privacy as she changed into pajamas, but only after she insisted on kissing my cheek one more time and telling me again that she loved me. Not that I minded that. After she had changed and just before she was about to sit on the bed, her eyes grew wide and she grabbed her stomach, leaning over. I sighed as I saw her vomit all over the floor. I ran to her and caught her just before she passed out.

It was going to be a fun morning.

* * *

_My mother always says that the truth comes out through alcohol. _

_Leave me a review? We are SO close to 100 reviews.  
_


	22. An Empty Vessel

**Author's Note: I really like this chapter. But not as much as the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. I just make them go a little emo...

Chapter Twenty-One: "An Empty Vessel" Bella's POV

I woke up in my bed with a pounding headache and Edward laying next to me. He had an arm draped over me, and his eyes were glued to my face. I rolled over to say good morning, but I caught a whiff of his unique Edward scent. My stomach rolled and I immediately ran to the bathroom to wretch and heave over the toilet.

My stomach was pretty much empty. After I finished gagging, I remembered why I was so sick. I had a damn hangover. _What was I thinking last night? _

I realized then that Edward was in the bathroom with me, wetting a washcloth. He pressed it to my forehead. The warmth felt good on my aching head. "How bad was I?" I murmured.

I heard him chuckle softly. "You were only a little out in left field."

"Abby and Jake?" I breathed, worrying.

"They spent the night with my mom."

"Thank God," I whispered. Even the sound of my voice made my head hurt.

"Are you okay to leave the toilet?" he asked me, pulling my hair back and running his fingers through it.

"I think so," I replied.

I didn't protest as he gently lifted me up and carried me back to bed. He disappeared for a minute, but came back with a bottle of water and a bottle of Tylenol. "Drink," he instructed me. "You're dehydrated."

I gladly took the water and drank, reeling a little at the way the cold water stung my sore throat. I assumed it was scratchy because I had thrown up last night. After I took two Tylenol, I timidly met Edward's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Edward..."

"No need to apologize to me, Bella," he replied quietly. "I'm just glad I had somewhere for the twins to go."

I nodded. "I have to apologize to Esme and Carlisle..."

"Bella, why did Sam and Emily leave you at the bar?"

I blushed as very painful memories of yesterday flooded into my head. "I told them to. I told them you would pick me up."

"Can you please tell me why, Bella? And what Sam said to you that hurt you so?"

I shimmied further under the covers, wishing I could disappear. Edward sat down beside me and took my hand. "Um...it's a long story."

"I have time."

"Of course you do," I whispered. "You always have time for me..."

I stared at our entwined hands and nearly jumped at what I saw. "Edward, where are my rings?"

He pursed his lips. "You took them off last night."

"Oh." God, I was so confused. But I had some explaining to do. "Um...well, yesterday Sam came with me and Emily and we went to the Lodge to eat. Things were going fine. We talked about Abby and Jake and the fact that Emily can't conceive...and then Sam asked me why you're at my house all the time. I explained to him that you help me with the kids and you spend the night because I don't feel comfortable being in a house alone with my children. Emily thought it was really sweet of you to do that for me, and I agreed. But Sam started saying that it was wrong and it was like a 'slap in Jacob's face'." I made air quotation marks around Sam's words.

"Keep going," Edward said in a low, hard tone.

Tears filled my eyes. "He called me a whore and accused me of having an affair while Jacob was still alive. He had seen you at my house..."

Edward sighed and brought my hand to his lips. "Bella, darling, don't listen to him. We know the truth. Our families and friends know the truth. That's all that matters."

I nodded and looked down at my blankets. "Am I being an unfaithful wife, Edward?" I whispered.

"What?" he asked me.

I sighed. "It's only been eleven months, and I still love Jacob, but I can face life now. I'm moving on."

"I know," he whispered, and I saw him eye my bare left hand. To tell the truth, I was a little amazed that my hand didn't feel empty. "Bella, everyone grieves at a different rate. If eleven months works for you, then it's obviously fine."

"Where are my rings?" I asked him hoarsely.

"You threw them behind the loveseat in the living room. You told me not to move them, so I didn't."

I nodded. "What all did I say last night?" My brain still felt fuzzy.

"Don't worry about it," he said. But his cheeks flushed, so I knew it had to be bad.

"No, Edward, I want to know," I said firmly.

He sighed. "You told me you're angry with Jacob for leaving you. You're angry with yourself for encouraging him to enlist."

"That's all true," I admitted.

"And…you told me that you love me."

My heart started pounding, but surprisingly, blood didn't flood to my cheeks. "That's true, too," I whispered.

"And…you tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't let you. I didn't want you to regret it in the morning."

I sighed as the blush finally came to my face. "Great. Not only am I a chatty drunk, but I'm a horny drunk."

He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. "Bella, sweetheart? Don't worry about it. And it wasn't a horny, sexual kiss. It was an affectionate kiss that you tried to give me. You had already managed to kiss my cheeks and jaw."

"God, that had to have been attractive," I groaned, flopping down on the bed and hiding my face. "Edward, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not," he replied. "I'm glad that you had an outlet for all of those emotions. Do you feel better this morning?"

"Ask me when my head isn't about to explode," I replied, my voice muffled by the pillow.

"The Tylenol will kick in soon." I felt him lay down, and he put a hand on my back, lightly rubbing it. My heart seemed to beat faster with each little pattern he rubbed on my back. The way he touched me definitely had a profound effect on me. I didn't understand it, though.

I heard him start to hum a song, one of his lullabies. Shyly, I peeked up at him. He was laying parallel to me, still gently rubbing my back, and watching my face. His emerald eyes sparkled as soon as we made eye contact.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes, darling?"

"Do you love me?"

He gave me a little smile. "You asked me that last night, and my answer is still the same. More than anything."

I nodded slowly, trying to comprehend the situation at hand. We had already admitted we had feelings for each other. My heart was being pulled in so many different directions. I wanted to love Jacob; I wanted to crave Jacob. But I didn't want to love Jacob. I wanted to love Edward. And then again, I didn't want to love Edward because of speculative people like Sam Uley.

Suddenly, I felt Edward pull me closer to him. I snuggled into his chest, feeling utterly safe in the iron fetters of his arms. He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Sleep, my beautiful love," he whispered. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

I closed my eyes, and when I dreamed, I only saw Edward.

I woke up again after lunch, finally feeling ravenous. Edward made me a grilled cheese sandwich, telling me it would be gentle on my stomach. But the hangover had worn off; I felt much better. I wanted Esme to bring my babies home, but I knew that in my fragile mental state, I couldn't handle the crying and constant need. I called Esme to ask if she could keep them another night, to which she readily agreed. Alice dropped by to pick up more necessities for them, but she didn't stay long. I think she realized that I needed silence to think in.

After I finished my lunch, I stood up and walked to Edward to thank him with a hug. He held me tight for just an instant.

"I'm going to get in the bathtub," I told him. "Soak for a little while. I feel…stiff from last night."

"That's probably a good idea," he told me.

"If you want to go home and shower or change clothes, feel free," I said. "I'm…stable."

He gave me a little smile. "Hint taken. I think you need to be alone, too. You obviously have a lot on your mind." He let out a sharp breath and shook his head.

"What?" I asked him.

He pursed his lips before admitting, "I could quite literally kill Sam Uley for saying that to you."

I shook my head. "No. Sam and Jacob were good buddies. Sam is just defending his old friend. Don't worry about them. Emily told me she was going to give him a good chewing-out."

He nodded. "Okay. Do you want me to come over later?"

"I'll call you," I replied.

He left and I went to take a bubble bath, as planned. The hot water felt great against my tired muscles, and it provided the physical rest I needed. The mental rest, however, was not so great.

I had a choice. Maybe I wouldn't have to make it now, but I eventually would. Jacob was gone forever. When I found out he was dead, I had three things running through my mind:

Love, over.

Life, over.

Meaning, over.

But of course that had all changed when I found out I was pregnant. Jake and Abby were now the loves and meanings of my life. I couldn't just stop living when I found out I was responsible for them.

But Jake and Abby, as fulfilling as they were, couldn't even fill one little hole in my heart. Someone to lavish romantic love on. Jacob and I had such an intense, loving relationship. And now it was gone. That little hole soon became a giant leak.

And where did Edward fit in? I wasn't sure. I knew that he had a large spot in my heart as well. He had become the father of my children. Sometimes they cooperated better for him than they did for me. And he had definitely been the more responsible parent last night.

Did Edward bridge the gap between the Jacob-hole and my children? The way the man of a mother's life should? Was he the missing link to my happiness? To my little _family_?

I had no idea.

I loved Edward. I couldn't deny that at this point. But did he fit into my life right now? Was it right to love someone so quickly after Jacob? I had never pictured this happening so fast.

_You don't have to move so fast. You don't have to make this choice now, Bella._

After I convinced my brain and my heart of that, I got out of the bathtub, dressed in a bathrobe, and went to my living room. I roughly pushed the loveseat away and crouched behind it, trying to find my rings. I found my wedding band first. After a minute of searching, I found my engagement ring…but it wasn't complete.

The diamond had fallen out.

I really wasn't surprised. It had fallen out before, so there was a pretty good chance that my rough treatment of it would make it fall out again. I had to crouch down to the carpet and find the little stone. Easier said than done.

But I finally found it. I took the rings to my bedside table and tucked the diamond away in a drawer. Sighing, I debated whether or not to wear my wedding band.

Well…I still wasn't in a relationship with Edward, and I still did possess some love for Jacob. So I slid my band on. After not wearing it all day and night, it felt funny. I tried not to think of the irony of that.

I went back to the living room and sat on the couch, sighing. Habitually, my gaze traveled to the table that held a picture of Jacob. I stared into his smiling face, remembering when the picture was taken. We had been on First Beach. He was so happy. I was so happy.

But that happiness eventually faded. Like the diamond in my ring, it eventually disconnected from its possessor. And all that was left was an empty vessel.

Me.

_You don't have to be empty, Bella. Edward could very easily fill you. You're already falling in love with him. A man like that can make anyone fall passionately in love with him._

I slowly realized that this little voice within me was right. Edward had a great chance of being my future. We just had to wait. I bit my lip as I wondered if he would be willing to wait a few months.

Of course he would. He had already waited for almost a year.

He loved me. I had no reason to deny that love.

But I also had no reason to rush into it.

Yes, I needed to wait. It was best for everyone. I didn't want to give Edward an incomplete heart. I wanted him to someday have my whole heart. That day was not today.

But I could prepare myself for that day. I stood up and went to my closet, where I knew there was a box that had held my boots. It was a big enough box for what I needed. I then walked through my house, grabbing every picture of Jacob and putting it in the box. The only exception was the nursery. Even if I was moving on from him, I still wanted my children to know what a hero their father was.

After every picture was boxed up, I slid the box into a heavy armoire that sat in a hallway. That armoire held a lot of things I never used but couldn't throw away: important papers, random household items, a few broken things that Jacob had never gotten around to fixing. It was a good place for those pictures. I tucked away the box next to my marriage certificate and the box that my wedding band came in when we bought it. Yes, it was a very good place for those pictures.

I felt content as I closed the drawer and locked it with the ornate key that came with the armoire. I wasn't boxing Jacob away just yet. I was just beginning to. After putting the key back in its spot hanging on the back of the mirror, I walked back to the living room and grabbed my phone, hitting speed dial.

"Hello," my angel said, picking up on the first ring.

"Edward," I said, already feeling a flood of relief wash through me. "Will you spend the night with me?"

"Of course, love. I'll be there in two minutes."

It was only thirty minutes later when I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

_I now have over one-hundred reviews! You don't know how excited that makes me. I love you guys. Every single one of you._


	23. Moving On

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to frenchsong87 for all the amazing advice and feedback. I adore you. Your reviews and messages make my life a little sunnier, and my stories a lot better. Thanks a million.**

**I've had a few people ask me why the Cullens aren't vampires and Jacob isn't a werewolf. I'm surprised I'm having to explain this on the twenty-second chapter, but here it is: this is an all-human story. In this particular fandom, the supernatural doesn't have to exist. I certainly couldn't keep everything canon for this story. Jacob couldn't be in the military if he was a werewolf. They would notice his fever! And it would be pretty conspicuous if CNN reported a US troop turning into a wolf in battle…**

**Anyways, this is my favorite chapter yet.**

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I just put them in combat boots and maternity clothing.

Chapter Twenty-Two: "Moving On" Bella's POV

"_I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness.  
For once I'm at peace with myself._  
_I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.  
I'm moving on…  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone…__  
I'm moving on."_

"I'm Moving On" by Rascal Flatts

* * *

My alarm went off at five o'clock. Edward leapt up, obviously startled.

"Sorry, sweetie," I told him, rubbing his chest comfortingly with my hand. "Um, do you mind staying with the twins? I want to go do something."

"At five? It's still dark…"

"Yeah," I said. "I want to go watch the sunrise."

He nodded groggily. "Okay. Enjoy. I'm going back to sleep."

"Thanks," I said, pressing two kisses to his cheek. "I'll be back before you leave for the office."

"I have work? What is today?"

I drew in a shaky breath. "Tuesday. June 1."

I had been dreading this day. Absolutely dreading it. It certainly marked a milestone…

_A good milestone. I think._

His eyes met mine curiously. I knew he understood. Softly, I ran my fingers through his messy bronze hair that I loved so much. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

I nodded with a smile. "More than okay."

When I pulled my hand back, he brushed a kiss along my knuckles.

I went to my closet and found what I was looking for: the red dress that Jacob loved so much. I was finally back to my original size, and I had to admit I was loving being skinny again. Of course my breasts were still swollen, but that little fact just made the dress look even better. I pulled the red dress on, found some sandals to wear, and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. When I felt I looked okay, I grabbed the keys to my truck and started to drive in the gray morning dawn.

It didn't take long to make it to my destination: La Push Cemetery. I parked on the side of the road and slowly walked to the spot I had purposely avoided, twisting my wedding ring around my finger. I had never gotten around to having my engagement ring repaired.

I took a deep breath as I approached the tombstone next to Sarah Black's grave. Biting my lip, I read it.

_William Jacob Black_

_Beloved Son and Husband who_

_Gave his life for his country._

_January 23, 1986-June 1, 2009_

Under that was the little symbol to show that he had served in the Army, with his rank identified under it.

I slowly sank to my knees at his grave. "One year," I whispered. "It's been one year, honey."

The only noise was the wind in the trees.

"Jacob," I said quietly. "I miss you so much. And I love you. I always will. But I'm moving on. How do you feel about that?"

Silence, of course.

"I know," I whispered, totally aware that I was talking to a person who had been dead for exactly one year. "I know. It's hard for me, too."

I took in another deep breath as I sat on the grass. It had already grown thick over his grave, and little flowers were sprouted on it. I ran my hands over the grass. It had grown back over his casket, uninterrupted. Why couldn't I have moved on that easily? Grown and developed into something new and healthy that easily?

The past month since my little drinking binge had been turbulent. It seemed that the world flung at me every reminder of Jacob that it could think of. Yet Edward held fast, shielding me from any pain. He had helped me heal.

The storm always gets worse before the calm.

And now I could honestly say that I was calm. I had found the eye of the hurricane…and now the storm was over.

"I wish you could see your children," I murmured quietly. "Little Jake looks just like you. He even has your smile, the one where your eyes crinkled up…he looks like a little man-child. And Abby Hope looks like me, but she inherited your beautiful hair. It's longer than any seven-month-old's hair I've seen. I love to run my fingers through it and remember you. And they both act like you. Abby has your sense of humor. She laughs at the silliest of things-which is usually me. Jake has your passionate way of loving. He loves me a lot. _And _he loves my kisses, which I_ know _he inherited from his daddy."

I sighed heavily. "I wish you could tell me that you're okay, Jacob. I wish you could somehow tell me that you approve of me moving on to another man. I feel like I'm betraying you…"

Finally, I just flopped down on the grass, lying on top of his grave. I probably looked like a crazy, morbid woman, but it felt so soothing to be this close to him. I closed my eyes and just imagined a heaven that he could be in.

But before long, I had to get back to my house. Edward had to go perform his lawyer duties and I had to go perform my mommy duties for breakfast and then drop the bugs off at Aunt Alice's. I was working at the library again, and she was our official babysitter.

I kept the radio off in the truck. I didn't need noise to distract me. It was amazing and bewildering, but I was _fine_. I meant what I said in the cemetery-I wished I could hear from Jacob to confirm his feelings about this, but I knew I didn't need his permission. Jacob was no longer a driving force in my life. He was a fond memory, a lost love that I would treasure forever and tell my children about. And in a way, he would always be my best friend.

Edward was already up and moving when I made it back to my house. I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry for waking you up so early," I apologized.

"It's fine," he replied, perfectly knotting a tie around his neck without even using a mirror. "I just went right back to sleep. Um, where were you?"

"The cemetery," I explained quietly.

"I figured," he said. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "More than okay. Do you want to share a pot of coffee?"

Once he saw that I was, indeed, okay, his mood brightened considerably. We ate breakfast together and he helped me dress Jake and Abby for the day. Finally, I hugged him goodbye and loaded my car up.

Alice was just as aware of the date as Edward was. She helped me by carrying Abby into the house. "You look great, Bells," she complimented me.

"Thank you," I said. "I feel great."

"Even on…today?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Alice, I'm no longer holding on to him. I'm letting go. And it feels great."

She grinned at me. "I'm glad to hear that."

After I dropped the twins off, I started to drive to the library, but Esme interrupted my quiet ride with a phone call. She told me that the toilets had overflowed in both bathrooms, so they were closing the library for maintenance and I shouldn't bother coming in. It was pretty good news, but I had another job. Being a mommy.

I called Alice and told her the whole story, but she insisted on keeping the bugs so I could have the day off. "You deserve it," she said. "If you want to um, clean out some things from the house or something, do it. You never get a Bella day anymore."

How did she know me so well? That was exactly what I needed to do. I gratefully accepted her offer and drove back home, immediately changing into more comfortable clothes.

The first order of business for the day: my wedding ring. I had made a vow to myself to take it off and box it up today. It was an unnecessary reminder of the past, and it held me back from the present and the future. I walked to the armoire in my hallway and opened the drawer to find the ring box. I would keep the rings in case Jake or Abby wanted them, I decided. Maybe little Jake would want to give them to _his _wife. I had to giggle at myself when I felt the jealousy and overprotection rise up in me. _Relax, Bella. He's seven months old. You have a while with him._

After rummaging in the drawers, I finally found the ring box. Taking a deep breath, I slid the ring off my fingers and pulled the box open.

To my surprise, a tightly-folded sheet of paper fell out. It had been forced into a tiny little square in order to fit into the small box. Curious, I carefully unfolded the paper that had obviously seen better days.

My heart stopped as I recognized the familiar messy scrawl on the paper. It was Jacob's handwriting.

_My dearest Bella,_

_I am praying that you will never find this note, because if you do find it, that means that I have passed on to the next life. I know you well enough to know that you would never box your ring up unless you have moved on from me because I am no longer alive. I know that you probably conflicted about this, and I want to share with you my true feelings on the subject._

_Bella, I have loved you endlessly for almost a decade now. I have loved you from the crown of your beautiful hair to the tips of your cute little toes. I have loved you from the sands of First Beach to the sands of the Persian Gulf. I have loved you in every kiss, hug, touch, word, and glance we have shared. And now I have loved you from Planet Earth to whatever life I have advanced to. Ever since we first started dating in high school, I have only craved what was best for you. You have been my world for so long now that you're essential to my wellbeing. If you're healthy, I am healthy. If you're happy, I am happy._

_And that truth-that my happiness relies on your happiness-is the way I look upon your future. You're a creature who relies entirely on love-the love you have for me, Charlie, Billy, Alice and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper…the list goes on and on. And I know that since I am no longer with you, one of those relationships is now void and empty. Honey, you have such a big heart that I am sure it has felt empty for a while now. I know that you will need another man in your life. It's in your nature to always need someone to love. And I can honestly say that I want this for you. I never want you to feel alone. I never want you to be alone, because I worry about you so much. I know that La Push isn't exactly crime-riddled, but I fear for your safety when you live in our house alone. I want you to have security, protection, and above all, love after me. There is life after me. I know that and I accept that. (I also want you to have the children that we have both dreamed about. You are going to be a wonderful mother someday, and your children will need a father.)_

_Bella, the love we have shared is rare and priceless. I honestly don't know if you'll ever have another love like that, because I don't think anyone else has had a love like that. But I know that you are a natural at loving passionately and completely. I just want you to have a relationship that's two-sided. I will always be watching you and showering my love on you, but I don't know if you'll be able to feel it. I want you to feel love again. Jump into it, swim in it, drown in it._

_I have two last requests, baby. My first is that you find a good man to love. Make sure he loves you unconditionally and treats you like the goddess you are. I don't want to have to return from the grave to kick anybody's ass. You know I will. Consider that a warning. The second is that you always keep a little piece of me in your heart. Whenever you feel a little burst of happiness, have me there. Whenever you feel like the world is crashing down on you, have me there. Don't keep me as your main priority, but remember me. Remember our love and what we had. Remember that I still love you, and I always will. To me, you'll always be my world. No one else matters. You are The One for me…but someone else is The One for you. I know that. I accept that. I honor that._

_Always remember that I love you. Always remember that I'm thinking of you and watching you. And always remember that I wish that I could be there with you to grow old and gray._

_All my love,_

_Jacob_

_P.S. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I love you. Just in case you didn't know._

I started crying while reading the letter, but after I read the last sentence, I lost it. I sprawled out along the carpet, crying my eyes out. Jacob was so selfless. He _wanted_ me to move on. After worrying about that for months, Jacob was wanting the best for me all along.

After crying it out for an hour or so, I finally calmed down. I felt a rush of peace wrapping around me that only confirmed my feelings. It was time to move on.

To Edward.

How perfect was he for me? The man was already so selfless, so loving toward me _and_ my children. He was the man I had fallen in love with over the past year. I couldn't imagine anybody else but Edward.

I suddenly felt very strong. I stood up and placed the note and the ring in the box before tucking it back into the drawer. And I turned around, squared my shoulders, and faced my new life.

* * *

I saw Edward's Volvo pull up to his rarely-used house at five twenty PM. Grinning to myself, I sat on the couch in the living room, casually sipping at my first celebratory glass of wine, knowing that he would come over very soon.

And he did, fifteen minutes later. He walked into the house in blue jeans and a t-shirt.

"You look comfortable," I said.

"I am now. I didn't expect you to be home so soon." His stare raked up and down my body. "You look…different. Happy…but still pretty."

"I am happy," I agreed. "Beyond happy, actually."

His gorgeous emerald eyes zeroed in on the glass of wine in my hand. "Are we having another Wolf Pack episode?" he asked warily.

I tried to laugh as the embarrassed blush came to my cheeks. "Uh…definitely not. No, I'm celebrating. Come on, I'll pour you a glass. _One _glass."

He raised his eyebrows, but followed me into the kitchen. "What are we celebrating?" he asked me.

After I handed him his wine, I raised my left hand, showing off the fact that I was now ring-less. I giggled as a soft blush traced along his cheekbones. He froze for a minute, obviously trying to figure out what was the right sentiment. Edward Cullen really was adorable. I didn't understand how I had been so blind to this before recent days.

"Congratulations," he said, holding his glass up. "To new beginnings."

After we clinked our glasses together and took a sip, I took a seat on the kitchen counter, staying silent. I didn't quite know how to do this. _Hey, I know you've been watching me cry over another man for a year now, but now I'm in love with you and I want to explore a relationship. _For some reason, that didn't sound like legitimate love.

"So…" he said slowly. "Now that you're not wearing your rings, are you considering yourself back on the market now?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I think I am," I replied before teasing, "Why? Do you know any eligible bachelors who are willing to take on a widow and two infants?"

"Yeah, I think I know one," he mumbled.

"Do tell," I said.

He pursed his lips before letting out a long breath. I watched, a little fascinated by his unreadable reaction, as he gulped down a rather large amount of wine. "What brought this on?" he asked me.

I didn't like for him to be so uncomfortable. I had no idea how to go about this, but I knew I wasn't doing it the right way. I hadn't tried to make moves on a guy since high school. I was hopeless. "Um, well, it's been one year…and since he died, I've…been shown a different love."

I shyly looked up at him, and realized his gaze was smoldering. "Do tell," he whispered, mimicking me.

_Okay, Bella. It's now or never._ I took another drink of liquid courage before the words started to tumble out of my mouth and create a big, senseless puddle. "Edward, I love you. You've become my best friend and you've shown me unconditional love that I can only hope to return. But my heart is wanting something more. I think you love me the same way I love you. I love you so much. You're perfect and kind and compassionate and loving and super intelligent and so damn beautiful…I'm in love with you, and I really hope you feel the same way about me because otherwise I look like an idiot right now-"

Edward stepped to me and placed two fingers over my lips. "You don't look like an idiot…or maybe you do, and I'm an idiot, too," he grinned crookedly at me. "I've been waiting to hear you say those words for so long now-"

And then he couldn't say anymore, because my lips were on his. I suddenly knew why Edward had stopped me from kissing him on my little drunken escapade. He wanted our first kiss to be special…and special this was.

I pulled him to me, my legs wrapping around his waist and arms wrapping around his neck. While his arms wound around my waist, our lips moved in perfect synchronization. He tasted of Edward, wine, and…pure love. His fingers tangled in the hair that hung to my back, and I suddenly felt like I was _his_. I was no longer Bella-without-Jacob. I was no longer just Bella. I was suddenly Bella-with-Edward. We were two halves of a whole. Our hearts were intermingled. He was mine. And I was his.

Finally, he pulled away, breathless. "Bella," he whispered. "I love you so much."

"As I love you," I replied before pressing my lips chastely to his for just a moment. "I'm sorry it's taken so long."

He shook his head. "Darling, I would wait an eternity for you."

* * *

_There you have it, my Team Edward people. They finally got together. I swear I have the Carpenters singing in my head after that one._

_And as for the Team Jacob people…Jacob is coming back soon. Very soon._

_(insert dramatic music here)_

_What do y'all think of working up to 120 reviews?_


	24. Something to Talk About

**Author's Note: Wow! Is this a really long chapter? Why, yes it is! And I would like to announce that in my last chapter, I asked you guys to help me make it up to 120 reviews. We are almost at 160! I'm blown away. Obviously I have a LOT of Team Edward people. And when people told me that they started crying, I almost started to cry myself! I am so grateful to my readers for sticking through this. I love you ALL.**

**Warning: There is a LOT of fluff ahead. In fact, the chapter is mostly fluff between Bella and Edward...and Bella and the bugs...and Edward and the bugs. I feel like I've stolen the spotlight from Jake and Abby, and that makes me sad. So you finally get to see some Mommy Bella in action.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you might find in any of the _Twilight _books or movies.

Chapter Twenty-Three: "Something to Talk About" Bella's POV

"Bella, love, wake up," a singsong voice said in my ear. Though I loved this voice-and the person who supplied the voice-I groaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow over my head.

"It's Saturday," I murmured.

A soft kiss was pressed to my neck. "No, ma'am. It's Friday. We still have to go to work. Come on, love." He carefully lifted the pillow up. "There's your beautiful face. I knew it was in there somewhere."

I opened my eyes and smiled at one of my favorite people in the world. Edward was hovering over me, smiling beautifully. Before I could think about it, my hand went up to his face, gently caressing his chin and jaw line. He had a sexy bit of stubble that scratched my skin. I _loved_ his reddish five o'clock shadow.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said softly. "Ready to get up and brighten everybody else's day?"

I shook my head. "No. Let's stay in bed."

His hands ran down the side of my tank top, lightly tracing each of my ribs through the cloth…and then he started tickling me. I squealed and giggled, trying to wriggle away from him to no avail. Finally I grabbed my pillow and hit him good with it. He laughed and allowed me to sit in his lap. I quickly pulled his face to mine. We kissed tenderly for just a minute, his arms around my waist and my fingers stroking his yummy stubble.

With a sigh, he pulled away as his alarm went off _again_. Edward liked to be on time, and he set plenty of alarms in the morning when he had to go to work.

"Mmm, just one more kiss," I begged, pulling him back down to me so we were lying on the bed. He laughed and kissed my lips before trailing down to my neck. His magical mouth showed my throat some loving, making me let out a sound like I had just tasted the most delicious dessert.

Edward took that little noise as a sound of encouragement, and he cupped my hips before nipping along my collarbone. I wanted desperately to wrap my legs around him and create some friction between us, but I held back. "Edward, sweetie," I said softly. "That's enough."

He sighed softly before pulling away. "Yes, ma'am."

"I just don't want to be late," I lied.

He gave me an unconvincing smile. "Bella, I understand. I'm not pressuring you into anything. Okay, my love?"

"I know," I whispered.

He gave me a genuine smile this time, and pecked my lips. "I make coffee, you make waffles."

"Sounds like a deal," I said before hopping out of bed. Jake and Abby had started sleeping through the night, and I was waking up with a lot more energy. Plus I slept so deeply in Edward's arms. There was no better feeling. It was practically narcotic.

I could tell from Edward's wet hair that he had already taken his shower, so I grabbed a skirt and shirt out of the closet and ran to the bathroom. I needed a shower to clear my head. Edward and I had been "together" for a month, and we hadn't been intimate yet. Just passionate kissing. Nothing more. I just wasn't ready for it. I had only had sex with one person in my life, and I wasn't sure that I was ready to give myself so wholly to another one. Plus I had just had twins eight months ago. I was back to my regular weight, but I still didn't feel _attractive_. Edward had told me a thousand times that he found me beautiful and often had trouble tearing his eyes away from me, but I wasn't comfortable with showing my entire body to a man who had inherited the famous Cullen genes. Age slowly and look immaculate no matter how awful your day is-_that _was the philosophy of the Cullen genes.

I knew that Edward wanted to be intimate, but I also knew that he was willing to wait for me. And I was going to wait, until I felt at peace with intimacy, dieted a little more, and found a miracle cream for stretch marks on my belly. Nothing stretches you out like two bugs in your tummy!

The hot shower calmed me down, and I felt even better when I dressed and blew my hair dry. Straight and long seemed to suit the day just fine. I grinned as I heard cooing come from the kitchen. It sounded like Jake and Abby were having one of their conversations. I ran to the kitchen to observe and help Edward with baby food for the bugs and waffles for the adults.

He was dressed in his work clothes-black slacks, white button-down, teal tie-and was performing double duty of feeding the twins mush from a jar. We had just started them on baby food, and they weren't too crazy about it.

"Good morning, my loves," I greeted the three most important people in my life. I kissed the tops of all of their heads and poured myself a cup of Edward's coffee before popping a few frozen waffles into the toaster. After those popped out golden brown, I divided them between two plates and brought them to the table with a bottle of syrup.

"Perfect," Edward said. "Thank you, love."

"No problem. I see you shaved," I sighed as I took one of the baby spoons from his hands and started to feed Abby. Pureed plums. Disgusting.

"Sorry, hun," he chuckled. "I won't shave at all this weekend. Deal?"

"It's a deal. Come on, Abigail," I begged her. "You were just eating for Uncle Edward."

She stared up at me, brown eyes studying my face carefully.

"Don't give me that look," I giggled. "Trust me, I know your plums aren't good. I'll avoid this flavor next time I go grocery shopping."

Seemingly satisfied, she giggled and accepted the next bite hungrily, making me laugh again.

"Jake isn't as picky as Abby," Edward observed. "He just finished his entire jar."

"Good boy," I cooed to Jake. "You're Mommy's big boy, aren't you?"

My son laughed at my silly tone.

My kids seemed to be so happy. That meant so much to me. They were always laughing and smiling. They had both finally started crawling, which made _me_ so happy. We were warned that their premature birth might hold them back a little, but they seemed to catch up quickly. They went from taking two tentative strides to effectively evading me in the house! They liked to hide from me under the couch. Whenever I found them, they would giggle so loudly.

Abby eventually finished her baby food, so Edward and I could eat our waffles without chancing a clump of plums on our food. But of course we were interrupted again…by Alice.

"Aww, how cute!" she gushed as she bounced into the kitchen. "You're all eating breakfast together like a little family!"

I glared at her. "Why are you here?"

She rolled her eyes. "We talked about this, Bella. I'm having my carpets shampooed today, so I'm babysitting at your house."

"Oh, right," I replied, finally remembering that conversation. "Sorry, I forgot. Make yourself at home. We have to leave in just a few minutes."

Alice leaned against the counters and grinned at us. "You really do look like a little family."

"That's enough," I told her, refilling my coffee cup.

Alice rolled her eyes again. "Come on, you lovebirds. Everybody knows that you two totally have a thing!"

"You're jumping to conclusions again, Alice," Edward said evenly. "How would you like it if I told you that you must be pregnant since you're getting married so young?"

"Hilarious, Eddie. I am _not_ pregnant, as evidenced by my ballerina's figure." She paused to strike a pirouette. "You two are so pathetic," she sighed. "You'll have to go public eventually. Come on, Jake and Abby. I'm going to get you two dressed so we can maybe go shopping later." She picked my babies up and carried them into the nursery.

"Sorry about that," Edward murmured as he stood up and carried his plate to the sink. He grabbed the bottle of Dawn dishwashing soap, but I caught his wrist.

"I do dishes, remember?" I reminded him. "You cook. I do dishes."

"You cooked this morning," he said.

"Putting waffles into a toaster does _not _constitute cooking. Let me do it, please. You know I like to." I pouted my lip out, knowing he couldn't resist that look.

"Fine," he surrendered with a sigh. "But I'm doing this just to get back at you." He pulled the milk carton out of the refrigerator and took a drink straight from it.

I swatted at him, making him laugh. "Come here, sweetie," I said. "Your shirt collar isn't straight."

Edward was at my house ninety-nine percent of the time. He even had clothes hanging in my closet. Since we were together so much, we had picked up on each other's habits and quirks. Like the way he left his towels in the bathroom floor. Or the fact that his collars were always skewed. And especially the way that he drank milk straight from the carton. That last one drove me crazy, but I knew I had to cut him some slack. He had been a bachelor for a while now. He wasn't used to cohabitating with anyone.

But the truth was, I _loved_ these little flaws in him. I liked being able to wash his dishes, pick his laundry up, fix his collars, and gently chide him about using a cup. I hadn't been able to take care of a man in so long. I was embracing the little housewife role I was playing-even though Edward and I weren't married and he "technically" didn't live with me.

I was born to nurture, and I needed a man to nurture. That was just imprinted into my DNA, my identity.

Edward smiled down at me while I straightened his collar and tie. "Thanks, love," he said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd look like a ragamuffin," I giggled. "Your hair already sends that message to people."

He shrugged. "You know that my hair is untamable. I could always cut it…"

"No!" I gasped. "Absolutely not. I love your hair."

He smiled crookedly down at me. "As I love yours. Have I told you that you look very pretty today?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "But thank you."

"Anytime," he purred before bending down and kissing me _again_. It was like kissing made up for our lack of sex. We had both probably been kissed thousands of times, but we couldn't get enough of each other's lips. We were just…crazy about each other.

I moaned quietly into his mouth as I scooted up onto the countertop. His fingers knotted in my hair, and my legs hitched around his hips. We kissed for just a minute because Alice walked in, the bugs crawling at her feet.

"_I knew it!_" she shouted in pure glee, causing us to turn to her in horror. She pumped her little fist in the air and started doing some kind of victory dance. "You can't deny your relationship any longer! Wait until Jazz and Em hear about this!"

* * *

So yes, we were "outed" in a way that we definitely hadn't planned on. After I had complained about Alice's eavesdropping, Emmett reminded me that I didn't have to go making out in my kitchen for everyone to see. After that, I couldn't complain anymore.

Luckily, the Cullens and Hales were very accepting of our relationship. Rosalie was the most blunt about it: "You guys have been shacking up for, like, thirty-eight years. Something was bound to happen."

The other side of my family, however, wasn't so supportive. Don't get me wrong: Charlie was fine with it after he had gotten over the initial shock of finding Edward's towels and boxers in the bathroom floor. He just reminded me to be responsible because I didn't need to get pregnant again. I tried to assure him that a pregnancy was not currently possible due to the fact that Edward and I were taking things slowly, but he just waved me off. "You're an adult now, Bells," was his last comment on the matter. "That's none of my business."

But Billy was having a harder time with it. I had told Edward that we didn't need to flaunt our relationship in front of him, and Edward wholeheartedly agreed. But Billy was so _perceptive_. Whenever I would brush against Edward or a pet name accidentally escaped from my mouth, Billy's deep frown lines would set in. I hated to offend my former father-in-law like this, but how long could we hide? It had been thirteen months since Jacob's death.

Things turned particularly tense one night. Edward and I had collaborated to make a steak meal for Charlie and Billy. Charlie was actually in a happy, talkative mood, which was rare. Billy, however, kept watching me and Edward. He didn't bother to hide his glares.

"Would you pass me the rolls, Bella?" Billy asked me as I sat down to eat, Jake in my lap.

"Of course," I said cheerfully, reaching around Jake in my lap to reach the rolls. "Would you like some garlic butter or do you have a hot date tonight?"

A smile broke out on his face, which was the reaction I was hoping for. "Hot date, definitely. Halle Berry is at my house right now. But she likes garlic."

Everyone laughed. "Halle, eh?" I said, passing the butter dish and trying to convince Jake into eating his pureed ham. Seriously, how do you even purée ham? It made no sense to me.

"Come on, Jakey, my love," I told him. "Eat one more bite for Mommy?"

He stared up at me disapprovingly. Everyone laughed at the expression on his face. Abby, meanwhile, was being a perfect angel for Edward, accepting every bite. She was soon finished, and he was bouncing her on her knee.

"Careful, Edward," I gently warned him. "She just ate an entire jar of Gerber. Pureed ham isn't fun in a diaper. I highly doubt it's fun soaked in spit-up."

Edward playfully rolled his eyes at me, but lifted Abby up and blew a raspberry on her belly. She giggled extremely loudly, the noise sounding like bells. It was beautiful.

I continued to feed Jake, still keeping an eye on Abby. Edward was lightly bouncing her again. I knew that he was just trying to love on her, but he wouldn't love it if she spat up on him. _Oh well_, I smirked. He would have to learn eventually.

Jake finished his baby food, which earned a round of applause from the table. He grinned widely, looking so much like his father. He wasn't as loud as Abby, but he was just as cute.

"I think Abby Hope inherited Jacob's personality," Billy mused. "And Jake acts more like the Swans." He cast a disapproving look at me and my father. Neither of us were bubbly chatters.

"I think so, too," Charlie said. "Edward my boy, can I see my granddaughter?"

"Of course," Edward said, handing her over the table. Charlie lifted her up high...and was showered in foul-smelling spit-up.

"Oh, jeez," I gasped, handing Jake to Edward and running to grab Abby from my dad. I put her in her highchair and grabbed a dishtowel for Charlie, who was stripping down to his undershirt.

"See, Edward?" Billy suddenly burst out, his voice loud and his face red. "Bella told you not to jostle her, and you did it anyway!"

"Billy," Charlie said, washing off his face. "That was my fault. Leave the boy alone."

I was in shock. I had never heard Billy raise his voice with anyone but Jacob. I stood and stared for a minute before realizing that after the blow-up, Jake was screaming and reaching for me.

I traded kids with Edward, Jake immediately burying his face in my breast. "Shh, my love," I whispered to him, rubbing his back. "It's okay, sweetheart."

But Jake wasn't calming down. He was latched on to me, fisting my shirt and hair. I walked him back to the nursery and sat in a rocking chair, pulling Jacob's special blanket over him. I started rocking him, singing softly. Tonight's selection was Billy Joel.

Charlie interrupted us a few minutes later with a warm bottle in his hands. "I know he just had dinner, but this might soothe him to sleep," he said, handing it to me.

"Thanks, Dad," I said to him, guiding it into Jake's mouth. His little face was red with tears, and he coughed against the rubber nipple of the bottle. I softly patted him, still singing, until finally he agreed to suck on it.

"Is Billy okay?" I asked my dad, smiling at my son's concentration on downing his dessert. "Slow down, little one," I whispered to him.

Charlie sighed. "He'll be fine. He got a bad report from the doctor today, and he's bummed out."

Jake was now breathing steadily. I continued to rock him, letting him nuzzle against my breast. I didn't breastfeed my babies, but I knew they still found comfort in that uniquely "Mommy" part of my body. "What's wrong with him?"

"His diabetes are out of control," Charlie said. "That's why he lost the use of his legs, you know. He's losing his vision, too."

I sighed. "Now I feel bad for all of this."

"Don't." Charlie put a hand on my head. "Worry about yourself and your children. If Edward is good for you three, then don't feel like you have to hide him."

I nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll try..."

He smiled. "Edward is changing Abby's diaper in the living room while Billy is in the kitchen. I guess I should go prevent another awkward situation."

I nodded. "As soon as Jake is asleep, I'll be back. He skipped his afternoon nap, so that's probably part of the problem."

Charlie shook his head. "I'm going to tell Billy that yelling and screaming around the kids won't be happening anymore. That was totally unnecessary."

"Thanks, Dad," I breathed. He kissed my forehead and the top of Jake's head, and then he left.

Jake's eyes were growing heavy. He had finally calmed down, and his little hand played with a lock of my hair. He and Abby both took comfort in that. I softly kissed his cheek, and he gave me a little smile around the bottle.

"Sleepy time, little boy," I whispered before starting my song again.

In complete amazement, I watched as he gradually fell asleep. He was so beautiful and just plain _perfect_. I gently squeezed him in a hug before placing him in his crib.

I went to the living room to find Edward doing basically the same routine with Abby. As soon as her chocolate eyes fell on me, she started squealing and reaching for my arms.

"Okay, okay, I get it," Edward laughed. "I'd rather be in your mommy's arms, too."

I gently pulled her from him and sat in yet another rocking chair. "Okay, Miss Abigail," I greeted her, positioning the bottle. "I hope you're nicer than your brother."

She wiggled for a few minutes as I rocked her, but she eventually settled down, murmuring around the bottle and pulling on my shirt. "Mmmm," she cooed, staring up at me.

Billy Joel again, I decided. Edward snickered as I started to sing, but I didn't care. I knew that my children found comfort in my voice, and that was all that mattered. Abby and I stared at each other for a while, me smoothing her hair and her clutching onto mine. It was an entirely different feeling to look in my daughter's face. She looked so much like me instead of Jacob. And she was beautiful. I had passed down everything to her-my eyes, my nose, my uneven lips, even my ears. It made me feel so proud and special to know that I had contributed to this flawless little being. I loved her so much.

Finally, she gave one final noise and then drifted off to sleep. I winked at Edward, telling him we were free to go to bed. I took Abby to her crib and had to untangle my hair from her little fingers. She and her brother were so much alike.

When I had both of my children safe in bed, I ran to my bedroom, where Edward was waiting. He held his arms open for me, already knowing that I desperately needed a hug.

"I am so sorry," I said into his chest as his arms wrapped tightly around me. "That was so rude of him."

He sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't hang around so much."

I looked up at him, hurt and already growing scared. "No," I said. "Absolutely not. I need you here with me."

He bit his lip for just a second. "Bella, this relationship...with my spending the night and having clothes over here...it's not very appropriate."

I shook my head. "It's appropriate for us. Please, Edward, I need you. Don't leave me," I said a little desperately.

He smiled and cradled my head in his hands. "I'll never leave you, sweetheart. I'm just suggesting time and distance. Just a little. I know that this is hard on Billy. He thinks that I'm trying to take Jacob's place. I'm not. Do you see that?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I see that. But Charlie told me tonight that I don't need to change anything for Billy. That I can only worry about what's good for myself and my babies...Edward, you make _breathing_ easier."

"Okay," he whispered against my hair. "I understand, sweetheart. Forget time and distance. I'd rather be here, anyway."

I smiled up at him. "Good. So you'll change into your pajamas and stay the night?"

"Yes, ma'am. And we don't have to go to work tomorrow..." He winked at me.

I grinned. "Awesome. We can sleep in a little."

"Yup," he said, kissing my forehead. "I'll be back." He disappeared into the bathroom.

I quickly found a tank top and shorts set and changed into it. Edward eventually came out in gym shorts and a t-shirt, smelling minty fresh. God, he was so beautiful. He looked amazing in his work suits, but I preferred him in a casual setting with bare feet and frazzled hair.

"Come here," I said, taking his hand and pulling him down on the bed. He hovered over me, kissing me firmly. My hands joined together behind his neck, playing in the hair at the cleft of his skull.

My mouth opened, and so did his-hesitantly. Ever so cautiously, our tongues met. He let out a little groan and his hands rubbed up and down my bare arms before going to the little strip of skin bared by the hem of my tank top.

My body was screaming at me to rip his shirt off, but my heart told me to stop. I froze, and he sighed before pulling away.

"I love you," I whispered to him, trying to soothe away any feelings of rejection.

He smiled and kissed my smile. "I love you, too. Damn, you're beautiful."

"I don't agree with you," I said, stretching to turn the lamp off on my bedside table. "But thanks."

His bright eyes studied my face carefully. "Is that what this is all about? You don't think you're pretty enough?"

"That's part of it," I admitted.

He frowned at me. "Bella, your low self-esteem blows me away everyday. You're gorgeous, sweetheart-from that sweet, lovely face to that perfect little body. Why can't you see that?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Never mind, Edward. I'm really tired..."

"I get it," he whispered in my ear. "You don't have to make excuses. I'm fine with all of your decisions, okay? I love you and I trust you. Please know that. I'm very happy in this relationship, and if you don't feel ready to make love, then I'll still be happy."

"I do know that," I replied. "I swear."

His gaze softened, and he smiled. "Good. So since you don't want to make out or go further, can I still snuggle with you?"

"You bet," I laughed, rolling over and letting him mold to my back. "Can you turn out your lamp?"

"Yes ma'am. Good night, my angel."

I snorted. "You heard my song."

"Yes, Billy Joel's 'Lullaby' is actually one of my favorites. Do you want me to sing you to sleep?"

I cuddled down closer to him, so my head was resting against his chest. "Please do. But first…I just want you to realize that a lot of people are going to be like Billy. They're not going to understand our relationship. Especially people in La Push. Jacob was like the golden child of the reservation."

"I know," he replied. "And do you know I have to say about that?"

"What?" I asked him.

"People will always talk, so let's give them something to talk about." He winked at me.

I giggled. "I know that this relationship is right for us. I just wish other people would realize that. I mean, it's been a year…"

"Bella, sweetie, they'll get used to it. We never did anything wrong. We have clean slates. Don't worry about it."

I nodded slowly. "Okay. Good night, Edward. I love you."

He kissed my hair before starting to sing.

_I promised I would never leave you,  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go,  
No matter where you are,  
I never will be far away.  
Good night my angel,  
Now it's time to sleep…_

I drifted off to sleep in his loving arms, forgetting about Billy and everybody else's opinions of our relationship.

* * *

_I know. It's fluffier than the Easter bunny coated in cotton candy. I love fluff, though._

_Hey, Team Jacob people? Hold your breath. You may get your wish in the next chapter.  
_


	25. Doting Mother

**Author's Note: Okay, I lied. Team Jacob, be sure to read the next chapter. I had to take care of a few things in this one, but since ladybug89 has been poking with a stick, I swear that the next chapter will make a LOT of people happy.**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer and Summit Entertainment own all of the rights.

Chapter Twenty-Four: "Doting Mother" Bella's POV

Emmett and Rosalie were laying on our couch together, with Rose laying on top of him. As soon as Edward and I walked into the living room, they broke their kiss and looked guilty.

"Excellent babysitting, bro," Edward rolled his eyes, sitting on the loveseat and pulling me down with him. Jake and Abby were playing on the carpet, talking to each other in their funny little language.

"They're kids," Emmett rolled his eyes, looking a little like Edward. "They have to have bruises and accidents in order to have childhoods. And you can't tell me that you and Bella don't get a little distracted from babysitting."

I blushed, but luckily, Jake saved the day. "Maaa," he said, catching my attention. I had been trying to get them both to say _Mama_ or _Mommy_, but they were still learning new consonant sounds. "Maaa!"

"What, precious?" I asked him. He put his toy phone up to his ear and started chattering.

"Whoa!" Emmett said, suddenly mesmerized. "He has a new trick!"

I giggled. "They both play with the phone and 'drink' out of Abby's plastic tea set. This is the stage in which they start identifying the purposes of objects, apparently."

"Maaa!" Abby yelled.

"What, beautiful girl?" I replied just as animatedly. She crawled over to the couch and reached for me. "No," I said. "Try to stand up, my love. Come here." I reached down and lightly took her hands, pulling gently to try to encourage her to use her feet and legs. Abby, always so stubborn, wasn't having it. I finally lifted her up to my lap, and gave her a kiss on her slobbery lips. She rested against my chest and stomach, her hands feeling my face. Edward, Emmett, and Rose started a conversation, but I was only paying attention to Abby. As she traced every facial feature of mine, I would tell her their names. _Eyes...cheeks...mouth...nose...chin..._ She giggled loudly when her fingers touched my lips and I playfully took hold of them, sheathing my teeth, of course. I pretended to gobble her fingers up until she pulled them out and rested her face against my neck. There was nothing like an Abby butterfly kiss.

"Maaa!" Jake shouted, at my feet. His arms extended for me, too, but he grabbed the loveseat and started to pull himself up.

"Edward, look!" I shrieked. "He's standing up!"

Jake was a little taken aback at my outburst, but he slowly made it to his feet. I noticed his little legs were shaking and wobbly, but he moved his grip to my skirt and was hanging on for dear life.

"Yay!" we all cheered, and he grinned.

"You're such a big boy!" I enthused as I swept him up to his destination-my other arm. Abby was watching him intently, as if to say, _Oh-that's what this crazy lady wanted!_

Jake and Abby both laughed as I blew raspberries in their necks and planted loud kisses all over their faces. They sometimes had rivalries over my attention, but today they were content to share.

"They are so adorable," Rosalie sighed. "I want a baby so badly. Emmett, do you think Esme would kill you if we had a baby before the wedding?"

"Probably," Emmett replied. "Mom doesn't even believe in sex before marriage. I felt so guilty when I lost my virginity."

Edward laughed. "I remember that! Angela Weber, right?"

Rosalie started to pout. "Why are we waiting to get married, again?"

"Because Alice will kill you if you get married before she does," Emmett said matter-of-factly. "Considering she's been engaged for a year. And we can't elope, because you want the big princess fairy tale wedding. Don't blame this one on me, babe." He winked at her and kissed her cheek.

"When's Alice's wedding?" Edward asked. "I should know this, since I'm a groomsman."

"In six months," I said. "We're going to Seattle to shop for bridesmaids dresses in the next couple of weeks."

Rosalie stood up. "Ooh, I forgot about that. I'm gonna order pizza for one last carb indulgence before fittings. Bella, can I use your house phone? My cell is dead."

"I cut the line off," I replied. "It was an unnecessary expense. You can use my cell phone. It's there on the coffee table."

Rosalie grabbed it and went into the kitchen. "Can I keep the bugs?" Emmett offered eagerly.

I nodded, dodging a playful shove from Jake. "Of course. Jeez, my loves, you two are getting so big and chubby! Mommy's arms are aching."

"Chubby bunnies," Edward cooed, reaching out for one of them. "Come on, give your mommy a break for just a minute." Abby immediately fell carelessly into his arms. She was becoming Edward's pride and joy. It was very obvious he was securely wrapped around her little finger.

He tickled her and played with her while I snuggled with Jake. He had become fascinated with my nose, and he kept grabbing it and pulling it. He was also trailing his mouth across my face and neck, making _muah_ noises. After a few minutes of puzzling over this, I realized he was trying to kiss me like I always kissed him. "Mmm, sweet boy," I cooed to him, rubbing my nose to his. "Mommy loves your kisses." I pressed a kiss to his little red lips.

"Who would have thought that Bella would be the maternal one out of all of us?" Rosalie mused.

"Yeah, these kids have brought out the best in me," I agreed. "Sometimes I can't believe that I'm a mother. But they're already such good kids…I think I'm doing a good job."

"At least they're not like those little devils in the grocery store," Emmett groaned. "The ones who cry and scream and kick. Mom never allowed us to throw temper tantrums, did she, Edward?"

Edward was busy snuggling with Abby, but he shook his head. "No, we knew better than to do that kind of crap. Dad would have tanned us raw."

"Good," I said. "I don't have to swat my kids' diapers much, but when they hit the terrible twos, I have a feeling I'll have to spank some butts and hands. I'm enjoying the baby stage."

Edward nodded. "They're extremely pleasant right now."

Emmett snorted and then added, "Enjoy it while it lasts." There was something about his voice that made the simple sentence sound ominous.

* * *

The sound of screaming woke me up. Again. This time it was Jake. He and Abby had taken turns screaming at the tops of their lungs all through the past two days and nights, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. "I've got him," I told Edward, who had shot up. I rolled out of bed and went to the nursery to grab Jake before Abby woke up. "Alright, little man, you've got to give Mommy some kind of sign," I whispered, bouncing him as I walked to the bedroom to grab my bathrobe. "I have no idea what is going on with you and your sister."

Edward was sitting up in bed, sleepily waiting for us. Jake still cried when I sat in bed next to Edward, laying my little man on his back. "I have no idea what's wrong," I moaned to Edward. "What do I do?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to go buy some pacifiers?" Edward asked me wistfully.

I nodded. "I refuse to use pacifiers. They're bad for the development of the mouth, and they're so germy. Plus it's just a bad habit to start."

"I know, you've told me," he sighed. I could tell that Edward was craving the relief a pacifier would bring the entire house.

I looked back at Jake, who was still crying. "Jakey, Mommy loves you, but you have to hush." I softly traced his lips with my finger. He engulfed my finger in his small mouth, and his little gums bit down roughly. I stared groggily at him as he gummed my finger.

"_Ohhh_," I said, burying my face in Edward's shoulder.

"What is it, love?" he asked me, resting his head on mine.

"I'm so stupid! They're teething," I explained. "Finally. They've been late bloomers. The pediatrician told me not to worry, though...some kids take longer, especially premature kids..." I groaned as Jake took full advantage of my finger.

"What do we do?" Edward asked me.

"I need Baby Orajel," I said. "I don't have any..."

"I'll go pick some up," he offered. "Surely they have some at Wal-Mart."

"Are you sure?" I asked him. "I could go pick it up, if you would like to stay in bed and let your pinky be a teething ring."

"Nah, I don't want you out driving at two AM. Do you want me to pick up some teething rings?" he asked me.

I hesitated. "Yeah, that's fine. They're not as addictive as pacifiers. I hope."

Edward kissed the top of my head before walking out of the bedroom. He didn't even bother to change out of his pajamas. As I let Jake teeth on my finger, I laid down next to him and drifted off until Abby woke me up. "Be right back," I promised Jake, putting the corner of the blanket into his mouth and blocking him with pillows so he wouldn't roll off. I pulled Abby out of her crib and instantly gave her one of my fingers. She chewed, still fussing. "See?" I whispered to her, kissing her temple. "Mommy knows what's going on. I'm so sorry, lovey."

I went back to Jake and laid down between them, giving them each a hand to teeth on. I had Baby Motrin but I didn't want to interrupt them while they were (mostly) quiet. Edward would be back soon enough.

And he was-in record time. He entered the bedroom with a box of Baby Orajel, Baby Tylenol, pink and blue teething rings, and...a bottle of whiskey?

"I called Mom and asked her about teething," he explained. "She said that if the Orajel and Tylenol don't settle them down, then it won't hurt to rub a little whiskey on their gums."

"Excellent," I said. Leave it to Esme to know that little trick. She truly was an angel. I ripped open the bottle of Tylenol and forced it down the bugs' throats with the medicine dropper. After that, I pulled out the Orajel. It came in little Q-tip like tubes. I figured out how to crack the tubes and release the medicine into the tips. While my babies screamed and fussed, I rubbed a Q-tip each on their gums. "Shh," I groggily tried to soothe them, moving the medicine to the bedside table and opening the teething rings. I stuck one in each of their mouths. They quickly took the hint and started to chew.

"Mission accomplished," Edward mumbled as they laid flat, still making noise as the pain gradually left their bodies. This time they protested more softly, though, and for that, I was grateful.

"I'm such a terrible mom," I groaned. "I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner."

"You are not a terrible mom," Edward said, drowsily kissing me. "It happens to everyone. Um, are they sleeping here?"

"I'm not leaving them alone," I replied. "I already feel guilty that I didn't treat their pain sooner."

Edward gave me a small smile. "Relax, love. At least we know now. Come on, let's go back to bed."

We moved the babies so they were laying between us, still quietly humming as they chewed. Their eyes were growing increasingly heavy. It was hard to sleep in this position; I wanted to snuggle up to Edward.

"You know I love the bugs insanely," he murmured, half-asleep. "But I want to touch you so badly."

I laughed. "Me, too. Let's figure this out." I snuggled closer to Abby until my feet could twine with Edward's. And I held his hand above our heads, resting on the pillows. "Better?" I asked him.

"Mmm...love you..."

And then he started snoring.

The next morning, we only woke up because the bugs woke up and Abby and Jake were crawling on top of Edward. His green eyes opened, and he smiled at them. His sigh did not escape me, though. "Morning, my loves," he murmured, and I scooted closer to his side. Abby came and snuggled into my belly.

"They're probably hungry," I whispered.

Edward nodded, yawning. "Five more minutes."

Jake and Abby Hope had been _so good _about sleeping through the night. Edward and I weren't used to getting up so much anymore. Maybe once a night. Not eight or nine times like last night.

"You can sleep," I told him, kissing his lips. "I'll feed them."

For once, he didn't argue. I took the kids and balanced them on my hips as I walked to the kitchen. I set them in their highchairs and found their breakfast. I hoped they would like the apple juice in their bottles. They preferred formula over the grape juice and cranberry juice I had tried. Apple juice was a whole new experience.

I was relieved when they seemed to like it. I gave them their baby food and even put some Cheerios on their plates. Since they were teething, I thought it would be a pretty good idea to get them started on chewing solids. I knew that they were starting later than most babies, and that bothered me a little, but I reminded myself that every baby develops at a unique pace.

"Knock, knock!" a cheerful voice said as the front door opened. I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal.

"Hi, Esme," I replied quietly, trying to keep my eyes open. "Do you want some Cheerios?"

"Sure! I just came to see how our babies are feeling." She kissed their cheeks.

"They're feeling better this morning," I replied. "I had to try the whiskey at five AM. It worked like a dream."

"I did that for all three of my children," she said. "Old Southern remedy. Where's Edward?"

We had both made bowls of Cheerios, so we went and sat at the table with the twins. Jake and Abby were staring suspiciously at the Cheerios I had given them. "He's asleep," I confessed, feeling only slightly awkward to tell this to his mom. "He was up a lot last night." I yawned. "We both were. I'm so tired."

She nodded. "I know. You need a break, Bella."

I turned to the kids. "You eat them," I explained pointlessly, picking up a Cheerio and putting it in Abby's mouth, knowing that if she ate it, Jake certainly would follow her lead. She tried to mash it up, still getting used to chewing. Finally, she grinned and grabbed some more. Jake giggled at his silly sister and started to eat his Cheerios slowly.

"Are they eating solids?" Edward asked, surprising us. His voice was husky with drowsiness.

"Yes," I said proudly, glancing up at my man. He was beautifully disheveled-hair pointing in every direction, that gorgeous stubble dominating his face. He was still in his pajamas. "I think the Cheerios feel good on their little gums."

Edward smiled. "Good. Hey, Mom. Good morning."

"Good morning, sweetie," Esme replied. Edward came over to me to kiss me once, and I swear Esme almost exploded with satisfaction. I could see wheels turning in her head-engagement parties, wedding details, more children that she could officially call her grandchildren. It was all plain on her face. She was a planner, which explained the unstoppable force that was Alice Cullen.

"Will you make coffee?" I asked him sweetly. He gave me his crooked smile and nodded. After loading the coffee pot, he came and sat beside me, resting his head on the table. I softly ran my hand through his locks, massaging his scalp. "You can go back to sleep, honey," I told him. He shook his head, and once again, Esme had a million dollar smile on her face-just at my little pet name for her son.

I was the one who stood up to pour up the coffee into three cups. My body was craving the caffeine like crazy. As soon as it cooled, I downed it in one take.

Esme clucked her tongue in disapproval at our exhausted states. "You two need a mini-vacation," she said firmly. "Let us keep the twins for a day or two. Bella, you're starting to permanently smell like Desitin."

I snorted. "They're teething...I can't leave them...and they would bother you."

"I've survived three children, darling. You don't even have to go any further than Edward's house next door. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Enjoy each other." She winked at me. "But...not too much."

Edward chuckled, still slumped over the table. "Mom...you're such a _mom_."

"Well now I want to be a nana," she decided. "_Please_ let me keep them."

"Soon," I agreed to keep from hurting her feelings. "But not now. I need to be there for them when they cut their first teeth." I continued to gently rub Edward's scalp. He let out a happy sigh. Hmm, somebody liked it when I played in his hair.

"Very soon," Esme agreed. And I could tell by the look on her face that she liked it when I played with her son's hair, too.

* * *

It wasn't very long until both of the bugs had accomplished cutting their first teeth. I was the one who discovered their little pearly whites peeking out of their gums. Edward had to keep me from becoming a little obsessive about their oral health after that. I wanted to brush those little teeth all the time! Yes, I was officially a proud, doting mother.

Right after the twins hit nine months, Esme reminded me of her offer to keep them while Edward and I had a chance to get away. Honestly, this time I was a _lot _more excited about her offer. The pressures of raising two children together were starting to burden us. We were in a new relationship, yet we didn't have time to nurture that relationship. Only at nighttime did we have alone time. We both worked five days a week so we didn't even have nap-time during the day except on weekends.

Edward was feeling it, too. Emmett and Rosalie wanted to take the bugs to First Beach for a fun day. The bugs absolutely loved the beach, and I knew I couldn't resist that offer. As soon as they walked out the front door, Edward nearly broke the couch by tackling me on it, meeting my lips with his.

"Mmm," I said between kisses. "Have you missed me?"

"Just a little," he replied, pulling away and wrapping his arms around me. "I don't get to hold you enough."

"I miss you, too," I admitted. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really do."

He lovingly stroked my hair. "Why don't we let Mom keep the kids for next weekend? You're going to Seattle with Alice on Friday, right?"

I nodded. "Bridesmaid dress shopping, in the morning. Rose and I are both taking sick days from work."

"What if I drive up to Seattle later that day?" he suggested. "I'll meet you after you girls are finished. We can get a hotel room and spend the weekend in the city."

I bit my lip, internally debating. I loved the idea-a weekend of peace and quiet, with no sore gums or dirty diapers. A weekend full of _Edward._

But I also knew that a hotel would suggest some certain nighttime activities. Edward would never pressure me into sex, as he often reminded me, but I couldn't help but wonder if he expected it in a freaking _hotel_.

And I couldn't help but wonder why I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea.

I nodded slowly. "Okay. It's a deal. As long as Esme and Carlisle don't mind keeping them."

"I'll call them now," he said, leaping up to grab his phone.

"Nah, I'll do it," I replied. "I think it would sound better if I asked them."

To no one's surprise, both Esme and Carlisle loved the idea. Carlisle would be spending most of the weekend at the hospital, and Esme wanted the company that the bugs would provide.

"Okay," I said, ending the call and looking at Edward. "We're going to Seattle."

A thrilled smile covered his face as he pulled me to him. "I _can't wait._"

And as his lips trailed along my neck, I realized that I couldn't wait, either. I couldn't help but feel that this weekend would elevate us to a whole new level of our relationship.

* * *

_Reviews are dwindling. I realize this story is a slow burn, but can anyone speed up a pregnancy or the grieving process? No. But the next chapter will be worth it. That's what starts the real drama._

_Please leave me a review so I'll know if I still have readers.  
_


	26. A Very Horrible Mistake

**Author's Note: Team Jacob people...here it is.**

**Be sure to read my explanation at the end of this chapter.**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all of these characters.

Chapter Twenty-Five: "A Very Horrible Mistake" Bella's POV

"That was a really great dinner," I told Edward as he parked the Volvo in the little bed-and-breakfast's parking lot. "Thank you so much."

He smiled, taking my hand. "You're welcome, love. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

There was a tension hanging in the air that was deeply tangible. We were both obviously wondering about where tonight would lead us. His thumb traced little circles on the back of my hand as I stared into his emerald eyes. He gave me a dazzling smile before leaning in to kiss me.

Our lips slowly moved with each other, taking their time. I preferred this slow kissing over the fast, playful caresses we usually shared. His hands moved into my hair, combing through it and holding my head in place. My right hand cupped his neck. Fire shot through me as we mutually opened our mouths, deepening our chaste kiss into something so much more.

"Mmm," I moaned a minute later as I pulled away from air. If I had any doubts about what we were doing tonight, then they had vanished. "Let's go to our room. Please."

He looked surprised at my desperate tone. "I concur," he whispered before cutting the engine and sweeping out of the car. He was at my door quickly, opening it and helping me out. I tripped, and he caught me flush against his chest. We stared at each other for far too long.

Tonight was going to be slow and sweet.

He swallowed hard before taking my hand and leading me into the bed-and-breakfast. We had already dropped our luggage off, so we went straight up to the room. He fiddled with the key like he was _nervous_. What would he be nervous about?

We walked into the charming room. It had sunny yellow walls, beautiful hardwood floors, and elegant furniture. The quilt on the rather large bed was white with detailed pink roses. It was beautiful.

However, my eyes were only for Edward. He dropped his keys onto the bedside table and sat down to take his shoes off. I shed my sandals by the bathroom door and crawled on the bed next to him, trying to kiss his cheek. He, however, turned his head so he caught my lips in his.

I gently pushed him down on the bed. He kicked his last shoe off and adjusted himself so we were both lying on the bed. We stared at each other for an immeasurable moment before I gently rolled over on top of him. My hands took his jaw captive, and I pressed my lips to his again.

His arms wrapped around my waist, kissing me cautiously. I knew he was wondering where I was going with this.

"Lighten up," I whispered. "I know what I'm doing."

He gave me his crooked smile. "I know you do. I don't, though."

I giggled and continued to kiss him. He did loosen up, letting his fingers lightly trail down my spine. As soon as he got to the seat of my dress, his fingers started moving back up.

He was holding back. After two months of being teased, he had resigned himself to the fact that the teasing was probably going to last a lot longer. I loved him for holding back, for not rushing me into anything, but I was ready for more.

I broke our kiss and dotted my lips down his jaw, going straight to his neck. I lightly nuzzled my nose and lips to the skin there before grazing it gently with my teeth. His breath caught, and his hands continued to rub my back.

I licked at his earlobe for just a second before raising my head and looking into his eyes. "Do you trust me?" I asked him softly.

He nodded, a new anticipation gleaming in the endless pools of green.

I trapped his lips again, and our tongues began their beautiful dance. My fingers went to the buttons of his shirt, and I slowly started to unfasten them. As soon as the buttons were all free, my hands roamed on his chest and abs, feeling every beautiful muscle.

Edward tilted my jaw up so he could attack my neck, and he started to unbutton the front of my dress. For once, I didn't resist him. He rolled over so he was hovering above me, and his mouth continued its delicious trail down my torso as he uncovered more of me. He pulled apart the sash at my waist, and my dress fell open to reveal the midnight blue lingerie that I hadn't worn in over a year.

"I love that color with your skin," he whispered into my ear.

"I love _you_," I gasped, and he smiled before gently palming the planes of my torso and hips.

I twisted just a little so my hands could unfasten his pants. He raised his hips so he could kick them off.

_Oh, god, _I thought._ Edward Cullen is in his boxers. Right in front of my eyes._

I felt like a silly teenager, but I didn't care. I liked feeling young again. My legs wrapped around his waist, and he softly placed a kiss in between my breasts. "Bella?" he murmured.

"Yes?" I was a little distracted by the way he kissed and licked along my collarbones.

"You're beautiful, love. Every little piece." He nuzzled his nose into my lacy bra. "I can't imagine why you've been hiding this."

I smiled, blushing in my cheeks and feeling a flush across my chest. "You're beautiful, too," I whispered.

My lips were suddenly very busy again, and his hands thoroughly distracted me from any conversation. He pulled my bra apart, and then we began one of the most pleasantly earth-shattering nights of my life.

* * *

My cell phone woke us up at ten AM the next morning. My back was resting against Edward's naked body, and his arms were wrapped around me tightly.

"Don't answer that," he begged, sliding down the bed so he could place a kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Let me see who it is," I replied, picking up the phone from the bedside table. Edward kept kissing my shoulders and back, his hands rediscovering my front. "God, baby," I giggled. "You're so good at distracting me."

"I'm not apologizing for that."

"Please don't," I replied with a smile, pulling the vibrating phone closer to my eyes. The caller ID read _Unknown_. No name, no number, nothing.

"That's weird," I said. "Probably just a telemarketer."

"Let it go to voicemail."

"I don't have a voicemail box set up," I replied, placing the ringing phone back on the table. "I hate listening to recorded messages. If it's important, they'll call back again."

I twisted so my body was facing his, and my hands tangled in his hair, rubbing his scalp just the way I knew he liked it. He flashed me that adorable crooked smile. "How do you know exactly how to drive me crazy?"

I shrugged, relieved that the annoying ringtone had ceased. "The way you practically purr whenever I do something is a pretty good indication of what you like."

He laughed before kissing me softly yet passionately. I thought we were headed toward another lovemaking session, but my phone interrupted me again. Edward froze.

"Ignoring it again," I murmured. "Keep kissing me, Rhett."

He laughed. "Yes ma'am, Scarlett."

Finally, when a third call interrupted us, I sighed and retrieved the phone. Still an unknown number. Edward snaked down the bed to take one of my feet. He started massaging it in a way that made me feel like I was floating in pure bliss.

I flipped my phone open. "Hello?"

"Is this Isabella Black?" a male voice asked me.

"Yes, it is," I replied. "Who's speaking?"

"This is Colonel Embry Call, ma'am. I'm the American commander of Campbell Barracks in Heidelburg, Germany."

"Okay," I said, a strange feeling of dread creeping up on me. Edward felt my body tense and started to kiss along my feet. "May I ask why you're calling?"

"Ma'am…" he sighed. "I'm calling to inform you of a very horrible mistake the US Army has made."

_Oh, great, they've found Jacob's possessions and they're going to send them to me. Just after I've moved on to another man._

He hesitated in my silence, but kept speaking. "Ma'am, we misidentified the body that was sent to you."

_Whaaaaat?_ I pulled my feet from Edward and sat up in bed, swinging my legs over the side. "That's impossible," I said. "Jacob has been buried for over a year."

Edward slid off of the bed, coming to kneel in front of me. He had his eyebrows raised in question, and a concerned sadness in his eyes. "What's going on?" he mouthed.

I shrugged, totally confused.

"The man we buried is not Sergeant Black," Colonel Call continued.

"How do you know that?" I gasped.

"Because…" Colonel Call paused. "Because we found Sergeant Black in an Iraqi POW camp. Mrs. Black, your husband is still alive."

And with those five words, everything I had trusted and found comfort in for the past months came crashing down. Edward instantly noticed the change in my face and started to rub my thighs.

For some reason, I didn't want him to touch me. I was still married. My husband was still _alive. _I stood up and ran to grab the complimentary terrycloth robe.

"Where is he?" I nearly shouted as I pulled it on.

"We flew him in to the hospital here at Campbell. Mrs. Black, he isn't in such great shape. He's very malnourished and has broken bones. We've had to rebreak a few of the bones that had already set incorrectly. He also was shot in the leg right before we found him. We have him on constant IV fluids and painkillers."

"Can I talk to him?" I shrieked. Jacob…_my_ Jacob…was still alive. My husband, the father of my children, the man who was once the reason for my existence. He was a nine hour plane ride away from me.

"He's in surgery right now. As soon as he is able to speak, I will try to get him to a phone."

"Do I need to buy a calling card or anything?" I asked Colonel Call.

"No, ma'am. We'll take care of the expenses of everything, including his flight home. Ma'am, your husband has served his country extremely well. After seeing his current condition, I can say that I can't think of a finer soldier."

"Thank you," I murmured, my head spinning. "Can I fly to Germany to be with him while he heals?"

For the first time, I noticed Edward from across the room. He had pulled jeans and a t-shirt on, and he was collapsed on his knees. His green eyes were burning as he took in my side of the conversation. I knew from the tortured expression on his face that he understood.

"Yes," Colonel Call said. "We can find you housing."

"I'll be there ASAP," I said.

"We'll have transportation for you at the airport, Mrs. Black. I'll meet you myself. I'll be wearing my uniform with my last name on it, of course."

"Thank you, Colonel Call," I said.

"Stay strong, Mrs. Black. We'll see you soon. Keep your phone on in case Sergeant Black can call you."

"I will."

I hung up my phone, dropping it on the floor and running to my suitcase. "We have to leave," I said, panicking. "I have to go home and pack for a stay in Germany."

Edward was still frozen. Finally, as I dressed, he said, "How did this happen?"

"Jacob has been a prisoner of war. I don't know why they thought that body was his. He's in the Campbell hospital in Germany." I repeated his medical condition back to Edward.

"So…you're going after him?" Edward asked dully.

I nodded. "Of course. He's still my husband, Edward."

As soon as I saw his crestfallen expression, my tears started to flow. I threw my suitcase down on the floor and crumbled on the bed, sobbing.

Edward, of course, came and comforted me. But as I peeked through my eyelashes, I saw that he was crying, too.

* * *

_I know that everyone wanted Bella to go home and find Jacob sitting in her living room. Or that Jacob would walk in on Bella and Edward having an intimate moment. Or that he would show up to the twins' first birthday party. I know-that would have been a great twist._

_But that's not how it would work in real life. Jacob has been living in hell for a year, so he is obviously in need of intense medical care. And the Army would have to let Bella know that she had buried the wrong body, so they could dig the grave up and try to identify the remains._

_Jacob's POV is next. Warning: there will be flashbacks from his POW (prisoner of war) days.  
_


	27. Open Wounds Jacob's POV

**READ THIS FIRST!**

**A bunch of people are asking me if I can tell them who Bella is going to end up with. **

**My answer is: No. I cannot tell you that. Do you know why?**

**Because I don't know who she'll end up with.**

**I think I have a pretty good idea, but it's going to be hard to write.**

**So please understand that this story is a learning process for me. Bella has changed so much in the past twenty-something chapters. I'm still discovering her heart and soul.**

**There's a glossary of Army terms at the bottom.  
**

**So now that we've cleared all that up...welcome to the mind of Sergeant Jacob Black!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Six: "Open Wounds" Jacob's POV

I opened my eyes to a plain, unfamiliar room that was somehow very familiar. I was laying in an uncomfortable bed with scratchy sheets, and I had tubes and wires hooked up to me. My left arm and right leg both felt heavy, and I glanced down to realize that they were in casts. An IV was dripping into my right hand.

My survival instincts immediately kicked in. I tried to sit up, but a man dressed in Army fatigues and a lab-coat entered the room. He looked as American as apple pie, but I still didn't trust him.

"Sergeant Black," the medic nodded. "I'm Sergeant Gerandy."

"Where am I?" I asked, my voice hoarse and my throat sore.

"You're at Campbell in Germany," he replied. "You're pretty banged up, sir."

I closed my eyes as the images started flooding into my mind. Sitting in a prison that was dug into the sand. The feel of the clubs and rocks against my bones. The burn of the fire against my skin. The hateful glint in the eyes of my torturers…

"Sir," Gerandy interrupted me. "Can I check you over?"

I nodded slowly. As he checked my IV, a sudden thought crept over me.

_Bella._

_Bella…Bella…Bella…_

_Bella._

"Can I call my wife?" I asked a little too loudly.

"As soon as I finish your examination, I will find out," he told me.

"Please," I begged. "Please. I haven't heard her voice in…"

"Over a year. I know, sir."

I started to ask how he knew that, but we were interrupted by a voice and face that I somehow found familiar. "Sergeant Black," an older and more decorated man said.

I glanced at his rank and name. "Colonel Call," I said, sitting up straight and snapping a salute. Colonel Embry Call. I remembered him from when I passed through Germany on my way to Baghdad.

"At ease, Sergeant," Call replied. "Sir, the US Army would like to thank you for your courageous and selfless service over the past year." He stuck a hand out for me to shake.

I shook his tentatively, wondering why they kept calling me _sir_. It wasn't like I was a general or even a colonel. "Thank you, sir," I said. "But I really just want to talk to my wife."

"I called Mrs. Black myself," he said. "She is preparing to fly out to Berlin. I'll be collecting her as soon as she lands."

_I'm about to see her beautiful face. I'm about to feel those perfect lips. I'm about to rest in those wonderful arms, and I know that I'll be safe. Okay. No, perfect. I'll be perfect. As long as she's here. _"May I still call her?" I pleaded. "I just need to hear her voice. Please, sir. She's the reason I hung on for so long."

Call winced. "Sir, I've been instructed to use a phone call as a bargaining chip."

"What do you mean?" I asked flatly, trying to ignore Gerandy's intrusive fingers as he checked my vitals and everything. Human touch was almost painful now. The only time I had felt it recently was when I was being beaten.

"We need all the information you can give us," Call said. "We ransacked the POW camp, but you were the only one alive."

"Private Biers?" I murmured, my heart aching for the only friend I had known for the past year.

"I'm afraid he was found with a bullet in his head," Call said in a businesslike tone. Embry Call was a great guy; he just hid his emotions behind his impressive rank.

"Did you…find any of the captors?" I asked softly, more unpleasant thoughts running through my head.

"We shot one down, but the others managed to escape," Call replied. "The one guy was killed on impact. We think that they're carrying some very important information. We need you to tell us all you can remember."

"I'll try," I said, staring at my lap. Never before had I felt like a little girl. The Army made you tough and prepared for battle and combat. But it never truly prepared you for the horrors you would see and experience.

I gripped the rails on my bed so tightly that the knuckle on my left hand screamed in protest. I inhaled sharply with a whimper and a wince.

Gerandy sighed. "I just set that. You're going to have to be gentle with your body, sir."

"Why are you calling me that?" I asked the medic. "We're the same rank."

Gerandy gave me a small smile, while Call decided to answer for him.

"You're a true hero, Black. You deserve our utmost respect."

* * *

For the next couple of hours, it felt like they were poking and prodding my brain. They asked the most unpleasant questions, and the answers I had to give them was even more unpleasant. The worst part was knowing that I was in the goddamn US Army, and while I had to give them every piece of information I could, I knew that I couldn't convey any of my emotion without looking soft.

"_They looked like typical Arabs, I guess. One guy had a scar over his left eye. Kinda like a crescent. Another wore a red turban."_

What I didn't mention was the hateful look in Red Turban's eyes, or how foul Scar Face's breath was as he spat on me.

"_Their preferred method of violence was beating us with clubs and rocks. I know I had some bones broken for the first few months. I couldn't move."_

But I couldn't tell them about the way I slept in the blood gushing from my open wounds-and Private Riley Biers' wounds.

"_They barely spoke English, but they managed to ask us about the American investigation into weapons of mass destruction. We didn't tell them anything."_

I definitely couldn't mention the way that I was so tempted to tell them everything I knew. The way they threatened me with fire on my skin or drowning me in a well…and then threatening to kill Biers for my silence…

"_I managed to remind Biers to give them a false name and a false hometown, if they asked us. Biers was good at feigning ignorance. They believed him for a while because he was so young."_

But of course the Army officials didn't want to hear about the way that Biers and I cried for hours on end, just dying to be back home with our ladies.

"_I know they tried to contaminate the little food they gave us. I smelled sulfur at one point. I'm not sure if they were trying to kill us or make us go stir-crazy."_

And good old Uncle Sam didn't want to hear about the way that I almost did go stir-crazy, biting through the skin on my lips and forming calluses on my knees and hands because I prayed so much.

"_They had ties to a terrorist network, I believe. This wasn't just random farmers or anything. These guys had heavy machinery and guns. Even had grenades. Cell phones, too. They were always talking on the phones. They kept their voices low, even though they knew we didn't understand much Farsi Arabic."_

"_They used psychological torture, of course. They tried to get me to kill Biers for my freedom, and vice versa. They always tried to separate us, to break our bond."_

"_I saw them kill a girl who brought them a jug of water. She was just fifteen or so. It was hard to tell with all of her Islamic robes. But they raped her, killed her, and dragged her body to another spot in the desert. I tried to stop them, but they just knocked me unconscious with the butt of a rifle."_

"_We were only allowed to bathe once a week, and meals were scarce. We were lucky if we got five a week. We were allowed one tiny tin cup of water a day. It was always dirty, polluted water. They used the best for themselves, of course. There were no toilets or latrines. Often we lived among our waste until they tossed us shovels and wordlessly instructed us to clean up. The stench never went away. Biers and I both contracted viruses all the time. We had constant sores in our mouths and on our lips from the vomit."_

"_There were a few female GI's, but they were raped and killed during the first week of my imprisonment. Again, I tried to stop them, but I was just beaten for it. By the time I woke up, they were dead. We were the only Americans after that. There were a few other nationalities. Afghani, I believe, and some Caucasians. I couldn't recognize the languages."_

"_They tried their hardest to find out the names of our wives and children and parents and siblings. I was glad that I had thrown my dog-tags and pictures of my wife by a body in the Humvee attack. I'm sure that's why the Army thought that body was mine. I hid my wedding band in my pocket. I was fortunate that the captors never found it. I convinced them I was a single man. Luckily, I didn't have to lie about having children…"_

Yes, I recounted these details to the Army officials, but I kept the worst of the details to myself. These men didn't have to hear about my pain or the nightmares I had every night. They didn't have to know that sometimes I thought about taking a gun and pressing it to my temple.

The only thing that kept me hanging on was my sweet wife. I knew that I had more than served my country. I had taken care of the operation; I had survived. I had almost saved my comrade. Now it was time for me to run to Bella_. _To take care of her, and let her take care of me.

There was absolutely nothing more healing, soothing, and safe than my Bella's arms. I knew that in a day or two, she would be here, and I could start the healing process of my mind, heart, and soul.

Finally, after intense interrogating, they let me go. I went back to my bed, allowing Gerandy's cold hands to work on me some more, and they delivered me some meals. I never thought I would ever enjoy a meal that came from a US Military chow hall*, but it was so much better than the contaminated mush that I had been eating. Even better than the MRE's* I ate before I was kidnapped. I'm not saying that it was equal to Bella's homemade enchiladas or anything, but damn, it was good.

"Beef tips and gravy over rice," I murmured. "The food of kings."

Colonel Call suddenly laughed, and I looked up. He had a phone for me. "I keep my promises, son. Mrs. Black asks that you call her cell phone number."

I eagerly took it from him and dialed the familiar number. I held my breath as the phone rang twice. Finally, someone answered it.

"Hello?" the beautiful voice said cautiously.

"Baby," I whispered.

And then she started crying. "Oh, Jacob…Jake, Jake, Jacob…"

* * *

**Glossary of Military Terms:**

**Chow Hall**-the cafeteria for the troops on a base.

**MRE**-the packs of food that troops eat out in the field.

* * *

_We've officially hit 200 reviews. This is kinda bold, but can we do 300 before this story is over?_


	28. Rhett

**Author's Note: Don't hate me, please. I went on vacation with every intention of updating, but I couldn't get any Wi-Fi at my location. I tried my hardest. I have to admit that while I received some very scary threats, they really warmed my heart. You guys would kill me if I didn't finish this story. How sweet! Ha ha.**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all that is recognizable.**  
**

Chapter Twenty-Seven: "Rhett" Bella's POV**  
**

The ride home from Seattle was tense. I was sitting in the passenger's seat, bouncing up and down with nerves, chewing my nails. The gravity of the situation had just hit me.

I was about to leave my boyfriend at home.

And go see my husband.

I was so angry at the world. How had this happened? How did the _US Army_ of all people make such mistakes? Whatever happened to DNA testing?

"Bella," Edward said softly. It was the first time he had spoken since we had gotten into the Volvo.

"Yes?" I said, my voice strained.

"What are you going to do?"

I bit my lip for a few seconds. I didn't have the faintest idea. Sighing, I said, "I have to go to Germany. He's been a prisoner of war for a year. He's in bad condition…"

"You're just going to go back to him?" he asked quietly.

I sighed again. "Edward, I don't know."

We rode in silence for a while until he asked me, "Do you want me to stay with the babies?"

I glanced at his profile. He was grinding his teeth together, obviously uncomfortable. "I would feel most comfortable with you being there," I admitted. "But I know you have to work. I'll probably leave them with Alice."

Edward shook his head. "No. I want to stay with them. They're my bugs, too. You've admitted it yourself. I can take off from work."

He went right back to grinding his teeth.

"Edward," I whispered taking his hand from the gearshift. "I know that this isn't fair for you, but can you please tell me what's on your mind?"

He pursed his lips together, deep in thought as he sped down the highway. Finally, after a minute, he began.

"Bella, I've been in love with you since shortly after Jacob's funeral. I've been dreaming of a future with you. I want to marry you and adopt your children as mine. I want to attend the bugs' graduation together, and I want to walk Abby down the aisle in twenty-something years. I want to be their father. Hell, I've even dreamed of you carrying _my _child. I want to be your husband so badly, Bella. As soon as you're ready. But what do I do now? I find out that you're still married to another man. I don't know if the marriage has been legally cancelled due to his certificate of death, but emotionally, he's still married to you. _You still belong to someone else._ But you can choose between us…you have the choice that could change everything."

I softly stroked his palm with my fingertips, wanting to kiss away the tears that were streaming down his face. I still refrained, though. I didn't feel comfortable doing that while Jacob was still alive. "Edward…" I murmured. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do."

He sighed. "Just hear me out, okay? I've been playing the patient man for so long. I've loved you for over a year now, and I still had to wipe away the tears you cried for another man. I've waited so goddamned patiently for you to get over him. And finally, you did move on, but we've only had a little while. I've had a couple of months with the most incredible woman in the world. And now I am selfish and impatient enough to want more. I don't want you to go back to him. I know that sounds terrible, but I don't think I could live through it."

I took my hand from his and covered my face. "Edward, I have to go to Germany. He's wounded. Terrified, probably. I have his power of attorney. I have to oversee his medical care."

"I understand that," Edward said, still staring out the windshield. "But sweetheart, you're going to fall in love with him again. You loved him so deeply and so desperately…you're never going to forget that. And now that he's back in your life…well, I'll be forgotten."

"That will never happen," I said firmly. "I will _never_ forget you."

"But you'll never forget him, either."

I couldn't say a word. Edward was right.

Did I want to fall in love with Jacob all over again? All I knew was that my arms nearly ached with the desire to hold him again now that I knew he was alive. I wanted to hug him tightly and tell him that everything was okay. I could only imagine the horrors he must have lived through. I couldn't bear the thought of my Jacob having to live through that. He wasn't a fragile man, but he was…

What was he?

_My _Jacob.

My thoughts were jarred as Edward stopped at a stop sign and hesitated before leaning over and kissing the top of my head.

Well…he was _my_ Edward, too.

How could I divide my love into appropriate amounts for both of them?

As soon as that thought came into my mind, I realized that there would be no dividing. I had to give all to one and nothing to the other. I had to give my love, my life, my heart, my _children_.

It would be all or nothing.

* * *

Edward had called Esme and explained everything as he checked out of the hotel, so it was no surprise to find that my entire family was there, including Billy and Charlie. I really can't remember what all happened during that hour, but I do vividly recall holding Jake and Abby to my chest and crying. Jasper found me in the nursery and went straight into psychiatrist mode.

"Bella, tell me what you're feeling," he whispered as he gently ran a tissue over my wet cheeks.

I was rocking my sleeping babies. "I'm so confused," I admitted. "How can I give up Edward to take care of my husband? How can I give up Jacob to still love Edward?"

"There is never enough room in a heart to love two people so profoundly," Jasper said, sitting in the opposite rocking chair.

"I know," I sighed. "I'm learning that right now."

"Bella," Jasper said, reaching out and touching my knee. "As a psychiatrist, I'm supposed to look out for the well-being of everyone. And I know that while you're hurting a lot, you know that you need to be with Jacob in Germany. You don't have to be romantic with him. Just show him that you care. I can't imagine what is going through his mind right now."

I nodded slowly. "I know I have to go. But I'm going to hurt Edward in the process."

Jasper shook his head. "No, darlin'. Edward, once he gets past the shock, will understand. _I'll_ make sure he understands. You have a responsibility to Jacob right now. Listen, sweetheart. Jacob was one of my best buddies. I know he loved you more than anything. He's probably pining for you right now."

I was going to say something, but my phone rang and I jumped for it. Abby woke up in the process and started to cry, but Uncle Jazz lovingly took both of the bugs from me. I grabbed the cell phone, almost screaming in joy that it was an unknown number. That meant it was from Germany.

I ran from the nursery and to my bedroom. "Hello?" I gasped, terrified that it was someone calling to tell me that Jacob was gone.

And then the most beautiful voice in my world whispered, "Baby."

The tears started rolling down my face. "Oh, Jacob…Jake, Jake, Jacob…"

I heard him give a soft chuckle. "I can't believe I'm hearing your voice."

"I know," I said quietly, still marveling at his familiar breathing. "I thought I would never hear you again. I thought you were dead…"

"I know," he replied. "I'm trying not to think about that. Baby, when can I see you? I need you ASAP."

"I'm flying to Germany tonight," I replied. "They're going to let you come home as soon as you're physically ready." _And mentally, _I added silently.

"How's Billy?" he murmured.

"He's in a state of shock," I said quietly. "He won't believe it until he sees you."

"Hopefully that won't be long," Jacob sighed. "Honey, I love you so much. I haven't gotten to say that to you in so long, and I feel like it's about to make me explode."

His voice was teasing, but I didn't laugh. Because as soon as he said the word _love_, Edward's face came to my mind. But at the same time, I couldn't deny the fact that I loved Jacob, too.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I know. I…love you, too."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "Well…talk to me, baby."

At that minute Abby started to cry her "I need my mommy" cry. I had so much to do-book a plane, pack for Germany, prepare Edward and my children for my absence. "Jake, honey, I'm flying out tonight," I said hurriedly. "I have to go get ready. I'll see you within the next twenty-four hours."

"Heaven," he sighed. "Sounds just like heaven. Okay. Um…keep your cell phone with you…"

"I will," I said.

"I love you. See you soon."

"I love you, too."

He hung up, and I dropped my phone to take the still-crying Abby from Jasper's arms. I shushed her before calling the airlines.

I ended up booking a midnight flight. Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper watched the twins while Esme, Rose, and Alice helped me pack. Edward sat at the kitchen table, staring into space.

Finally, it was time for me to leave. Charlie was going to drive me to the airport in Seattle, but just as we were about to walk out the door, Edward stood up.

"Please let me take you," he begged.

I was a bit speechless, overwhelmed by the entire day. But I nodded and kissed Charlie goodbye. We went to Edward's Volvo and sped away.

Once again, the ride was silent. He parked in temporary parking and walked into the airport with me. I received my ticket and checked my bag, and then I walked back to him.

"I have to leave," I whispered.

He nodded.

I gave him a stiff hug. "Thank you so much, Edward."

He nodded again.

Thinking that this silence would be his only reaction, I kissed his cheek and turned to leave.

I had no one to hold at that moment, so I only clutched my purse tighter to me, praying that I could hold myself together. I was about to step through security when I heard his beautiful velvet voice.

"Bella, wait!"

I turned and saw him running to me. Much to the annoyance of the security guard, I ran back to his arms. "What, love?" I whispered to him urgently.

His emerald eyes were overflowing with tears. "Don't do this to me," he begged. "Don't make me Rhett. I want to be Ashley. Please. Make me the one you love."

"Edward," I breathed quietly. "I can't do this now. I have to go."

"Please," he cried. "You're my Scarlett. I want to be your Ashley."

Tears freely flowing down my cheeks, I shook my head. "No, Edward. Not now."

And then I crossed the line into security, the line that separated him from me. I tried not to look back as I heard his sobs echoing through the nearly empty airport.

* * *

_For those of you young ones, let me explain __**Gone With the Wind**__. Though Scarlett marries Rhett, her heart belongs to Ashley. She loves Ashley and pines for him constantly. Rhett is very aware that his wife is in love with another man and their marriage is doomed. So in my story, while Edward has a relationship with Bella, he realizes in this chapter that she loves Jacob. Edward is terrified of being Rhett because he loses Scarlett in the end._

_However, my story won't necessarily follow __**Gone With the Wind**__. I just used it as a joke in an earlier chapter and the whole idea stuck with me. Kind of a coincidence. My story is completely original. Scarlett, Ashley, and Rhett won't influence it._

_I know you guys probably hate me for taking two weeks to update, but can you leave a review?_

_Jacob's POV is next. He and Bella will absolutely be reunited next.  
_


	29. Delicate

**Author's Note: I have a poll on my profile that simply asks who you want Bella to choose in this story. Please go vote. I want to know what you guys are thinking without having to count out reviews.**

**This is kind of short, but I couldn't make myself drag it out. It was kinda hard to write. But Jacob lovers should love this one. They're reunited!  
**

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all that is recognizable.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: "Delicate" Bella's POV

"Right this way, Mrs. Black," Colonel Call told me as we walked through the hospital on base. I could see so many troops everywhere-some who were wounded, so who seemed to be fine, some who just needed some shots. It was the first group, with their bandages and casts, that terrified me. I knew that my Jacob would look like them.

Finally, we stopped at a curtain that was pulled so no one could see in. I held my breath and gripped my purse, trying to remember if I had packed the photograph of Edward Jacob and Abigail Hope. I sincerely hoped I did.

The kind colonel pulled the curtain away, allowing me in.

I gasped.

My husband didn't look like himself. He was asleep on the bed, with his left arm and right leg in casts and stirrups. Tubes were connected to his body. His face was not only tanned and lined from the sun, but covered in bruises. His beautiful raven hair was completely shorn, obviously by the Army for hygiene reasons.

But what I noticed most was that he was so skinny.

"Sergeant Gerandy, this is Mrs. Black," Call said quietly to the medic in the corner.

Gerandy shook my hand eagerly. "A pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

"You, too," I whispered. "What are all the tubes for?" I had a sinking suspicion that was weighing heavily on my heart. I was begging for it not to be true.

"Nourishment," Gerandy replied, and my heart broke into jagged pieces. "He was close to starving to death when we first found him. He can eat solid foods, but he needs more nutrients than the chow here can give him, I'm afraid."

Just what I suspected. I wasn't sure why, but this bothered me more than anything. Maybe it was because Jacob had such a hearty appetite. I often associated food with Jacob because it was one of his great loves. And he had to go without it for so long…

Gerandy made a move to wake him up, but I halted him. "Don't," I said quietly. "Let him sleep. Please."

The doctor nodded, and Call placed a hand on my shoulder. "We'll leave you alone, ma'am."

I nodded and weakly sat in the chair by his bed. I was so nervous about this whole situation that I could only fidget. I stared down at my folded hands as I tapped my foot. My left hand felt so heavy with the wedding ring I hadn't worn in months. I twisted it around and around.

But I quickly grew bored with that, so I pulled out the black-and-white photograph out of my purse. It was a professional portrait that Alice had surprised me with a few months back. My little loves Jake and Abby sat on the sands of First Beach, wearing matching white outfits. Alice had managed to make them hold hands and smile widely for the camera. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen.

It was a good distraction. But sitting here, staring at their faces, I began to miss them terribly. Tears filled my eyes and I looked up at Jacob.

His dark eyes were opening. They widened as they saw me, and then he smiled. My glistening tears were fogging up my eyes. I could barely see him as he reached an IV-laden hand to me.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Jacob," I replied in the same reverent tone as I squeezed his fingers.

He chuckled softly. "Don't I get a kiss?"

I giggled and stood up to be closer to him. I gingerly took his swollen, bruised face between my fingertips and pressed my lips to his. The kiss was beautiful, soft, and sweet, but behind it burned every emotion we both felt. He deepened it for just a second, using the tongue that I thought I would never feel again.

When I pulled away, I very gently laid my head down on his chest. Though he was still tall, he was so small and delicate. His right arm-the unbroken one-wrapped around me.

"I can't believe you're here," he said simply.

"I know," was my genius reply before I inhaled deeply. He smelled of a hospital, but there was a little hint of his woodsy smell.

"Bella, I love you so much," he said, stroking my hair and kissing it. "Don't ever leave my arms."

"I love you, too," I replied honestly, sobbing into his chest. I was so happy right now. As long as I was in his arms, I was safe. I was at home.

"Shh, don't cry, baby," he whispered. "You're with me."

"That's why I'm crying," I choked out. "I'm so happy. You're alive. Jake, you're really alive."

"Thank God," he smiled, kissing my hair again. "Crawl into bed with me, sweetheart. I want to feel you against me."

Despite my tears, I giggled and looked up at him. "No way. You need room to heal. How badly are you hurting?"

He shrugged. "I'm…alright. Morphine drip, you know. That's why I was asleep." His eyes grew distant for just a moment. "I would feel better if I could feel you."

I laughed again. "I've missed you so much."

He ran his fingers through my hair. "I'm here now. I'm never leaving you again."

I nodded, convinced of this, and kissed his lips. He wanted to deepen the kiss, but I had more important matters.

_You know you're a mother when you don't find kissing your long lost husband the most important thing anymore._

"Jacob," I whispered. "We need to talk."

He raised an eyebrow before wincing. "Ow, that reaction hurt."

"What reaction?" I gasped.

He laughed. "Not you, babe. I meant the eyebrow thing. I'm still trying to figure out which parts of my body don't like to be moved. But I'm kinda scared of whatever you want to talk about."

"Don't be," I mumbled. "Um…I really don't know how to say this."

"Just spit it out," he said, his face contorted into a confused grimace.

I picked myself up off of him and grabbed the picture from my chair. "Um…Jake, you're a daddy."

He froze for thirty seconds before his eyebrows knit together. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You left me pregnant," I whispered. "I didn't find out until the day of your…memorial service. You gave me two little blessings."

"Two?" he asked, his beautiful eyes wide and his mouth open.

I nodded, laughing through my tears. "Yeah. Twins. Look at them. Aren't they…perfect?"

He gingerly took the picture from my hands, staring in…awe. His jaw was still slack as he took the sight of our children in.

I giggled in proud glee. "That's little Jake and Abby Hope. They've been the only reasons I've survived." As soon as I said that, Edward's face came to my mind. _Well…almost…_

"They're gorgeous," he said softly. "Wow…"

"What do you think?" I asked him.

He gave me a little smile. "I'm scared as hell, but I think I already love them. What are they like? Tell me everything."

Ah, time to gush. "Well, they're nine months old," I began. "They're the center of my world. You won't be able to deny either of them. Jakey looks just like you, but Abby has your personality exactly. They're so funny, sweet, and intelligent."

"I can't wait to meet them," he sighed. "I bet you're a great mother."

I shrugged. "I guess. I have a lot of help from the Hales and the…Cullens." My mouth went a bit dry.

"I bet Billy loves the kids."

"He does," I confirmed. "You're going to fall head over heels when you see them."

"It's scary," he admitted. "I don't know anything about being a father, and I didn't have nine months to prepare for it."

"You'll be a great daddy," I assured him.

"How do you know?"

I beamed at him before tenderly kissing his nose. "Because you're a great husband."

Jacob grew stronger, and we began to work through the other facets of his medical care. He was in physical therapy quite a bit, especially for the leg that had been shot. They had managed to get the bullet and buckshot out successfully so he wouldn't lose his leg. But he needed help re-teaching his body how to use it.

He was also in a little psychiatric therapy. I was never allowed to help him through this, which I understood. Gerandy, Call, and I all talked about it, and none of us could even imagine what he had been through. He seemed to be doing well, though.

One day while he was in a psychotherapy session, I received a call from Edward. "Hello?" I asked nervously.

"Hey, Bella," he said softly. "Abby and Jake have been missing you, and I thought you might want to talk to them."

"Of course!" I said eagerly. "I miss them so much."

I heard the phone shift as he turned speakerphone on. "Jake, Abby, come see who wants to talk to you!"

"Hey, babies," I cooed, smiling broadly. "Mommy loves you so much!"

I could hear Edward whispering something to them, and then they greeted me. "Hi, Momma!" they both shouted.

"Oh my god!" I gasped. "Hi, babies! Hi, Jake! Hi, Abby Hope! Edward, did you teach them that?"

He laughed. "Yeah, we've been working on it."

"That's the most beautiful sound I've heard in a long time," I sighed.

"How is Germany?" he asked me.

"Well, in the three weeks I've been here, I've seen the airport and Campbell and that's about it."

"How is Jacob?" Edward asked softly.

"He's doing well," I replied. "He requires a lot of medical care, but I'm sure we'll be coming home soon."

"That's good," he said. "Have you told him about Jake and Abs?"

"Yes. He was in shock at first, but now he's ready to meet them."

"Good," Edward whispered. "Bella, I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I admitted, already feeling the complications I had escaped from for three weeks.

Jacob chose then to walk in, a big smile on his face. I noticed that he was using a crutches and dragging his broken leg with him, but he was still walking! On his own!

"I have to go," I said quickly. "Kiss the bugs for me."

"I will," Edward said. "They're in good hands. 'Bye, Bella. I love you."

"Love you, too," I muttered before hanging up and going to Jacob. "Baby!" I greeted him, hugging his waist tightly. "I'm so proud of you."

He kissed my forehead. "I'm getting there. Help me to bed?"

I took his elbow and led him to the bed, tucking him in. "You're doing so well."

He nodded. "Yeah, I think I've earned a kiss for the day, eh?"

I laughed and kissed him forcefully. Jacob hadn't changed at all.

* * *

_I would love to hit 300 reviews with this chapter._

_Don't forget to vote in my poll.  
_


	30. A Very Determined Man

**Author's Note: This one is kind of short. I swear that Jacob's POV is next.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you'll find in Stephenie Meyer's books or Summit Entertainment's movies.**

Chapter Twenty-Nine: "A Very Determined Man" Bella's POV

_What am I going to tell Jacob about Edward?_

The question dawned on me as I opened my eyes. I was laying in bed in Germany, in the military housing Colonel Call had offered me. I had been pushing this question away from my mind for the past four weeks.

Jacob was healing beautifully. Even though he was hobbling on crutches with a broken arm, he refused to use a wheelchair. His color was coming back, as was his appetite. He ate so much. At one point I took the base shuttle into town to find American soft drinks and snacks. He was delighted when I found a box of Froot Loops, his favorite cereal. He was also progressing fantastically in all kinds of therapy.

On the other side of the world, Edward called me every other day to update me on Jake (who I was starting to think of as EJ, to differentiate between my baby and my husband) and Abby. I loved to hear their voices and their stories from Edward, but it depressed me that I hadn't seen my children in a month. I missed them insanely, especially at nighttime. I would have gladly taken a teething night just to have them in my arms. I felt like Edward-who had been their father their whole lives-was witnessing so many firsts and so many milestones. It didn't feel fair.

* * *

"Jake!" I sang as I walked into his room, throwing myself at him. He was sitting on the bed, and welcomed me gladly. I sat on his good leg and captured him in a kiss.

"Mmm," he murmured against my lips. "What did I do to deserve that?"

I giggled gleefully. "Oh, nothing…" I pretended to smooth his t-shirt.

"What are you hiding , Mrs. Black?" he whispered in my ear. "Do I have to kiss it out of you?"

"Maybe," I said coyly, accepting his mouth happily. I giggled as he moved his lips from mine and down my jaw, and around my neck, and along my collarbones, and then his nose dipped into my shirt… "Okay!" I exclaimed. "You win! I'll let you in on my little secret."

"Go ahead." He nipped at my earlobe.

"You're going home Friday!" I told him.

His face lit up. "What? Seriously?"

I nodded happily. "It's true. And today is Wednesday!"

"Wow," he mumbled. "Home."

"And you'll get to sleep in a bed with me…" I teased him, whispering in his ear.

"I'm not planning on _sleeping_."

"And you'll get to see your father and go fishing with him…"

"Yes."

"And you'll get to meet your children!" I punctuated that last part with a kiss to his cheek.

His still-bruised face somehow turned pale. "Oh, god."

"What?" I asked him. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "That's scary. What if they don't like me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jake, honey, they're ten months old. They like everyone. Even Emmett."

He cracked a smile at the mention of his good friend. "What if I drop one? Or feed them something wrong? Or they get sick and I don't know what to do?"

I placed my hands gently on his cheeks. "Honey, listen to me. Calm down."

He nodded.

"EJ and Abby will love you. As soon as they see how much I love you, they'll fall in love with you, too. They're the sweetest children alive, Jacob. You'll fall in love as well. And I'm not going to turn you into a single parent. I'll be there. I will teach you how to properly hold them and what to feed them. And if they get sick, I'll show you how to take care of them. Parenting takes patience, but as soon as you meet your babies, you can't love anything else more."

"I love you so much," he whispered. "I'm not entirely sure that I can love someone else so wholly."

"I thought the same thing," I mumbled quietly, thinking of my babies _and _Edward. "But sometimes life shows you how big your heart can grow. You'll have room for EJ and Abs in your heart, sweetie."

"Why do you call him _EJ_?" Jacob asked me.

"His name is Edward Jacob," I replied a little self-consciously.

"Why _Edward_?"

I swallowed hard. "Edward Cullen. He is Alice and Emmett's brother. He just moved to La Push. He's our next-door neighbor, and I couldn't have made it through my pregnancy without him. In fact, he's the one who took me to the hospital when I went into premature labor. He was there through the delivery and everything."

Jacob slowly nodded. "Okay. Is he a good guy?"

I nodded with a smile. "Yeah, he's great. He has every good quality that each Cullen and Hale possesses. You guys will be great friends."

_I hope._

"Okay," he said brightly. "I'm ready to meet him. And my children, even though I'm terrified."

"Good," I said, kissing his nose.

"Hey, Bells?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Do you think we'll be able to have sex with my casts?"

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't resist smiling and kissing his lips softly. "I'm sure we'll find a way, Jacob. You're a very determined man."

* * *

After I went back to my housing that night, I called Edward.

"Hello?" he answered it.

"It's me," I said, smiling a little at his voice and at the way my children cooed in the background. "Are these phone calls costing you a lot of money?"

He chuckled. "Bella, sweetie, don't worry about that. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second..."

"Of course you can," he replied.

"Okay," I said warily. "I-told-Jacob-about-how-you-have-helped-me-and-how-you-were-in-delivery-with-me-but-I-didn't-tell-him-about-us."

It was quiet for a few long seconds. "You mean you didn't tell him about our relationship?"

"Exactly," I sighed. "I don't know how to do it. We're coming home Friday...but he's still so fragile. I don't want to mess up his healing."

"So what do you want me to do when you come home?"

"Um...god, I hate this situation," I groaned. "Don't act flirty around me, please. Don't say anything to him. I'm going to tell him that we slept together, but I have to wait on the right moment. I mean, he's still in counseling..."

"Bella," Edward said firmly. "We did so much more than just sleeping together. You realize that, don't you? I love you. You love me. At least, I think you do."

"I do," I admitted. "But I have so many more responsibilities now. Don't you understand?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "I do. Don't worry, I'll respect your wishes. But I also want a chance to talk to you privately when you get home. Even if it's at the library."

"Okay," I said. "I know. We need to talk."

"Yes, we do. Um...anything else?"

"No, I guess that's it. Edward, I am so sorry that you're having to be put through this..."

His voice suddenly broke, as if he was crying. "Bella, when I fell in love with a pregnant war widow, I knew that the situation would be less than ideal. I took risks, and I can't say I regret any of them."

His admission sent tears to my eyes. "Thank you, Edward."

As we talked a little more about EJ and Abby, I couldn't deny the love in his voice for my children. As he spoke so adoringly of them, I realized that Jake wasn't the only determined man. Edward was just as determined to keep his half of my heart, and capture the other half as well.

* * *

_I'm going to *fingers crossed* try to update again tonight. I'm not making any promises, though. I have to read William Shakespeare's "MacBeth" for my AP English Literature class and it's terrible. Absolutely terrible. I might be forced to trudge through that instead._

_Review, please? And don't forget about the poll. It will be open until I complete this story. No, I don't have a timeline. Yes, I'm predicting a bazillion more chapters.  
_


	31. Welcome Home Jacob's POV

**Author's Note: Two chapters in one night? Don't you love me?**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. In other words, I don't!**

Chapter Thirty: "Welcome Home" Jacob's POV**  
**

I was close to hyperventilating as I sat on the plane. Not only was I being thrust back into "the real world", but I was being thrust into fatherhood. It was all too much for one fragile man to bear.

_C'mon, Jacob. You're a man. Hell, you're more than a man. You're a US Army sergeant who has won a lot of awards. You're a fucking great man. You can handle this._

I chanted it like a mantra in my head, but my wife took my right hand. My good hand. "Jacob, my love," she whispered. "Honey, calm down. Breathe with me."

I was a little bit annoyed at her soothing tone, but I loved her so much for it. "I'm trying," I told her.

"You're going to be just fine," she assured me. "You look so handsome in your BDU's*****."

I knew she was trying to flirt with me and make me forget my fears, but as I glanced down at my brand-new uniform, I hated it. The colors and materials that made up my BDU's brought back too many terrible memories.

She saw the disgusted look on my face. "Honey, look at me," she commanded.

I did, and I was suddenly captivated by the beauty on her face. Once again. I would never tire of looking at her, especially after being separated from her for so long. Her deep brown eyes seemed to stare into my soul. "You're so beautiful," I whispered.

"That's right. Just focus on me."

I wondered for only a second if making out with Bella would be inappropriate on an airplane, but then I decided that I didn't care. We kissed for a few minutes, chastely. I was glad that it was nighttime so nobody was watching us.

I lifted the armrest and let her snuggle into my right side. Her scent and warmth comforted me, and I fell into a deep sleep.

Not too many hours later, we were on American soil. We passed through customs quickly for once, and then went straight to baggage claim. Charlie and Billy were supposed to pick us up.

As soon as we made it out of baggage claim, I heard the familiar sobbing of my father. People stared as I hobbled to him, probably because they didn't see three grown men cry so fiercely in public. Charlie helped Billy stand up so he could hug me. My father had aged so much. He didn't look like he had a lot of time left in life.

"Shh, Dad, it's okay," I soothed him. "It's just me. No reason to get excited."

"I have every reason to get excited," he said.

Charlie kept it light. "The prodigal son, come home at last," he teased me as I gave him a handshake.

"The one and only," I teased back. "It's good to see you again, Charlie. I hope you've been taking care of my old man."

"It's a hard job," Charlie said, and I had to hug Billy again.

Bella helped me out to the car while Charlie wheeled Billy. The men sat in the front seats, and I could finally stretch out a little across the backseat. Bella said uncomfortably and unsafely between my stretched-out legs, but nobody said a word. I just held her and occasionally kissed her hair.

"You've got two little surprises waiting on you at home," Charlie said, smiling at us in the rearview mirror. "Jake my boy, you're going to fall in love."

"They are cute little cubs," Billy said, trying to stop crying. "They have their Granddaddy spoiling them, that's for sure."

I chuckled. "I'm nervous about meeting them, but I'm excited nonetheless."

We talked mostly about my injuries as we drove to La Push, Charlie and Billy asking every question they could think of. The one that stood out was when they asked if I would still have to go to therapy.

"He will," Bella cut in. "Medic's orders. I'll set up a schedule for him, probably three times a week."

"What about other therapy?" Charlie asked us, looking me squarely in the eye.

I knew exactly what he was referring to. I had been forced to go to counseling sessions with a psychiatrist on base in Germany. Dr. Volturi was a great man, and he somewhat understood what was running through my mind. Notice my choice of words: _somewhat_. Sometimes in my counseling sessions, I would have the haunting thoughts that only Riley Biers-one of my squad men-knew exactly what was going through my mind.

But of course Biers was dead.

Bella's sweet voice stirred me out of my thoughts. "Ah, well, yes, the Army wants Jake to go to counseling. You know, in case he remembers something through therapy that can be, um, useful to their investigations."

She was such a poor liar, but I appreciated her attempt. She couldn't just flat-out tell them that the Army was scared I was going to go crazy. There were plenty of USO***** ads about mental disorders like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and such. I knew that the ads were just the Army's way of saying, "Yeah, we care, now get your asses out there and kill someone."

But somehow I knew that those disorders wouldn't touch me. Goddamnit, I had survived too much to just let something like that slow me down.

"It's not really required," I said quietly to Bella.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Yes, it is."

"No, it's not," I said, glaring at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Wipe that look off your face, Jacob Black. You're required to go to counseling because I say you are. Don't even try to argue with me."

I rolled my eyes back at her and gave her a mock salute. "Ma'am yes ma'am."

She checked to make sure Billy and Charlie were still mumbling about something in the front seat. Satisfied that we weren't being spied upon, she took my hand. "I'll go to every appointment with you, if you want me to."

Goddamn, how could I ever resist those eyes? I was still set on not going to counseling, but she didn't have to know that yet. I would never want to make those eyes cloud up with tears. So I leaned in and kissed her softly, tangling my hands in her hair.

For once, her father didn't interrupt us.

I must admit that as soon as we crossed the La Push border, my heart pounded with excitement. I was _home_. After over a year of living in separation from my loved ones and just plain hell, I was home, safe and sound.

And then the excitement changed to surprise as soon as I saw the people lining the streets. They were waving and cheering as we drove down the streets. And they were holding up signs.

_Welcome home, Jake!_

_You are our hero!_

_We love you!_

_Red, white, and Black!_

_La Push loves Sergeant Jacob Black!_

There was even a little boy-Austin Marks, I think his name was-who had a sign that said _When I grow up, I want to be like Jake._

"Did any of you plan this?" I asked a bit accusingly.

"Not at all," Bella, Billy, and Charlie replied at the same time. "Word gets around," Billy added.

"Wave at them, Jake," Bella prodded me.

As soon as I put my good hand out the window, waving at them, everybody started cheering even more loudly.

"This is crazy," I muttered, even though I appreciated it so much.

Finally, the lines of people stopped and we made it to the house Bella and I had bought together a few years before. I had never seen a more beautiful structure. Suddenly, I wanted to get out of the car, run into the living room, and sprawl out on my couch. Turn on the TV and watch something besides USO programs. Drink a beer or two.

"Excited?" Bella beamed at me.

I nodded and kissed her.

As she helped me out of the car, very familiar people started spilling out onto our porch. Alice Cullen, Bella's best friend, hit me first. The little pixie attacked me, wrapping her arms around my waist, and leaping up to kiss my cheek. "Jake!" she squealed.

"Hey, shorty!" I laughed, kissing the top of her head. "Long time, no shop."

She giggled. "Don't worry. I'll definitely take you shopping ASAP."

"That wasn't an invitation," I teased her. "Where's your fiancé?"

"Right here," Jasper Hale, one of my best friends, drawled in that familiar Southern accent. I instantly shook his hand and gave him one of those manly hugs.

"How you doin', Jazz?"

"Much better now that you're in town. We need to visit Whiskey River soon."

"Sounds like a plan," I said.

"There's the chief himself!" boomed Emmett Cullen, another good buddy of mine. I followed the same routine with him, and then with Carlisle Cullen.

Esme Cullen and Rosalie Hale hugged me tightly, covering me with kisses. Bella had to playfully pull them away just so she could cuddle into my side.

"Are you ready to see the most adorable angels alive?" Esme gushed.

I took a deep breath. "I think so."

"Where is Edward?" Bella asked softly.

"With the bugs, of course," Alice said. "Oh, Jake, let me catch you up. We call the twins _bugs_. I'm not sure why; my dumb oaf of a brother came up with that one."

Emmett shrugged. "I called them _buns _until your wife got a dirty mind about it. You know how they say a baby is _a bun in the oven_? Yeah, your wife didn't like for us to refer to her buns."

I laughed deeply. I had missed Emmett and his playful banter with Bella. "Well, let's see them."

"Do you mind if we do this alone?" Bella requested from the women. "I want Jacob to be able to think when he sees them."

"Of course," Rosalie said. "Just go on ahead. We'll be in Edward's house."

Bella took my hand and led me into our house. I wanted so badly to be able to lift her up and carry her over the threshold, but of course I couldn't do that. Instead, as soon as we made it into the house, I kissed her deeply.

"I love you," I whispered, leaning my forehead against hers.

"I love you, too," she replied.

Eagerly, she pulled me through the house and to the room I remembered as the guest bedroom. Bella had professed to me how much she loved them and missed them. I knew she was anxious to have them back in her arms.

She pushed open the door, and I was surprised to see a bronze-haired man playing with two little wiggly things on the floor. He turned to us with surprised eyes, and then he immediately leapt up.

"Edward," Bella said quietly as he pulled her into a hug.

It was amazing how as soon as the babies heard Bella's voice, they started screaming and instantly crawled over to us. They stood up, reaching for her, crying cries that obviously meant, _My mommy is back! Pick me up, Mommy!_

"Bella. Good to see you again," he said. "Introduce me to La Push's new hero."

Bella gave him a little smile as she scooped up the twins. "Edward Cullen, this is Jacob Black. Jacob, this is Edward. He has become my best friend in the past year or so."

I shook Edward's white hand tightly. "Edward, good to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Thank you for taking care of Bella and the babies."

"The pleasure is all mine," he said. "It's wonderful to finally meet you as well. Ah, I think I'll leave you alone so you can meet the bugs. They're amazing."

Quietly, he left, and I turned to Bella, who had somehow already quieted the babies. They were snuggling into her, and she was kissing their faces loudly and thoroughly.

"EJ, Abby Hope," she whispered. "Meet your daddy."

My good hand went up to touch their cheeks before I could stop it. They were so beautiful and so soft. Perfect. They watched me with cautious eyes, probably trying to figure out what the white things on my arm and leg were.

"They're…perfect," I whispered. There really was no other word for them.

Bella smiled and nodded, and then laughed when they started reaching for me. "They're very social," she explained. "Do you want to sit in a rocking chair and hold them?"

I hesitated, and then nodded. I walked over to one of the rockers, and Bella carefully positioned little Edward Jacob in my lap. He looked up at me with a toothy grin.

"They have been teething a lot," she explained. "He's probably very proud of his new teeth. Doesn't he look like you?"

I nodded, spellbound. It was like he was a Mini-Me. I knew instantly that would be my nickname for him. I hesitantly kissed his very thick black hair, and he giggled. Staring at him, I thought of many days tossing a football and riding on my motorcycle. Teaching him how to drive my motorcycle. Stuff I had done with Billy.

Bella pulled up the other rocking chair so I could prop my cast up on it, and she played with our daughter, tossing her high until EJ was reaching for her again. I found myself being a little jealous until she took EJ and put Abby in my lap.

Abigail Hope was just so darn cute. She giggled as I kissed her face. She looked exactly like Bella, which chocolate brown eyes and pretty rosebud lips. I cooed to her, already understanding why men were so weak when it came to their daughters. Suddenly I could imagine melting whenever she asks me to play tea party or let her do my hair-stuff my sisters had done with Billy. Or even walking her down the aisle, when she was much older.

Jeez. They _were_ easy to fall in love with.

"What do you think?" Bella whispered to me as she shared kisses and cuddles with EJ. He was leaning against her chest, playing with her hair. He obviously adored his mommy.

I smiled down at Abby, and then at EJ. "What do I think?" I mused. "I think that you and I are the luckiest parents alive."

* * *

**Glossary:**

**BDUs:** the camouflage uniform soldiers wear.

**USO:** United Service Organizations. Provides services like food and entertainment for troops. Famous for their "USO tours", where celebrities come and perform for/meet and encourage the troops.

* * *

_I think that two chapters in one night should get me up to 300 reviews. Don't you?_


	32. Can't Pretend to Understand

**Author's Note: Surprise! A long chapter, posted rather quickly, if I do say so myself. We're back in Bella's POV. Edward's will be next.**

**Be sure to check out the bottom of this chapter. I have a (mildly) exciting announcement. Well, it's probably just exciting to me...**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters! The talented Stephenie Meyer does.

Chapter Thirty-One: "Can't Pretend to Understand" Bella's POV**  
**

"You're kidding me, right?" Jacob groaned the next morning as we heard one of the twins crying. It was seven AM, which was _way_ too early for the jetlagged-a.k.a., the Black parents.

"Welcome to the world of parenthood," I teased him, kissing the tip of his nose. "That's EJ. I'll go get him. Relax for a while, hun."

"How do you know it's him?"

I shrugged. "I can just tell which cry belongs to which baby. I also know their different cries for food, a diaper change, attention, pain, or sickness."

He sighed. "I'm never going to learn."

I pecked his lips. "Yes, you will. I'll be right back. He needs a diaper change."

Sure enough, EJ had a soaked diaper. I pulled him out of his crib, kissing his tears away, and changed him into a fresh diaper and play-clothes. His crying had woken Abby up, so I put EJ in the floor and did the same routine with his sister.

"Let's go kiss Daddy good morning," I suggested, picking them up. I loved the way the word _daddy_ rolled off my tongue. Finally, these kids had a _real_ father.

Well, I couldn't deny that Edward was a great father to them. But they needed someone of their own flesh and blood.

I walked into our bedroom, where Jacob was stretched across the bed. "Good morning, Daddy," I said softly as I put EJ and Abby on the bed between us.

He smiled sleepily as he softly touched the bugs. "'Morning, babies."

They stared at him for a little while before Abby turned to me and laid flat on my stomach. "Mama," she grinned toothily, pointing at my face.

"Abby," I identified her, pointing to her like she pointed to me. "Who is that?" I pointed to Jacob.

She garbled something unintelligible.

"Daddy," I hinted.

She and EJ stared at me, not understanding.

"Daddy," I said again. "Can you say _daddy_?"

"Num-num," EJ said instead. "Num-num, Mama."

"Num-num," I repeated. "What does that mean, baby?" He had said it so intentionally.

Jacob shrugged as EJ returned to me. I suddenly had both heavy babies on my torso, giggling as they played with my hair and pulled on my nose and chin.

"They love you so much," Jacob commented.

I shrugged. "They'll bond with you, too. They're probably wondering what you're doing in my bed." _And where my other roommate went._

"Num-num!" Abby squealed.

"What does that _mean_?" I teased her. "You know what? That doesn't matter. Let's go get breakfast. Uncle Edward has taught you a language that Mommy doesn't understand." I turned to my husband and stretched my neck to give him a kiss. "Would you like some pancakes?"

He sat up, disoriented. The poor guy was stuck in so many different time zones. "Um, do you have some of your delicious enchiladas left over from last night?"

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I forgot that's your favorite breakfast. Weirdo."

"Num-num!" EJ shouted.

"Okay, young man," I said, running my fingers through his hair. "This is America; speak English, you silly boy." I stood up, holding the bugs. "Jake, honey, do you need help getting up?"

"Just hand me my crutches," he replied.

I managed to balance my bugs as I handed him the crutches, and I watched worriedly as he shifted himself to his feet. "Jake, you really should have gotten the wheelchair."

He shook his head. "No, Bella. I'll make it, I swear."

"I know you will," I sighed. "I just want you to be comfortable while you do it."

"Are you comfortable carrying those two?" he asked curiously, and a bit guiltily. I knew he wished he could hold them and carry them.

I gave him a small smile. "My arms feel empty without these two."

Jacob started heating up the enchiladas as I placed the twins in their high chairs. "What are you guys going to eat today?" I asked them in a singsong voice.

"Num-num," EJ replied, growing frustrated.

"Yeah, you've said that," I said, and then a sheet of paper hanging on the refrigerator caught my eye. Edward's perfect script covered it.

_Bella,_

_You're probably looking for num-nums, also known as food. Don't look at me; the baby talk is my mom's fault. Since you probably don't want visitors right now (especially me), I'll update you on their diets. We've been experimenting with different foods. They are now eating small pieces of fruit (blueberries, grapes, bananas, apples, and melons) and cooked vegetables (beans, peas, carrots, tomatoes, corn, potatoes). They love macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, and oatmeal. Graham crackers and chewy cookies are good treats for them. I've also gotten them to drink all kinds of juices. There are Gerber Graduates in the cabinet next to the fridge, if they just want something to munch on or if you want something to keep them busy._

_Love you guys,_

_Edward_

Edward got them to drink juice? And I couldn't?

I felt a little resentful about that, as irrational as it sounds.

"Huh," I said. "Bugs, you two are eating like grown-ups now. How does fruit salad sound?"

"Num-num," EJ replied.

"Sir yes sir." I opened the fridge and found a bunch of containers of fruit. I felt Jacob's eyes on me as I sliced the berries, grapes, and melons into tinier pieces. "What?" I asked, throwing him what I hoped was a dazzling smile.

He gave me a small smile in return. "Nothing. Just watching you. Making sure I'm not hallucinating, and that I really made love to you last night, and that I'm really free to watch you as much as I want. And I'm also marveling at how much attention you're putting into their breakfast."

I shrugged. "They have small mouths and tiny teeth."

"Yeah, but it's so obvious that you love them so much."

I smiled as I dropped the fruit onto two separate plastic plates. "Of course I do. They've been my connection to you for so long." I gave him a soft kiss before placing the plates on the high chair trays. "Come on, bugs. Work your magic." They expertly picked up bites of fruit and started chewing. I quickly grabbed some bibs and clasped them around their necks as the juice dribbled down their chins.

"EJ, Abs, you two are so big," I sighed, watching them for a minute. Knowing they needed more calories and protein, I made them bottles of formula. "Pretty soon you'll be drinking real milk from sippy cups."

They happily accepted the bottles, so I sat on Jacob's good leg and kissed his cheek. "Are your left-over enchiladas good?"

"Delicious," he grinned at me. "I warmed you up some."

"You're so weird," I teased him. "Enchiladas for breakfast."

He shrugged. "You make the best enchiladas in the world."

"I won't deny that," I grinned, kissing his cheek again. He tightened his arm around me and offered me a bite, which I took happily.

I was so blissful in his arms. I had loved him for years, lost him, and then gotten him back. He was my love.

I knew, deep down somewhere, that I had another love, and the separation from him hurt. But I pushed that thought aside and focused on my husband.

"So baby," I said lightly, standing up to pour us glasses of juice. "Have you thought about a schedule for physical therapy?"

He shrugged. "Umm, whenever, I guess. I'm dying to get out of these casts so I can help you with our children." He smiled at EJ and Abby, who were still eating and chattering with each other.

"Okay, what about just Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? In the morning, when I go to work? So I can pick you up on my cigarette break."

"You smoke now?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. It's just what we call it. We get a lot of breaks at the library because nobody ever goes there anymore."

"Oh. Sure, that sounds good."

"Okay," I said. "I'll call Cornerstone Physical Therapy today. What about counseling?"

I looked back at him to see him wince. "Bella, you know, I'm still pretty jetlagged," he said slowly. "Let's wait a little while before we start therapy of any kind."

"We can't do that," I said. "We have to work you out of these casts."

"Please?" he said. "Let me catch up on my sleep first. Three days or so without therapy can't kill me. I'm still somewhat on Iraqi time, very much so on German time, and I can't even tell when it's daytime here because of the clouds."

I sighed. "Okay. Three days. But you're not getting out of going to counseling. I told you I would go with you, honey."

"Bella," he said sharply. "I-"

"Jake, please don't argue with me," I whispered. "You've only been home for twenty-four hours. Why don't you go take a nap? You can start adjusting to American time tomorrow."

He raised an eyebrow. "You don't mind?"

I shook my head. "Of course not." Truthfully, I wanted him to go to bed because I had to think about this. He obviously didn't want to go to psychiatric counseling, and that worried me. Did he think he was just fine?

Should I believe him?

"Okay," he said, jarring my thoughts. "Um, maybe if you could get the kids down for a nap, you could join me?"

"Yeah, they take morning naps," I said. "Go hit the sheets. Feel better."

He stood up and slowly walked over to me to kiss my lips sweetly. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled. "I love you, too."

He pressed a cheek to my temple, inhaling the scent of my hair, and hobbled back into our room. The bugs had cleaned their plates but left a mess, so I put the kiddie gate up so they couldn't leave the kitchen. They sat happily in the kitchen floor and played with a few toys while I cleaned up.

When that was finished, I decided what I needed was some serious Mommy-EJ-and-Abby time. I carried them into the living room and spread a large quilt on the floor. I laid there and played with them for an hour or so. No one else. No TV. No phones. It was perfect.

It warmed my heart that they seemed to have missed me as much as I missed them. They mostly tumbled over me, giving me kisses and sweet caresses. Their baby talk was so much sweeter when the word "Momma" showed up in it. I played with them until ten, when I put them down for naps. I was lucky; they didn't even fuss. They only wanted to sleep with me, cuddled into my sides and listening to my lullabies. As soon as Edward's songs put them into a deep sleep, I left them on the quilt in the floor. They would be fine there.

Jacob was still asleep, so I decided to be brave and try something that had been nagging at me all day. I grabbed my cell phone and went to the kitchen. I hit speed dial and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Edward said softly.

"Hey," I said. "Are you home?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Jacob and the bugs are asleep," I said quietly. "Do you want to come over for tea? I want to properly thank you for babysitting, and for all the work you've done with the bugs. It's so sweet to hear their new words and see them eat grown-up food."

He sighed. "I don't think that's such a great idea, Bella."

"Why not?" I asked him, already knowing the answer. "Edward, I'm trying to make things normal between us."

"Bella, I love you. What is normal about that when you're with another man? The father of your children?" He sounded a bit frustrated.

"I see your point," I whispered. "I still miss you, though. That hasn't changed one bit."

"I miss you, too. I haven't been with you in a month. It breaks my heart to sleep in an empty bed and eat breakfast without you. To shave and not hear your disapproval...to not feel your kisses…"

Tears sprung to my eyes. I missed all of that, too. "I know, Edward. I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. But frankly, we're dealing with too much shit to have a normal relationship. I don't guess sitting around and wishing for it will accomplish anything."

What had happened to my romantic, everything-will-be-okay Edward? It was almost like my choice to go to Germany and come home with another man had killed him...and the Edward that I was speaking to now was just an empty shell…

"I have to go," Edward said abruptly. "You're welcome for everything. I loved living with the bugs, and I loved teaching them new things. I love your son and daughter so much, Bella. And I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered.

"I know. And that's what hurts so much." Suddenly, the floodgates opened. "Bella, ever since I've known you, I've pretended to understand what you were going through. Being a military spouse, losing your spouse, a surprise pregnancy, single parenting, and then finally, love with me. But I've never understood any of it except for the last part. I-I can't pretend to understand anymore, sweetie. I don't understand where your heart and mind are. That's for you to know. For you to figure out."

I said nothing. He was so right. There was no point in arguing.

"I'll see you around," he said. "Maybe when I take out the garbage or get the mail or something."

"I don't want you to be a stranger," I argued.

"I don't want to be a stranger, either. But I need time to...try to keep on existing." He sniffled, and I knew he was crying. "Let me figure out how to do that, and then I'll be the favorite uncle again. Uncle Eddie."

I closed my eyes and dropped my head to the kitchen table. "Okay. If that's what your heart is saying."

"It is. It's also telling me that I love you. And it's also telling me I need to end this phone call because you have a wounded husband to attend to."

"I know. I love you, too, Edward. Really, I do."

"I know."

And then he hung up.

Since the bugs were asleep, I went to my bedroom and curled up next to Jacob. But he was knocked out, totally unaware of my presence. Tears streamed down my face as I remembered the way Edward's arms unconsciously wrapped around me in his sleep.

* * *

_My somewhat-exciting announcement:_

_I now know how this story will end! And no, I will not tell anyone, no matter how nicely you ask. Keep voting in the poll, though. I'm interested in the statistics of your opinions._

_Some of my readers have expressed concern that Edward is being pushed aside. Nope, his POV is next. Edward will definitely be a major character in the rest of this story. He's in the top three!_

_I've hit over 300 reviews; how about 350?_

_Discussion idea for the reviews: Jacob is being a bit defiant anytime psychiatric counseling is brought up. Do you think this will cause major problems in his marriage?  
_


	33. Til Kingdom Come Edward's POV

Author's Note: Edward's POV!

Disclaimer: Stephenie and Summit claim it all. Coldplay owns the song "'Til Kingdom Come".

Chapter Thirty-Two: "'Til Kingdom Come" Edward's POV

**Flashback-after driving Bella to the airport**

_I pulled into Bella's driveway, tears flowing freely down my face. My mother ran to my car and instantly met me in a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," she whispered, her hands softly rubbing my back._

_I shrugged and wiped my face._

_"Come inside and have a cup of tea," she behooved me. "You'll feel better."_

_"I highly doubt tea has the power to make me fall out of love," I said dully._

_"Do you really think she'll go back to him?" she asked softly._

_I screwed my eyes shut tight. "Probably," I whispered. "We discussed it for a little while. You didn't see the sparkle in her eye when she thought of him."_

_Mom started to say something else, but we were interrupted by a voice from across the fence. "Edward! Esme!" Emily Uley called._

_I was not in the mood to see her. I was still a little bitter toward Emily and Sam for letting Bella get so wasted, even if that night was what started the change in our relationship. Alas, Mom and I sighed and walked to the fence._

_"What happened tonight?" she asked, wide-eyed, and I saw Sam walk toward us. I left the talking up to Mom. "Bella received a phone call that Jacob is actually alive," she explained._

_Both of the Uleys' mouths fell open. "What-how?" they sputtered._

_Mom shrugged gravely. "All I can guess is that the Army makes mistakes, too."_

_"That's...wow," Emily whispered. "Insane. Like it's out of a movie or something."_

_Mom nodded. "Yeah, it definitely is."_

_"How does that make you feel, Cullen?" Sam asked me sharply._

_A thousand expletives ran through my head. "That's none of your business, Sam."_

_"We'll see," he chuckled before turning back to the house._

_

* * *

_Now she was back...and living with him. I sat on my couch with really nothing to do. I went to work, ate, and slept. My family kept calling me but I always turned them down. My meddling sister came over once and begged me to go camping one weekend-one of my favorite activities. Of course I made up an excuse. Alice stayed and managed to

cook me dinner (quite a feat for her), but eventually she took the hint and left me alone. Mostly.

Finally, my parents came to my house. I didn't even know they had a key until I left the restroom and found them in my living room.

"Hey, Mom and Dad," I said politely.

"Son, come eat lunch at the diner with us," Dad begged, his familiar blue eyes welling up with tears. I hated that. My father was supposed to be strong.

"Jacob has been home for a month," Mom said. "And you haven't had any sort of social life since then."

"We're incredibly worried about you," Dad said seriously. "This behavior isn't normal."

I shrugged. "I really don't have anything to do."

"Of course you do!" Mom cried, exasperated. "We've invited you to every family dinner and the camping trip..."

"Okay, fine," I interrupted, looking out the window. It was raining heavily. "I'll go to the diner."

"Thank you." Mom leapt up and kissed my cheek. A new hope had dawned on her face. It would make me feel horrible to dash it.

I was relieved that it was just me and my parents. I loved my siblings and their betrothed, but they could be very overbearing at times. We enjoyed a quiet dinner in which I ate my first real meal in weeks. Finally, I managed to engage myself in conversation. Mom and Dad kept it light, mostly talking about my dad's funny hospital stories. I started to laugh a little and (temporarily) think about something else.

Until a baby's cry filled the air.

I looked over and saw a Native American teenage boy with who appeared to be his little sister. She was crying and shifting uncomfortably in her high chair. The bugs' signal for a dirty diaper.

The boy picked her up. "Hush, Claire," he said sweetly, stroking her black hair that was the exact shade of the bugs' hair. "You're alright, honey."

I didn't realize I was staring until Dad cleared his throat.

"Sorry," I muttered, eating a bite of my burger.

"You miss Jake and Abigail," Mom said sympathetically.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. They were like my own children."

"Go see them," Mom suggested.

"I can't do that." Feeling uncomfortable with the sudden turn of conversation, I started looking around for the waitress. I wanted my check.

"Of course you can," Dad said. "You've practically raised them. Go see them. Take them a gift."

I finished my burger without another word.

But later that day, I couldn't stop thinking about the bugs. While Bella took up ninety percent of my thoughts, I still pined to see her children. I had fed them, bathed them, diapered them, kissed their wounds, and sang them to sleep. They had been such big parts of my life. I _had_ to see them.

But I still battled the thoughts, telling myself that I shouldn't intrude.

But when I turned the TV on and it immediately showed a diaper commercial, I knew that I couldn't fight it anymore. I pulled my shoes on and ran across the lawn to Bella's house.

Out of habit, I almost let myself in unannounced, but I caught myself and politely knocked on the screen door instead. I smiled as I heard the bugs squealing happily.

In the month that Bella spent in Germany, Abby had become fascinated with the front door, so it was no surprise when her little head popped up into view. She stood up, leaning against the door, peering out. As soon as she saw me, she let out an excited shriek and tried to pull the door open.

"Who is it, Abby Hope?" Bella asked as she came into view. As soon as she saw me, her eyes bulged out and she froze.

"Can I come see the bugs?" I asked her.

She nodded, a grin suddenly shining on her face. She scooped Abby up. "Of course!" she exclaimed as she opened the door. I gave her a brief hug before Abby started screaming and reaching for me.

Bella laughed. "Your Uncle Edward is back!" She passed the baby off to me, and I met Abby with an exuberant kiss.

"You're so beautiful and big," I cooed to her. She wrapped her arms securely around my neck and gave me a noisy kiss on my cheek.

Bella patted Abby's back. "We've missed our Uncle Edward, huh?" she asked her daughter, who was cuddling into my chest. "Come to the living room, Edward. We're trying to have walking lessons."

I was surprised to see Jacob Black standing and holding his son's hands, trying to coerce him into taking a few steps.

But as soon as the little boy saw me, he screamed in delight and broke his father's grasp, dropping to the floor and crawling to me.

"Hello, little man," I greeted the boy who was now called EJ, crouching to catch him in the arm that Abby wasn't occupying. EJ gave me a slobbery kiss and started mumbling nonsense. Abby glared at him, obviously jealous, and tightened her grip on me.

"Edward, right?" the older Jacob said as I stood up, holding both of the children.

"Right," I replied. "It's good to see you again. Even better to see that your arm has healed."

"Thanks," he said, awkwardly shaking my hand as I balanced the twins. "I think the kids have missed you."

I smiled, kissing the tops of their heads. "I've missed them, too."

"I can tell," he said. "Bella, can you hand me my crutches? I'm headed over to Sam's to watch the game."

"Here you go," she said softly. "Please don't drink, Jacob."

He positioned his crutches under his arms. "It'll just be a beer or two with the guys. Love you, babe." He kissed her hair.

As soon as he was out the door, Bella breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed on the couch.

"What's wrong?" I immediately asked her, sitting next to her. The twins positioned themselves in my lap and started their baby talk with each other.

She shook her head. "I'm just so tired."

"Is he wearing you out?" I asked softly, touching her brown hair. She had cut it; it now sat just above her shoulders. I didn't like it as much as her long hair.

She nodded. "Physical therapy three times a week. His sleeping schedule is _still_ messed up. I have to cook for us, clean the house, and help him with showering and dressing. I'm so glad he can use his arm now. It's surprisingly hard to shave a man."

"You never liked for me to shave," I said without thinking. My thoughts had raced to the days when she would kiss my stubbly chin.

"You look good with stubble, unlike Jacob," she smiled, eyes closed. "It's nice to be away from him for a little while."

"Bella, can I ask you a question?" Something from their conversation was stuck in my head and it was worrying the hell out of me.

"Sure."

Abby and EJ wanted to play on the floor, so I set them on the blanket that was spread out. EJ started to race a little Hot Wheels car down Abby's back. "Um…" I said. "Why did you ask him not to drink?"

She blushed. "Jacob isn't doing extremely well…in his mind, that is."

"He's probably traumatized," I replied. "And still trying to adjust. Is he in counseling?"

Her brown eyes stared up at me, and she scooted so our arms were touching. "No," she whispered. "He refuses to go."

"Do you think he needs to go?" I asked her.

She nodded.

The look on her face broke my heart. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to me while the tears started to fall. "Talk to me," I encouraged her. "Let it out."

"I can't please him!" she exclaimed. "Everything I do is wrong. And he's not sleeping…and he has a short temper with the children." She sniffled. "He's forgetful and careless. He left EJ on our bed unsupervised. The poor thing rolled off into the floor. He still has the bruises."

"Is he drinking a lot?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "Not really, but when he does have a few beers or shots, I can't handle him. He gets overly emotional. His crying and screaming scares the bugs. It's not anger at _us_…just at…_something_."

"He needs help," I stated.

She nodded. "Yes. But how do I convince him to get that help?"

"Let him talk to Jasper," I suggested, stroking her hair softly.

"I guess I could do that," she admitted. "Invite him and Alice over for dinner…you know, I haven't seen them since I brought Jacob home. I haven't seen _anyone_ since I brought Jacob home."

"Bella, does he scare you?"

She wiped away her tears. "Not in the way you mean. I don't fear for my or my children's safety. He's temperamental, but he would never hurt us. I'm scared for him. I don't know what those eyes have seen, or what is running through that head of his." She shrugged. "I've got to get him to therapy somehow."

I nodded. "Listen, if you ever need a break or quiet place, bring the kids to my house and have lunch with me. Or come watch TV with me. I'm almost always home, except for when I'm working, of course. Or if you just want a break from the bugs. I'll watch them."

She nodded. "Thank you, Edward. That's very decent of you."

"And if he ever starts to scare you-and you know what I mean," he said through clenched teeth. "Come to my house immediately. You have a key. I haven't changed the locks."

She nodded. "I will. That won't happen, though," she said confidently. "I trust him."

"Do you love him?" I whispered before I could stop myself.

She nodded again. "Yeah, I do. Maybe not as intensely as I did before he went to Iraq…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked up at me. "God, I've said too much. I'm sorry…"

"Shh, love," I whispered, tightening my arms around her. "It's okay."

"This feels nice," she admitted into my shirt. "Jacob never just holds me anymore."

"One month has changed all of that?" I asked her, trying to sound light.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so," she muttered.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I softly rubbed her back, and she eventually fell asleep in my arms. I wanted to hold her, but I knew that if Jacob came back home, that would be a very compromising position.

So I carried her to bed and tucked her in. Ever so softly, I kissed her mouth. If that was to be our last kiss, then so be it, I decided. She had obviously made her choice. She wore her wedding ring and acted as the perfect wife.

"I guess this Scarlett finally has her Ashley," I whispered before walking out, closing the bedroom door behind me.

But I still wasn't ready to let go. I spent the rest of the afternoon playing quietly with the bugs. When Jacob came home, I shook his hand and explained that Bella was exhausted, so I had offered to watch the bugs. He just nodded blankly and thanked me.

When I got home, I grabbed my cell phone off the counter. I had a few missed calls from Emmett, and finally a voicemail that said, "Hey, bro! Get off your sorry ass and come play _Halo _with me and Jazz tonight at my place. Killing people on a screen will help you out. Love ya, man."

I rolled my eyes and sent him a text saying that I would be there. I was sick of these walls and while I was still heartbroken, moping around no longer helped me.

That is, until I read the unread text message from Bella.

_This Scarlett does NOT have her Ashley._

"Goddamnit!" I shouted, throwing the phone on the couch. I was being strung along, again. Bella really was a classic Scarlett O'Hara. She didn't know what she wanted. And I was getting rather tired of it.

But as soon as I realized that, I felt shameful. I knew that I would wait for Bella until my dying day. After I had my little temper tantrum, I realized that the text message gave me a ray of hope. She wasn't happy with him. Something was going on in that house, and it made her upset.

And she was still thinking about me.

I shook my head and sighed. I was being strung along from pillar to post, but I couldn't complain. I loved being in the back of her mind. That Coldplay song started to play in my head. _For you I'd wait, 'til kingdom come, until my days, my days are done…_

I started to mope some more, but I realized that I couldn't think about this alone. I grabbed my car keys to go to Emmett's apartment_._

But first I sent her a reply.

_Scarlett, I've loved you more than I've ever loved any woman and I've waited for you longer than I've ever waited for any woman. _

Her reply was simply:

_Oh, Rhett…  
_

_

* * *

_

_This story is NOT over. It's just beginning!_

_In case you're wondering, Edward's text to Bella is a quote from "Gone With the Wind"._

_A wheelbarrow of thanks to all of my reviewers. Every time someone tells me that they cry when they read this...well, I start to cry, too._

_Bella's POV is next. We'll get to see some of Jacob's weird actions up close._

_Review, please?_


	34. Battle Scars

**Author's Note: **This one is short, but it says everything that I think needs to be said right now. Jacob's POV is next.

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer is the owner of these characters.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three: "Battle Scars" Bella's POV**

Jacob had been home for about a month, and things were starting to get...weird. I think I started to notice it the first night I woke up to an empty bed. He still wasn't over his jet lag. Actually, he hadn't been sleeping much at all. He often kept me awake with his tossing and turning. But this night, I sighed as I heard the TV blaring.

I had been trying to keep him away from the TV, because I didn't think all the violence and coverage of the war would be good for him. Plus I didn't watch much TV, and I didn't want him to turn EJ and Abby into those kids who sit in front of the TV all day.

I grabbed my bathrobe and went into the living room. He was sitting in the recliner, watching CNN. For lack of better news, they were showing a rerun of a special on the war. Cringing mentally, I went and sat on his good leg, just like he liked for me to.

He didn't even acknowledge me.

"Whatcha doing, sweetie?" I tried to ask nonchalantly.

His eyes flickered to mine, but only for a second. "Couldn't sleep," he said flatly. He flinched just a little as the screen showed an explosion.

My mouth was dry, but I still tried to pull him away from that program. "Baby, why are you watching this?"

"I need to see what's happening over there," he said, still distracted by the images on the screen.

"No, you don't. You don't ever have to see any of that anymore." I softly stroked his little bit of hair that had grown out in the past month.

"I see it every minute of the day," he whispered so intensely that I almost shuddered at the idea. "It never goes away."

Not knowing what to say, I simply kissed his cheek and buried my face in his strong neck. Eventually, he wrapped his good arm around me, and I thought he was going to fall asleep. "Do you want to go to bed?" I asked him groggily.

"Not really."

"Do you want to watch a movie? I still have all of your DVDs. We haven't watched _Anchorman_ together in forever." Jacob loved Will Farrell, and _Anchorman_ was his favorite.

"Not tonight."

I peeked a look and saw a severely-wounded US troop on the screen. "Jacob, seriously, why torture yourself with this?" I asked a bit sharply. "This is hard for me to watch and I've never been further east than Germany!"

"Bella, relax. I just want to see what we've accomplished," he said.

"That's a big fat zero," I muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," I sighed. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Anything to get him away from the television. I turned his head to me and kissed his full lips. "Jake, are you sure you don't want to come to bed? I'm wide awake now..."

He gave a halfhearted kiss to my temple. "Not tonight, babe."

"Okay," I sighed, standing up. "I'm going to bed, then."

He looked up at me, a confused expression on his face. "I thought you were wide awake."

"I am," I said. "But I can't watch this stuff. It hurts me. I can't imagine how much it hurts you."

He shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Okay," I said. "Then I'm going to bed."

He didn't say anything as I stood up and went back to the bedroom. I was so frustrated with him. I knew he wasn't okay. Why did he want to see all of that? Especially _again_?

I believe that night changed him. After he watched that program, he started to act differently. His sleeping ceased even more, and he started to withdraw from me and the children. He had flat conversations with me, and he would let the kids sit in his lap, but he didn't want to play with them. He didn't want to help me cook with his good arm and his random kisses and embraces were scarce. He didn't want to make love to me. (Which was fine. I always felt insanely guilty after we did it because I would always think of Edward. But still, his lack of libido let me know that something was wrong.)

And his patience began to falter. One day Abby dumped her bowl of oatmeal into the floor, and he yelled at her before smacking her hand. I didn't have a problem with his physical punishment; I often slapped their hands when they grabbed something they shouldn't have. It seemed to be relatively painless and very effective. But his yelling in her face was too much, and she started to cry, which of course made EJ cry. I had to pull them out of their high chairs and calm them down with bottles of warm formula. Jacob didn't even clean up the oatmeal while I worked at calming the babies.

One day Sam Uley came to the house to watch some kind of game. I was still a little miffed at Sam for his snide remarks about my relationship with Edward, but I welcomed him as a good hostess should. I ordered a pizza, but Jacob only seemed to be interested in the six-pack Sam had brought. Jacob was on his third beer when I convinced him to stop drinking.

That night was hard. The beer seemed to have the same effect on him that it did on me: it sent his emotions straight through the basement. I found him crying in the bathroom, his shoulders shaking as he leaned over the sink.

"What is it, baby?" I asked him, taking his face in my hands. "Talk to me."

He only mumbled something about _Riley. _I had no idea who Riley was, but I still wrapped my arms around his waist. "It's okay," I tried to soothe him. "It's okay. I'm here, and I've got you."

When the EJ incident happened, I knew we had a problem. Jacob had left our son on the bed while he went to the bathroom. I heard a thud and a wail, and of course I took off running. When I asked Jacob what he was thinking, he slammed the door and went to Sam's house.

After I told Edward all of this, I knew exactly what I had to do. Jacob needed therapy. Something was eating at his mind, destroying it and leaving battle scars. I knew that Jacob was still in the Army state of mind, where he was a man and he could only trust himself. But that wasn't true anymore. Jacob wasn't acting like a real man. And _I _couldn't even trust him.

I knew that Edward was right. Jasper was my best bet. So one day I approached Jacob sweetly. I was pleased to find that he was playing with Abby and EJ on the couch, ticking their bellies as they sat up and crawled over his lap. They were standing up and pulling on things, and they occasionally walked as they held on to furniture, but they still weren't walking without support. I was starting to worry about that.

"Hey, sweetie," I greeted Jacob, kissing the top of his head.

"Hey," he said, wiggling Abby's toes.

"Having fun?" I asked lightly.

He nodded, a little smile on his face. Hope suddenly shone through, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I suddenly felt a lot more comfortable as I reached this topic. "I was thinking about having Alice and Jasper over for dinner," I said. "We haven't seen them in so long, and I know they miss you."

"That's a good idea," he smiled at me. "Tonight?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Will you help me grill steaks?"

"Of course." He tilted his face up, silently requesting a kiss. I pressed my lips to his for a moment, and then I kissed the tip of his nose and his forehead.

I stepped outside and called Jasper's office. The receptionist said he was in an appointment, but as soon as I told her my name, she strangely said, "Oh, Dr. Hale will be glad to speak to you, Mrs. Black. Hold for just a minute, please."

I wondered idly why he would tell her to interrupt an appointment for me, but I couldn't concentrate on that as soon as he picked up the phone. "Dr. Jasper Hale," he drawled in his Texan accent.

"Hey, it's Bella," I said.

"Oh, hey!" he replied. "What can I do for you?"

"A lot, actually," I told him. "Jacob is refusing to go to therapy, even though it is mandated by his commander. He really needs to let some stuff out, Jazz."

"Has he been acting strange?"

"Yes," I confessed. "Impatient and distant and…just, off. I was wondering if you and Alice would like to have dinner with us tonight. Maybe you could talk to him?"

"I'd be happy to," he said. "We miss you and the bugs, anyway. What time do you want us over there? I leave my office at five thirty."

"Six thirty, if not sooner," I replied.

"Six fifteen it is," he said cheerily. "How is he acting today?"

"Good, actually, but his mood swings are like that…"

"That's understandable," he said.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Um, I'll see you guys tonight."

"Do you want us to bring anything?"

"Of course not," I said in a teasing tone. "Please keep Alice out of the kitchen."

He laughed. "Yes, ma'am. See you tonight."

I hung up and sighed. Maybe Jasper could give us both some answers.

* * *

_Nothing like a hot doctor coming to the rescue, huh?_

_As of now, I have 364 reviews. What about 400?  
_


	35. Author's Note

_**Author's Note**_

Dearest Readers,

I have just started my last year of hell…I mean, my senior year in high school. I am in three Advanced Placement classes, Honors Chemistry, Health Occupation Students of America, ACT/SAT tutoring, and I am also trying to write a novel. Obviously I don't have a lot of time for FanFiction.

But don't freak out! My stories will **not** be abandoned! I will just be updating less. I really hope to update every weekend, but I don't see how that will be possible EVERY WEEKEND, so I'm going to say it will probably be every other weekend. I try to write chapters in class when I'm bored, but it takes so long to type, edit, and post. So please don't get mad if you don't find regular updates.

I've heard this theory that school is actually more important than FanFiction. I'm not sure if I agree, but I'm going to test it out. (wink)

Thanks!

All my love and adoration,

Sarah

P.S. "I Love College" will probably be updated more than "Battle Scars" simply because it is almost completed and the chapters are way easier to write. But "Battle Scars" is my favorite and will never, ever, ever be abandoned.

P.P.S. I would love to still hear from you guys. Drop me a message with your questions, concerns, and comments about _anything_ and you'll get a hasty reply. You also may be rewarded with a teaser!


	36. Demons Jasper's POV

**Author's Note: Surprise! A chapter! It feels like it's been forty years since I've updated, but here's a pretty good chapter (in my opinion.) From Jasper's POV! I wasn't planning on doing any other POVS than B, Jac, and Ed, but I thought it was appropriate.  
**

**Jacob will never hit Bella or the bugs. Ever. I like his character too much to turn him into a wifebeater. Please quit asking me that.**

**Thanks for being so understanding about my lack of updating. I didn't realize I have so many readers who are teachers! The overwhelming support has made me feel so much better.  
**

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie owns it all.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Four: "Demons" Jasper's POV

Alice and I arrived at the Blacks' house right on time. We let ourselves in to find Bella rushing to the door. Obviously she had heard our car.

"Alice!" she exclaimed, hugging my fiancee tightly. It really had been too long since we had visited, but I had felt it was best to give Bella and Jacob some breathing room. But after my phone call with Bella, I was wondering if that had been the right thing to do.

"Bella!" Alice greeted her. "Where are my niece and nephew?"

"In the living room with Ja-" Bella stopped talking as Jacob entered the kitchen. "I mean, the living room," she finished. "Jake, are they okay in there?"

He nodded. "Yep."

"I'll go get them,"Alice offered before dancing into the living room. "Bugs! Your favorite aunt is here!"

We all laughed. Bella winked at me and said, "Don't worry, Jazz. When you two have kids of your own, she'll be too fat, tired, and hormonal to skip around."

"I heard that!" Alice called, making us laugh again.

"Hey, man," I greeted Jacob, holding my hand out. "It's been too long." He has bags under his eyes. _Lack of sleep._

"Much too long," he agreed, shaking my hand. "I think it's been too long for our ladies, too." He glanced toward Bella, who was already headed toward Alice.

"Yeah, you guys have been strangers," I said casually.

The women returned with Jake—I mean EJ—on Bella's hip and Abby on Alice's hip. "I have appetizers," Bella told us. "Right there on the table. We're going to feed the kids before we eat. Jazz, do you mind helping Jake man the steaks?"

"Of course not," I said. "We'll go do it right now."

"Take the appetizers with you," she suggested.

I winked at her, silently telling her I would try to talk with him. She winked back.

Jacob could use both of his arms now, so he grabbed a big plate of raw steaks and I took Bella's seasoning. There was already a large bag of charcoal and a lighter by the grill. Figuring it would be easier for me to handle the charcoal, I started to pour some into the grill.

"So how are you?" I asked him. "I haven't had a chance to catch up with you."

He shrugged. "I'm makin' it. I'm bored as hell without a job and I know it's hard on Bella. She won't start work until my leg heals."

"Is Uncle Sam still paying you?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I guess they figured it was the least they could do. You know how it is. But luckily the insurance is still good."

I nodded. "Yeah, nothing like military life."

"When is the wedding?" he asked me suddenly. _Trying to change the subject._

"In four-ish months. Ask Alice. She has the countdown pinned down to the minute. Stand back," I warned him, taking the lighter.

I was surprised at how he immediately jumped back, surprisingly urgent for a guy who was hobbling on a crutch. Bad reaction to the fire. "You okay?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Yeah. Soldier's reaction, I guess."

_Battlemind_, was my first thought. The state of mind the military trains you in, and often doesn't go away when your tour is over...

I lit the fire, happy there wasn't a huge flame. He seemed to be calm about it. I let the fire engulf the charcoal as I turned to him. "How is life in the states? Are you adjusting well?"

He grimaced. "It's been kinda hard. But the hardest part is knowing that I'm a father now. I haven't had time to prepare for the kids, and that's been hard. Especially since they love Bella so much more than they love me." Insecurity.

"She's been with them all their life," I pointed out. "They'll get used to you, too. Do you love them?"

"Of course," he said.

"Then just keep showing them that love. Hand me those steaks, will you?"

He handed them to me, and I started to fork the steaks onto the grill. "I don't know," he said. "I guess it will all work out. I'm just...still trying to get used to life again. Do you know how cold Washington feels? And it's _summer_ here."

I laughed. "I can imagine. What was the hottest you felt?"

"Well, we had thermometers in our equipment, and it read 120. It was miserable."

"I bet," I replied. "So what do you miss the most—the sand? Sun? Sand? Camels? Sand?"

He snorted. "That sounds like a stereotype, but it's actually true. However, I like all of that better than some of the assholes over there."

I raised an eyebrow as I flipped the steaks. "Assholes, huh?"

"Yeah. Not just the Iraqis, mind you. Most of the natives there are really quite nice and friendly. They appreciate us and what we're doing over there. It's just the extremists who don't like us. But the Americans can be assholes, too. There is nothing like working with a platoon of tired and hot men and women in the middle of the desert."

I chuckled. "So it hasn't changed since I've been over there."

He raised his eyebrows. "You were over there?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "You don't remember that? I served a tour in Fallujah after my college ROTC stint."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I do," he said. "That was before you and Alice were together, right?" _Forgetfulness._

"Yup." I paused, pursing my lips. "I met Alice when I unlisted and went to medical school. Jake, I bet I could identify with some of the shit you saw over there."

"Not _saw_," he muttered. "_Lived through_ is the better phrase."

"Do you want to talk about it? Soldier to soldier?"

He hesitated. "Jasper, I don't know. I know you mean well, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to confront those demons."

Demons. He knows he is struggling.

"The Army has ordered to me to counseling," he said. "They're gonna pay for it. Since I don't live on post*, they don't know if I'm going or not. Unless the insurance people say something."

"You could be court marshaled*," I warned him. "If they know you aren't following orders, you could be dishonorably discharged. And there goes your salary and your insurance for your physical therapy...and your family."

He was silent.

"We don't even have to do appointments," I added. "We can call them appointments so your insurance pays me—I mean, I'm about to marry a shopaholic, you know-but really go get burgers or go fishing or whatever you want. You just need to let some stuff out, and make sure you're not unintentionally taking it out on Bella and the kids."

I let him think as I flipped the steaks over. Finally, he shook his head. "I'll take my chances…for now."

"Jake, you're playing with fire," I murmured.

"I'm not crazy," he insisted.

"I'm a psychiatrist," I replied. "I don't believe that _anyone_ is crazy. It's just a matter of brain chemicals, hormones, and environment. And you've been in one hell of an environment."

"There's nothing wrong with me," he insisted. _Denial._

"I'm just offering you an outlet," I said patiently. "You just need to make sure you aren't taking any frustration with the war out on Bella and the bugs."

He was silent for a minute or so. Finally, he said, "Will you go get the A1 sauce?"

I nodded and went into the house, where Bella was cooking and Alice was feeding the bugs their dinner. Bella's cooking smelled heavenly, while the kids' Gerber TV dinners smelled awful. I remembered when Edward had started them on those, claiming that they were filled with nutrients.

"Is he okay?" Bella murmured.

I glanced over at Alice meaningfully. She nodded. "I have to use the restroom," she announced promptly. "Jazz, will you make sure the bugs don't throw sweet potatoes everywhere?"

"Yeah," I said. She quickly walked down the hall. I turned to Bella, somewhat keeping an eye on EJ and Abby.

Bella eyed me. "Talk to me," she said quietly. "While he's outside."

I took a deep breath. "Well, Bells, I think it's really quite simple. He's still stuck in the soldiers' state of mind. We in the mental health industry like to call it _Battlemind_. His overreactions and withdrawal are all part of it. Soldiers are taught to have quick, aggressive reactions. It'll probably take a while for him to snap out of it."

"So he will snap out of it?" she asked hopefully.

I sighed. "Sometimes soldiers are able to…but those are soldiers who are feeling a little bit of guilt for killing someone. Jacob has dealt with a lot more than that. I'm guessing that the past year in his life hasn't been good. Was he tortured?"

She nodded. "He won't talk about it…but the commander in Germany told me that he was in a makeshift POW camp. His captors weren't very organized or powerful, but…" She closed her eyes, frown lines marking her face. "They left their mark on him."

"I really doubt he'll snap out of anything, then," I said gravely. "I offered to take him fishing and out for a burger so we could talk…but he won't do it. He thinks I think he is crazy."

Her eyes flew open. "_Is_ he crazy?"

"No," I said firmly. "He isn't. He's just dealing with some…" I fished for the right word, and then remembered Jacob's way of putting it. "Demons."

"What do I do?" she whispered.

"I'm going to prod at him some more," I replied. "I'll call you tomorrow from my office and tell you what I'll suggest."

She nodded. I kissed her forehead quickly before grabbing the A1 steak sauce and returning to the grill.

"What took so long?" he asked suspiciously. _Paranoia._

"Alice had to go to the bathroom, so I watched the kids while Bella cooked." Suddenly, an idea hit me. "You're a lucky guy, Jacob Black. You have such beautiful children."

He nodded. "I know."

"And so well-behaved. Bella is a great mother. And a great wife. I wish Alice could cook the goodies she's got going in there."

He nodded again. I poked at the steaks and let the bait sit.

Finally, he spoke. "Am I really taking my frustrations out on them?"

_Bingo. _"I don't know," I said softly. "Are you?"

"I don't know," he admitted.

"Do you want to prevent doing that?" I replied.

He nodded earnestly. "Of course. I love my family, Jazz."

"Talk to Bella about it," I suggested. "Communication is the secret to a good marriage, or so I'm told. Good thing Alice talks so much."

He chuckled. "Yeah…"

I clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I'm just a phone call away if you decide you do need some help with your demons, my friend," I told him gently. "Or if the military gets on your ass."

He nodded. "I know, Jazz. Thanks for the offer. You and your entire family—the Cullens included—have been so wonderful to Bella and the kids."

"Yeah, we pretty much love them to death," I said. "None of us would want to see any sorrow or hurt feelings in the Black family."

"I know," he whispered.

"You might want to flip those steaks," I suggested.

He took my advice. I thought our awkward conversation was over until he looked up at me, his dark eyes hard. "Can I ask you something?" he said softly.

"Of course you can. I'm your buddy."

When he finally spoke, his voice was rough. "Why is EJ named _Edward _Jacob?"

* * *

_Dun dun dun..._

_Leave me a review and get a teaser?_

_My iPhone (a.k.a. my method of communication with my readers) has broken. I can't believe it-just my luck! I'm hoping to get it fixed today, but if this streak of bad luck increases...  
well, I guess I'll have to get to a computer as much as possible. Still email me or message me. I just may take longer to reply._


	37. Trying to Cover Up

**Author's Note: This one is kind of short, but I've already started the next chapter. There will be Bella, Edward, Jacob, and the bugs in it.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the owner of these characters. I own the bugs.**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Five: "Trying to Cover Up" Bella's POV

I was laughing so hard when dessert was served that I had almost forgotten the reason I had invited Jasper and Alice over. Jasper seemed to have a gift for cheering up others, and Alice's old routine of good-naturedly teasing Jacob was back in full swing. I had already had to rock Abby back to sleep because our laughter had woken her up.

Jasper and Alice left around ten. Jacob and I followed them outside to say goodbye, Jasper kissing my cheek and shaking Jacob's hand. Alice gave us both hugs and earned a hair-mussing from Jacob. Surprising me, Jacob put his arm around my shoulders as we waved goodbye to them.

When their car sped away, I turned to Jacob. "Just let me clean up and I'll-"

I was interrupted by a sweet kiss that caught me completely off-guard. "Mmm," I said when we parted. "What was that for?"

"I just love you," he shrugged, making me raise my eyebrows. "Come on, let's go clean up and...maybe watch a movie?"

I nodded and followed him as he hobbled into the house. "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" I asked only half-jokingly.

He shot me a pained glance. "Bella, honey...come into the house, okay?"

I nodded and stepped into the kitchen with him. I expected him to take a seat and watch me clean up, but he immediately went and grabbed Tupperware containers. I watched in amazement as he put the leftover steamed vegetables away. "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" I asked again.

His shoulders slumped. "I used to help you all the time," he murmured.

"That's true," I said. "But, I undersand why you haven't been lately, with the crutches and all."

He shook his head and turned around to look at me. "No, that's not a good enough excuse," he said. "Bella..." He sighed and walked to me. "I want to touch you at all times," he murmured.

I accepted his embrace. "Jake," I mumbled into his chest. "Are you okay?"

He kissed the top of my head. "Of course I am. It's just...I was talking to Jasper, and he made me realize how lucky I am to have you."

"You need to talk to Jasper more often," I said, once again only half-jokingly.

"I'm sorry if I've been a bear to live with," he said. "I know it hasn't been easy on you and the kids."

I pulled away and looked at him. "It's fine. Let's just...try to do better, okay? I'll work at being better, too. We still aren't used to living together after so much time apart."

He nodded. "I think you're right. In fact..." He walked to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine. "Let's make a toast."

"Jacob, let's don't drink tonight..."

"Just a sip," he promised me, opening the glass cabinet. "Where is our wedding china?"

"Boxed up," I explained, shifting my feet awkwardly. "When the babies were born, I ran out of cabinet space." _Actually, I put away all reminders of our marriage because I was in a relationship with the next door neighbor..._

"Hmm," he said absentmindedly. "Well, we don't have any clean glasses, so..." He pulled out two bright sippy cups, without the lids.

I laughed out loud. "You're about to make a toast with Disney Princess and Lightning McQueen sippy cups?"

He grinned his most Jacob-y grin-the one where his eyes crinkled up and he showed all of his teeth. "Hush," he said as he poured a tiny amount of wine into the cups. "Parents do what they can. You can have Sleeping Beauty."

We linked arms. "To our new marriage," he toasted. "We're one of the few lucky couples who gets a second chance."

I nodded, and we sipped our wine. "I feel really silly," I admitted.

He laughed and kissed my lips. "I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you too," I said automatically.

"_And _I appreciate you," he added.

"I appreciate you, too," I said honestly. "You've been through so much, just to support me and your country. Thank you."

He leaned down and kissed me deeply. I wasn't sure what brought on this sweet mood, but I was going to soak it up. His kisses and embraces had grown scarce.

"Just a minute," I whispered against his lips.

He whimpered in protest.

"Let me clean up," I told him. "Ten minutes to load the dishwasher. Okay, love?"

As soon as that last word left my mouth, my heart sank. Edward had always called me that. That was a Bella-Edward thing.

"Okay," Jacob sighed. "I'll put the food away."

I watched him as I stocked the dishwasher. He worked quickly and efficiently, but I noticed his grimace. When he thought I wasn't looking, he wasn't smiling at all. Was this good mood an act?

What was he trying to cover up?

"I'm going to take out the trash," I stammered. "And then I'll slip into something more comfortable."

He nodded silently. I grabbed the bag and went outside. I squinted as I saw movement by my mailbox, but then I just realized that it was Edward taking his trash out.

"Hey, stranger," he greeted me as I walked his way.

"Hey," I said. "I just had Alice and Jasper over for dinner."

"I noticed," he said. "What was the occasion?"

"Jazz talked to Jacob," I said quietly.

His green eyes lit up. "Did he accomplish anything?"

How utterly sweet and decent of Edward to _hope _that my husband was okay. He had every right to wish the worst upon Jake and my marriage, but he didn't want meet to hurt because of Jacob, either.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I hope so."

He nodded. "Can I come see the bugs sometime this week?"

For some reason, my heart skipped a beat at his words. "Yeah, definitely," I said. "Anytime you want."

"Are they walking yet?"

I exhaled impatiently. "No! It's driving me crazy!"

He laughed softly. "They're stubborn-just like their mama."

I grinned. "Yeah, you're probably right. I wish I could invite you in for a cup of tea...but Jacob is waiting on me."

He pulled me into a hug. "I am here _whenever_ you need a cup of tea...especially on those days when you need extra sugar in your tea."

I laughed sadly. "Thank you, love."

He stiffened a bit at my verbal slip. I sighed again. "You know what I mean."

"I do know what you mean," he murmured. "I mean it, too."

I pulled away. "I miss you," I admitted.

"I miss you, too." He cloesd his eyes. "This is so hard."

"Yeah," I agreed, my hand lingering on his. "It really is."

He stayed silent for a minute before saying huskily, "You should go back to your famliy now. Jacob needs you."

"_Needs _me?"

He nodded. "Any sane man who meets you should need you. Perhaps I understand Jacob more than I originally thought."

This conversation was too sad for me, yet I couldn't walk away from him. "Come visit," I begged him, knowing I was treading dangerous waters. "Tomorrow. EJ and Abby miss you so much. Abby tries to hum your Beatles lullaby."

He smiled. "I will. I promise."

A huge grin spread across my face. "I can't wait."

We stared at each other for a few long moments befoe he shifted uncomfortably. "I have to work tomorrow," he said. "So I better turn in."

I nodded sadly. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night, sweetie." He squeezed my hand and walked away.

My eyes filled with tears as I turned back to my house. I immediately noticed that Jake had wiped down the cuonters and table. Sounds of the TV wafted from the living room. I followed them and found Jacob stretched out on the couch.

"Did you have a nice chat?" he asked, catching me a bit off-guard.

"Y-yeah," I said, trying to sound indifferent. "Edward is coming over tomorrow to see EJ and Abby."

Jacob nodded, his eyes pasted to the television screen. "Still up for a movie?"

"Yeah, definitely," I replied. "Let me go change while you pick it out."

I ended up in flannel pajamas and we ended up watching _Anchorman_. We cuddled together on the couch, but my mind wandered the whole time.

What was Jacob trying to hide with his happy, romantic mood?

Would my feelings for Edward ever dissolve?

How could I handle two loves for two different men? I could never deny that Jacob still had a chunk of my heart.

A quarter of my heart for Edward, a quarter for Jacob, and half for my children.

Would I ever be a complete woman again?


	38. Baby Steps

**Author's Note: I know it's nearly been a month, but I wanted to finish my other fic before I updated this one. This one is much more important to me and I want to spend as much time as possible on it.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown, and Summit Entertainment own it all.**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Six: "Baby Steps" Bella's POV

"Abby!" I sang in an obnoxiously cheerful voice. "Come get your cookie, beautiful girl!"

My daughter held strong to the couch and slowly made her way toward me, using the sofa as her guide.

"No," I said, scooting to the other side of the room. "Walk to me, sweetie. You can do it." Jacob helpfully took her little hands and urged her toward me. But Abigail Hope Black was the most stubborn child I had ever seen—she didn't like to give in without a fight. She plopped down on her bottom and stared at the cookie in my hand.

Jacob sighed and pulled EJ off his lap, making him stand on his feet. "Okay, Mini-Me. Show your sister how it's done. Walk to Mommy."

"Come here, EJ," I told him. "Get your cookie, sweetheart. Just take baby steps."

EJ slobbered on his fingers and looked toward Abby, as if wanting her approval. Receiving none, he sat beside her.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed. "What kind of child doesn't come running for a cookie?"

"You don't think they're..._slow_...do you?" Jacob whispered, as if they could understand what he was talking about.

I shook my head. "No," I said firmly. "They've developed so well in every other way. They're just too scared to walk by themselves."

He sighed impatiently. Abby glanced back at him and started to crawl toward me. "Num-num, Mommy," she demanded.

"Nope," I replied, tossing the cookie to Jacob. "Go walk to Daddy and get your cookie."

Abby stared at me for a few seconds, her head lilting to the side and her little eyes squinted as if she were trying to see me clearly. That was the only other thing that made me worry about my children. Not only were they not walking without assistance, but they weren't associating the word _daddy _with Jacob. I could tell this frustrated him, but everything frustrated him nowadays. It frustrated me, too—especially when they tried to say the word "Uncle" when they saw Jasper and Emmett.

"That's Daddy," I said, pointing to Jacob. She looked at him and quickly looked back at me. I sighed, about to apologize to Jake, but my doorbell rang.

I had to hide my smile. I knew exactly who it was."I'll get that," I told Jacob. "It's probably Edward. Try to lure them with that cookie, okay?"

"'Kay. Come on, munchkins," he told them. "Take Daddy's cookie."

I bit my lip as I ran to the door. I nearly hit the wall as I eagerly flung it open. He had a smile as he saw me, and then I realized what I looked like. I was wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt stained with grape juice, and my hair was thrown up into a messy bun. "Sorry," I said, gesturing to myself. "We've been having a...hands-on Mommy day."

He chuckled. "You look great, as always. Are they awake?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "We're having walking lessons. Do you care to try to work your magic, Mr. Convinced-the-Bugs-to-Drink-Juice?"

"Actually, that's what I'm here for," he replied, holding up a package.

I glared at him. "Edward..."

He rolled his eyes. "Just invite me in so I can give a present to my niece and nephew a gift."

"Yes, sir," I said, snapping a mock salute. He grinned crookedly and nudged me with his elbow.

I cleared my throat as I walked back to the living room, keeping a safe distance between us. I knew we were flirting, and that wasn't good. It just came so naturally. I could never deny that I still loved Edward...but I had to pretend to deny that in front of my husband.

"Hey, bugs," I said to them. "You have a surprise."

Their eyes lit up as they saw Edward, and they immediately started to crawl toward him. He dropped the package on the floor and scooped them up, kissing their faces and cooing to them.

Jacob stood up, an edge to his expression. "Hi, Edward," he said stuffily, extending a hand.

Edward expertly balanced the kids on his arms as he shook Jacob's hand. "Hey, Jacob," he replied. "You look like you're doing well."

"Yeah, physical therapy is great," Jake replied politely. "Thanks for stopping by."

"Thanks for letting me in," Edward said smoothly. "Hey EJ and Abby, I bought something for you." He sat down on the floor with them and pulled the package. My kids, used to gifts from the Cullens and Hales, pulled the wrapping paper off eagerly.

I sat next to Jacob as they opened their gift. He put a hand on my thigh, squeezing it affectionately. His eyes never left Edward, though. I knew exactly what was running through his head: Mine. Not yours.

I chose to ignore him and focused my attention on the twins. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "New shoes! How pretty, Abby!"

"They're not just shoes," Edward said, pressing on the soles. I was shocked to hear a loud squeaking come out of them. "They make noise to motivate kids to walk."

"Oh my god," I said. "That's genius! Where did you find them?"

He shrugged. "On the Internet. I bought them in Port Angeles this morning. Let them try them on so I'll know if I need to go get different sizes."

I sat in the floor and helped EJ with his cute little sneakers, tying the colorful laces. Abby had a pair of Mary Janes, and Edward helped her buckle those. "C'mere," I told EJ, pulling him up by his hands. He giggled loudly as I helped him bounce on his new shoes, the bicycle-horn-like noise blaring loudly. I let go of his hands, and he stood there, stomping his feet to hear the noises. Abby did much the same, but they still weren't taking steps. Still, it was an approval.

"Don't let them walk," I said as I heard my kettle whistle. "I want to see it." I quickly ran to the kitchen and poured up the bags of tea I had brewed. Jacob didn't care for tea, but I loved it, and I knew Edward liked it. Which was secretly why I had brewed an extra serving. I poured the tea into two mugs, filled Jacob a glass of Pepsi, and made sippy cups of juice for the twins.

"Do you need help in there?" Jacob called.

"I've got it," Edward said. "There's no need for you to get up while you're still on crutches."

I heard Edward's footsteps. He smiled as he saw the two cups of tea. "Can you help me carry it all?" I asked him.

"Of course." He took the hot cups of tea while I grabbed the other cups. I giggled as I heard the twins stomping on their new shoes and laughing loudly.

"I think they love them," I told Edward as we walked back in the living room. "Thank you so much."

"Let's just hope they serve their purposes," he replied.

"Mommy!" Abby shouted as she bounced. "Shoes!"

"I see, sweetie," I told her. "Walk to Daddy and let him see your new shoes."

Once again, she sat on her bottom and glanced between me and Jacob. Slowly, she used the coffee table to stand up, and then put one foot in front of the other. I thought she was finally going to walk unassisted when she looked toward Edward. "Daddy," she said confidently to him, and she took her very first steps by herself toward him.

I dropped Jacob's drink, making the glass shatter and the floor sticky with Pepsi. The noise startled the twins, who started crying. Jacob stood up and hobbled into our bedroom faster than I had seen him walk with his crutches.

"Aw, hell," I groaned, fleeing to my children and picking them up before they came in contact with the glass on the floor. I put them in their playpen and looked toward Edward.

He sighed, his eyes dark and burning. "Go to Jacob," he murmured softly. "He needs you. I'll clean up."

"Don't clean—"

He put two fingers over my lips, sending electricity through my body. I knew that this electricity was very wrong and very inappropriate, but I didn't have time to fight it in my mind and heart. I nodded silently and ran to my bedroom.

Jacob was sitting on the side of our bed, holding his head in his hands. "Jake," I said in what I hoped was a soothing manner. "Honey, Abby is little. She was just confused."

"She doesn't love me," Jacob whispered. "My own daughter doesn't love me."

"Yes, she does!" I said with every ounce of optimism I could muster up. "They both love to play with you and cuddle with you and—"

"But I'm not 'Daddy,'" he interrupted me. "Edward Cullen is."

The familiar fault lines in my heart began to split again, quaking pain throughout my chest and stomach. "Edward was with them for most of their lives," I whispered. "He took me to the hospital when I was in labor. He was with them when they started crawling and talking and cut their first teeth...Jacob, what do you expect?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm leaving again anyways."

I stared at him blankly. "Leaving again?"

He chuckled darkly, sarcastically, and used his good leg to kick the crutch to the floor. I jumped at the loud noise. "Yeah. I'm still enlisted, Bella. They're not gonna discharge me just because I broke a few bones. I'm sure that when I heal, Uncle Sam will be knocking at my door again."

"No," I whispered. "No, Jacob. I can't...no. Let's talk about this later."

He shook his head. "I don't know how to react to him, Bella. The man loves you. I can tell by his eyes when he looks at you."

I suddenly felt something bubbling up inside of me, threatening to overspill. I knew that one day I would have to admit to Jacob that I loved Edward—and that I had slept with him. But I also knew that I would have to once again remind Edward that I loved Jacob. It was such a tangled web, solid black with no promises of ever letting me loose.

"I'm married to you," I mumbled, tracing his palm with my fingertips. Yes, I loved both men, but I did not want the day of confession to be this day.

He squeezed my hand. "I know," he said, his voice blank and lifeless. "And I love you more than he ever will."

I knew what the appropriate response was, but I couldn't make myself say it. I could hear Edward's beautiful voice in the living room, already laughing with my children. He could comfort them just as well as I could…

I couldn't tell Jacob I loved him while Edward was only two rooms away. It was too much for me to handle. I was too weak to verbalize the burdens of two loves. The weight pressed on my chest so much I couldn't really breathe, much less speak the words…

So I remained silent and pressed my forehead to Jacob's.

He twirled my wedding band around my finger. "Bella, can I ask a question?"

So this was it. He was finally going to ask me the truth about Edward. I nodded, my throat thick with dryness, like cotton. "Y-yeah," I stammered.

"What happened to your engagement ring?"

I had to keep myself from breathing a sigh of relief. "Oh, yeah. The diamond fell out. It's put up until I get around to getting it repaired."

"Ah," he said. "I noticed you haven't worn it at all."

"Yeah," I said again. "The ring and the stone are put away, out of reach of little hands."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, good thinking."

"I have to go clean up," I said. "Abby and EJ could get hurt in the glass…are you okay?"

"Of course. I'm just…tired."

"You have physical therapy in three hours," I reminded him. "Why don't you rest?"

He agreed, and I stayed with him, rubbing his back and shoulders until he fell asleep. I literally felt like I was nursing my soldier back to health. His battle scars were showing again, the phantom limbs screaming in his memory. He hadn't lost a limb, but he had lost a lot more.

Finally, I stood up and picked up the crutches he had kicked over. I shivered as I did this; Jacob had never done anything like that. It scared me.

When I returned to the living room, Edward was sweeping up the glass. I tried to take the broom from him, but he held it above my head, out of my reach. "EJ just tried to walk," Edward informed me quietly. "He's shaky, and he fell down. I think Abby somehow convinced him to try."

"Abby usually does things first," I mumbled. "She's the leader. Come here, my loves." I plucked my children out of the playpen and sat down on the couch with them. Their faces were still tear streaked, but they smiled at me. "Mommy is so proud of you," I said softly to them, kissing their foreheads.

"Shoes, Mommy," Abby said proudly, showing me her Mary Janes.

"I see," I said again. "They're so beautiful. Did you give Uncle Edward a thank-you kiss?"

Edward finished sweeping the glass up and came to sit next to us. Abby, such an Edward's girl, immediately went to his lap and accepted his kisses. "Daddy," she murmured quietly.

I sighed. "Abby, that's Uncle Edward."

Her bottom lip trembled and she buried her face in Edward's neck. "Daddy," she said again.

My tears broke free from their ducts. "Abigail," I said firmly. "That's Eddie. Can you say Eddie?"

She let out a grunt of frustration. Edward patted her back and held her close. "Somebody hasn't had a nap," he correctly diagnosed.

"I need to give them lunch first," I said gloomily. I still couldn't shake the crutches thing off.

"Do you need help?" Edward asked with a smile.

I closed my eyes. I knew that I should have politely explained the situation and asked him to leave so I could tend to my sleeping husband. But suddenly Edward was like a drug to me. I was stirred, shaken, shocked, and scared. My heart still pounded from the sounds of glass breaking and crutches being kicked to the ground. I was getting close to falling apart simply from the shock of this day. And Edward…well, as usual, he made me feel better. I stared into the endless green of his eyes, and I felt like soothing ice was being placed on my burns. I nodded silently, and we stood up together. Abby's head remained on his shoulder, her face red and eyes heavy. Obviously I wasn't the only one who was stressed out.

EJ remained wrapped around me like a koala bear. I cooed to him softly as I started to make macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets, stroking his back and thick hair.

"Is he okay?" Edward asked me. I knew he wasn't referring to my son.

I shrugged. "He has a short temper. It's fine, I swear."

"Bella, that is most definitely not fine."

"I know, but I trust him. I know his whims and his reactions. I know how to handle him."

"Maybe I shouldn't be here."

I nearly dropped my spoon. "Don't leave," I whispered. "Please don't. I don't want you to leave."

Edward shifted Abby to his other shoulder. "Then you don't trust him."

I let out a long breath. "Edward, I'm so confused right now. What do I do?"

I wanted to cry some more as he sat down in defeat. "I don't know, Bella. I ask myself the same thing every day."

* * *

I noticed that in the days after Abby's slip-up, Jacob's mood changed drastically. He was in a deep hole of depression. He never smiled or talked unless he was spoken to. It was miserable living with such a constant raincloud. Even the twins stayed away from him.

The most terrifying development of that month was the fact that Jacob was being plagued by nightmares. Every night-sometimes multiple times a night-he woke me up by screaming, yelling, or crying. I always shook him awake and kissed away his tears, but the nighjtmares were taking a toll on me. I couldn't imagine what was going on in his mind. Like my children were now taking baby steps, my husband was taking baby steps toward insanity. But suddenly it seemed like the baby steps had turned into giant leaps.

EJ and Abby were going to turn one year old that month, so Alice convinced me to let her throw them a party. Sensing my discomfort with life in general, she promised me that she would tell Jasper to try to talk to Jacob some more. I tried to focus on the positive of that situation, but it was so hard. My Jacob was gone. Some stranger had taken his place.

And I missed Edward every day. And that just seasoned the pain with fresh guilt.

As Jacob progressed toward even more darkness and Edward digressed from my life, the realization hit me like an atomic bomb: I would have to be the one to clean up this mess. Like the glass I had shattered in my living room or my broken engagement ring, nothing fit together, and everybody got hurt. Once again I would have to step in the glass and reconstruct the damaged.

All it would take would be baby steps.

But what path should I take? The baby steps toward my husband, broken yet still beloved?

Or baby steps toward my other love, the stable, affectionate man my children called "Daddy"?

* * *

_I know you guys have missed Edward, so his POV is next._

_By the way, there really are "squeaky" shoes for babies. They're called WeeSqueaks and are adorable-and noisy. I taught my little sister how to walk in them. (One of the most precious moments of my llife, by the way-she took her first steps toward my arms.)_

_Review, please?_


	39. Territorial Edward's POV

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting. I typed this chapter three times. It was erased twice. It's been a very difficult chapter to write, so it wasn't fun.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all, except for EJ and Abby.

* * *

**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: "Territorial" Edward's POV**

My doorbell rang at eight AM, jarring me awake. It was a Saturday, the anniversary of the day that Edward Jacob and Abigail Hope had entered the world. Bella, Alice, and Mom had planned a birthday party, but it wasn't until five PM. I contemplated letting my guest stand out there until he or she left, but another thought came to me: _What if it's Bella?_ So of course I pulled some pants on and went to my front door. But it wasn't my angel; it was my little sister.

"Good morning, sunshine!" she said brightly. "I need your help."

"It's too early," I said blankly. "And the party is on the beach. How can you start preparing at eight o'clock? It's not like you have to clean."

"Rosalie is sick this morning," she replied. "I need your help with a few things."

I crossed my arms grumpily. "Why should I help you?"

"Because you love Bella, and EJ and Abby are practically your children. You want to give them the best birthday possible."

I groaned, knowing I couldn't deny that. "That birthday cake better be damn good," I sighed, turning to go to the bathroom.

"Mom is baking it. Of course it will be. I'll make you some oatmeal while you take a shower."

"Oatmeal?"

"It's all I can cook…except for cereal. Why do you think I need your help in cooking?"

I snorted. "Give me ten minutes."

True to her word, Alice had a steaming hot bowl of cinnamon oatmeal on the table. "Thanks, little sis," I told her as I sat down.

"No problem," she replied. "We're roasting hot dogs in the bonfire, but I thought we could make some nicer side dishes."

"Sounds good," I yawned.

She frowned at me. "You don't look so good."

I shook my head. "I'm tired. Didn't sleep much last night..."

Alice sighed. "Thinking about Bella?"

Why was my family so damn perceptive? They knew me all too well. "Maybe," I said lamely.

"Edward," she said quietly, coming to sit beside me. "You haven't lost her yet."

I shook my head. "She's married, Alice. And she seems to love him passionately."

"She misses you."

"I was just the guy who made her dinner and changed her kids' diapers," I replied. "I was a good Band-Aid for a while, but eventually she had to rip me off. Jacob seems to be healthier for  
her. Their relationship isn't frowned upon. Abby and EJ finally know their father. And she has the man she pined over for a year."

"You know that Jacob Black is not healthy in any way," Alice growled.

"I know," I replied, surprised at my little sister's sudden ferocity. "But try telling Bella that! She thinks she knows what is good for her. She's an adult, Alice, a married adult. It would be wrong for me to try to change her mind."

"But Bella isn't happy-"

"Yeah, well, who is in this entire situation? Jacob is miserable here in the states, Abby is calling me Daddy, Bella is stuck with a mental patient for a husband, I'm in love with her, and my family is being increasingly nosy about my own mental health. It's pretty fucked up, if you'll pardon my language."

"Aha!" Alice said triumphantly. "You just practically admitted that Bella isn't happy. You're not the Band-Aid, Edward. I think Jacob is the...cast for a broken leg. He's supposedly helping Bella, but he's just weighing her down and slowing her life down."

"The cast lasts longer than the Band-Aid," I muttered, taking my bowl to the sink to rinse it out.

"You. Are. Not. The. Band-Aid."

I exhaled impatiently. "Okay, Miss Clairvoyant. If you know everything, why don't you tell me what I should do?"

"Fight for her," Alice said simply.

I rolled my eyes, remembering when a drunk Bella threw herself at me. "I've heard that one before. It didn't work. If it did, I would be with her right now."

"Edward, you are so damn cynical."

"No, I'm a realist. Do you know how many prenups, divorces, and custody and property disputes I've handled? Love isn't the driving force in marriages anymore. Bella and Jacob married for love, but as you've said, they're both unhappy. Even though they love each other somewhat, they're not staying together because they love each other. It's something more shallow-social expectations, marriage vows, the opportunity for the twins to know their father. Bella may love me somewhat, and I love her to the ends of the earth, but it won't be enough."

"Edward, you're making no sense," Alice said patiently. "Earlier you said you know she loves him passionately; now you're saying she may love him somewhat. Which is it, Cullen?"

I groaned, knowing I was contradicting myself. "I don't know, Alice. I don't know what I'm talking about. But I do know that for some reason, she has chosen to not be with me. And that hurts like hell..."

Alice suddenly wrapped her little arms around me in a tight hug. "It will all work out, Edward. I'm here for you."

"I know, little sis." I kissed the top of her head.

She held me for a minute or so before pulling away. "Bella is a fool to give you up."

"Maybe I'm the fool to _let_ her give me up," I mumbled.

"Maybe you are," she agreed. "Or maybe you're being the loving gentleman in this situation by letting her choose."

"Eh. I think I'm the fool."

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "You know that Bible story Emmett loved in Sunday school? The one where the two women claimed the same baby?"

"Sort of," I said slowly, trying to remember the story and why Emmett loved it.

"And King Solomon offered to cut the baby in half?"

So _that_ explained why Emmett fancied it. "Yeah, what's your point?"

Alice gave me an encouraging smile. "And the one woman agreed to it, but the other woman was going to give up the baby so it wouldn't be killed. And the compassionate woman was the real mother..."

"Alice, I'm not following."

"You're the one who is standing back," Alice said. "You aren't being a jerk about it, you haven't punched Jacob in the face, you aren't throwing yourself at her. Meanwhile, Jacob is being a jerk to her..."

"So you're saying I love her more," I stated. "Because I'm not...cutting her. Metaphorically, of course."

"Exactly," she smiled. "Jacob is definitely cutting her."

My eyes widened. "Is he hurting her?"

"No," she said quickly. "Not physically. He would never lay a hand on her. But he rarely speaks to her, and when he does, he's criticizing her. He doesn't help with the kids or the house...and he won't go to counseling."

I let out a long breath. "Well...those are all her problems. When he 'died,' I helped her with everything. It's not my place to help anymore."

Alice's face matched my mood. We were both mournful.

"Let's get started," I told her. "I don't want to think anymore."

"Okay," she sighed. "Mom is at Bella's right now. They're baking. Can I use your kitchen?"

"Of course," I said.

"Thanks," she smiled. "I'll go get the groceries out of my car."

I helped her cook for a few hours-well actually I cooked while she cracked eggs and mixed-but we were interrupted by Emmett, Jasper...and Jacob. It felt strange, having my love's husband in my house. It made me feel...territorial.

"Edward, come with us," Emmett begged. "We have to decorate the beach using Alice's sketches."

I turned and narrowed my eyes at Alice. "Decorate the beach? How? And you have sketches?"

She shrugged. "I want it to look a certain way, but I have to get EJ and Abby ready for the party, and I have to wrap presents. I'm the best gift wrapper I know."

"Oh, that reminds me," I said. "I have some gifts in my closet. Do you mind wrapping them?"

"Of course not," she said. "Now go make sure First Beach looks presentable."

"Yes, ma'am."

I followed the men outside to Emmett's Jeep, which had a trunkful of lawn chairs, tiki torches, balloons, and a helium tank. Jasper helped Jacob, who was still on crutches, into the front passenger seat.

"So Alice really has sketches?" I asked Jasper as he sat next to me in the backseat.

"She really does," he said in disbelief. "We have to build a bonfire and tie balloons to chairs and make a circle and I don't know what all."

With four men, we managed to construct the scene quickly. We didn't really talk much, just hung out.

But of course Jasper, my kind, compassionate future brother-in-law, had to check in on the man he had secretly been observing. "How's physical therapy going, Jake?" he asked in a friendly tone.

"Fine, I guess," Jacob shrugged. "Can't wait to get out of this cast and start working again."

"Who are you going to work for?" Emmett asked, his voice impossibly high from the helium he had just sucked from the balloon tank.

Jacob snorted. "You haven't grown up one bit, have you? I'm hoping to do another tour. Maybe in Germany or something."

Jasper choked on his water. "The Army wants you back?" he asked after a lot of coughing.

Jacob shrugged. "They haven't said anything, but I've already decided that civilian life isn't for me."

Emmett gave me a funny look before blowing the helium out of his lungs. When his voice was back to normal, he said, "Jake, you're crazy. If I were married to Bella, I would want to be with her all the time."

_Smart guy,_ I thought.

Jacob shrugged. "I do, but I also have to support her financially."

"You can do that here," Jasper reminded him. "You can repair a car like nobody's business."

Jacob shook his head. "Naw. I don't really belong here. Bella has her own thing going...raising the kids..."

"You should raise your kids with her," Jasper told him.

Jacob shrugged. "I'm not cut out to raise kids."

I literally wanted to hit him. Here he was, with Bella, EJ, and Abby—the three people I loved most-to call family, and he wanted to throw it away?

"Bella can't do it by herself," Emmett mused. "She's strong, but she's not as strong as you may think."

Jacob shrugged dismissively and turned to me, a strange hardness in his face. "What about you, Edward? What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an attorney," I replied coldly.

"Yeah? So you must make a lot of money."

I coughed uncomfortably. I didn't like to discuss this with anyone. "It's hard to find cases in Forks and La Push, but it's okay. I don't have a family to take care of, so the money lasts longer."

"Ah," he said, clearly not interested. Still, he pressed me further, for some reason. "Wouldn't it make more sense to open a practice in a bigger place like Port Angeles or Seattle?"

"I had a firm in Chicago, but I missed being close to my family," I said quietly. "And I love the Forks-La Push area." A sudden surge of boldness shot through me. "_And_ the people who live here."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, but more money equals more women. Good thing I don't make a ton of money, because Bella doesn't need a lot."

I knew right then that he _knew_. He knew I was in love with Bella, and he was playing with me. Dangling her in front of me, acting as if he didn't need her..._yet he still had her._

And he knew that it was so much more than what I had.  
_  
What else does he know?_ I wondered, noticing the way Jasper and Emmett glared at him. They knew he knew, too.

But what all did he know?

He knew that I loved his wife. Well...I had to admit: that piece of information was probably quite obvious. Unsurprising. But did he know that she loved me, too? Did he know that we had a relationship and that we had made love?

I suddenly needed to talk to Bella. I glanced around our setup, looking for an excuse to go back into town. "Emmett," I said, "did you pick up skewers for the hot dogs?"

"No," he replied, sounding agitated as he stared at Jacob. "Rose said to use old wire hangers. In between her puking in the toilet."

"What's wrong with her?" Jacob asked Emmett.

He shrugged. "While we were cooking breakfast, she just started vomiting."

"I know what that sounds like," I murmured, remembering Bella's pregnancy. She was lucky enough to not have much morning sickness, though.

Emmett winced. "Don't say that. Mom will freak. It's a possibility, though..."

"What is?" Jacob asked, as if he had just entered the conversation.

Jasper snorted. "If you have knocked up my little sister, Cullen..."

"You'll love me for it because you adore EJ and Abby and you want another nephew," Emmett finished for him, making me laugh in spite of myself.

"Probably so," Jasper admitted.

"I have to run to my house and pick up some wire hangers," I said. "Bella uses plastic ones, and they won't work."

"How do you know that?" Jacob asked me.

"I kept your house clean while she was on bedrest," I said quickly.

He only stared at me.

Emmett noticed and tossed his keys to me. "Take my Jeep."

I sped toward my house. I needed to talk to Bella and find out what she had told him about me. About us. I was sick of playing the cool cucumber, especially if he was going to rub her in my face.

"Edward!" Mom complained as I ran into Bella's kitchen. "We don't have room in the kitchen for you!"

"I need to talk to her," I stammered. "Where is she?"

Rosalie, dressed to the nines with perfect hair and makeup, smirked at me. Oh, yeah, she felt better. Someone just had morning sickness.

"She's changing EJ's diaper," Rose told me. "You look like crap."

"To be honest, I feel like crap," I replied. Then, checking to make sure my mother wasn't watching, I made a show of motioning toward my stomach, making a balloon shape in front of it.

Her glare was positively acidic.

I laughed, grateful that I could ruffle _somebody's_ feathers, and kissed the top of her head. "Love you, sister."

She threw a potato at me.

I ducked and ran into the nursery, surprised to hear Bella singing quietly. I froze and listened, an involuntary smile spreading across my face.  
_  
"And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,  
The little boy blue and the man in the moon..."_

She stopped singing to laugh at something. "EJ, you are such a cutie. Mommy isn't going to let you ever have a girlfriend because I'm going to be so jealous."

I smiled and stepped in, hoping I wasn't interrupting a special moment. She was hovering over EJ as he laid on the changing table, playing with his toes. They were both giggling.

"Daddy!" Abby shrieked, and I cringed. She ran to me-yes, ran to me-and wrapped herself around my leg.

"Uncle," I reminded her, scooping her up and kissing her chubby cheeks.

"Oh, Edward," Bella said, surprised. "You kind of confused me..."

She looked divine as she faced me. She wore a blue and white sundress with flat sandals. Her hair hung in loose curls down her back. She was makeupless, which was lovely.

"Wow," I breathed. "You look...beautiful."

She gave me a small smile. "Thank you. Did you get the beach set up?"

I nodded as she set EJ on his feet. He ran to me and reached for me. Picking him up with my free arm, I said, "It's full with balloons and there is going to be an awesome fire."

Her smile broadened. "Good. It's going to be fun."

I sighed. "Bella, I have to talk to you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Um...okay..."

"What have you told Jacob about us?" I whispered.

She blanched. "Nothing, Edward. I haven't told him anything."

"He knows," I mumbled.

"He knows what?" she gasped.

"He knows that I love you...I can tell by the way he acts around me..."

She sighed and covered her face with her hands. "I know. He told me he knows. I think...I mean, I hope...he doesn't suspect that we...you know."

"You have to tell him," I decided. "What if it accidentally slips out of Alice's or Emmett's mouth? What if he starts to notice?"

She nodded slowly. "I know. I haven't found the right time, though. When should I?"

"Not today," I said. "Don't ruin it for the kids. Look, Bella, I'm trusting you. You'll know when the right time is. I'm not pressuring you or anything..."

She nodded slowly. "I know. It has to be exactly the right time. When he seems to be sane..."

"Bella," I said firmly. "Are you scared of him?"

She shook her head. "No, Edward. I'm...scared _for_ him. This...man...who lives with me is not my husband. Jacob used to be loving and vibrant and happy and...special. The man I live with is an empty shell, a weak echo of who he used to be."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to look at her. We-Bella and me-used to be loving and vibrant and happy and special…

"You love him," I stated.

Her answer was immediate. "But I love you, too."

"I know," I whispered.

"Let me figure this out," she whispered back. "Have faith in me."

"Of course I do," I assured her, opening my eyes and pressing my face in her thick mahogany hair. "You're the only thing I have faith in."

She let out a dry sob as I softly kissed her hair. "Edward..."

"I know," I replied, pulling away. "You're busy, you're married, I need to go."

She sniffled and nodded. "But I still love you."

"And I, you," I whispered.

We stared at each other for a few seconds before I knew I had to break the trance. "Um," I said, "can I help you with anything?"

She chewed her lip and looked at the bugs wistfully.

I gave her a smile. "Do you need a babysitter?"

"You don't have to-"

I shifted Abby to the crook of my arm and put a finger on Bella's mouth. "Bella, sweetie, hush. I'll take them to the beach. Emmett will entertain them with the helium tank," I winked.

She giggled. "Thank you, Edward."

Bella and I gathered a beach bag with towels, juice boxes, and spray-on sunscreen for the bugs. I could tell she was overwhelmed by all of the cooking and preparing—and by the conversation we had just had—so I didn't mind taking EJ and Abby off her hands at all. Actually, I loved taking them off their hands. I missed my daily role in their lives. I was no longer invited to read stories to them or sing lullabies to them. I was excited to play with them on the beach—especially now that they were walking and running. We would have fun.

While Bella dressed them in swimsuits and those little swim diapers, I moved their car seats to Emmett's Jeep and ran to my house to grab some wire hangers. After I had buckled the bugs in, I drove carefully to the beach.

"Uncle Edward has sure missed you guys," I told them, smiling at them in the rearview mirror.

Luckily, they didn't call me _Daddy_. I said a little prayer that they would leave that word out of their vocabularies today. I know I should have prayed that they would call Jacob that, but I didn't want to. I liked being called _Daddy_. Like my mom had said so long ago, I wanted a family.

"Hey!" Emmett exclaimed animatedly as I parked the Jeep and opened the backdoor. "It's my bugs!"

"Yeah, they were getting under the ladies' feet," I said, unbuckling EJ and setting him down on the sand. He immediately ran to Emmett, who picked him up and tossed him into the air. I cringed even though I knew that Emmett would never let EJ get hurt.

"Come on, Abby," I told her as I pulled her out of the car. She preferred to stay in my arms—big surprise there. Abby was very much an Edward's girl.

"Did you bring the wire hangers?" Jacob asked me.

"Yup," I replied, pulling them out of the Jeep. "Abby, sweetie, go play with Uncle Emmett." I put her down and she ran toward her brother, eager for a game of airplane.

"They're such great kids," Jasper remarked to Jacob as he started to straighten the hangers.

"Thank you," Jacob shrugged dismissively.

I tried to busy myself by straightening hangers, but my heart wasn't in it. I looked up and saw Emmett sucking on the helium tank. The twins giggled as his voice was distorted; I was actually surprised that they weren't scared. I definitely would have been terrified to see my six foot five brother talking like Alvin the chipmunk.

I couldn't resist going and playing with them. I kicked my shoes off, grabbed the spray-on sunscreen, and ran to them before taking them both under my arms. Emmett covered their eyes while I sprayed them down, and then he chased us to the ocean. I set the bugs down at the edge of the waves. They tentatively stepped into the flowing water and giggled at it.

"I'm going to get you," Emmett growled to EJ, who shrieked and ran through the wet sand. Emmett pursued him while I swept Abby onto my shoulders and went deeper in the water. Who cared if my swim trunks got wet before the party? I went deeper where the waves were more gentle and held onto Abby's tummy as she paddled in the water.

"You, sweetheart, are going to be a swimmer," I diagnosed.

Emmett and EJ soon joined us while Jasper and Jacob worked on the fire and straightened the hangers into skewers. "What the hell is his problem?" Emmett muttered to me.

"He knows," I said simply, confident that Emmett would understand. "And he's territorial."

"He's a pussy. How the hell is he just going to leave Bella? Is he dumb?"

"Yes," I replied shortly. "And watch the language, Uncle Em."

"Sorry," he said. "Hey, Abby! Come see me!"

We traded kids. I played with EJ, letting him "ride" the waves. Even though he was the spitting image of Jacob at birth, I was starting to see some Bella come out in his face.

"Your mommy's face suits you," I whispered in his ear.

He dropped a noisy kiss on my face. I laughed and kissed him before dunking him in the water (only to his chest, of course). Emmett watched us carefully for a few minutes, Abby happily resting on his broad shoulders.

"That girl better choose you, Edward," Emmett said, his mouth open. "She's dumb if she doesn't. And Bella Black is as quick as a whip."

"Why are you so openly gaping?" I asked him, ignoring his comment. "Are my abs that good?"

Emmett pointed to EJ.

The little boy was tugging at his hair, trying to make it stand up like mine was undoubtedly demonstrating. He was frustrated that his thick Native American hair wasn't behaving-it just kept falling in his eyes. They were only a year old, but both of the twins had a lot of hair.

"EJ!" I laughed, pulling hin out of the water and blowing a raspberry on his throat. "I think you need some hair gel...and you're kind of young for that."

"You don't find that amazing?" Emmett asked me.

"What?"

"The fact that he wants to look like you? The fact that he's imitating you? And not GI Joe over there?"

My throat suddenly felt thick. "I...he's just playing around, Emmett." I pulled the boy I thought of as my son to my chest. His arms wrapped around my neck.

"Yeah, right," my brother rolled his eyes. "Like I said, she better choose you."

I sighed quietly and kissed EJ's face. "Emmett, there isn't a choice anymore."

* * *

The party turned out to be a great success, with a huge bonfire, delicious food, happy guests, and lots of gifts. As usual, EJ and Abby were the only kids present, but I had a feeling that Rose and Emmett were about to change that!

My family, Charlie, Billy, and the Uleys were the only guests. Bella was busy with Jacob, who only talked to Sam and Emily, and my family mingled with Charlie. That really didn't leave me many people to talk to, since my family members only gave me sympathetic glances. So I stayed with the children, letting them sit in my lap while I roasted their hot dogs, and I even played with them in the sand and the water. Bella would ocassionally join us, but Jacob kept her busy. She was constantly waiting on him hand and foot, refilling his soda and  
bringing him food. Sometimes he would pull her into his lap, but she was too busy playing hostess. She would always find an excuse to get up and make herself busy. Still, she completely revolved around him.

It reminded me a little of when she was on bedrest and I was her caretaker. She waited on him almost religiously, like she was programmed to do it. I had a feeling that he never helped her out with cleaning or cooking or the bugs.

Finally, the time came for cake and singing. Bella sat the bugs at the picnic table and put the cake in front of them, one lit candle blazing. We sang the Happy Birthday song and she demonstrated how to blow out the candle. Jacob stayed in the back of the circle that had formed.

The twins, a little overwhelmed, simply eyed the candle in awe. "Fire, Momma," EJ pointed out, just a wee bit confused. We had been warning them about the bonfire and to stay away from it.

"Blow it out, sweetie!" Bella encouraged him, coming to stand by me. I looked down at her and realized she had sparkling tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to her.

She nodded. "They're...not babies anymore. It makes me sad..."

I casually put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her into a half-hug. "Hey, now. You're not supposed to cry until their first day of school!"

She snorted. "I can't believe they're a year old already! It's a mommy thing, I guess..."

"No, I understand," I told her. "It's been a very short year, but it's been full of blessings. The two greatest little blessings I've ever seen."

She nodded, smiling. "You are correct, love."

I winced a little at her term of endearment, and she blushed scarlet.  
_  
Scarlett._

This all came so naturally to us. It was _painfully_ natural.

"Ahem," my father said from behind us. My face flushing, I dropped my arm and put my hands in my pockets. "Bella, you've done so well for the first year of their lives," he added, even though I knew he had only meant to capture my attention.

"Thank you, Carlisle," she smiled at him. "That really means so much."

Emmett finally grew tired of the bugs' aversion to the candle, so he blew it out for them. Rosalie and Alice both smacked him, but EJ and Abby giggled, clapped their hands, and cheered for their silly uncle.

A few hours later, we were cleaning up the beach. Jasper and Jacob put the fire out. Mom and Rosalie were packing up food while Alice took the decorations down. Emmett, Dad, and I picked any stray litter off the beach.

Bella had blown air into a couple of balloons for EJ and Abby to play with. She tried to clean up, but the bugs would grab at her skirt and hand her the balloons for her to toss. They would then chase the balloons and try to catch them before they touched the ground. It was amazingly adorable to watch.

"How are you holding up, sweetie?" Mom asked me as she suddenly put her arms around me.

I kissed the top of her head. "I'm fine, _Mother_."

She gave me a little swat. "I'm just concerned for you. You have circles under your eyes..."

I shrugged. "I'm alright."

"You know," she whispered, "Jacob hasn't been actively participating in his children's first birthday. That makes me really angry."

I opened my mouth to agree, but I was interrupted by Jacob calling to his wife across the beach. "Bella! Don't wind the kids up-they need to sleep tonight!"

"They can play!" Bella yelled back. "I've got them under my thumb, hun!"

Jacob picked up his crutches and hobbled to her. For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, as if I knew something was going to happen. Feeling rather territorial myself, I extricated myself from my mother's hug and wandered to the fire pit, where I could hear them.

Jacob spoke first. "You're going to wind them up and they'll be hyper all night long. Make them sit still."

"EJ and Abby don't do that," Bella disagreed. "They're not overly hyper children. If they run around, it will wear them out and they'll sleep better."

"No," Jacob said firmly. "They won't go to bed at their normal time."

Bella's voice lowered, but I could still hear her. I found a garbage bag and made it look like I was picking up while they argued. "Jacob, do you even know when their 'normal time' is? I'm always the one to rock them both to sleep and if they wake up during the night, I'm always the one to check on them. So it doesn't even affect you. Let them play."

"Isabella," he growled. "Make them lay down and rest."

"I'm not going to make them lay down in sand!" she replied, raising her voice. "It could irritate their skin, especially if it got in their diapers, and I would be the one who would have to wash it out of their hair! That's not easy! They're having fun playing with the balloons, and they're occupied while we clean up. Leave them be."

She turned away and went back to stacking the gifts up. He sighed, crossing his arms, and glared at her.

Suddenly, there was a loud pop, and EJ started to cry. Alarmed, Bella immediately ran to him. He had obviously squeezed the balloon too hard...

But Jacob reacted..._differently_ from his wife. He let out a shout and grabbed her arm, twisting it so she would look at him. "Ow, Jake!" she exclaimed. "My god, let me go!"

I wasn't even thinking as I crossed the sand to them. I was vaguely aware that Emmett and Jasper were flanking me as I went and grasped his wrist. "Let her go," I told him in a furious tone. "You're hurting her."

Pure hate darkened his eyes as he turned and faced me...and then his free fist connected with my nose, making the cartilage crack.

* * *

_Sorry if it sounded all Eclipse-ish. I borrowed the King Solomon analogy and a few of the lines._

_The next chapter will be Bella's POV of Jacob's fist-happy moment._

_I would love to hear what you guys think! I actually really liked this chapter for some reason...  
_


	40. Hurricanes and Babbling Brooks

**Author's Note: I hope this chapter isn't too confusing.**

**Disclaimer: After thirty-seven chapters, I still don't own the characters.**

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Eight: "Hurricanes and Babbling Brooks" Bella's POV  
**

I heard Edward's nose snap as Jacob punched him, but I didn't have time to react because Edward protectively knocked me to the sand, moving me out of Jacob's range. I watched in horror as Emmett suddenly knocked Jacob face-first to the ground, and Jasper pressed a knee into the back of Jacob's neck.

"I will immobilize you," Jasper growled threateningly. "And you _know_ I know how."

"You rebroke my leg!" Jacob shouted at Emmett.

"You hurt your wife and punched my brother!" Emmett replied.

"Everybody calm down!" Carlisle shouted. "Jasper, hold him down. Bella, are you alright?"

I registered in my mind that Rosalie and Esme had protectively picked up my children and were taking them to Emmett's Jeep. They were safe. I could breathe.

I nodded, and noticed I was bawling.

"Shh, love, you're okay," Edward whispered, pulling me into his arms. I sobbed into his shoulder, not even caring that his nose was dripping blood onto my new white sundress.

"Get your hands off of her!" Jacob shouted at Edward.

"Be quiet!" Jasper commanded him, struggling a little. "Quit fighting me!"

Emmett put a foot on the back of Jacob's head, who protested.

"Enough," Carlisle said simply to Jacob before coming to Edward. "Alice, wrap some ice in that beach towel and bring it over here!"

"Oh my god," I mumbled through my sobs, pulling away to look at my protector. His nose was crooked and his face was covered in blood. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he promised me. "I've got you, love."

Alice brought the ice to Edward. Carlisle took it and pressed it against his nose. "It's broken," he winced. "We'll need to go to the ER, just in case..."

This had turned into such a mess.

"Stop the bleeding," Carlisle commanded Edward. He took the makeshift ice pack and pressed it against his face, cringing.

Edward held me tight, stroking my hair. "Come on," he told me. "Let Jasper and Dad handle Jacob. They're professionals."

Trembling, I stood up and let him lead me to Emmett's Jeep. Esme immediately took me into her arms. I cried there for a minute...and then I needed my children.

They calmed down as I held them to me. They were heavy and my arms were tired, but they were more comforting than anyone else. Esme helped Edward with his nose, making him look down as she wiped the blood and sand off his face and held his ice pack.

I couldn't watch the scene on the beach. I heard some shouting, but that ended after a little while. I just quietly sang to EJ and Abby while they snuggled with me on the ground.

Carlisle came to us some time later, ushering his family away so he could talk to me. "Bella, are you alright, sweetheart?" he asked me softly, stroking Abby's back. My babies were very sleepy, rubbing their eyes and each claiming one of my shoulders as a pillow.

I nodded slowly. "Is Jacob okay? Is his leg really broken again?"

"Jacob is...shaken," he replied sadly. "And his leg is fine. I think the balloon popping might have triggered something...Bella, has he been in counseling?"

"No," I admitted. "He won't go."

He nodded. "I assumed that. Bella, I think we may be dealing with some post-traumatic stress disorder. Jasper explained the concept of Battlemind to you?"

"Yeah, a little," I replied, remembering. _The war-ready state of mind that soldiers sometimes stayed in when they came home..._

"It may be a little worse than battlemind," Carlisle said gently. "But I'm not a psychiatrist, sweetie. Jasper would be your better source. They're talking now. Emmett is chewing him out for twisting your arm like that."

"It didn't hurt that bad," I blurted out. "Don't get him in trouble with the law or-"

Carlisle sat on the ground next to me. "Calm down, sweetie. I'm not going to call the cops or anything. I certainly won't tell anybody about this. But you need to watch his behavior. If he reacts violently to an acquaintance such as Edward, he might react violently to you."

"Jake would never hit me," I reassured the handsome blond doctor. "Ever."

"Bella, honey, you don't have to defend him. I've known him as long as I've known you. I know that you love him and you're concerned about him. I know he loves you. But he's a changed man. You have to be careful."

I sighed. It was true that I still loved Jacob, and I didn't want anyone to view him as a wifebeater or an insane person. I knew that the man I fell in love with was buried deep inside of him...underneath all of the crap that Iraq had planted inside him.

"I'll take care of him tonight," I decided aloud. "Comfort him...talk to him..."

"Absolutely not," Emmett said. I hadn't even noticed that he had approached us. "You and the bugs don't need to be alone with him tonight."

"I'm sure it will be fine," I said, but Carlisle sighed and interrupted me.

"Come stay with us," he pleaded quietly. "Just for tonight. Jacob needs some space. Jasper will stay with him as late as necessary."

I let out a long breath. "Carlisle, I need to talk to him..."

"Tomorrow," the doctor said a bit firmly. "Trust me, sweetheart. As a professional."

I inhaled sharply and nodded. "Okay. I'll go pack a diaper bag and get some clothes for me."

"Rosalie can take you to your house," Emmett told me. "Are you sure you're okay, little sis?"

"Yeah," I said. "Emmett, he didn't hurt me-"

Emmett kissed my forehead. "I know, Bella. But don't defend him."

I suddenly realized that Edward was not beside me. I needed to apologize to him...

"Em, will you help me buckle the kids into their carseats?"

"Of course," he said. "C'mere, EJ. Let's give your momma a break."

EJ fussed a little as I handed him off, but after we had them strapped in, I kissed his face and he calmed down. "Just go to sleep, my loves," I said gently, kissing Abby. "Mommy will be right back."

Edward was seated with Esme and Rose a pretty good distance from the Jeep, obviously giving me and Carlisle privacy. I saw his lovely green eyes appraise me as I approached him.

"Are you alright, hun?" I asked him, stooping to my knees and gently pulling the icepack from him. His face was already bruised.

Tears filled my eyes.

This was_ my_ fault.

"Of course," he replied. "It's not that bad. Dad wants me to go the ER, but I don't think it's necessary."

"I'm so sorry," I breathed, my eyes spilling over. "That's my fault...I'll pay the bills..."

He chuckled. "I'm not going to the ER, Bella. I'm fine, sweetie, I promise. Are _you_ okay?"

I shrugged and slumped down on the sand. "I'm shaken. I've never seen him act like this, Edward."

"That's what you keep saying," he said softly. "When are you going to realize that he _is_ like this now?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't believe that. This isn't him."

"This is him, sweetie. Now it is. He's a changed man."

I scowled. "You didn't even know him before he came back!"

"I know, but I knew he must have been a good man if you love him."

"_He still is a good man,_" I growled through gritted teeth.

"Okay," he said gently, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you…"

"I know," I sighed, burying my face in his shoulder. "I know."

Rosalie drove me home. I packed me an overnight bag and a diaper bag for the kids. I loaded their portable crib up into the back of my truck.

"I'll follow you to Carlisle and Esme's," I told Rose. "The kids can just stay in the Jeep."

Tears fell down my face as I drove to the place that had become my second home. Everything was falling apart, right in front of my eyes. I had thought that Jacob being in my life again would have solved everything. Instead, it just dropped a nuclear bomb on my whole situation.

All of the Cullens but Jasper gathered at the big white mansion. The silence was deafening, thick, and awkward. EJ and Abby were unbelievably fussy. They had been going all day and they were exhausted—plus they were probably scared.

I took a moment to carry them to the guestroom and change them into their pajamas. They still wore their swim diapers and smelt of the sea, so I decided to just go ahead and bathe them. They probably had tangles in their hair and sand on their scalps…

The warm water and the slow strokes of the washcloth made them drowsily sit in the soapy water. I smiled as EJ's head drooped, his eyelids closed. They were already a year old, but they were still so young. They relied on me completely…

I realized then that Jacob no longer relied on me. All of these months he had been home, I had served him—cooking, cleaning, making him comfortable, taking him to physical therapy, taking care of the children, dealing with his grouchiness and overall dissatisfaction of life. I had truly been babying him, treating him like a child.

But he wasn't acting like a child. Now he acted like a man in the wilderness, lost, weary, and quick to react. And what could I do for a wild man like that?

Nothing. I couldn't do anything.

I still waited on Jacob, but he no longer counted on me for love or affection. I couldn't remember the last time he kissed me without making it a show in front of other people. He was completely detached from me now. Our marriage was no longer existent.

That hurt so much.

I shielded Abby's heavy eyes as I rinsed out her hair, my wedding ring glistening in the water. She rested her head in my palm and wrapped her little hand around my wrist, desperate for something to snuggle.

"I'm going to make you comfy, loves," I promised them, pulling them out of the water and toweling them off.

They were already half-asleep as I put fresh diapers on them. Esme had bought them new pajamas, so I dressed them in those. EJ looked so adorable in his frog jammies and the pink of Abby's bunny pajamas looked so pretty on her.

I was so blessed by these children.

I softly combed the tangles out of their hair. EJ was probably due for a haircut soon. I couldn't bear the thought. I had never seen infants with as much hair as they had. They were beautiful.

They sighed happily as I climbed into bed and snuggled them into my sides, kissing their faces and humming softly.

This was unconditional love they were offering me. Jacob no longer knew the definition of unconditional love…

Or maybe he did, and he was milking it for all it was worth. Did he think that I would continue to love him unconditionally? Did he think that I would put up with all of his shit for the rest of my life?

I sighed sadly. I had known that I would have a choice ever since I received that fateful call. I had known that there couldn't possibly be room in my life for two lovers. Who ever had enough proper room for that many people? Three definitely wasn't company. It was _wrong_.

But as I sang quietly to my one-year-old twins, I knew that my choice was now upon me. If I waited very long to make it, I could possibly lose both men.

After I was sure they were asleep, I tucked them into the portable crib with their blankets. My eyes filled up with tears as I saw EJ instinctively roll toward Abby. They were so close already-they even loved to cuddle with each other.

I nearly choked up as I realized I had once had a love like that—not with a sibling, of course, but with a man who cared for me endlessly.

No, I had once had _two_ loves like that.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and walked into the Cullens' living room.

"Are you alright, dear?" Esme asked me compassionately, hugging me tight.

I nodded, kissing her cheek. "Yeah…thank you for everything—the party, the gifts, and the refuge. And the twins love their pajamas. They're so cute in them. You can go look, if you would like."

"I'll see tomorrow morning," she promised me. "The little ones need to get a good night's sleep. So do you. And Bella, you don't have to thank me. I'm their Nana. It's my job."

Well, _that_ didn't make this any easier. I knew she was still secretly hoping that my children would someday be her grandchildren.

"Jasper still hasn't called me," Alice said quietly. "I guess they're still talking…"

"I hope they are," Carlisle said sadly. "Bella, I'm so sorry this day turned out like that."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault, Carlisle. But it's made me think about some things."

Edward came and sat by me on the couch, offering me a hot cup of tea. I smiled at him. "Thank you," I whispered, sipping it.

"You're very welcome," he whispered back.

"Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" Emmett asked me.

I nodded, glancing at my arm. "No bruises. It just shocked me more than anything. Edward, is your nose okay?" Tentatively, I touched the bruises on his face.

"It's fine," he smiled encouragingly. "Consider it my battle scars. Every guy has to be proud of his battle scars."

He winked at me, but I couldn't laugh. I had thought of Jacob's problems as his _battle scars _for so long now. Now I realized that Jacob wasn't the only one who was scarred.

Edward and I were going to be scarred as well.

But was Jacob really worth the scars?

* * *

At eight PM the next night, I called Jasper to ask if it was okay if I went home and talked to Jacob. He was reluctant, and offered to come with me. But I knew I had to do this alone. I had to find out exactly what was going on in his head and in his heart. If I didn't do it, I would be avoiding my problems. And that was pointless. Cowardly.

Jasper firmly told me that if he started to yell or use physical force, I was to leave immediately and call him. I promised I would, but I didn't think it would be necessary. Jacob wasn't a violent individual. Some little burden had snapped in him on the beach. That was all…

The house was completely quiet when I returned. I had left Abby and EJ with the Cullens for obvious reasons. To my surprise, Jacob wasn't watching television and his motorcycle was in the garage. I walked to the bedroom and found him stretched out across the bed, staring at our wedding portrait.

"Hi," I whispered softly.

"Hi," he replied.

"Are you okay?"

He hesitated before nodding. "I'm fine. What about you?"

I went and sat on the bed next to him. "I'm okay. A little frightened."

He sighed. "Bella…I would never intentionally hurt you. I'm sorry if I hurt your arm yesterday. I wouldn't do that for the world."

"I know," I told him. "It didn't hurt that bad."

"Then why are you frightened?"

I bit my lip before answering. "I…you punched my best friend in the face. Probably fractured his nose, but he didn't get it checked out, so I don't know."

"I know," he whispered. "I'm sorry, Bella. I just…snapped. The way he tried to defend you…"

"Shouldn't you be happy that someone is defending me?"

He simply raised an eyebrow. "Or should I be angry that he thinks you are his to defend?"

I shook my head. "No, Jacob. Edward would defend anybody."

"No, Bella. He loves you. The way he cradled you in his arms and touched you…he loves you."

_And I love him, Jake. _My stomach rolled as the thought blossomed in my brain. I closed my eyes. I couldn't do this now. I couldn't admit to my love for Edward. Iwasn't strong enough…

"I'm also frightened for _you_," I told him. "Jacob…_my _Jacob would never hurt a fly."

He sighed. "I've killed people, Bella. People who shot at me. People who, as savage and radical as they were, had wives and children and parents and sisters and brothers and friends and jobs and beliefs and dreams and opinions…they had _lives_."

"A soldier does what is necessary," I said firmly, wondering where this rambling was coming from. Had he finally decided to open up and let me in? "You can't feel guilty for that. Damn it, Jacob, you did your job. You probably saved your fellow troops."

"And then those…people…messed me up. Broke my body, exhausted my brain, ripped my heart out…" He suddenly winced. "But as bad as they were to me, I'm just as bad. Maybe even worse. They didn't kill me. But I could have killed their brothers or cousins or sons…"

Something Carlisle had told me stuck in my brain. "Jacob, why did the balloon set you off?"

"It was instinctive," he said. "It was a pop. It sounded like sounds from over _there_…"

"What did it sound like, Jake?" I begged.

He shook his head. "No, I'm not revisiting this in my head. No…" He dragged his thumb over the glass in the framed portrait. "God, we look young there. Young and _innocent_."

I sighed. My source of information and understanding was gone again. That really left me no choice. "Jacob, I'm making a counseling appointment tomorrow. You need to tell me whether you want Jasper or another professional to do it. Hell, I would even take Carlisle at this point, and he's a _heart surgeon_!"

He glared at me. "No, Bella. I'm not going to a headshrinker. It's not going to happen."

"Okay, I'm giving you a choice," I said flatly. "You either go to a counselor, or I take the kids and walk away. I can have our stuff packed by midnight."

His eyes widened. "Yeah, right. Bella, stop playing. It's _not_ funny."

I crossed my arms. "Jacob, I'm completely serious."

"You promised me when you married me that you would _never_ walk out on me."

"Yeah, Jacob, but then I was a young _girl_," I said sharply. "I'm not that girl anymore. Jake, I'm a _mother_ now. I'm not only responsible for _my _well-being. I have two children to take care of. And I don't want them around a man who throws punches at his wife's friends! A good daddy doesn't do that, Jacob!"

He sighed and stood up off the bed, grabbing his crutches and hobbling into the bathroom. I jumped as he slammed the door behind him.

"Okay, Bella, you can do this," I whispered to myself. "You can take the kids and leave. Jacob doesn't need you anymore. You can do it. You can do it."

Tears stabbed my eyes as I stood up and went to the closet. My suitcase was there. A lump was in my throat as I pulled it out...

_You can do this. You can do this. Go to the Cullens, stay with them for a while. You can even stay with Charlie. You have options.  
_

I could hear him rummaging around in the bathroom, and then I heard him hit something. I collapsed on the bed and tried to keep from crying.

Finally, he came out. "Why should I spend time and money on therapy?" he demanded.

I sat up and tried to appear to be bold. "Because you love me, because you hopefully love our children, and because the US Army ordered you to therapy. If they don't see it on your insurance claims, you're screwed. And you know it. Jacob, be a man and keep your job for your family."

"Okay, fine," he snapped. "I'll go to fucking therapy. But only for you. I'm not doing this to help _me_."

"Any reason is fine," I breathed, a sense of relief falling over me. I went and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Thank you, Jake. Thank you so much."

"Yeah, well, it will keep me in the Army," he growled. "And I can leave this shitshow."

I pulled back. "Excuse me?"

He sighed. "I hate La Push. I hate Washington. I hate anything stateside. I'm not cut out for civilian life. I've told you this before."

"Yeah," I said slowly. "But you aren't really wanting to go back to Iraq, are you?"

"Maybe I will," he said, untangling himself from my arms and walking to the bed. He roughly picked up my suitcase and threw it into the closet.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Jake, you can't do that to me. You don't know the agony I've lived in while you were over there. I can't handle the constant worry and grief. I'm sorry, but I can't."

"It puts bread on the table," he replied shortly, leaving the bedroom.

I sighed and followed him. "We'll discuss this later," I said, a bit infuriated. I grabbed my keys and my purse. "The Army may not even take you back if you're in this state of mind, to be honest with you. I know I've never been in the service, but damn it, I know how it works. I know that they can look at your insurance and see if you've been to therapy. I know that they can order you to Jackson or Bragg or Sam Houston and court marshal you for disobeying orders. I know that you can be penalized or dishonorably discharged for not going to therapy. And I know that they aren't going to deploy a soldier who can't even follow those orders." I sighed and glared at him. "I'm going back to the Cullens'."

"Wait, Bella," he said, reaching for me. I flashed back to the beach scene, but this time, he was gentler, pulling me to him. "I'm sorry, okay? Please don't make me spend another night alone. I need you."

I pursed my lips as I searched his face. "Jacob...marriage is a two-way street. You have to be there for me, too. And now that we aren't the only people in this marriage, we have to be more responsible about our arguments and differences. We can't just punch people in the face and throw temper tantrums in the bathroom."

"What do you mean there are other people in this marriage?"

I nearly gulped at the hardness in his eyes. Of course I knew what he was thinking of, but that wasn't what I meant. "I meant Abby and EJ," I explained. "We don't need to fight in front of them. It isn't fair to them. I'll go to marriage counseling with you, along with the therapy you _will_ actively take part in. If I'm going to be there for you, then you have to be there for me. Okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Okay. And by the way, you can't just pull out a suitcase and pretend you're going to leave."

"I wasn't pretending!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "I love you, baby, but I love my children, too. You're a grown man. You can take care of yourself. EJ and Abigail rely totally on me. I'll leave you if it's what is good for them. I'm sorry, but it's true."

"So are you going to leave now?" He gestured toward my keys and purse.

"I'm going to pick the children up," I told him. "And then I'm going to bring them home, give them dinner, bathe them, and put them to sleep. And then I'll take care of you. They are my first priority."

He sighed, looking defeated. "Call Jasper tomorrow and tell him to schedule an appointment."

He looked so tormented I flung myself at him, eager to ease his wounds. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his chest through his t-shirt-the closest thing I could reach. "Thank you, honey. Thank you so much."

He put a hand on my hair, softly stroking it. It was the most intimate and loving contact we had had in a long time. It wasn't showy or sexual. It was just...sweet. "It's only because I can't lose you. You're my world."

"I love you," I admitted quietly. It was still true...

"I love you, too," he whispered, awkwardly kissing the top of my head.

"I have to go," I told him. "It's nearly nine PM. They're probably asleep."

The ride to the Cullens' house seemed shorter than usual. I was surprised when I only saw Edward's Volvo in the garage. I entered the house without knocking. "Edward?"

"Shh," he told me, running down the stairs. "They just fell asleep. I'm sorry, I assumed that you were going to let them stay another night."

"It's fine," I assured him. "I can probably transfer them to their carseats and their normal cribs without even waking them. Where is everyone?"

"Alice and Jasper are at his house, editing their guest list for the wedding. Emmett and Rosalie went out to eat, Dad is at work, and Mom is taking chicken soup to a sick friend."

"Oh," I said. I suddenly felt the need to tell him the latest development in our little saga. "Guess-"

But we spoke at the same time. "Bella, I need to say something," he said just as I spoke.

"Oh," I said. "Okay."

He shook his head. "No, go ahead and tell me what you were going to say."

I smiled at him. "Jacob is going to therapy. He's going to make an appointment with Jasper. Isn't that great? Maybe we won't have to worry so much."

His face suddenly fell.

"Edward?" I asked him softly. "Is everything okay? What were you going to tell me?"

He sighed, tears in his eyes. "Nothing, sweetie. I was just going to tell you...that EJ said 'Nana' tonight."

"Really? That's great!" I exclaimed. I knew that this little tidbit of information wasn't what he wanted to tell me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to explore that. I had dealt with enough stress in the past forty-eight hours. "They're growing up too fast."

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, well..."

We were interrupted by Esme entering through the door. "Oh, Bella," she said quickly. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded. "I'm picking up the twins to take them home. Jake just agreed to go to therapy."

"That's good," she said quietly, smiling at me. "How did you convince him?"

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "I had to threaten to take the babies and leave," I admitted, blushing.

Edward stared at the floor.

"Good for you," Esme told me. "Your babies need to be your first concern. You know you always have a babysitter or a refuge here, my dear."

"I know," I said quietly. "I really have to go, though. Jacob hasn't eaten dinner yet."

"The bugs ate a big dinner," Edward murmured softly. "I made them some veggies and soft chicken. I also bathed them. They're already in their pajamas."

"Thank you so much," I said gratefully. "That really means so much."

He nodded silently.

I gave him a brisk hug before going upstairs to the guestroom. To my surprise, the crib was empty. Raising an eyebrow, I went to the next room-the room Edward used when he decided to visit his parents.

Safely guarded by walls of pillows, my children were in his bed, sleeping peacefully. They smelled like baby lotion and powder. He had really cleaned them up and taken care of them.

I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see him standing in the doorway.

"I didn't know if they would sleep well without you here," he admitted. "So I planned to sleep with them. I know they both get fussy when they are away from you for too long. They love their mommy so much."

I took his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you," I said again. "You are so good to them."

"They're my bugs," he said quietly.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward..."

"I'm okay," he replied unconvincingly.

But even in the dim light, I could still see the bruises on his face. And the grief in his eyes.

I realized that he had really been counting on Jacob not going to therapy. And I had just thrown it up in his face, expecting him to be happy about it.

Once again, I was just adding to the mess.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek before turning back to my children. I very gently picked them up and let them both have a shoulder. Edward and Esme followed me outside as I buckled them into their carseats. They didn't even stir.

I thanked both Esme and Edward profusely for everything before I hugged them both goodnight. The drive home felt very long, oddly enough. Maybe it was because there was only silence from the backseat and I couldn't even turn on music to distract me. I didn't want to wake them up. The night would be so much easier if they would sleep without disturbance.

Once again, I felt the pressure of two loves weighing on me. Before I had picked the twins up, I had convinced myself once again that Jacob needed me. The day before, I decided he didn't need me. Now I thought he did need me. Which was it?

But now I realized that Edward needed me, too. He needed my children. They were closer to being Cullens than Blacks, and Edward felt that fatherly connection to them. By choosing to stay with Jacob, I was really taking away three people from Edward. Bella, EJ, and his little princess Abby.

Life with Edward would be easy, like a smooth stream peacefully trickling down a stone path in the woods.

Life with Jacob was probably about to become even harder, once we sought psychiatric help. I remembered enough from my college psychology classes to know that once problems were brought to the surface and examined, the patient could become even more troubled and unbearable. While Edward was a gentle brook, Jacob was a stormy ocean, with crashing waves and unknown outcomes. I knew, however, that there was a possibility of a calm after the storm. An eye in the hurricane, maybe.

But I loved them both. How could I decide which one was better?

Jacob didn't help me put the children in their cribs. I tucked their blankets around them, kissed them goodnight, and turned the baby monitor on. I gave Jacob a kiss goodnight, and we wordlessly went to bed, laying beside each other, our arms touching, but staying on our own sides of the mattress. Hardly able to breathe, I found some form of a light sleep.

I was woken up a few hours later by Jacob calling out to someone named Biers in panic. Nearly panicking myself, I shook him awake and saw the fresh tears on his face.

"Shh, honey," I comforted him. "Jake, sweetie, it was just a dream."

His breathing was erratic, and he tried to shake me off.

"Jacob," I said firmly, kissing one of his teardrops away. He was sweaty. "It's Bella. You're home in La Push. You just had a nightmare. That's all it was."

Taking a deep breath, he nodded slowly. "I'm safe," he whispered to himself. I kissed his other teardrops off his face before kissing his lips.

"I've got you," I whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I know you do," was his reply.

That night I dreamed of hurricanes and babbling brooks.

* * *

_I know that Bella is really confused in this chapter. Does Jacob really need her? Or is he only saying he needs her? Will Edward really be the easier choice? Is Jacob worth the scars? I hope I didn't confuse you. If you did, leave me a question._

_**Please read this. I have several things to cover.**_

_**First, I have a Formspring at formspring(dot)me/sarahcullen17ff  
You don't have to sign up to ask me questions. I am taking questions about anything, including "Battle Scars." I answer every question I receive as honestly as I can. Honestly, I can hear crickets chirping over at Formspring...  
**_

_**Secondly, I have a problem that is very troubling. I think that Twilight FanFiction is experiencing a bit of a dry spell. I haven't found a good fanfic in forever. Does anyone have any recommendations? I like to have a good fanfic to read on my iPhone when I'm sitting at the doctor's office or "taking notes" in class. Leave your recs in a review...along with what you thought of this chapter.**_

_**Thirdly, I'm sorry I didn't send out any teasers. I'll try to do better this time.**_

_**Fourthly, thanks for sticking with me this long. I know this story is a slow burn and it isn't always very fun, but how can I speed this entire process up? I try to write Real Life. I can't believe I have so many wonderful readers like rosellebec and frenchsong87 who are so faithful to my story. It really encourages my writing. Thanks, my loves.  
**_


	41. BooBoos Edward's POV

**Author's Note: This one is shorter than usual, but everyone wanted to know what Edward was going to say to Bella when she interrupted him. So here it is. I had fun writing some Daddyward.**

**Disclaimer: Steph owns it all.**

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Nine: "Boo-Boos" Edward's POV**

_There isn't a more beautiful sound than a child laughing._ I was convinced of this as I gently and carefully tossed EJ into the air. He was showing me his pearly white teeth and making "Wheee!" sounds as I played with him.

"Be careful, Edward," my mom said as she entered the living room.

"I'd never let him fall," I told her. "EJ, can you say, 'Hi, Nana'?"

"Hi, Nana," he parroted, smiling at her and sucking his index finger.

Needless to say, I was reminding _her_ to be careful and not squish him in a hug.

After she calmed down, Abby, who had been watching the rain out the window wall, got a little jealous of her brother and ran to me. I pulled her into my arms, kissing her face. "Num-num, Daddy," she requested with an adoring smile.

I sighed, and I noticed Mom tensed.

"I'm Eddie," I reminded her. "Ed-die. Can you say Ed-die?"

Her big, beautiful, brown, _Bella _eyes glared at me. "Num-num!" she demanded.

"You probably _are_ hungry," I agreed. It was after eight PM. They had a light snack at five, but they burned calories like nobody's business as they simply ran and played. I was a little jealous that I couldn't adopt their workout routine. Hitting the gym wasn't as fun as playing.

"Has Bella called you and told you if she wants them to stay the night?" Mom asked me.

"No, I haven't heard from her," I replied. She had just left to talk to Jacob, which made my stomach twist up in knots. This whole situation was filled with unknowns. I didn't know if she was safe with him at the moment. I didn't know what they were talking about. I didn't know what the outcome of the talk would be. I didn't know if she even _thought_ she had a decision to make. She seemed to be so committed to him...

All I knew was that I was feeling a _lot_ of pain. My bruised face hurt, my stomach hurt, my heart hurt, even my bones seemed to hurt. I was still exhausted from the party and everything that had happened.

Mom sighed. "I'm going to take some chicken soup to Mrs. Stanley. She's feeling a bit under the weather."

"Okay," I said. "I'll watch the bugs and cook them a late dinner. They've been playing hard."

My sweet mother simply stared at her shoes. "I hate this situation," she murmured. "Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that Jacob is alive and safe. But at one point, Carlisle and I just knew that these two precious children would be our grandchildren. I was already looking at plans for your wedding..."

"Mom, it's okay," I interrupted, setting Abby on the floor with her brother and pulling my mother into a hug. "Really, it's okay." I couldn't even stand to think about _weddings_, which was part of the reason Jasper had taken Alice home to make plans.

"No, it's not," she replied. "Not only did I lose grandchildren, but I lost my daughter-in-law. And you lost the love of your life."

"I'm fine," I assured her, knowing I was fibbing. "Mom, please don't cry..."

She nodded, sniffling. "I'm sorry, sweetie. You're the one who should be crying. And these kids have every right to call you their father. You were there when you were born. You were there every day of their lives for months. You're here for them now because their biological father can't even control himself...sperm does not equal fatherhood!" She stamped her foot.

My cheeks flushed. "Mom, you're preaching to the choir. I know all of this. I'm just going to be here for Bella and the bugs. What else can I do?"

She nodded and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "I guess you're right. Still, baby, it hurts me as a mother." She softly touched my bruises, making me wince. "Darling, you need to put some ice on your face. You're swelling up again."

"I will after I feed them," I promised her.

"Okay," she sighed. "I'll be back soon."

She left, and I picked the kids up, kissing their noses. "Ready to eat, bugs?"

"Num-num," EJ agreed.

"Alright, then." I took them to the kitchen and set them in the floor. I gave them each a pot and a wooden spoon. They took to the new game eagerly, banging the pots and babbling to each other in their secret language.

After I turned on their favorite Beatles songs, I found some leftover roast chicken and a few cans of vegetables. I absolutely loved cooking for them. I had done this everyday, of course, while Bella was in Germany. I loved those little special moments in the kitchen. I remembered Mom's old tricks to make us eat vegetables-brown sugar in the cooked carrots, a little bit of sugary corn in the English peas. Before long, I had a small meal made. I made their plates, pulling their chicken into tiny bites. They had beautiful toothy smiles but they still needed my help.

We didn't have high chairs, so I simply stacked some thick books in two chairs at the table and let them eat like grown-ups. Abby didn't have any patience for that, though, so she pushed her plate in front of me and climbed up into my lap. They ate so well with their spoons. EJ had more carrots on his face than in his mouth, and Abby dropped her peas once or twice, but I was still so proud of them.

I had sliced some cucumbers and poured up some ranch dressing for myself, since I wasn't very hungry. I noticed EJ eyeing them. "Daddy?" he asked me. "Num-num?"

A little piece of my heart fell off. "Ed-die," I corrected him. "Say Ed-die."

"Daddy," he said again, pointing to my cucumber slices. "Num-nums!"

I sighed and handed him a cucumber. He smiled and happily ate it. "More?"

I couldn't resist smiling. I handed him another one, and then I gave Abby one. She took a tiny bite, crinkled her nose up, and handed it back to me. I dipped it in ranch dressing and handed it back, chuckling as she licked the dressing off and returning the cucumber to me. EJ happily took the slice off my hands. "Your mommy must make you eat vegetables, huh?" I asked him, ruffling his shiny raven hair.

Finally, they cleaned their plates. It was almost nine, so I decided it was bath time. Even if Bella came to pick them up, she would probably be tired and irritable from her discussion with Jacob. I would help her out as much as I could.

"Do you guys like my cooking?" I cooed to them as I wiped their faces clean of food. "Good. Tell your mommy you want my cooking for the next seventeen years or so."

I laughed softly as I helped them up the stairs. They walked slowly, but they almost had stairs mastered. Thinking ahead, I waited for them to "potty" in their diapers before bathing him. I had learned that lesson during Bella's first week in Germany. I found their baby shampoo and bubble bath. As I ran a tub of warm water and grabbed some towels, I turned around and saw that only EJ was there.

"Where's Abby?" I asked him, my heart pounding._ Don't freak out, Edward. She just ran out of the bathroom._

He just stared at me.

"Where did Abby go?" I asked him again, picking him up. "Is she hiding?"

He pointed toward the guestroom.

"Abby!" I called as I walked in the room. She wasn't behind her portable crib or in the closet. "Abby? Abigail? Come see me, love!"

EJ shrieked goodnaturedly, and I turned around to see a pair of feet sticking out from under the bed. Grinning, I stooped down and tickled the bottom of Abby's feet, making her giggle. I pulled her out from under the bed by her feet. "Whether you like it or not, you're going to take a bath," I teased her, kissing her nose. "Come on, sweet girl."

Unless you've cared for a child, you really don't know how much fun bath time can be. I always gave the bugs lots of bubbles. Abby, ever so creative, liked to "paint" the shower walls with the bubbles, while EJ enjoyed playing with bath toys and empty shampoo bottles. Like he had in the ocean, he tried to make his hair stand up like mine. I helped him out, giving him a shampoo mohawk and handing him a hand mirror. He giggled as he looked at himself.

I found myself thinking that I was so lucky to have had hands-on parents. I could remember Mom giving us baths and Dad always playing with us whenever he was wasn't working at the hospital. I realized that-if I had been the parent of these children-I had really good examples of great parenting.

But it was getting late, and the bugs were getting sleepy. I rinsed EJ's hair and pulled him out of the water, diapering and dressing him in the pajamas my mom had bought him. (I had given them toys and books for their birthday, knowing that Mom, Alice, and Rose were practically giving them a whole new wardrobe.) He sat on the lid of the toilet as I pulled Abby out and went through the same routine.

I had just sat her on the sink and was just about to start combing her hair when she reached up and very gently touched my nose. "Boo-boo?" she asked softly.

How could I react to that? The love and sympathy in her eyes were so obvious that I could only let my eyes fill with tears. I loved this little girl-and her sweet brother-so much. In their eyes, I was a stable, loving adult who simply had a "boo-boo" on my face. I didn't know if they had comprehended that their father was responsible for this. In their eyes, I was alright. My life revolved around theirs. I could never fall apart or have a broken heart. I was strong, with arms that could always lift them and a unbreakable heart that would always have room for them.

Little did they know how fragile I was.

"Yeah, Abby," I said softly. "I have a boo-boo."

She pulled her pajama pants leg up and pointed to her knee. There was a little scrape on it, probably from a bad carpet burn or a mishap on a sidewalk. "Boo-boo," she showed me, and then pointed to my face.

"You have a boo-boo, too?" I choked up. Of course I knew that Jacob was never responsible for her scrape, but it meant the world to me that she was concerned about my "boo-boos" and tried to show me that "boo-boos" were alright.

She gave me an encouraging smile and held her arms out for me. I picked her up and let her wrap her arms tightly around my neck. Softly, she kissed my face. "Okay," she diagnosed my injury.

I smiled, tears slipping down my cheeks, and kissed her chubby cheeks and tiny nose over and over again. "Thank you, my love," I told her. "Thank you so much."

Both of the bugs had a jealous streak, so EJ hopped off the toilet and came to wrap around my leg. I bent and picked him up in my other arm, kissing his face until he giggled. After I had combed their hair, I very carefully brushed their teeth with their little toothbrushes. They were such good kids, letting me groom them and clean them. Bella had done such a good job with them.

I thought about putting them in their portable crib, but by then, they were getting fussy. They liked to always be with their mommy, and when they were away from her for long, they grew a little insecure. So I took the two babies to my room, turned out the light, and laid on my bed with them. They both snuggled into my sides and murmured softly as I sang to them. Finally, they fell asleep.

The sudden silence and loneliness set in then. As I felt their warm little bodies snuggling into mine and listened to the even patterns of their gentle breathing, I could only think of Bella. The moment with the bugs was rare; I was cherishing every minute of it. I was so jealous that Bella had every day of their lives. I was even more jealous of Jacob. He didn't even seem to be interested in his children.

Something about me rested easier knowing that the children were with me. I never thought Jacob could get violent, but then his fist very forcefully changed my mind about that. He had hit me, I mused. Would he hit Bella-or even worse, the bugs?

The thought almost killed me. I couldn't understand why Bella couldn't see the weight of the choice in front of her. Couldn't she see that-unless I was defending my loved ones-I would never use violence against someone? Couldn't she see that I was the stable choice, the healthier choice for her children?

Or did she even realize she had a choice?

She was so very married to him legally, physically, and emotionally. I wondered if she had even considered divorce. It was almost like she thought she was stuck, unable to escape. I wondered if she even entertained thoughts about a life with me anymore. Was that unattainable in her eyes?

I knew exactly what I wanted to tell her. I wanted to get down on my knees in front of her and tell her that I was the right choice. That her marriage wasn't healthy, and that I could never, ever even dream of hurting her.

And I wanted to tell her that every day we were apart felt like a new death for me. That I woke up with a lump in my throat, a pain in my stomach, and an emptiness in my heart...and that I went to sleep every night with those same things inhabiting my body. That now that I was no longer allowed to hug and kiss her and know that she was _mine_, I couldn't even bear to face life. Sometimes it hurt to look at her. And I especially wanted to tell her that the absence of her children in my life was everywhere I looked.

I needed to tell her that EJ and Abby would be the closest I would ever be to having children. I needed to tell her that she and the bugs were my future. With no Bella, EJ, and Abby, there was no future.

I needed to tell her this ASAP.

Maybe it was the fact that her children were burrowed into my sides, but I suddenly felt a streak of boldness. On a whim, I decided that the next time I could get her alone, I would tell her all of this. I would tell her: _Bella, I love you, and I want you to choose me instead of him. I'll love you forever and I'll never hurt you._ Or something ridiculously cliche like that. My whole life was now one big cliche. It felt like the bad plot of a Lifetime movie...

My dead heart leapt into my throat as I heard the front door open and familiar footsteps enter my house. I knew instantly it was Bella. I softly moved away from the bugs and created a barricade of pillows so they wouldn't fall off the bed. That would just be disastrous.

"Edward?" Bella called.

I ran down the stairs at top speed. "Shh! They just fell asleep. I'm sorry, I assumed that you were going to let them stay another night."

"It's fine," she said. "I can probably transfer them to their carseats and their normal cribs without even waking them. Where is everyone?"

"Alice and Jasper are at his house, editing their guest list for the wedding. Emmett and Rosalie went out to eat, Dad is at work, and Mom is taking chicken soup to a sick friend," I explained. _So I've been here all alone, parenting your children, and pining for you, beautiful girl._

"Oh," she said a little blankly. "Guess-"

As soon as she said the last word, I was accidentally interrupting her. "Bella, I need to say something-"

She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Oh. Okay."

Sighing inwardly, I shook my head. "No, go ahead and tell me what you were going to say."

"Jacob is going to therapy!" she suddenly exclaimed, a big smile on her face. "He's going to make an appointment with Jasper. Isn't that great? Maybe we won't have to worry so much."

If a little part of my heart had fallen off earlier, I was now missing about half.

She saw my morose expression. "Edward?" she asked me softly. "Is everything okay? What were you going to tell me?"

She was so excited and proud of her husband. How could I rain on her parade? "Nothing, sweetie," I lied before searching for an excuse. "I was just going to tell you...that EJ said 'Nana' tonight." _Actually, I was going to tell you to divorce your husband and choose me. But apparently you love him and are ready to just forgive him. Once again._

"Really? That's great!" she said excitedly. "They're growing up too fast."

"Yeah, well..." I sighed again, unsure of what to say. I had been so completely butchered in the past forty-eight hours.

My mother chose that moment to walk through the door. "Oh, Bella! Is everything okay?" Of course Esme Cullen would be ready to coddle and fight for the girl she had once called her future daughter-in-law.

"I'm picking up the twins to take them home," Bella nodded eagerly, a spark in her eye. "Jake just agreed to go to therapy."

My mother was good at keeping a mask on her face. Bella probably thought that Mom was excited, but I could see the crack in Mom's mask."That's good," she falsely smiled. "How did you convince him?"

Bella suddenly became very uncomfortable, shifting her feet and running a hand through her hair. Her cheeks burning bright read, she confessed, "I had to threaten to take the babies and leave."

_What? You...did that? And he thought that EJ and Abby are worth keeping? Or was it just that **you **are worth keeping?_

"Good for you," Mom told her before dropping her voice to a _Because-I'm-the-mother-and-I-said-so _tone. "Your babies need to be your first concern. You know you always have a babysitter or a refuge here, my dear."

Bella gave her a small, unconvincing smile. "I know. I really have to go, though. Jacob hasn't eaten dinner yet."

"The bugs ate a big dinner," I told her quietly. "I made them some veggies and soft chicken. I also bathed them. They're already in their pajamas."

Bella's beautiful face lit up. "Thank you so much. That really means so much."

I could only nod, captivated by the little flicker of happiness. She gave me a quick hug, making my heart race, before running upstairs to fetch her children. Knowing she would probably go to the wrong room, I followed her. "I didn't know if they would sleep well without you here," he admitted. "So I planned to sleep with them. I know they both get fussy when they are away from you for too long. They love their mommy so much."

She smiled and squeezed my hand. "Thank you," she repeated. "You are so good to them."

I could only think of one excuse. "They're my bugs."

Her eyes suddenly dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry, Edward..." Her voice trailed off, probably thinking of her husband at home.

"I'm okay," I tried to reassure her, but I knew it wasn't working.

I couldn't tell her what I needed to. That little bold streak I had earlier was now nonexistent. I couldn't even make eye contact with her.

My love-the reason for my existence-was slowly, maybe unconsciously, maybe consciously, choosing another man. I was losing her. I was losing my children.

I was losing my heart, piece by piece.

That night, as I went to bed, Bella's slurred words from months past echoed throughout my head.

_Fight for me._

Finally, I totally, intentionally, permanently, intended on doing just that. A million sports cliches echoed throughout my head. _Fight to the death. Eyes on the prize. Keep your focus. Eye on the ball. _

But one cliche was entirely false: _There are no losers._

No, there would be a loser in this situation: either me or Jacob.

And finally, I fully intended on giving up the title of Loser.

The prize-really, the three prizes-were going to be _mine_.

Even if I ended up covered in more "boo-boos," I finally had the will and cause to fight.

* * *

_I have a new poll up on my profile: "Who do you think Bella WILL choose to love?" An overwhelming majority of you believe that she SHOULD choose Edward, but I'm interested in how you think it will all turn out._

_Jacob's POV may be next.  
_

_And as always, reviews are my favorites.  
_


	42. Emotions Jacob's POV

**Author's Note: This one is shorter, but writing a therapy session is hard. You would think I would be an expert at it since I've been in therapy once a week for four years, but when I'm not discussing my own issues, it's hard to imagine.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I'm also not a doctor, so ignore any "mistakes" in this.

* * *

Chapter Forty: "Emotions" Jacob's POV  
(can you believe we're on forty chapters?)  
**

"Alright, Jake," Dr. Jasper Hale—Jazz to me—said as we slid into the private booth at the Wolf Pack. It was noon on a Tuesday, so there wasn't a crowd at the sleazy bar. "I'm trying to make this as personal yet professional as possible. I've agreed to meet you here so we can still feel like friends as we hash all of this out. I'll order you a burger if you want it. But I'm afraid it would be unethical to grab a few beers. We'll save that for when we can take Emmett out and make him pay, alright?"

I sighed. A beer or some Jack certainly would have made this easier. "Okay, got you."

A fine young waitress interrupted us then, taking our order. I requested a Coke and a bacon cheeseburger with onion rings. She looked excited as she recognized me. "Jake! I haven't seen you around since you've been home! Welcome back, handsome!"

"Hey, Lizzie," I said simply. Once upon a time, Jazz, Emmett, Carlisle, and I had been regulars here. But not _Edward._ Edward had always been the unknown, elusive brother they mentioned every now and then. Bella didn't even know him…

Lizzie winked at me before prancing off. I turned back to Jasper, eager to get this first session over with. I almost snorted as he pulled out a pair of rectangular reading glasses and a notepad.

"Does it have to be so clinical?" I asked him.

He smiled sheepishly, flipping through the pages. "I have to take notes. My memory is shot to hell after so many wedding plans. Try marrying Alice Cullen. Plus I have my notes from my session with Bella. And sorry about the glasses; I forgot to pick up my prescription for contacts. Okay…so as you know, Bella and I had a therapy session yesterday. We didn't talk about much. She just told me that she's noticed some changes in your behavior and that you have nightmares. How do you feel about this testimony?"

_Testimony. _It sounded so…legal. "I mean, I guess she's right…sort of. I have nightmares from hell."

"How often?" He started to write.

"Three or four times a week."

"Are these nightmares easy to wake up from?"

"No," I admitted. "She really has to shake me up to wake me."

"What happens in them?"

I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands. "They always take place in the desert. Usually in the pit…"

"Pit?"

"That's what we called the prison. It was just a big hole in the sand."

"I see," Jasper replied, scribbling something down. I couldn't read it; he had a doctor's handwriting for sure. "What happens to you in the dreams?"

I closed my eyes. "The best dreams—the ones that aren't so bad—I'm just really thirsty and hungry and tired…but I can never find relief. Those aren't hard to wake up from. But sometimes I dream about my captors."

"Do they physically hurt you in your dreams?" Jasper asked, his eyes wide in fascination.

"Why do you look so eager?" I retorted softly. "Freudian theory or something?"

"I've taken a few classes in med school on the complexities of human dreaming," he explained. "It really does enthrall me."

"Right," I said slowly, trying not to feel like a lab experiment. "Yeah, they hurt me. Fire or something. It's weird because I can actually feel the pain. Sometimes I feel it after Bella wakes me up. Is that normal?"

Jasper gave a little shrug. "Most people claim that it is impossible to feel in dreams, but how does that explain wet dreams? I've most certainly had dreams in which I can feel a body against mine. I've talked to many people who claim to feel pain in their dreams. I don't think that sleep makes you immune to the pain of your memories."

"Good," I said quietly. "I've been wondering why I've been different. But is it normal to feel pain after you wake up?"

"Memories are very powerful, Jake," Jasper murmured. "It doesn't surprise me that you still associate pain with the memories. Do you have flashbacks?"

I winced as I thought of the one flashback I had experienced. "Once…"

"Can I guess when it was?"

I glanced up at him in surprise. "What?"

He ran a hand through his curls. "At the bugs' birthday party, when the balloon popped. Something went through your head. What was it?"

_ Is he that perceptive? _"Artillery," I admitted quietly. "A balloon doesn't sound like a weapon, but the loud noise…automatically I associated it with something _threatening_. All of a sudden, two faces flashed through my mind…"

"Who?"

"Red Turban," I whispered.

"You're going to have to elaborate," my friend said gently. "I'm not a mind-reader."

I sighed. "One of the guys who babysat the POWs always wore a red turban. He didn't speak much English, and we didn't speak Farsi, so we simply called him Red Turban."

"And the other face?"

"Private Riley Biers," I supplied.

"Biers was your buddy," Jasper stated.

I nodded. "Yeah. He was really young, straight out of high school. He didn't do the ROTC route; he just straight-up enlisted. He was real eager to defend his country, kinda like in the movies. His dad had been killed in the World Trade Center, and that ingrained patriotism in him."

"You sound like you admire him."

"Very much," I agreed. "Or I _did_…he was killed while I was being rescued."

Jasper wrote something down and drew a very large circle around it. "And what happened in the flashback?" he prodded.

I let out an impatient breath. "It was the time that Red Turban handed Biers a gun and pointed at me."

"Typical torture tactic," the doctor remarked. "Break down and give information or kill your friend."

"Exactly," I nodded. "But Biers wouldn't do it. So finally, I guess, Red Turban thought that if he could hurt me, Biers would crack. He grabbed the gun and…shot me in the leg."

I shivered as I remembered the pain.

"How did you react when he shot you?" Jasper asked me, eyes wide.

"In real life or in the flashback?"

"Real life."

"It fucking hurt. I ripped off some cloth and tried to stop the bleeding. I ended up passing out…what else could I have done?"

"Did Biers show remorse?"

"Oh, yeah," I sighed. "He felt awful, but he still didn't share any information. I had briefed my squad well about torture tactics and mind games. But trust me: he felt terrible. I kept telling him it was okay. He looked up to me because I was older and outranked him."

"So when you had the flashback…"

"I flipped," I stated. "Anger shot through me, and I needed to take it out on someone…Bella was the closest, and she was the one who had triggered everything."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Bella triggered everything? The _balloon_ triggered the outburst, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but the balloon was Bella's fault," I argued. "If she had simply made the kids lay down on the beach and stop playing—"

"I'm not arguing over this," Jasper said firmly. "But the fact is, you 'needed to take it out on someone.' That is the first thing we're going to start working on: finding healthy outlets for your emotions."

"I'm perfectly healthy," I retorted.

Jasper leaned back in his booth, flipping to a blank page in his notebook. "Jacob, I'm not saying that there is anything _bad_ about you. But you have so many responsibilities right now—a wife and kids, and healing. You have to learn how to take care of them. You haven't really hopped on the daddy train, have you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know how. Bella does everything for them."

"Which isn't fair to her _or_ the twins," Jasper nodded. "Look, I've been a part of the kids' lives since they were conceived. When Bella found out she was pregnant, she started to_ nest_. It's a typical reaction from a woman under a great deal of stress. Everything was suddenly about the babies. She ate healthily for them, she was faithful to her doctor's appointments and bedrest, and she always had a hand on her belly. When they were born, she threw herself into mommy overdrive. The nursery, the house, the kids always looked perfect. Her life revolved completely around theirs. But now that the stress of being a widow is suddenly gone, she can't just stop being a lonely nester. She doesn't know how to let you into her nest. In her eyes, EJ and Abby are still eggs, waiting to be hatched. And it's only _her _job to keep them warm. Maybe she's scared to let you in because it's corrupting the system she has had for so long. And because for the first time in her adult life, she has a person who is more important to her than you. Two people, actually."

"That makes sense," I nodded, "but how do I get her to let me in?"

"Are you putting forth an effort to be let in?"

I immediately knew the answer. Definitely not. "Well…no. But I don't know how to do it. She's all about the kids, and I don't know how to deal with kids, and sometimes I resent the kids for taking up her time..."

"We're going to work through that," he promised me. "But before you can fix your relationships, we have to work on yourself. And that starts with your emotions."

I sighed. "This is going to be a long process, isn't it?"

Jasper shrugged. "How willing are you to move things along?"

"I just want to get the fuckin' thing over with."

"Then it will probably take a while."

Lizzie brought my burger then. I took a bite and chewed it slowly as Jasper wrote a few things down.

"How is the physical healing going?" he asked me.

I sighed. "It's going slowly. I haven't told many people what's really going on. Bella doesn't even know most of it. Apparently my arm and leg were re-broken many times while I was…over there. My arm is technically _healed_ but I'm still in physical therapy to remind my bones how to properly sit and move. Sometimes I have a lot of joint pain in it…that's one of the reasons I don't like to pick up the kids. It hurts like hell, and I'm scared I'm going to drop them. I've already let EJ roll off the bed once; I'm scared I'm going to scar my kids for life. And as for my leg, we're not sure why the bone hasn't healed itself. I'm still stuck in this damn cast."

"Why haven't you told Bella most of this?" he asked me, his eyes hard.

"She doesn't need to know," I said softly. "She can't do anything about it."

"You can't keep secrets from her."

I shrugged and continued to eat.

"Jacob, what scares you the most?" my friend asked me. "Being loved, or being unloved? Being taken care of, or taking care of everyone else?"

I chewed an onion ring as I thought this over. There was only one face in my mind that was the real source of my fear. As soon as I swallowed my food, the answer bubbled off my tongue.

"Being replaced."

"Being replaced by who?" he prodded gently.

"Bella's new best friend."

There was only one answer that Jazz could have given me that would have comforted me, reassured me. _Of course you're not being replaced by Edward. Bella only loves you._

But for some reason, Jasper couldn't give me that answer. "Jacob," he said instead. "You have to trust her."

"But do I have to trust _him_?"

And for once, Dr. Jasper Hale couldn't give me an answer. He just shrugged and moved on, asking if I had seen a psychiatrist in Germany.

* * *

_It came to my attention that we've passed 500 reviews. That makes me so excited._

_Bella's POV is next, and yeah, Edward is going to fight for her in that Edward-sort-of-way._

_Can we make it to 530?  
_


	43. Land of Oz

**Author's Note: Surprise! Two chapters in two days? What has this world come to? Basically, I've had a sucky day and I needed some catharsis. So I chose to channel my anger into this story. My AP Government study guide is still waiting to be completed, but it's not due until Thursday, so why not make my readers happy?**

**Disclaimer: In case you haven't figured it out...Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

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**Chapter Forty-One: "Land of Oz" Bella's POV  
**

"Hi, honey," I said softly as Jacob slid into the car, tossing his crutches in the backseat. "How was your first counseling session?"

He surprised me by kissing my cheek sweetly-twice. It was such a rare display of affection that it had become an Edward quality rather than a Jake quality. "It was fine, I guess."

"Ready for physical therapy?" I asked, my skin tingling from his soft kisses.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

I understood what he meant. He was quite justifiably growing sick of the frequent physical therapy appointments. I didn't think that healing would take this long, but apparently I didn't know much about anatomy and physiology.

He took my hand and held it, his thumb drawing little circles on my skin. I smiled at him as I pulled out of the Wolf Pack's parking lot and turned toward Forks.

"So I was thinking," I said casually.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…I dropped the bugs off at Alice's house. I thought that maybe I could go to physical therapy with you to make you more comfortable and encourage you. Your therapist thought it was a great idea."

Jacob's face suddenly went white, and his thumb stopped rubbing the soothing circles. "Uh…I don't think that's such a good idea."

And then my husband went right back into his shell.

"Why not, Jake?" I complained. "I want to help you, baby."

"You don't need to see me like that. I get tired and frustrated and moody…"

"I've seen you when you've been tired, frustrated, and moody," I reminded him. "And when you had the flu and puked all over our bed. Let me help you."

"No, Bella." He shook his head. "Please don't push me into this. I need to be strong for you. You don't need to see me when I'm weak."

"Jacob, that's not a real marriage—"

"No," he said simply yet finally.

"Fine," I muttered.

When we arrived at the physical therapy office, I let him out at the door. He gave me a quick kiss goodbye, but didn't say anything. I knew that I had either scared him or pissed him off. Again.

_What to do with my time?_ I wondered as I tried not to grow angry with Jacob. I started running through errands in my head: grocery shop, drop some letters off at the post office, pay some bills, run to the bank. _Well, since you don't have the kids with you, you might as well be productive_, I thought. I directed the car toward the exit of the parking lot, but a sign caught my eye.

_Stanley, Newton, and Cullen._

When had Edward become the official partner in the firm? I knew he had been working there for a long time, but I didn't know that he had his _name _on the sign. Had I been that inactive of a participant in his life? Damn, Esme had probably thrown a party for him. Was I even invited to that?

_Yeah, you were. Jacob didn't want you to go, remember?_

I sighed as I recalled this.

And then I wanted to see him. I never really got to see him since Jacob had agreed to go to therapy. It was an irrational desire—I was married, after all—but I missed my best friend so much. So without much thinking on my part, the car coasted right into the parking lot of Stanley, Newton, and Cullen.

_He's probably with a client, you idiot,_ I thought as I walked into the front lobby. _He's probably in a meeting. You're so dumb. He can't just drop everything to see you._

_ That doesn't matter, _I tried to tell myself. _You can at least ask the secretary._

"May I help you?" the pretty secretary asked as I approached her desk.

"Yes, is Mr. Cullen busy? I'm a personal friend."

She glanced at her computer screen, obviously pulling up the calendar. "He doesn't have anything scheduled. Would you like for me to buzz him?"

"Can I surprise him instead?"

She grinned, obviously guessing that there was something more to this surprise. _I wonder if she's even noticed my wedding ring. _"It's fine by me. Second door on the left."

"Thanks…" I glanced at her nameplate. "Gianna. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Would you like water or something?"

"No, I'm good." I walked down the hallway and found his door. His nameplate was on it: _Edward Cullen, Attorney at Law. _I knocked briskly before opening the door and stepping in.

My beautiful best friend was behind his desk, running a hand worriedly through his messy bronze hair, and reading a stack of papers, his black rectangular glasses perched on his nose. He looked so scholarly.

"Hi, Atticus," I said in a bubbly tone. "Killing a mockingbird?"

He looked up at me in surprise. "Hey, sweetie!" he exclaimed, pushing his chair back and coming around the desk to hug me. "And no, _it's a crime to kill a mockingbird._"

"Oh, right," I said, accepting his embrace eagerly. He was so warm and smelled so good. I didn't want to let go.

And I didn't, until about a minute had passed. And then I knew that this was inappropriate. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" I asked him, pulling away.

"I would put _anything_ on hold for you," he said.

I smiled at him and then glanced around his cozy office. "This is a very nice setup."

There was a large mahogany desk, a leather desk chair, a leather couch pushed against one wall, a luxurious maroon rug, and Tiffany lamps. The lights were dim, but he had plenty of light to read from his lamps and his large Mac monitor.

"Thanks," he said. "I like it. What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"I'm just visiting," I shrugged. "Jacob is in physical therapy, and Alice has the bugs, so I'm quite bored."

"Glad to know I'm only here to kill your boredom," he joked. I laughed and went to look at the framed pictures on his desk. There was one of his entire family, one of him and Alice…and one of the bugs.

"I guess you ordered your prints, too?" I said lightly as I picked the heavy frame up. It was one of the portraits he and Alice had surprised me with.

"Does that bother you?" he asked me.

I shook my head and smiled at him. "I love it. It's nice to know that they're on your mind."

"Always," he murmured.

I lightly touched the glass. Abby and EJ looked so young and so happy. That picture was taken before they had any stressors in their little lives. I sighed, put the picture back, and went to sit on the couch. He joined me, sitting so our arms were touching. "Are you okay, sweetie?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah…just tired and worn out, I guess. I don't have a neighborly personal chef anymore."

He grinned. "I might can find you another one."

"I'm not sure if my husband would like that," I said dryly.

Edward shrugged, allowing that.

"I miss you," I admitted quietly. "Jacob doesn't really do anything fun. We don't joke around or do any couple-ish things."

"I'm sorry," Edward said quietly, taking my hand and stroking my fingers with his. It felt nice. "I miss you, too. My house is way too quiet without you and the twins."

The dim light of his office was making me sleepy. I rested my head on his shoulder, one tiny little cell of my brain telling me that this could be considered a compromising position if, say, Jacob walked into the room. I hadn't even parked the car behind the building. He could easily spot it from across the street...

_No. You don't have anything to hide._

"You seem to be sluggish," Edward observed.

I shrugged. "I'm alright. Using you as a pillow helps." _Not to mention I'm pissed off that my husband is blocking me out once again…_

"Remember when you were on bed-rest, and we told each other secrets?" he asked me fondly.

"Yeah," I grinned. "And you convinced me that you had a stalker ex-girlfriend."

"Those were fun days," he said sadly.

"Yeah, fun for _you_," I muttered. "I was stuck in bed."

"You didn't have fun?" He sounded a bit offended, but I knew that he was just teasing me.

"Ugh, fine, I _did _have fun. Especially when we practically acted out _Gone with the Wind._"

"_I'll tell you why, Scarlett. The war can't last much longer,_" he whispered, resting his head on mine.

I knew that line. Throwing on a pitiful Southern accent, I said, "_Really, Rhett. Why?_"

"_There's a little battle going on right now._"

I winced at his words. "What is that battle, Edward?" I knew there was one. Only a real battle hurt this badly...

The man next to me was very quiet for about two minutes. Finally, he whispered, "You're fighting a battle within. You're not sure who you belong to."

"Maybe I belong to myself," I said a bit defiantly. This conversation had gone in a totally different direction than I had intended when I stepped in that door. I needed some Scarlett O'Hara spunk. That sounded like something Scarlett would say.

"You don't," he said softly. "You belong to your children, and you can't raise them without a stable man."

I lifted my head off his shoulder and looked at him, squarely in the eye. "Jacob is…going to be stable."

"Is he? Or is he just going to run back to the Army?"

Okay, _that _offended me. I snatched my hand away from his. "You're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Get out of my marriage."

"Sorry, honey, but you dragged me into your marriage," he said, his voice still quiet and calm. "Did you think that I could just roll out of your bed unscathed and watch another man take my place with a smile on my face?"

I couldn't look away from him. I could see the pain etched deep into his eyes, but he seemed to be…excited…that he was finally getting a point across. For so long, Edward had just danced around the tough stuff. Now he looked liberated from those chains. He looked like he was finally standing up for himself.

"What's going to happen when therapy doesn't work, Bella?" he asked me. "What's going to happen when you realize that Jake may be too far gone? Are you going to let him go back to Iraq? Agonize over his safety every day? What if Obama doesn't pull the troops out like he's planning and the war goes on for a couple of years? What are you going to say when EJ and Abby want to know why their daddy hasn't been around them for most of their lives? _And what's going to happen when he finally is killed—for real, this time?"_

My jaw dropped. "You are assuming so much in that one…monologue!" He was such a Rosalie-esque drama queen sometimes.

"Am I really?" he challenged me. "You know you've thought about it, too."

"Of course I have," I snapped, "but Jacob isn't going back to the Army. I won't let him."

"And then he'll be miserable, and he'll make you miserable."

I couldn't exactly deny the truth in those words. Jacob had made it very clear that he despised civilian life after his tour of duty.

"That's none of your business," I said, feeling defeated. Edward knew so much more than I gave him credit for.

"It really is my business," he replied dryly.

"Give me one good reason why it's your business."

"Give me your hand."

I stared at him. "What?"

"Give me your hand."

I huffed Charlie-style and held out my hand, flicking my wrist at him. He took it in one of his, grasping it tightly. "What's in your hand now, Bella?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what the hell was going through his mind. "Your hand, _Edward_."

He used his free hand to twist my fingers so they were around his wrist. "_Now _what's in your hand?"

I gasped as I felt his pulse thrumming against my fingertips.

"That only beats for you," he whispered. "That's the reason your marriage is my business. Because if I can't have you for the rest of my life, then there is no reason for my pulse to keep going."

Tears filled my eyes. "Edward, you're being melodramatic," I choked.

"No, I'm not. Bella, I've seen you cling to a man you believed was dead…you couldn't find a reason for your pulse to beat, except for your children. You know that it's possible to love so passionately that it keeps you alive."

I broke our locked gazes and looked away, my fingertips still running over his pulse point. "What am I supposed to do, Edward? Divorce my mentally ill husband for you? Never let my children know their real father?"

He sighed and gently pulled me into his chest. Strangely enough, I didn't want to fight him. I just leaned my head against him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and let the tears fall. "Bella, my love," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I need you to do what is best for you and the children. But I don't think that's Jacob. He has the potential to hurt you…"

"Love gives someone the power to hurt you," I murmured.

"But you know that I would never hurt you," he replied.

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

I sighed. I wasn't even sure what I meant. "Nothing, Edward. Don't try to complicate this. Right now I'm fine, here in your arms. Once again, you're holding me together for just a few more minutes…" I knew I was rambling and I wasn't making sense, but it was like my brain was overloaded. Like I had computed too much information into it and it was frozen. I knew I shouldn't have been encouraging any romantic feelings he had for me, but my feelings for him were so obvious to me. I didn't have any choice but to act on them…

"A few more minutes," he whispered. "It seems like that is all I ever had with you."

"Don't," I breathed.

He nuzzled his nose in my hair. "Bella, you know this feels right. It feels like we're in your house while EJ and Abby take a nap, and we have _Gone with the Wind _on the TV, sipping tea and laughing…just enjoying each other…"

"It feels right," I admitted. "But it's wrong."

"Why are you still with Jacob? Because it's the right thing to do?"

"Why are you still hanging on to me?"

"Because it's the right thing for me."

"It's not if I keep hurting you," I mumbled.

"I never said I wasn't masochistic." His arms tightened around me, and I felt him drop a kiss in my hair.

Once again, I couldn't protest. I just breathed in his uniquely _Edward_ scent and imagined the scene he had just painted.

"Peppermint tea," I whispered. "With those cheesecake bites you're so good at making."

"And the big fluffy quilt off your bed so we could snuggle up together."

I cringed. That was Jacob's blanket. It had once been Edward's blanket, when he practically lived with me, but now it was Jacob's.

"And when the kids wake up, we could take them to First Beach," he continued. "Get in our swimsuits and take them swimming."

"And then we could go to your parents' house and play _Rock Band _with your family. I would help Esme with dinner." I smiled as I thought of the many competitions and dinners I had partaken in with the Cullens.

"And then go back home and rock the bugs to sleep…"

"You would sing 'Good Night' by the Beatles."

"Or 'Dearest'by Buddy Holly. Abby likes that one."

"Or 'Across the Universe' by the Beatles. And we could tuck Abby and EJ in…and go to bed together," I added. "And you wouldn't have to let me go until the alarm clock went off…"

"And then you would knot my tie and make me waffles and kiss me goodbye," he finished. "And then we could…lather, rinse, repeat."

I actually smiled. "Why does that sound like such a perfect day?"

"Because we would be together."

I sighed. "Edward, this is wrong…"

"No, Bella, it's not," he said firmly. "You love me. Those little daydreams we just shared tell me that. Why can't you accept that?"

I stayed silent.

"Somewhere, deep inside, you know you love me," he continued. "I just don't know if you're letting that truth come out of your subconscious. God, can't you see it? We're perfect for each other."

"Except for the fact that I'm married."

"Only legally. The way you just imagined our life together tells me that you are not emotionally married to Jacob."

I let out a short breath. "You're assuming again."

"No, I'm not."

"You know what assuming does, right?" I queried, looking up at him.

"Makes an ass out of you and me?" he asked.

The expression on his face was so comical. Edward didn't often curse, but he knew when to make a good joke. I actually giggled at that crooked little grin. "That's an understatement."

But his face turned serious once again. "Bella, I know I still have your heart. Why can't you _see_?"

"Why can't you quit bringing that up?"

"Because I want to have that perfect day, damn it," he said simply. "Everyday. For the rest of my life. It's going to be hard, because you have a major obstacle—Jacob. But I won't have any kind of life if I'm not spending it with you and being a father to those precious children."

I started to pull away. This had gone on for long enough. I needed to go back to the physical therapy center and wait on my husband. But Edward used his strength to keep me pressed against him.

"Kiss me," he begged softly. "If you feel absolutely nothing for me, then don't. But if you feel anything, from a little spark to a mighty flame, then just kiss me. You need to realize that what we have is once-in-a-lifetime. That it's too precious to give up. Kiss me, Bella. Just once. I'm not asking you to cheat on him…I just want a kiss."

The look in his eyes was so earnest. They reminded me of Emerald City in the land of Oz, as ridiculous as that sounds. Edward was the place where I could find my brain, heart, courage...and my way home. Edward was the closest thing to magic I had in this world. Edward was the one who would love me unconditionally…and love my children unconditionally.

I closed my eyes and tilted my face up. I could taste his sweet breath as it washed over me—his breathing was ragged; he couldn't control it. Or his heartbeat—that was flying, too. He pulled me even closer, drawing me up. Our noses touched first, and then I felt just a whisper of his upper lip touching mine…

We were interrupted by my ringing cell phone.

I didn't want to answer it, but Alice was watching my children. Something could have been wrong…

I pulled it out and flipped it open. "Hello?"

I tried to ignore Edward's disappointed sigh.

"Bella," Jacob said. "I need you to come to the physical therapy office."

"Why? Is something wrong?" I asked, my heart picking up speed. _What if he had an accident?_

"They're bringing in a surgeon to look at my leg," he explained. "Something's wrong with it…_badly_ wrong with it."

"Wait, what?"

He sighed. "I haven't exactly been honest with you about my therapy. My leg condition is pretty bad. Can you please come here? They mentioned surgery…therapy isn't doing anything..."

I sighed. "I'll be right there."

I hung up my phone and looked apologetically at Edward.

"Duty calls," he said simply.

I nodded. "Yeah…"

He let out a disgusted sigh and let me pull away from him. I stood up and walked to the door, grabbing my purse. "I'm sorry, Edward…"

"It's fine." But I knew by his tone and the way he wouldn't look into my eyes that it really wasn't fine.

I sighed, tears falling down my cheeks, and walked back to him. His breath caught as I bent and palmed his cheek, pulling his face to mine so I could kiss his eyelids. "I'm sorry," I said again. How inadequate.

"Don't go…"

"I have to."

"Are you going to think about it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, sweetie. I'm going to think about it."

And finally, a hopeful smile crossed his face. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I left his office and raced to my car. I was pulling out into the street when my phone rang again. It was Jasper this time.

"Hey, Jazz," I said softly.

"Bella," he said in a strained tone. "I need to talk to you. Like, _now_."

"I'm free. Talk to me."

He wasted no time in rushing his message to me. "You have to tell Jacob about your relationship with Edward," he blurted out. "Before Jacob finds out the wrong way and fucks your whole life up."

"What is bringing all of this on?" I asked my friend.

"Jacob is suspicious," he stated. "He doesn't trust Edward. He keeps asking me about Edward. I don't tell him anything, but Jacob is a grown man…he's going to figure it out, and he's going to assume the worst."

I heard a loud horn blare at me as I slammed on my brakes in the middle of the road.

_Fucking hell._

_

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_You guys are either going to hate me for this chapter ("I feel sorry for Jacob!") or you're going to love me for this chapter ("I feel sorry for Edward!"). Luckily, I'm starting to see where this story is winding down. I have no idea how many chapters there will be, but I know how it will end, and I'm already feeling like we're on the path to closure._

_Can we get 560 reviews?_


	44. Shadows Jacob's POV

**Author's Note: I'm on a posting spree. It's delicious.**

**I swear that there is a reason behind all of the tidbits about the bugs in this chapter. If you're not a kid person, then you might not like this. Prepare for diaper rashes, messy breakfasts, and urinating ahead. (Of course I'm loving it!)  
**

**Can't wait to read the reviews for this one. I have a feeling there are going to be some rants against Jacob...**

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all, not SC.**

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Chapter Forty-Two: "Shadows" Jacob's POV  
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I actually woke up in a good mood, which was rare nowadays. It felt like the shadows that usually lurked inside of me had finally been cast aside by a light. It was an unusual feeling, but it was wonderful.

Bella was already awake, flitting about the house. I heard her fussing at the twins as she cooked breakfast, which was rare. Abby and EJ were generally good children. Bella had raised them with clear boundaries and even clearer love. So I really was surprised to hear her fuss at them. "EJ, stop that," she scolded as I pulled a t-shirt and my gym shorts on. I grabbed my crutches and paced down the hall to the kitchen.

Bella was making an omelet on the stove, but the twins were eating soft fruits and scrambled eggs. EJ was apparently delighting in dropping his little pear slices on the floor. Bella looked exhausted and irritated as she picked them up. "_Stop it,_" she said firmly, smacking his hand.

His little lip quivered.

"No tears," she commanded him, taking his plate away.

"Mama! Num-nums!" he pleaded, tears in his eyes.

"You can't have any if you throw them on the floor."

I walked to her and took the plate from her. She sighed in grateful relief as I sat in the chair next to his high chair and fed him the fruit and eggs with my fingers. EJ wasn't happy about it at all—I could only picture him complaining about me taking his independence away—but he ate and behaved himself.

"Sorry you had to wake up to that," she apologized as she flipped the omelet. I smelled cheese and green peppers. It smelled delicious.

"It's alright," I replied. "They're good kids almost all of the time. They're going to have rebellious days."

As if he wanted to prove my point, EJ bit my finger with his little white nubs of teeth.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, and I popped his hand with my palm. "We don't bite. No, sir."

He started to whimper in protest, snatching his "wounded" hand away.

"You're going to go back to bed if you don't behave," Bella warned him.

Abby, who was surprisingly taking a vacation from being the ringleader of the two, whispered "Shh!" to her brother.

"I don't know what his deal is," Bella muttered, flipping the omelet onto a plate. There was already one waiting on the counter, so she brought the plates to the table and gave me the fresh one. "I don't have time for it today, either."

I knew what she meant. Emily Uley was five months pregnant, which was apparently an important milestone after two miscarriages and a few false alarms. Rosalie Hale had also just announced her pregnancy. To celebrate, Bella invited the Uleys, Hales, and Cullens over for a dinner party. But the house was a mess, food hadn't been prepared, and the kids weren't behaving.

Abby reached over and tried to grab Bella's omelet. "No," Bella warned her. "You don't grab other people's food."

"Num-num?" the little girl begged.

Bella sighed and pulled off a bite of the cheesy egg, feeding it to her.

"Me!" EJ demanded.

"I'm going to give you a green pepper if you don't be nice," Bella replied, giving him a smidge of omelet. "Let Daddy feed you your fruit."

That apparently wasn't a good idea in EJ's opinion, because he knocked his sippy cup off the tray. Abby thought this was great fun and did the same thing.

"Bugs!" Bella nearly shouted. "_Behave!_"

I used my crutch to roll the sippy cups toward me, and I bent and picked them up. "If you do it again, you don't get it back," I said firmly before handing the cups to the children.

"We're not even in the terrible twos yet," my wife groaned, burying her face in her hands.

"Sweetie," I said, rubbing the back of her neck. "It's one day of disobedience. We'll just put them down for an early nap, that's all. Why are you so stressed out?"

She shook her head, saying nothing.

I carefully and awkwardly pulled her closer to me so she was sitting on my good leg. I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair while the kids chattered with each other. EJ was finally eating his cherries on his own, so I focused my attention on Bella. "Bella, honey, you have to calm down. You're not going to have fun tonight unless you do. Why are you stressing out?"

"Because you're hurt," she mumbled. "Your leg isn't getting better and you're going to have to have surgery and more therapy and you're going to be in pain..."

"Oh, please!" I tried to say lightly. "I'm not even worried about that. It's just a minor surgery to correct a bone. That's it."

"It's going to hurt."

"You're just scared of surgery."

"How do you know that?"

I chuckled and kissed her hair, letting her duck her head under my chin. "Because I remember when you were twelve and you had your tonsils removed. Charlie wanted to scream because you were so scared, before and after the surgery. I brought you ice cream, remember?"

She nodded. "Okay, so maybe I am scared of surgery. But still...you're going to be in pain, and I don't like that. And what if something goes wrong?"

"Bella. Have faith." I squeezed her tightly. "I'm going to be fine. Do you want to go take a hot shower or a nap to relax? I'll watch the kids."

She pulled back and stared into my eyes. "You're serious."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You _never_ do _anything_ for them."

I sighed. "Okay, bad idea, then."

"No, Jake," she shook her head. "Good idea. I promise. I just don't have time. I have too much to do."

"I'll watch them while you clean," I offered.

"That sounds nice," she sighed.

"Why do you sound so depressed?"

She screwed her eyes shut. "Because...your mood swings are giving me whiplash!"

I squinted my eyes as I tried to decipher that statement. "Wait...what?"

"Yesterday we had an argument because you didn't want to change a messy diaper," she explained, a bewildered expression on her face. "Now you want to watch the kids for the day? That doesn't make much sense."

"Okay, fine," I snapped, pushing her away. "I won't watch the kids. I'll go turn on ESPN."

"No, that's not what I meant," she murmured, putting a hand on my cheek. "I just worry about you."

"Don't," I requested simply.

She shook her head. "Jacob, you've been hiding your real medical condition from me. Why is that?"

I sighed, embarrassed cheeks flaming. "I don't want you to ever think of me as weak."

"It's human nature to be weak at some point, honey."

"Bella, please just…drop it," I cringed. "Are you alright?"

She sniffled. "I'm fine, I swear. I would love for you to watch the kids while I

work. Can you give them baths?"

"Sure."

We finished our breakfasts, washed the dishes, and she immediately went to the living room to start tidying up. I took the kids to the sink, since it would be hard for me to kneel down to the bathtub with my cast. They gave me strange looks, with just a little bit of disappointment. These two loved their bubble baths, and their mama loved to play with them in the water. They weren't very happy about the sink.

I let them follow me into the bathroom, where I found the baby wash and towels. Both of them couldn't fit into the sink, so I tried to think of ways to juggle them both. Finally, I went and found the gate that fit in the doorway. Abby sat in the kitchen floor with a sigh and watched me as I undressed EJ.

"I'm sorry you're bored," I told her, using the hose to spray EJ. He giggled and let me wash his hair. "Kiddo, your hair is _way_ too long," I remarked.

"I disagree," Bella said, stepping over the gate so she could put dirty dishes on the counter.

"It's falling in his eyes."

"It's beautiful. Have you ever seen a one-year-old with as much hair as our children? It's unique. They look like _you_."

I sighed and shrugged as I continued to shampoo his hair. There was no arguing with her. I used to wear my hair long, but the military had beat that out of me. My son should have had short, manageable, neat hair. But I didn't say any of this. So she left, going back to the living room. I finished with EJ and wrapped him in a towel before putting him on the floor. Now that she had a playmate, Abby wasn't interested in a bath. She resisted me, trying to run away.

"No, you don't," I said, scooping her up and letting her sit on my arm.

"No!" she resisted as I undressed her and put her in the sink of water. "No-no-no-no-no!"

"Shh." I had to force her into submission, spraying her hair down with water and pumping shampoo straight out of the bottle onto her crown. My hands were too busy taming her limbs.

"No," she wailed softly and wiggled around as I scrubbed her hair. She tried to stand up in the full sink.

"Abigail. Seriously, be nice."

"Noooo..."

I rinsed the suds out, and then she started to cry—for real, this time.

"Oh, shit, what did I do?" I gasped.

Her little fists rubbed at her eyes, and then I realized: she had soap in her eyes.

"Calm down," I told her, wetting a washcloth with cool water and rubbing it on her eyes. She finally let me rinse the soap out, but she looked at me with anger.

"I'm sorry," I apologized lamely.

Raising kids was actually hard work. I didn't realize how much I owed to Bella.

Just as Abby was dried off, I realized that EJ was running around the kitchen with his diaper off—which was a potential disaster. I picked him up, firmly wrapping the towel around his waist so he could have some leakage protection in case he had an accident.

Because of my crutches, this was even harder. I left one crutch in the floor and awkwardly picked EJ up with my free arm, calling for Abby to come with me. Luckily, I got them into the nursery without a problem.

Now that she was out of the bath and knew she was about to play with her brother, Abby was in a much better mood. I laid her out, tickling her toes to try to get a laugh out of her. Instead, she wiggled uncomfortably and whimpered.

"What have I done now?" I sighed, grabbing a diaper.

I was positioning it on her body when I realized why she had been so fussy in the sink. The skin in her diaper area was red and raw. I experimentally touched it, and she jerked away. "No!" she begged.

_Where did she learn that awful word?_

I had never dealt with this before. I knew how to dress wounds with a sock and I knew how to put on a bulletproof vest. I didn't know how to treat this.

"Bella?" I called.

She showed up at the nursery door, a broom in her hand. "Yeah?"

"Abby has a...something..."

Bella came and peered over at the little girl. "Oh, it's just a diaper rash," she shrugged, turning to leave.

"What do I do?"

She gave me an amused glance and opened a drawer on the changing table. "Desitin, baby powder, apply gently," she said, pulling out a tube and a little plastic container."

"Which goes first?"

"Wipe her well to remove any fecal matter or sweat," she began. "Apply Desitin to the rash with two gentle fingers. Be careful not to cause her pain. Powder her generously and tape the diaper together."

"Okay," I said slowly.

"You'll do fine." She turned to leave, but she stopped to throw EJ a worried look. "He's going to pee-pee in the floor, Jacob. He drank a whole sippy cup of juice."

"I'm getting there," I snapped, a bit irritated that she thought I hadn't considered this. And her diction bugged me. _Pee-pee? Has her brain turned into Barney mush?_

It wasn't hard to treat the rash, but I knew that Abby's skin was tender. She kept wiggling away from me. Trying to bring some relief, I fanned the air above her bottom, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, little one," I sighed as I sat her in the floor. "Try to be careful." I scooped EJ up and put him on the changing table. He didn't have a rash...but he did choose to urinate on me as soon as I pulled out a diaper.

"Whoa!" I shouted, ducking. He still managed to get me. I let out a rather girlish shriek and put the diaper over him, trying to soak it up.

Apparently it was a very funny trick, because he and Abby giggled exuberantly. Disgusted, I ripped my wet t-shirt off and threw it on the ground.

"Not cool," I muttered. After about a minute, I pulled the very wet diaper off and chunked it in the garbage can. "You're very mischievous, kiddo."

He grinned smugly and sucked on his knuckle as I cleaned him up and diapered him.

"Bella?" I called. "What do they need to wear?"

I heard her sigh as she walked to me. When she saw me shirtless, she actually grinned. "Was EJ partaking in target practice again?"

I simply glared at her.

"That's part of having a little boy, honey," she said with a smirk on her face. "And they can just wear play-clothes. Don't put Abby in denim or tight clothing, because it really does wear on the diaper and thus wears on her skin."

"Okay..." I opened their drawers and found simple cotton outfits. "Are these okay?"

"Those are perfect. You're doing good, honey. They're not as scary as they seem."

"No, they just bite you and pee on you."

She giggled and disappeared down the hall. Abby happily let me change her into the butterfly-printed dress. She even spun around, letting the cotton fan out around her.

"You have been around Alice Cullen for too long," I told her as I dressed EJ in his shorts and matching puppy-dog shirt. He seemed to be pleased as well.

Dizzy, Abby fell on her bottom and immediately felt the pain of her diaper rash.

"Let's go see what Mama is doing," I told them, wincing at the crying and putting EJ on the floor. Like little ducklings, they followed me to the living room. Bella already had the clutter organized. She was attempting to dust the ceiling fan by standing on the couch.

"Let me get that," I told her, taking the duster.

She watched as I effortlessly cleared the dust away, and even gave me a kiss of gratitude. But working on autopilot, as Bella often did when it came to household chores, she immediately went and pulled out the vacuum cleaner.

Shrugging, I put the twins in their playpen turned to find a shirt. But as soon as the vacuum cleaner turned on in the hallway, I heard very terrified screaming.

"What's wrong?" I immediately asked them. They had shrunk against the wall and were clinging to each other, screaming at the top of their lungs, big fat tears rolling down their cheeks. "Are you guys scared?"

Apparently, they were. I walked to the hallway as fast as I could manage and unplugged the vacuum.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked me, obviously irritated.

I pointed toward the living room. "Why didn't you tell me that they're scared of the vacuum cleaner? I could have taken them outside!"

Her face melted into an expression of pain. "I'm sorry, Jake. I totally forgot." She dropped the vacuum and ran toward the living room. I watched as she hopped into the playpen, dropping to her bottom, and pulled the babies into her lap. They sobbed into her breast as she comforted them.

After a minute or so, they were calm. Just like magic.

"How do you _do_ that?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I'm a mommy, I guess."

"This is hard work," I admitted.

"Wait until one is puking and the other has a fever." Her eyes suddenly grew distant. "Or wait until they're teething at four AM and they need thick fingers to chew on."

"You did all of this alone for so long?" I asked her softly.

She shrugged, kissing the tops of their heads. "I was never alone. I always had Charlie, Billy, the Cullens, Hales, and Uleys. Are Mommy's babies feeling better?" she cooed to them.

After she kissed their faces some more, she turned to me. "Daddy," Bella said pointedly, looking at me. "Maybe you could take them outside while I vacuum? The sun is shining."  
"Sure," I sighed. "Come on, kiddos."

EJ protested; he wanted to stay in his mama's lap.

"I'll take them outside," Bella said. "If you don't mind vacuuming. Do you think you could handle it?"

"Yeah," I said. "They've already worn me out, anyway."

"You haven't seen anything yet."

She lifted them up, her little arms looking strained under their weight, and took them out the front door. I paused to watch them play in the grass together, and then I went to the hallway.

While I awkwardly vacuumed, I shook my head at how difficult parenting really was. Bella brushed off today's events like they were mild, but to me, they were truly exhausting already. I wanted to go rest. But of course I noticed that I couldn't comfort the kids like Bella could. They didn't wrap around my legs and constantly reach for me and say my name. I was just like a distant acquaintance to them. They felt nothing for me.

And as much guilt came with this conviction, I had to admit that I didn't really feel much for them, either.

I knew it was wrong. These children were my flesh and blood. They shared my skin and my hair and even my personality…or the happy, carefree personality I had before my days in Iraq. But I simply did not have the heart full of love for them that Bella did. I loved them, but it was like a love that one has for a distant cousin.

Of course, what was to be expected? Since I had been home, Bella had acted as a single parent. She didn't often offer an opportunity for me to be responsible for them. Granted, I hadn't put forth the effort, but she hadn't, either.

I glanced out the window and saw Bella with the children on the sidewalk, urging them to ride the tricycles that Emmett had given them for their birthday. They almost had the mechanics of the pedals mastered. My beautiful wife was walking backwards down the sidewalk, trying to get them to follow her. She was laughing at them and behaving so happily and exuberantly.

I had never seen more love in her face than I did then.

I knew that Bella loved Abby and EJ more than she loved me. It was only natural, I supposed. But it still bothered me, as irrational as it sounds.

Honestly, I didn't get it. Anything the kids did made Bella smile. When EJ started to eat cucumbers, Bella was so happy. When Abby fell asleep on the laundry basket full of towels, Bella laughed so hard. They brought Bella a joy that I didn't even know existed.

I tried to wave at Bella, to let her know I was finished, but she didn't even notice. She was too busy playing.

_Well, good for her. I'm tired, and I'm going to sleep._

I stretched out on the couch and quickly fell asleep, the shadows inside taking me over again.

* * *

The sound of Bella dropping a pot in the kitchen woke me up with a start. The metallic sound bothered me; like the balloon, its connotations were just way too savage. I didn't even realize I was in a cold sweat until I was sitting up and trying to control my breathing.

I heard the pitter-patter of footsteps enter the room. EJ was running toward me, a big stuffed wolf in his arms. "You're going to mess up your mama's clean living room," I told him, trying to distract myself.

Bella came into the living room. "Oh, you're awake," she said.

"Sorry about falling asleep."

"It's fine. Are you okay?"

I nodded.

Abby suddenly tore through the living room, wearing only a diaper—on her head.

"Abby!" Bella exclaimed in shock. "How did you undress yourself?"

EJ laughed at his sister and followed her into the hallway. Bella sighed and went to chase them, but she tripped over the stuffed wolf.

"Whoa, are you alright?" I asked her as she fell on top of me.

She gave me a small smile. "I'm fine," she promised me.

I smiled at her and gave her a gentle kiss. A minute later, we were interrupted by a very loud crash.

"Holy mother—" Bella leapt up and took off down the hall before she could finish her sentence. "Abigail Hope Black! Edward Jacob Black! What have you two done?"

I grabbed my crutch and paced down the hallway. The kids were standing against the wall, both stark-naked, and the top drawer of the armoire had been dumped into the floor. They both had succinctly guilty expressions on their faces, big brown eyes wide with fear for punishment.

"How did they reach that?" I asked in amazement.

Bella groaned. "I had the drawer on top of the armoire, looking for something. I guess that it was on the edge, they bumped the armoire, and it tilted off." Her voice immediately turned into one of authority. "Edward Jacob, Abigail Hope, _come here_."

They dallied, staring in abashed guilt. She snapped her fingers, and like a private and a drill sergeant, they walked straight to her. She smacked them both on the bottom twice—being sure to spank a part of Abby's clear skin—and said, "You don't take your clothes off and run in the house. That is a _no-no_. Go to time-out."

They both started to wail, but since they did it at the same time, it was pretty obvious that they were mostly just showing out. Bella would never hit them too hard. _Time-out _was apparently a word they knew very well. She took their hands and led them to the nursery. She diapered them, put them in pajamas, and left them in their respective cribs.

"Go to sleep," she said firmly, drawing the curtains, turning the light out, and closing the door. They still cried loudly, but it didn't faze her. She just walked to the hall and began to clean up the mess they had just made.

"I don't know what has gotten into them," she sighed.

"Just being kids?" I suggested.

"You don't think I was too harsh?" he murmured.

"Definitely not," I replied. "You hardly swatted them at all. They just need to take a nap, and they don't want to. That's why they're crying."

She nodded with another sigh. "They'll cry themselves out. Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"No, I'm going to help you clean up the drawer."

I tried to hold in the breath of exasperation as I surveyed the mess. This was Bella's "junk drawer." There was everything from old bills to quarters to an old pair of rubber gloves to her coupon pouch. I tried to organize into stacks.

"Oh, no," she sighed as she picked up a small object, holding it to the light.

In between her thumb and index finger was the silver band of her engagement ring that she had never had repaired.

"Where's the diamond?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she admitted, blushing. "It's probably somewhere around here. Shake off every item and see if it falls into the carpet."

After about an hour of combing through the carpet, she found it. "Here it is!" she said in a relieved tone.

"Good," I said. "We're getting it repaired tomorrow."

"Good idea."

We finished cleaning up the drawer. "Can I help you with anything?" I asked her, noticing for the first time that there was only silence wafting from the nursery.

"No, I'm about to start cooking. You can rest."

So once again, that was what I did. And the nightmares and shadows wracked me again.

* * *

Bella was the perfect hostess. When I woke up, the house was spotless, there was a _lot_ of food, and the children were in much better moods. Bella had dressed them in nice matching outfits—shorts and a shirt for EJ, a casual dress for Abby. My wife had obviously either disciplined the hell out of them or had made them take long naps. Judging by the way the twins still rubbed their eyes, I guessed it was the former.

Bella even had clothes laid out for me. I changed into the khakis and Polo shirt and went to the kitchen, where she was squeezing tedious whipped cream arrangements on pies.

"That looks good," I told her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind.

I felt her body tense as she felt my touch. She coldly moved my arms away and walked to the other side of the kitchen to put the pies on the table.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, admiring the way her red dress flattered her figure.

"Nothing," she sniffled. "The kids are watching TV. Go watch them."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm not."

"Bella, I can see the tears. Why are you crying?"

"It's none of your business!" she snapped as she dropped cans of soda into a large bowl filled with ice. "Go watch the bugs."

Bella _never_ pushed me away like that. I gaped at her for a few seconds before I said, "Fine, Isabella, fine." She hated it when I used her full name.

EJ and Abby were dancing clumsily to some show that had adults in stupid clothing singing and moving to a song about smoothies. It was obviously aimed at children, and it was annoying as hell. The shadows totally saturating my entire being, I grabbed the remote and changed the channel to ESPN.

"No!" the kids whined.

"I'm not watching a bunch of pedophiles sing and dance," I muttered. "Get a grip."

"Jacob, be nice!" Bella yelled, her voice thick with tears.

I scowled and turned the channel back to Nick Jr. before returning to the kitchen. "What is wrong with you?" I demanded.

"You could never understand!" she exploded, wiping her eyes furiously. "I'm fine! Just leave me alone!"

"Are you pregnant?" I asked her point-blank.

She gave me a funny look. "Wait…_what_?"

"You're acting as hormonal as hell."

She snorted. "No, I am definitely not pregnant. I'm on my period, for crying out loud."

"Well, _thank God_," I retorted. "I'm not sure I want another kid, if they make you act as bitchy as you are now."

"You think the kids are the reason I'm upset?" she screeched, giving me a positively icy glare. "Well, then reexamine your shit, Sherlock!"

"So it's me?" I surmised. "What have I done? I took care of the kids today. Aren't you grateful?"

"That's _one day_ out of how many?" she reminded me.

"Bella, the kids don't even like me. They just want you. They don't want anything to do with me. So I'm supposed to just pick them up and kiss them and change their shitty diapers? That's a one-sided relationship. I have news for you—today was _not_ fun. The constant crying and being pissed on and then they make a huge mess? You must be some kind of masochist for doting on them the way you do."

"Some father you are, Jacob Black."

The pause after her retort was thick enough to cut with a knife.

She sighed in disgust. "Please leave me alone," she begged quietly, tears freely flowing down her face. "Our guests will be here in fifteen minutes. I'll watch the twins all night. You won't have to be bothered with them."

"And you're just going to welcome your guests into your perfect little home with red eyes and a scratchy voice?"

She washed her hands, obviously finished with her work. "Jacob, you're not the only one who is good at hiding what is really going on inside."

* * *

_Dum dum dum..._

_I have the feeling that this party is going to turn out to be...interesting._

_Bella's POV is next-you'll find out why she was crying._

_Important announcement: There is a new poll on my profile. It is...*drumroll*..."Would you read a sequel to 'Battle Scars'?" The answers consist of "Only if she chooses Edward"; "Only if she chooses Jacob"; "I would read it no matter who she chooses"; and "No, this story is long enough".  
_

_Abby taking her clothes off and wearing her diaper on her head was inspired by my own childhood. My little brother and I, as soon as we could run around, stripped naked and wore our diaper-hats as we stampeded through the house. Those make for embarrassing baby pictures.  
_

_By the way, the show that EJ and Abby were watching is "The Fresh Beat Band." I babysit a lot, and the only time I let my charges watch TV is when I have homework to do or when the baby/small child is asleep. I love "The Fresh Beat Band." Don't ask me why, because it's inane, but it is so much fun to dance to!  
_

_Leave a review? I really want to hear about the masochist comment...  
_


	45. Scarlett O'Hara

**Author's Note: To answer a reader's question, no, Bella was not in a car accident when Jasper called her. I realize now that I made that quite fuzzy, and I apologize for any confusion.**

**Another chapter? Two in one day? Four in four days? Whaaaat? Basically, I really want this story to end, and it is stuck in my head. I can't do homework or watch the news because B and E and J are all screaming in my head. And if I do a sequel (which depends on if you vote in my poll) then that just means they're screaming even louder. They won't leave me alone, damn it! And I'm probably certifiable for claiming I have fictional characters screaming at me...  
**

**

* * *

Chapter Forty-Three: "Scarlett O'Hara" Bella's POV  
**

I had actually been amazed that Jacob was so actively participating with the twins while I prepared for our little party. Although I had to give him tips and pointers, he was doing just fine. I was grateful because he was _finally_ acting like a daddy—and because his hands-on day was giving me time to think. Jasper had dropped a bombshell on me—shocking me so much that I had almost crashed into the car in front of me.

Of course I knew that I had to tell Jacob about Edward, but the questions of _when _and _how_ still haunted me.

I always did my best thinking while I cleaned. So after I had laid the very disobedient and grumpy bugs down for a nap and Jacob and I had cleaned up their mess, I went into cleaning overdrive. The bugs had finally cried their little bodies out, and Jacob crashed in our bedroom, so I had the house to myself. As I scrubbed the kitchen floor, the idea suddenly hit me.

Jasper.

I could bring it up in marriage counseling. Jasper would guide me and he could help control Jake's emotions and reactions.

I washed my hands and picked up my phone to text Jazz.

_Are we still on for marriage counseling on Friday?_

His reply was almost instant:

_Of course. Why? What's wrong?_

_**Nothing is wrong. I just want to bring up Edward in front of a professional.**_

After that was sent, I received a text from Edward.

_Scarlett,  
Can I bring some "vittles"?  
-Rhett_

My heart skipped a beat at his little nickname for me.

After I had gone to his office, it was like a floodgate had been opened. Edward saturated every thought in my head. I missed him so badly.

Tears fell on my phone screen as I replied.

_Rhett,  
Why do you have to be so nice all the time? I'm making plenty of "vittles." Bring yourself and your appetite and nothing else.  
-Scarlett_

He answered quickly.

_Scarlett,  
Not even Butterfinger ice cream?  
-Rhett_

_**Rhett,  
You're tempting me.  
-Scarlett**_

_Scarlett,  
Butterfinger ice cream it is.  
-Rhett_

_**Rhett,  
(Sigh.) Why in the world are you so nice? Clark Gable wasn't always nice.  
-Scarlett**_

_Scarlett,  
Because I love you.  
-Rhett_

My only thought was: _Oh my god._

Edward, my sweet, passive Edward, was fighting. Reminding me of his love. Acting like a caring man even when my husband wouldn't.

And I loved Edward so much for it.

I answered him quickly.

_**Rhett,  
I love you too—so much. But I don't make your favorites foods and I don't spoil you. It isn't fair to you.  
-Scarlett**_

_Scarlett,  
Fine. I'm making ice cream for EJ and Abby. Argue with me on that one.  
-Rhett_

I chuckled and sent him a smiley face.

He didn't reply, so I went back to work. I have to admit I occasionally went back and read his messages. Over and over again. Even his simple, conversation words made my heart warm…

And his "I love you" made my heart _melt._

After yesterday, I could no longer deny my feelings for him. I was terribly in love with Edward Cullen.

The thought made my eyes burn with hot tears. I really was trapped with Jacob. Sure, he was a good man, but he wasn't the man that Edward was.

I scrubbed the floors hard until I received another text from Edward.

_Do you want to know what makes me really sad about this whole GwtW game we have going?_

It took me a minute to figure out what _GwtW_ was supposed to mean. After looking at my last text from him, it hit me: _Gone with the Wind. _I replied with:

**Uh, what?**

_It can be argued that Scarlett only really loved Mr. Ashley Wilkes all along._

My eyebrows furrowed at his reply. What was he getting at?

_**That's debatable. I think in the end she realized her true love for Rhett.**_

_Did she really? Or was it just another Scarlett O'Hara whim?_

_**I don't know. Maybe we'll have to watch it again.**_

_But it really just boils down to the question: Ashley or Rhett? Ashley, the man she loved from her teenage days and pined for throughout her life? Or Rhett, the man who took care of her when her life fell apart?_

I suddenly realized what he was getting at. He was comparing Jacob to Ashley, and he was asking me what choice I was going to make.

That was all it took for me to lie down on the floor and sob. I sobbed until my throat hurt, my chest ached, my skin felt raw, and my eyes burned. Edward was thrusting the choice upon me. He was tired of waiting. He was tired of being hurt.

I finally couldn't cry anymore. _No. Stop, Bella. You have a party to organize and a house to clean._ _Instead of the Tara plantation, you have your own house. _God, the _Gone with the Wind _references were just really writing themselves. I put the bucket of suds on the back porch and returned to the kitchen to start cooking. But I heard Abby crying from the nursery.

"Uh-oh," I murmured as I ran to the nursery, praying she wouldn't wake EJ. My daughter was standing in her crib, crying loudly and whimpering, "Mama…Mama…Mama…" I could tell her diaper rash was bothering her by the way she wiggled her bottom.

"I'm here, love," I murmured, whipping her out of the crib. She had obviously dirtied her diaper, and it was probably burning her tender skin. I quieted her as I grabbed the diaper supplies and took her to the living room. Miraculously, EJ was still asleep, unruffled by his sister's noise.

"Mama is here," I assured her, kissing her little face as I laid her down on the carpet. She whined softly as I wiped up her mess and medicated her diaper rash.

"You know what?" I asked her, yanking a big quilt from the couch. "We are going to sit on this blanket and let you go without a diaper for a little while. You need to let that nasty rash air out a little. Mama is so sorry for letting your rash get this bad. I know it's all the fruit that you love to eat. The acid is burning your skin, huh?"

She nodded at me, as if she knew exactly what I was talking about. I smiled and finished with the Desitin and powder. She leapt up to her feet and nearly knocked me over in a huge hug, her little nose running from all the crying.

"Mama," she said quietly as I hugged her little body to my breast.

"What is it, beautiful girl?"

She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Aw, thank you," I gushed, wiping her nose with a baby wipe.

There was a children's book on the couch, so I let Abby lay on the blanket next to me, bottom up in the air. She leaned her little head against my arm as I read quietly to her. She would occasionally point to the pictures, her mouth open in surprise. I kept kissing her hair over and over again. Even though we had just both been sobbing, this was one of the sweetest moments in my life. When I finished the book, I rolled over on my back and let her lay on top of me. She played with my hair and face, tugging on my nose and playing with my lips. She would frequently give me kisses.

"Mama loves you so much," I cooed to her.

She responded with a butterfly kiss.

It was amazing how that little window of time calmed me down. I just cuddled with her and played with her while the boys slept soundly. Eventually she went back to sleep on the blanket. I figured the bugs were in need extra sleep because they were about to grow even more. They were so big already.

I put an extra blanket under her naked lower-half in case she had an accident in her sleep. I could tell she felt better without a diaper, which was probably why she had ripped hers off earlier. Well, that was okay—as long as she was supervised so we didn't have any accidents in the floor or on the furniture. And then I cleaned up and kept an eye on her. Finally, I started the cooking. I had planned on a lot of food. EJ eventually woke up with a loud cry, but I calmed him down and took him to the kitchen for a snack while Abby dozed.

"Mama!" he said happily, eating peanut-butter-and-graham-cracker sandwiches. He was in the floor while I cooked, sitting by the refrigerator with his Duplo building blocks.

"What, love?"

He was pointing to a snapshot that was on the fridge. I walked to him and pulled the snapshot down, sitting down next to him so he could see. "Who's in the picture, love?"

It was a picture of me and the bugs with Esme and Carlisle. EJ and Abby were very young in the picture, only a few months old. I was holding EJ while Carlisle was cradling Abby. Alice had randomly taken the picture, and I loved it.

EJ pointed to my smiling face. "Mama."

"That's right," I said, pointing to Esme. "Who is that?"

"Nana!"

I laughed gleefully, kissing his hair. "That's right, sweetie. Who is that man?"

He pondered this for a minute before piping up, "Doc!"

"That's right!" I tickled his belly, which made him giggle. "That's Nana Esme and Doc Carlisle. Who is that?" I pointed to Abby.

"Ab."

"That's right, baby, it's your sweet sister. And who is that handsome boy?"

"Ee-ay!"

It was close enough to _EJ. _"You're such a smart boy," I told him, kissing him again. Since they were preemies, I constantly pored over their development, but the vocabulary seemed to be coming along just fine—if not _great._ I had seen kids older than the bugs who weren't able to identify grandparents (or in our case, grandparent-figures) or siblings. "EJ is Mama's sweet boy, right? Can I have a kiss?"

He happily gave me a kiss, before he said, "Daddy?"

I gave him a puzzled expression. "Daddy is asleep. Daddy went night-night."

EJ pointed a chubby finger to the photo. "Daddy!"

In the dark background, you could distantly see Edward. He was obviously distracted by something else, but a smile was on his face.

"That's Uncle Eddie," I sighed. "Not Daddy."

EJ huffed and stood up. We had been through this many times, and he was obviously frustrated with me for challenging his knowledge. I sighed and kept cooking. Eventually Abby woke up and wanted to play with EJ, so I re-diapered her, gave her a snack, and sat them in front of the TV.

Finally, I was beginning to see the light at the end of this cooking tunnel. Desserts were finally baking, so I took the bugs into the bathroom with me so I could take a shower and not worry about them tearing the house apart. When I was clean, I put on a red dress and dressed the kids in some cute clothes they had received from one of their aunts. They followed me into the kitchen while I finished the desserts.

"Ab!" EJ told his sister, obviously thrilled that I had congratulated him on adding that word to his vocabulary. She turned to him and followed him to the refrigerator. "Daddy!" he pointed to the picture.

Abby giggled. "Daddy! Daddy!"

She literally did a little happy dance at the sight of a picture of Edward.

And that was when I lost it again. Steadily crying, I put them back in front of the TV, turned on _The Fresh Beat Band_, and went back to cooking. It made me smile that my children were dancing, awkwardly making steps and shaking their little bottoms, but that damn picture was still staring at me.

I heard Jacob wake up, and for some reason, his noises alone just made me resent him. I didn't want to be with him…

I was decorating a pie with whipped cream when he approached me from behind and wrapped his arms around me. "That looks good." It was supposed to be a sweet gesture, but I wanted none of it. I walked to the table to put the pies on display.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

"Nothing. The kids are watching TV. Go watch them."

"Why are you crying?" he asked me in a detached tone.

Lying was futile, but I insisted, "I'm not."

"Bella, I can see the tears," he said in that tone that told me he was rolling his eyes. "Why are you crying?"

"It's none of your business!" I shouted as I tried to keep my hands busy so I wouldn't have to touch him. "Go watch the bugs."

"Fine, Isabella, fine," he snapped. My eyes narrowed—he knew I hated that.

I felt even more resentful as I heard him change the channel. I felt like I was talking to a toddler as I called, "Jacob, be nice!" Tears were still falling down my cheeks.

He rejoined me in the kitchen. "What is wrong with you?"

"You could never understand!" I exploded. That was an understatement. He had never been a war widower who fell in love with his best friend, who also acted as a mother to his children. He had never dealt with having a wife brought back from the dead. He had never loved two women at once. He had never been pressured to choose between two women. "I'm fine!" I insisted. "Just leave me alone!" _Because I really don't want you to understand…_

"Are you pregnant?" he accused.

_Wait…what the hell? _Remembering the kids in the next room, I edited my thoughts. "Wait…_what_?"

"You're acting as hormonal as hell."

"No, I am definitely not pregnant," I replied snappily. "I'm on my period, for crying out loud." _Thank God, because since you still insist on having a healthy sex life, I've been worrying about that. Thank God for birth control._

"Well, _thank God_," he echoed my thoughts. "I'm not sure I want another kid, if they make you act as bitchy as you are now."

Okay, _that _went over the line. He was _not _going to blame _my _children for my awful mood. It was all his fault, because he wouldn't act like a fucking man. "You think the kids are the reason I'm upset?" I yelled. "Well, then reexamine your shit, Sherlock!"

He guessed, "So it's me? What have I done? I took care of the kids today. Aren't you grateful?"

_One day. Wow._ "That's _one day_ out of how many?"

"Bella, the kids don't even like me," he began, counting reasons off on his long fingers. "They just want _you_. They don't want anything to do with me. So I'm supposed to just pick them up and kiss them and change their shitty diapers? That's a one-sided relationship."

_You sick prick—parenting infants is often all about a one-sided relationship. And parenting toddlers and children and preteens and teenagers and fully-grown adults…_

"I have news for you," he continued. "Today was _not_ fun. The constant crying and being

pissed on and then they make a huge mess? You must be some kind of masochist for doting on them the way you do."

_No, I'm a mother. A mommy. A mama. You don't know anything about that. It's _

_different from being a daddy, Jacob…which you aren't…_

"Some father you are, Jacob Black," I spat.

He simply stared at me, black eyes wide. The look was enough to break me all over again, because somehow, inexplicably, I still cared for the man I had just thoroughly insulted.

"Please leave me alone," I begged, crying ruefully. "Our guests will be here in fifteen minutes. I'll watch the twins all night. You won't have to be bothered with them."

"And you're just going to welcome your guests into your perfect little home with red eyes and a scratchy voice?" he challenged me, clearly mocking me.

It was silly, but I immediately felt a sassy _Oh, no, you just didn't_ bubbling up out of me. I wanted to snap my fingers in rebuke of my husband.

But if one man considered me to be Scarlett O'Hara, then damn it, I was going to be Scarlett O'Hara. I was going to be strong and take care of my Tara and of my family. I wasn't going to be the immature Scarlett who flipped out on everyone. I was going to be the Scarlett of the second part of the movie, who could stand in the face of war and starvation and broken hearts.

So instead of snapping my fingers at Jacob and hurling a pie at him, I simply lowered my voice and turned away.

"Jacob, you're not the only one who is good at hiding what is really going on inside."

He threw me a disgusted look before storming into the bedroom.

I grabbed my phone and fired off a Scarlett O'Hara quote to Edward:

**_I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow._**

* * *

_For the "Gone with the Wind" virgins, Scarlett O'Hara was quite fickle about which man she wanted to love and marry. She loved Ashley from age sixteen, but eventually had to rely on Rhett when the American Civil War destroyed her life, family, and fortune. Tara was her family's plantation that Rhett helped her restore. Ultimately she loved (and had her heart broken by) Ashley, but she grew to love Rhett and married him. I won't give away the ending of the movie, because really, if you're in a group of hardcore GwtW fans, the ending is open to debate as to whom she really loved in the end._

_The next chapter will be Jacob's POV, of the actual party. And there is going to be a bombshell courtesy of one of the guests..._

_Now that I've posted two chapters in one day you could maybe reward me with a review?_

_And go vote in the poll. If you want a sequel, you aren't going to get it unless you let me know with a vote.  
_


	46. A Rather Dirty Game of Charades JacobPOV

**Author's Note: Eight more chapters after you read this one!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all recognizable characters.**

**

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Chapter Forty-Four: "A Rather Dirty Game of Charades" Jacob's POV  
**

It was actually fascinating to watch Bella completely hide her emotions, as wrong as that sounds. As soon as Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett arrived, a smile was on her face and laughter was coming out of her mouth.

"Congratulations, Rose," I greeted the blonde, hugging her. It did not escape my notice that she only tentatively hugged me back.

"Thank you," she said.

"We're excited," Emmett added, hugging her from behind and wrapping his arms around her flat belly. "We're adding Bug Number Three to the family."

Rosalie giggled and kissed her fiancé.

"It's not as fun as it looks with our bugs," I stated in what I hoped was a joking manner. "Unless you like getting pissed on."

Emmett laughed loudly. "EJ got you, too? Man, that kid is _awesome_."

His loud guffaw captured the attention of Bella and the oldest Cullens. "Wait, he made you a victim?" I asked Emmett.

My large friend nodded. "Yeah, when I changed his diaper. It was great."

"Wait, you weren't disgusted?"

Emmett shrugged. "Naw. I congratulated him. The kid has great aim."

"You would," Esme rolled her eyes. "I hope that my new grandbaby is a boy and _aims_ at you everyday."

Everyone laughed. "Why don't we come to the living room to wait on the others?" Bella suggested. "EJ and Abby are in there."

As soon as we all went and sat on the couch, the twins ran to their mother. Bella immediately had her hands full; Abby was determined to be cradled and burrowed into Bella's breast while EJ wanted her lap. I knew what that meant: they were searching for protection. Mine and Bella's fight had scared them shitless. As soon as Bella finished yelling at me, we realized they were crying. Bella of course ran to them and coddled them, saying that Mommy and Daddy were fine and there wasn't a reason to cry.

Lies.

So now they were still shaken. Bella tried not to look overwhelmed as she cradled Abby. EJ was a little jealous, but he stretched out across her lap. Bella bounced Abby gently while she rubbed EJ's belly. Abby had already hidden her face in Bella's shirt. She was obviously most affected by the fight.

"What's wrong with my darlings?" Esme cooed to them, stroking EJ's hair.

"We've had a bad day," Bella said lightly. "They've been cranky since they woke up this morning. I think they're growing, maybe dealing with some growing pains. I made them take a very long nap, but they're still a little grumpy. Plus Abby has a bad diaper rash. She hasn't felt good all day."

"Oh, dear, you could have called me," Esme said kindly. "Mix a little bit of vinegar with a lot of water and wash her little bottom with it. It neutralizes the acid from her urine, which is what irritates her skin. I've done it a _lot_ for this one." She playfully ruffled Emmett's hair before patting Rose's belly. "And I imagine I'll do it a lot for this one."

"Darling, let the baby be born," Carlisle teased her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders lovingly.

"That remedy makes sense, just like all of your others," Bella smiled at her. "Thank you."

"Hey, EJ," Emmett said animatedly. "Do you want to come see your favorite uncle?"

"No!" he exclaimed before wiggling his way so he could stand in Bella's lap and collapse against her chest. "Mama!"

Everyone laughed.

"Chill, little man," Emmett teased him. "I'm just trying to give your mama a break."

Bella shifted Abby over so she could wrap an arm around EJ and snuggle with him. "So, Rose, when is the first ultrasound?"

"Tomorrow," Rosalie beamed. "We're so excited. I know I won't be able to find out the gender for a while, but I'm already praying for a little girl."

"Maybe you'll have two," Bella said cheerfully. "I may be biased, but I think twins are the best. Isn't that right, bugs?"

Her baby talk was making me sick to my stomach, but everyone else seemed to be eating it up.

"I would love that," Rosalie admitted. Emmett kissed her cheek in agreement.

Bella giggled softly, even though it sounded forced. "Oh, no. You two are already in your honeymoon period and you're not even married."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Esme sighed.

I glanced at the beautiful older woman. "Do you have a problem with it?"

Esme gave Emmett a playful glance. "Well, we tried to raise our children to wait until marriage…"

"But we're thrilled," Carlisle finished for her. "This baby will probably be even more spoiled than the bugs. Esme is already buying pink clothes!"

"Not you, too, Mom," Emmett sighed. "I want a baseball player."

"Girls can play softball," Rosalie sniffed. "And Emmett and I are going to have a small wedding as soon as I get the baby weight off. I always pictured a big wedding, but we're going to have to save our money since we have a little bundle of joy coming."

"Whoa, EJ," Bella said quietly. I turned to see the little boy try to squirm his sister out of the way so he could be cradled. Bella, ever the multitasking mom, managed to fit the two big babies in one arm each. She made a "Shh" sound as Abby fussed, and bounced them both. "My, are you two bugs big!"

"They _are_ big," Carlisle said dryly. "_Too_ big for you to cradle at the same time like that. Darling, your back is going to be killing you after fifteen minutes of that." His kind eyes flickered to me. "Jacob, why don't you give her a hand, son?"

I knew what he was getting at. I was being put under a microscope. The doctor was watching me, evaluating me, assessing me to see how sane I was. How involved and loving and good I was. I resented him for it, knowing it would only get worse when Jasper arrived.

"Come here, EJ," I told him, gently pulling him by his arms.

"No!" exclaimed, burying his face in Bella's neck. "Mama, no, Mama…" he whined.

"It's okay, I've got you," Bella assured him quietly, giving me a meaningful look. Like she was trying to prove a point or something.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. My kid had just turned me down in front of my friends. Once again, the children were all about Bella…

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm not waiting on Alice, Jasper, and that pansy brother of mine," Emmett announced, standing up. "They're all high-maintenance and probably in front of a mirror. I'm going to go eat some of that delicious food."

"Be nice to your siblings and future siblings," Esme scolded him, swatting at his ass. Even if the Cullens were all judging me, I had to admit I still loved Esme. Edward was her favorite child because he seemed to be most like her, but she was so playful with Emmett. She didn't take any of his shit.

Alice and Jasper entered the living room then. Bella stood up to give them kisses on the cheek. "Aw, are my babies sleepy?" Alice cooed to them.

"It's a bad day," Bella said again, softly bouncing the kids in her arms. "Make yourselves at home. We're only waiting on Edward and the Uleys until we eat. Unless you're Emmett, but you know he doesn't wait for anybody when food is involved."

Alice and Jasper were fretting over Rosalie, Alice asking a ton of redundant questions about the baby. Everyone eventually slipped into a conversation about pregnancy, with Bella recalling certain details of her nine months. I gritted my teeth as she recounted her "very mild" symptoms of morning sickness, the "awkwardness" of ultrasound gel, and how "exhausting" bed-rest was. That last one made absolutely no sense to me—I knew she was on bed-rest for a large part of her pregnancy, but how in the world was it exhausting?

Maybe I was upset because I wasn't there to see her body gestate our children, but I think I was even more upset because all of these people _had_ been there.

Finally, I was distracted from memories of labor recovery by a familiar voice in the kitchen, which of course made me grind my teeth even harder. Edward Cullen walked in from the kitchen to the living room, and I swear, the whole room lit up when they saw him. Everyone jumped up to greet him like he was the life of the party.

"I brought the Butterfinger ice cream I promised," Edward told Bella, sitting on the other side of her to peer at the children. "It's in the freezer. Oh no, what's wrong with the bugs?"

Damn him. I knew that the children were naturally social butterflies—they weren't scared or intimidated by anyone, and they loved everyone. Well, almost everyone. I wasn't loved. But the point is, their withdrawn moods were polar opposites of their usual personalities, and it was all because their parents had a fight and they were now terrified of their father. Did everyone have to point out their very uncharacteristic actions?

"Abby has a diaper rash and EJ is moody," Bella replied, smiling at him.

I hated the way she did that. I knew that Edward loved her, but I didn't think that Bella returned the same feelings. Yet I hated the way he—her "best friend"—could make her smile when I couldn't. It just encouraged his behavior. Couldn't he see the ring on her finger?

Of course he could. He was just ignoring it.

But there was something else I hated even more. And that was when EJ's little head popped up at Edward's voice. The boy who was supposed to be _my _son immediately reached for Edward, whining until Edward took him from Bella.

"Hey, love," Edward said softly, hugging him to his chest. "Are you giving your mom trouble today?"

No. EJ had given his father trouble.

EJ gave Edward a small kiss on the chin, making Edward chuckle. Even Abby, who was still shaken from the argument and whose ass felt like it was on fire…even that weak little girl managed to give Edward a smile and a very deliberate wave.

"Hey, Abby, sweetie," Edward replied, rubbing EJ's back as EJ kept his arms wrapped around Edward's neck. "Are you not feeling good? I bet all that love your mama is giving you is making you feel better."

_Yeah. Wouldn't you love to know, _I thought bitterly.

"What are you going to do when you have a third baby to spoil?" Rosalie teased her future brother-in-law.

"I'll probably be broke from buying gifts," he winked at her. "Since Forks doesn't have a large market for attorneys."

"Moving to Forks wasn't a very economically sound idea, was it?" Esme asked in concern.

Edward shrugged. "The single life doesn't require much money. It's probably true, though, that Port Angeles would be smarter. They have a lot of domestic violence cases there, oddly enough. Maybe I should start looking at other firms. I think that throwing wife beaters in jail would be more impactful than helping quarreling neighbors decide whether or not to cut down a tree."

"As long as you stay close," Esme smiled at Edward, reaching across to pat his hand.

Bella and Alice murmured in agreement.

"So, Rose," Edward said happily, dodging EJ's chubby fingers as the baby tried to grab his nose. "I heard you guys talking about pregnancy. Have you puked your guts out or gained ten pounds first?"

Rosalie kicked his shin. "Shut up."

Edward laughed good-naturedly. "Just don't go on bed-rest, please. I'm not sure I could handle that again."

Bella snorted and elbowed him. Edward didn't respond to her, suddenly concentrating on EJ and pretending to take a snap at his hand. EJ shrieked and giggled.

Totally different kid from five minutes ago.

The doorbell rang then, and Bella announced, "That's Sam and Emily." She stood up, but Abby, who was almost asleep, started to cry at the sudden movement.

"It's okay, calm down," Bella said gently, but Edward reached for the baby.

"I'll get her," he offered. "I might can get her to fall asleep. Have you bathed her rash in vinegar solution?"

"Not yet," Bella said, passing Abby to Edward. Abby immediately melted into Edward's free arm, snuggling down and closing her eyes peacefully. "Esme just informed me of that little trick. I'll do it ASAP."

"Hello, my love," Edward cooed to the little girl, giving her a kiss. "You are getting more and more beautiful everyday."

"I know, right?" Alice gushed. "Bella really should look into modeling. I bet Baby Gap would kill to have such adorable twins."

_Bella_ _should look into modeling. _Like I didn't have a say in the matter.

Like I didn't exist.

"You only want an excuse to buy clothes," Edward accused, kissing EJ's cheek as the boy tugged at his hair. "Auditions and casting calls."

I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. I stood up, grabbed my crutches, and went to the kitchen. Sam and Emily, who was really starting to show, were nibbling on celery sticks while Bella talked about my operation.

"Jake can really explain it better," Bella told them. "I'll let him do the talking so I can gather the rest of the crowd for dinner."

Their eyes turned to me eagerly. "I was shot in my leg," I explained to him. "It really penetrated the bone, and the bone hasn't been able to heal itself. I think the military medics at Fort Campbell didn't have sophisticated enough technology. But anyway, they're going to go in and correct a few things and put some things in to make the bone heal. I should be out of my cast pretty soon afterward. That's the condensed version."

"Wow," Emily said, moving forward to give me a hug. "Jake, you're such a hero. Seriously, you never cease to amaze me."

I gave a hard chuckle as I hugged her. "Well thanks, Em, but you look like the real hero. Have we found out the gender yet?"

"A boy," Sam said smugly. "Just like I thought."

Emily grinned at her husband. "But we won't stop having children until I have my girl. I don't care if we have forty sons."

Sam cringed at that thought. Smart guy.

Bella called everyone to the table full of food, and things flowed naturally from there. We didn't have a dining room table big enough to accommodate everyone, so some sat at the table, others stood in the kitchen, and the rest ate in the living room on the sofas. Bella brought the high chairs to the living room and made the children plates of healthy foods, with milk to drink. I noticed that Edward immediately helped Bella rip the pieces of food into smaller pieces, and he even went and found them bibs to use so they wouldn't get food on their nice clothes.

Maybe it shouldn't have bothered me that Edward knew where the bibs were. But it did.

I spent the night talking to Sam about things like the Mariners and where I thought the situation in Iraq and Afghanistan was headed. I noticed that while Emily was very friendly with the Cullens and Hales, Sam didn't really want to talk to them. That made me wonder.

Bella was serving coffee and pie with Edward's homemade Butterfinger ice cream when Edward, who had only put the kids down to eat, managed to rock both of the children to sleep at the same time. He was going to put them to bed, but Bella needed help with something about the ice cream, so she gave me a persuasive look.

"Jake, will you and Sam go put the babies in their cribs?" she asked sweetly. "I'll give you some extra ice cream."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't want Edward's ice cream. "Sure," I said, grabbing one crutch and walking to him. I took Abby from him, and Sam took EJ. Edward had to show Sam how to cradle a sleeping baby.

"Are you going to give me the real details about fatherhood?" Sam asked cheerfully as we walked down the hallway to the nursery.

"Sure," I said. "Babies eat, sleep, cry, piss, and shit. And they're pretty ungrateful when you consider it all."

He snorted. "Seriously, Jake."

I lowered the crib bars and laid Abby on her back, just like Bella did. Sam followed my lead with EJ and I raised the crib bars again.

"You know, I've gotta give it to you," Sam said softly. "You sure are being nice about Edward being here."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Well," he said, "I don't think I would be able to allow Edward into my house and let him love all over my children like that."

My curiosity was instantly piqued. "Why?"

He gave me a disbelieving look. "You don't know about Edward and…Bella?"

My heart skipped a beat. "Uh, no…I know that Edward has a thing for her, but that's it."

Sam's mouth fell open. "Oh…wow. Uh…no. Jake, I'm telling you this because I'm your friend. Bella and Edward became a couple after you…'died.'" He made air quotations around the word. "Edward spent the night with her all the time during her pregnancy and after the twins were born."

Now my mouth fell open. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I could feel of my blood turning cold in my veins. "Are you…sure that they were…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Oh, yeah!" Sam exclaimed. "Emily and I saw them kiss a lot. Edward would spend the night and the next morning, Bella would see him off to work with a goodbye kiss. Everyone in La Push and Forks knew that they were together. There was a lot of gossip. Some people claimed she was cheating on you with Edward before you 'died,' and some people were really angry with her for moving on so fast. Some people supported her, like her dad…but yeah, they were definitely together. Right before she got the phone call that you were alive, they went on a weekend trip to Seattle together. She left the kids at home."

"Bella never leaves the kids," I mumbled.

"She did for Edward."

It sounded like a train was running through my head. Suddenly, it seemed like everything I saw was tinged in red. I looked at the sleeping children and let out a long breath. No wonder they thought Edward was their father. He had acted like Bella's husband…while she still had another husband.

Sam put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't bring it up while the guests are still here. Edward, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper are crazy about Bella's safety. If you start to argue with her, they'll have you down in an instant."

"Trust me, I know," I muttered, staring at my feet. I couldn't believe this.

I felt so betrayed. Why hadn't Bella told me?

I really wanted to go grab her and demand the truth, but like Sam said, I couldn't do that in front of anyone.

No, I would have to wait to confront Bella. I would have to wait until we were alone and until she wouldn't have a choice but to admit the truth.

It would just be hard to not kill Edward Cullen.

Sam and I went back to the party. Everyone was in the living room, playing a rather dirty game of charades now that the kids weren't witnesses. Sam wanted a slice of pie, so I followed him into the kitchen.

Bella's phone vibrated on the counter. I picked it up to see if it was ringing, but it was just a text from AT&T updating her on her account. Inspiration suddenly struck me.

What if Bella and Edward were still together?

What if Bella was cheating on me?

What if she was going to divorce me?

Sam raised an eyebrow as I greedily grabbed the phone and started running through her text messages. It didn't take long at all to find texts from "Edward Cullen." She had been texting him today.

I didn't understand the first text. Edward was calling her "Scarlett" and asking if he could bring "vittles," whatever that meant. He had signed his name as "Rhett." The names sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place them. The next few texts were much the same, but one caught my eye:

_**Rhett,  
You're tempting me.  
-Scarlett**_

I gathered that she was talking about ice cream, but I couldn't help but wonder if there was a double meaning in her words. It infuriated me, but finally I was thoroughly furious when I found the smoking guns:

_Scarlett,  
Because I love you.  
-Rhett_

Bella had replied with:

_**Rhett,  
I love you too—so much. But I don't make your favorites foods and I don't spoil you. It isn't fair to you.  
-Scarlett**_

I couldn't care less about the more obtuse parts of the message. It was those six words that affected me. _I love you too—so much._

She still loved him.

And he obviously loved her.

_What the fuck?_

_

* * *

_

_I WANT YOU..._  
_to vote in my poll._

_Basically, if I don't have a lot of people voting for a sequel, I'm not going to write a sequel._

_And you should also write a review!_


	47. Wrong

**Stop and read this first!**

**This chapter has some of my opinions about parenting. I realize I should have mentioned this in the last few chapters, when Bella spanks the children. I realize that people have different views on parenting. I get it. I've grown up in a spanking household, and as a result, I never get in trouble. So I believe that it works, as long as you don't go overboard. Now that I'm seventeen and I act as the parent in the family, I've had to take care of my younger siblings. I'm the primary caregiver of my little sister (age: three years). Bella's views on toddlers drinking from bottles are my views. When I was given the responsibility of taking care of little sis, I did my research. Studies have proven that the rubber nipples are not good for the development of the mouth, namely the teeth, so I think the bottle should be given up at twelve months (which, incidentally, is what my pediatrician says). However, I realize that not everyone agrees with this. I've babysat four-year-olds who still drink from bottles and suck pacifiers. (I have also never given my sister a pacifier or allowed the habit of thumb-sucking, but that's another topic entirely.) I understand that "To each his own" is the philosophy when it comes to parenting. So please don't leave me a flame saying that Bella is wrong about the bottles or the spankings. You're not going to convince me, and "Battle Scars" isn't a parenting guide, anyway. It's all for the sake of fiction.**

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**

**Chapter Forty-Five: "Wrong" Bella's POV**

After the Uleys left the party, Jacob excused himself and went to bed. I knew that he was still pissed off over our argument, but I couldn't bring myself to care. _Let him fume over it,_ I thought. _This Scarlett is going to be a hostess._

We played a game of charades that ended up being comical. We were laughing so hard that we woke up Abby, who woke up EJ with her crying. Edward immediately went to the nursery, as if their cries were his call. I followed him.

Unsurprisingly, he went to Abby. "It's okay, love," he soothed her as I pulled EJ out of the crib.

"Baba," he was saying, which puzzled me. He wanted a bottle?

Abby calmed down immediately in Edward's arms. He gave her a big kiss.

"Is she wet?" I asked him as I checked my son's diaper. He was dry and clean.

"No, she's fine," he replied. "Mom changed them after we ate."

"How did I not notice that?"

He chuckled. "You have been a little busy tonight."

We went back to the living room. Edward took the rocking chair and immediately worked on putting Abby to sleep. I noticed EJ's little lips were making a sucking motion, as if he wanted me to bottle-feed him. "Mama? Baba?" he asked quietly.

"No, sir," I said gently, confused as to why he suddenly wanted his bottle. He and Abby had both quit the bottle cold turkey and had done extremely well, after the initial discomfort of a hard cup. "We gave the baba up, remember? You're a big boy now. You drink out of a cup."

"When should you give the bottle up?" Rosalie asked curiously.

"Twelve months," Carlisle and I said at the same time. I added, "The bugs gave it up before that, believe it or not. Apparently the rubber nipples are bad for their teeth. I don't know why he's asking for one...or pretending to have one right now." I peered at my son as he continued to "suck."

"Maybe it's a reaction to stress?" Esme asked gently. "That's quite common, actually. Whenever Alice felt bad or got in trouble, she would cry for a bottle."

"Maybe," I whispered, stroking my baby's face. He protested with some whines.

I stood up and took him to the kitchen, where I poured two sippy cups of milk. I gave one to Edward for Abby and tried to settle EJ down with one, but he didn't want it. He kept complaining, asking for a "baba," and eventually starting to cry again. Not wanting to wake Jacob up, I finally stuck my finger in his mouth to give him something to suck.

Amazingly, that satisfied him. I almost pulled it out, terrified that he would start the nasty habit of thumb-sucking, but I realized that I was more scared of waking Jacob up. So I let EJ suck.

Esme broke the silence with, "Is there a reason that EJ is stressed, honey?"

I sighed. "His mommy and daddy have been arguing. That's all. I think it scares both of them."

"Is that why they were in such terrible moods earlier?" Emmett asked me, looking lovingly at Abby while Edward rocked her.

"Yes," I confessed. "We were kind of...loud."

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle sighed. "You deserve better than a man who scares your children."

"I was shouting, too..."

"Yes, but did you see the bugs taking comfort in Jacob's chest or lap?" he replied.

I sighed. "I know, you're right. I'm trying to figure this whole situation out. I really am."

"When is his operation?" Jasper asked me.

"Saturday," I said, glancing over at my daughter. "Edward, is she asleep already?"

Edward grinned smugly.

"Arms made for a baby," Esme remarked.

I inwardly sighed, completely agreeing with her.

Since the kids were falling asleep, everyone decided to leave so they could have a good night's sleep after such a stressful day. Edward stayed, still rocking Abby and just enjoying her.

"I'll trade," I said, offering him the fussy EJ.

"A bottle may not be a bad idea," Edward said softly, listening to my son's cries for his "baba." "Comfort is always a good thing, Bella."

I let the sleeping Abby rest against my chest, her soft little head on my shoulder. Her even breathing was relaxing me. "I have no idea why he suddenly wants one," I said, stroking my daughter's hair.

"I think it is what Mom said," Edward stated. "He's stressed out. I've read studies in which some scientists believe a baby's brain releases serotonin when their mouths have something to suckle on. EJ probably has fond memories about his mommy feeding him, and he remembers the safety and security and love of those moments."

"Where in the world have you read something like that?"

He coughed uncomfortably. "I almost went to medical school. I wanted to be a pediatrician."

"You never told me that," I said in surprise. "Wow, that's how you know so much about parenting."

He shrugged. "I decided that I was more cut out for law."

I smiled as he snuggled EJ and began to sing quietly to him. I went and put Abby in her crib, kissing her quietly. "I love you, sweet girl," I whispered. "Mommy is so sorry you had to deal with all of that today."

She gave me an unconscious smile and let out her typical breath of relaxation, letting me know she was comfortable. I nuzzled my nose to her face, raised the bars on the crib, and went back to Edward in the living room.

"You're magic," I whispered as I realized EJ was nodding off. Edward smiled and kept rocking my son, singing some gorgeous song in his gorgeous voice. While Edward was busy with EJ, I went to the kitchen and gathered his ice cream and made him a plate with lots of desserts. I knew Edward had a sweet tooth.

He joined me a little while later. "I just put him down," he told me, pulling me into a hug.

I immediately relaxed in Edward's gentle embrace. His familiar scent of soft soap and a touch of cologne enveloped me. I wasn't afraid to hug him; I knew that Jacob was asleep.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked me, inhaling my own scent.

"I'm fine," I promised him. "We're going to marriage counseling."

"You want to make things better with him?" he asked in surprise.

I sighed. "I don't know, Edward. I don't know, okay?" I pulled away and went to the table to store away some food.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he sighed. "I'm really sorry. I don't mean to offend you...it's just that I'm still dreaming about that perfect day."

"I am, too," I admitted.

He let out a long breath. "I should go," he said, sounding defeated. "I don't want to leave you, but it's inappropriate..."

"It is," I agreed, though I regretted the fact that it was indeed frowned upon.

"Is telling you _I love you _inappropriate?" he whispered, looking at me intensely, his beautiful green eyes blazing.

I swallowed noisily. "Is telling you I love you more even more inappropriate?"

"Only because it's not true," he replied, softly placing his fingertips on my cheek. "I love you so much more."

I smiled at him, my heart thrilling at his simple admission. "My children love you, too." I pressed my face into his chest.

"And once again, I love them even more. Do you want me to keep them while Jacob is in surgery?"

I nodded. "That would be wonderful."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Good. Bella, I really need to go. Thank you for a fun night and a delicious dinner."

"Thanks for the ice cream," I replied, trying to sound light. "I think I gained five pounds, thanks to you."

He chuckled. "You're still the most beautiful thing in my world. Good night, Bella."

"G-good night, Edward."

He pressed a kiss into my hair, and then he walked out the front door. I sighed, shaking a little as I finished cleaning the kitchen. That had been an innocent yet passionate embrace. It made my insides feel like Jello, as silly as that sounds. I missed Edward so much.

I let out a heavy sigh as I went into my bedroom. Jacob was on his side of the bed, snoring loudly. I changed into my pajamas in the closet and crawled into bed next to him. I could remember a time when even in his sleep, he could sense my presence and would immediately roll over to embrace me. Those days were over.

I closed my eyes and tried to make myself comfortable. Finally, I found a sweet spot on the mattress and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I was woken up by my son's cries at two AM. This was quite unusual nowadays; they were both so good about sleeping through the night. I sighed and dragged myself out of bed and to the nursery before he could wake Abby up. I was fantasizing about my children having separate rooms when I went and pulled him from his crib.

"Mama," he gasped into my shoulder as I ran him to the living room before he woke his sister or father up. "Baba…baba…"

"No," I said firmly. "Absolutely not. You're a big boy."

His cries grew louder.

I took him to the rocking chair, grabbed a blanket, and swaddled him. He was literally sobbing, his face red as a tomato. He didn't like being immobilized by the tight blanket, but swaddling let him know who was in charge. I held him close and rocked him as he screamed.

By two forty-five, he was still weeping and begging for his baba. My heart nearly broke as he tried to hide his face in my breast. "Mama," he begged. "Mama…Mama…"

"Edward Jacob Black," I tried to say sternly. "You are not going to have your baba. You're too old for it. It's time to go to sleep."

By three AM, I knew that this method was not working. So I did what Edward and I had done many times in the past: I called Esme.

"Hello?" she said sleepily.

"Esme, I'm so sorry for calling so late," I said apologetically.

"Oh, Bella, dear!" She immediately had energy and enthusiasm. I envied her. "It's fine. What's wrong? I hear one of the bugs crying."

"EJ wants his bottle," I said, feeling like panicking just because when you're tired and stressed enough, sometimes panicking seems like a good option that will relieve you of the stress. "What do I do, Esme?"

"I don't believe you should give it to him," she admitted. "That could start a bad habit. What have you done so far?"

"I've swaddled him, tried to rock him to sleep, and I've been rather firm that he is _not_ going to have the bottle," I explained.

"And that's not working?"

"Not at all."

She chuckled. "Sounds like he has Alice syndrome. Okay, honey. EJ needs comfort, not discipline. Don't swaddle him, but instead wrap him in a blanket he loves, lay on the couch with him or rock him, and just love him. Kiss him, sing to him, tell him soothing words. Remind him that Mommy loves him and Mommy is here for his comfort. If he wants to suck on your fingers again, let him. Maybe he just needs some Mommy and EJ time."

I sighed. "His schedule is not very convenient. Alright, Esme, I'll try it. Thank you so much."

"Anytime, sweet girl. If that doesn't work, call me and we'll figure something out. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just a bit sleep-deprived," I said.

She laughed. "I understand. Go love on your son, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you, too, Esme."

I hung up the phone and went to the couch, where my crying son was laying. I carefully pulled him out of the blanket and cuddled him against my breast, knowing that was the most "Mommy" part of me.

"Okay, sweetheart," I said sweetly, kissing his forehead and sitting in the rocking chair. "Mommy knows that you feel bad. Mommy is here for you, to make you feel better…I love you, sweetie. Don't cry, honey…"

I felt like I was mumbling gibberish. Apparently, he did, too. Even after I sang to him and rocked him for thirty minutes, he was still crying, "Baba! Baba! _Baba!"_

It was after three thirty AM. I had had enough. "Fine, you win," I groaned, taking him to the kitchen. I reached in the back of the cabinet and found one of the few bottles I had left. He quieted as soon as he saw it, almost as if he were in shock, and then he started screaming louder than ever before, reaching for it.

"That's enough," I tried to say soothingly as I warmed him some milk in it. Finally, I tested the temperature, found it to be perfect, and then took him back to the rocker.

He snapped at the nipple eagerly. As soon as it was in his mouth, he started to smile and murmur appreciatively.

"This is a one-time thing," I said, mainly to myself since he really had no idea what I meant. "I'm throwing them away tomorrow. Even if I lose sleep, my son is not going to start drinking from a bottle again."

It was amazing the effect the bottle had on him. His eyes were closed as he slowly drank, and his fingers played in my hair like they always did when he was drifting off to sleep. His other little hand gripped at my shirt, as if making sure I was still there. Even after he drained the bottle of milk and was mostly asleep, he still suckled the nipple, not ready to let go.

Finally, when he was totally asleep, I plucked it from his mouth and took him to the nursery. Abby had slept like the dead throughout the whole ordeal—what a miracle. I couldn't handle another fussy baby.

"I love you, precious," I whispered to him, kissing his little face as I put him in the crib. "Night-night, sweetheart."

* * *

I went to sleep at four AM, which meant when the bugs woke up at seven, I was a zombie. EJ was content to drink from a sippy cup at breakfast, which gave me a little bit of hope. Maybe he had wanted just one more fling with the baba. Maybe he thought it wasn't so great after all, though that was doubtful. He had definitely professed his love for it just a few hours before.

Jacob woke up around nine and wordlessly ate a bowl of Froot Loops. I sleepily told him I needed to run a few errands, but he didn't even respond.

"Are you not talking to me?" I asked him as I dressed for the day in our bedroom. He was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

He simply shook his head.

"Are you going to be that immature?" I pressed.

His response was to slam the bathroom door.

"Fine," I snapped, going to the kids' playpen. I pulled them out and dressed them.

"I'm leaving!" I called to him, kids and purse in tow.

No response.

_Fine, be childish._ I went outside, buckled the kids in the car-seats, and left.

It was a mundane, sleepy day. It drizzled rain outside, which didn't help my exhausted state. I ran to the bank, picked up a few things at the supermarket, paid some bills, and even went to see Charlie at the station.

"You look like hell," he said as he bounced EJ on his knee.

"EJ didn't let me sleep."

"You know I would keep the kids so you could catch up on sleep," he offered.

I smiled. "Thanks, Dad. Jake is having his surgery on Saturday so I'm going to catch up in the hospital. Edward is keeping the kids."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No," I admitted, "but he really wants to keep them, and Jacob isn't interested in them, anyway."

After I left the station, I went to the jewelry store to have my engagement ring repaired. I dropped it off, and then I couldn't procrastinate going home any longer.

Jacob didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, and when EJ screamed all night for his baba, I was not offered any help.

So EJ had another bottle feeding at five AM.

* * *

On Friday, Jacob spoke to me, but only to inform me that he was not feeling good enough to go to marriage counseling.

"You mean you've been sleeping for nearly two days and you don't feel well?" I said a bit bitterly.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, you certainly haven't offered to give me an hour or two for a nap," I pointed out.

"What, are you tired?" he asked carelessly, watching television.

"Yeah, I've gotten less than eight hours of sleep in the past two nights."

"The kids cry for _you_," he said dismissively. "Why don't you take them to Edward? They just _adore _him."

"What do you mean by that?" I echoed his words.

He slammed the front door and walked to Sam Uley's house. The sudden noise made Abby freak out, so I had yet another kid to comfort.

Abby was being good as gold about sleeping through the night, but she didn't want to leave my sight during the day. Constantly having her in my arms was a challenge when I was trying to keep a decent house and was cooking three meals a day for Jacob. She would even go in the bathroom with me and sit in the floor while I used the potty or took a shower. My back was aching by the end of the day, but I still found myself sitting in a stiff rocking chair at three AM.

Feeding another bottle to my bottle-happy son.

I was simply desperate for some rest. My willpower to have a bottle-free tot was gone.

Jacob's surgery was scheduled for nine AM, but we had to be there at eight. I took the twins over to Edward's house with a diaper bag.

The minute he answered the door, his mouth fell open. "Why do you look like you haven't slept in nights? Bella, have you been eating?"

"Shall I count the reasons why?" I said grumpily, trying not to choke from Abby's death grip around my neck. "I'm basically a single parent, my son won't sleep through the night without his bottle—which I've been giving to him—and my daughter is terrified to be a foot away from me. Plus my childish husband can't take care of himself, so I really have _three _children."

"This isn't good for you or the kids," he told me, taking EJ. "Why is Abby terrified? Why is EJ so desperate for his comforter?"

"The same reason I'm exhausted," I sighed. "Two words: Jacob Black."

Edward sighed, his eyes burning like he wanted to kill someone. "Have you been eating?"

"Barely," I replied, trying to extricate myself from Abby's arms. "Abigail, go see Uncle Edward, please."

"Mama," she sighed, keeping her face in my neck.

I kissed her cheek. "Honey, you're going to stay with Uncle Edward for the day. Go on, sweetie."

"Come here, Abs," Edward tried to say in a happy tone. Abby peered over at him, smiled, but stayed glued to me.

"Hi, Daddy," she said very clearly.

"Abby, this isn't going to work," I said a bit crossly. "_Please _don't make me force you out of my arms."

Edward finally put EJ on the floor, and then reached over and firmly pulled her from me. She sort of balled up in his hands, but let him squeeze her against his chest. "I've got her. Go on, Bella. Try to sleep—and eat—at the hospital."

I started naming things on my fingers. "There are diapers, changes of clothes, and snacks in the bag. And EJ has a _b-o-t-t-l-e_ in there, just in case," I added, rolling my eyes. "Please don't let Abigail see him drink from it. I don't need two bottle babies. Here's the house-key in case you need anything." I pressed it to his palm.

"Sounds perfect," he said, bending to kiss my cheek. "Don't worry about a thing."

"I don't have to, if they're with you," I smiled at him.

I tried to escape his house as quickly as possible. I didn't want Abby to have an "I need Mommy" panic attack and I didn't want EJ to have a fit for his bottle. Jacob was ready to go when I made it back to the house.

"What took so long?" he asked sourly.

"I was explaining EJ's bottle ordeal," I said dryly.

"I don't see what the big deal is. Just give him the bottle."

I ignored him, knowing he would never understand. "Come on, let's go."

They wanted him to stay in the hospital for the day, so they went ahead and gave him a room with a nice long plastic couch. He was lucky enough to have a bed to lounge in while he waited for the anesthesia to drip into his bloodstream. Trying not to curse anyone out, I collapsed on the couch and fell asleep instantly.

I was woken up by a nurse. "Mrs. Black?" she asked, gently shaking me awake.

"Mmm?"

"Your husband is in recovery," she smiled. "He'll be in here soon. Everything went great."

"Good," I mumbled, trying to rub my eyes awake, only saying that because it seemed like the appropriate thing to say. Finally, I decided to just sleep-walk to the cafeteria and get an extra-large coffee. I would need to watch Jacob in case anything went wrong.

I nursed the coffee as I waited for the squeak of his bed's wheels. Finally, they pushed him into the room. A female nurse was laughing at him as he mumbled something drowsily. "Where did the damn walrus go?" he asked flightily, his eyes still closed.

I suppose it was a very funny scene, the very large man taking up the entire hospital bed (literally), one leg in a sling, mumbling about walruses. But I failed to find the humor in it.

"Your wife is here," the nurse said, and I swear she sounded disappointed.

"Bitch," Jacob mumbled, which shocked me. And hurt me.

The nurse didn't quite know what to say about that, so she just locked his wheels and left.

"How are you?" I asked Jacob, going over to squeeze his hand, avoiding the IV. He hadn't yet opened his eyes. There was a little snore in his breathing.

"Bella?" he blabbered.

"Yes, I'm here," I replied.

"Bella…" His face suddenly contorted into a scowl, his eyes screwed shut and his teeth taking his bottom lip prisoner. He tended to bite his lip when he was angry.

My husband opened his eyes. The almost-black irises were glazed over from the drugs, his pupils dilated. But I could tell by the way he glared at me that something was wrong.

Something was _terribly_ wrong.

The expression on my husband's face was one of pure anger. I knew there was a good chance he couldn't think clearly, thanks to the anesthesia and pain medication. But his eyes managed to focus on me, and he set his jaw angrily. His hand squeezed mine uncomfortably, making me cry out.

"Jacob! Stop! What's the matter?" I asked, haunted by the horrifying expression on his face.

"You're a damn cheater," he spat. "Whore. Go back and fuck Edward Cullen again. I bet you'd love it, just like you love him."

And then he lapsed back into sleep.

_Oh my god. _

_ He knows._

This was the only rational thought in my mind as I pulled my hand from his painful grasp. I knew it was going to bruise.

How had he found out? Were we that obvious? Or had someone told him?

I knew that the Cullens and the Hales would never tell him. Charlie wouldn't, either.

But what about Billy?

Or…

I gasped as realization dawned on me.

_What about Sam?_

Sam had told him at the party, which was why Jacob had gone to bed early. That was why Jacob hadn't really spoken to me since then.

Only a year ago, I had been terrified that my husband would be "asleep" forever.

But now I was only terrified of when my husband woke from his anesthesia.

I backed away from him, the couch hitting the back of my knees. I sat there and grabbed my coffee, drinking it only to have something to worry with. And for the caffeine.

There was no way I was going to go to sleep or make myself vulnerable to him.

* * *

**My sweet little brother was the inspiration for Jacob's anesthesia. Sam shouted and kicked his doctor and nurses in the face, courtesy of taekwondo. It was hilarious.**

**And yeah, the whole bottle thing…that actually happens. It was hard to wean my little sister off the bottle, but I managed to do it in about two weeks. However, for about a year, if she had a fever or got in trouble, her mouth would make the sucking motions and she would cry for her baba. And then on her third birthday, she went to visit her grandmother, met her baby cousin who had a bottle, and started the whole baba thing over again. Her grandma couldn't take it, so she gave in. When I found out she had been given a bottle, I nearly blew a gasket.**

**But anyway, I'm off my soapbox.**

**If you haven't already, please go vote, and then leave a review.**

**Love and kisses,  
(and apologies for the very long parenting notes),  
Sarah**


	48. Moment of Insanity

**Author's Note: So this is the Big Chapter we've all been waiting for. Brace yourself for a more intense chapter than I've ever written.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all.

* * *

Chapter Forty-Six: "Moment of Insanity" Bella's POV  
**

Before Jacob woke up, I managed to unfreeze and come to my senses. The first thing I did was go out in the hallway, and like a lost little girl, I called my big brother.

"Hey, little sis," Emmett answered the phone. "What's crackin'?"

"I need help," I said.

"You called the right guy."

"I know." I almost smiled. "Look, Jake is going to be in a wheelchair and obviously I'm not strong enough to get him in and out of a car or in the house, and he is high as hell, so can you loan me your muscles?" I was amazingly surprised that my voice was as strong as it was.

"Yeah, of course. Do you need help now?"

"He's going to be here for a few hours. But I really need to go home and wheelchair-proof the house. You know, move the Legos out of the way."

"Say no more. I'll be at the hospital in ten minutes. You can run home and fix it up and then _get some rest_."

I rolled my eyes. "Remind me to kick Edward's ass for talking about me."

"He only does it out of love, sweetie," Emmett replied. "He knows that you like to take my brotherly advice, so he asked me to try to get you to rest. But if you do kick his ass, I want to see it. He's really a pansy, you know. You could take him, even if you did fall down the stairs while doing it."

I actually snorted. "Right. I'll see you in a little bit."

I peeked in on Jacob and saw that he was still knocked out. Trying to avoid being in a room alone with him, I walked down the hallway to a vending machine and surveyed the refreshments for far too long.

Finally, Emmett managed to find me. "Aw, hell, Bella. You really do look like shit."

"I've been dealing with crying children and a deadbeat husband since the party," I said grouchily. "If you act like Jacob Black when you marry Rose, I'm going to castrate you."

It was amazing how Emmett—who had been my "big brother" for years—could calm me down and actually make me smile and make me act like _myself_. Maybe it was because I rest assured in the fact that he would kill over me and my children.

"What has he been doing?" Emmett growled.

"Nothing," I said. "That's all. He's been doing _nothing._ I've gotten like, ten hours of sleep because he won't even get up with a crying baby. And EJ is determined to cry all night long."

"I'll kick his ass," Emmett promised me.

"No, don't," I said miserably. "Jacob and I have a lot of problems that we have to work out ourselves."

"I could give you advice."

I raised an eyebrow. "Go for it, Em."

He shrugged. "Divorce Jacob, marry my brother. Problem solved."

I winced. "Emmett, it's not that easy."

"But it's a nice thought, right?"

I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel to go back to Jake's room.

"Okay, Bella, I'm sorry, baby," Emmett said, putting an arm around my shoulders. His term of endearment made me smile again. "I'll keep my _highly enlightened _opinions to myself. What do you need me to do?"

"Wait here with him," I begged. "When he's okay to go home, bring him home. I know it's not fun, but I will make you a huge steak lasagna. My original recipe that you love so much."

"Deal," Emmett replied, extending his hand for a shake.

I shook his hand briefly. "Just wait until life is a little back to normal, and until I don't have suitcases under my eyes, okay?"

"I can wait," he grinned. "Go get some sleep. Now."

I gave him a huge hug, and he kissed the top of my head. I ran in the room, grabbed my bag, and then ran to the elevator.

The drive home to La Push was grueling. I needed to talk to Edward, and ask him to keep the kids. I knew that I couldn't have clingy Abby and needy EJ disturbing Jacob, just in case this terrifying anger stayed with him after the drugs left his system. Jake was honestly scaring me, but I knew I could handle him. Courage was slowly seeping into my veins, as if I were the one with an IV drip.

I didn't even bother knocking on Edward's door. He was in his kitchen, reviewing a giant file folder with a highlighter, those adorable glasses perched on his nose. He looked up at me in surprise. "Done already?"

"Sort of," I said. "Where are the bugs? What am I interrupting?"

"They're asleep on the living room carpet. I think they've worn themselves out while they've worn you out. And this is just some legal stuff for a client. Where's Jacob?"

"He's in recovery," I said. "Em is with him. Edward, can you please do me a massive favor and—"

"I'll keep the bugs as long as you want," he interrupted me, a knowing smile on his face. "Is Jacob feeling that bad?"

I tried not to wince. "I just…he's in a wheelchair, and you know…"

"Yeah, I do," he said softly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded slowly and sat down in the chair beside him, where he had his bare feet propped up. I moved his feet to my lap. "Jacob…isn't reacting well to the anesthesia. He's already said some…shit…to me."

"What did he say?" he asked, taking his glasses off and studying my face.

I sighed. "Nothing you want to hear. But if he keeps it up, then I don't want the bugs in it."

"They can stay here as long as you would like," he promised me. "Bella, I'm not sure I want you to be in his shit, either."

"I don't want to be, either," I admitted. "But I'm his wife. I have duties."

"You sound like a brainwashed Stepford resident," he said, his voice suddenly deep and low.

"I'm just going to take care of him."

"For how long?"

"Damn it, Edward, I don't have time for this," I said, standing up and dropping his feet in the chair. I ran a hand through my hair. "Look, Jacob has been treating me like dirt since the party. That's making me think a lot, okay? But you can't just push me into stuff! You know I love you. You know it! And you know that you would make a better father to my children. But love, you can't pressure me into anything. I have so much pressure on me already. I'm going to crack_. I'm getting ready to crack_, because I haven't slept much. If I choose you, Jacob gets hurt. And I get hurt, because I lose a marriage. I lose my partner that I've had since I was a teenager. Don't you see that? _I love him, too_."

He stared at me, eyes wide. "I know you do," he whispered. "That's what hurts me every day."

I covered my face with my hands. "I'm sorry, I just can't…" I inhaled sharply as shivers wracked through my body. "I can't think about this."

"Bella, calm down, love," Edward said, coming to put his hands on my shoulders. "You're shaking. Come sit down."

"No!" I said, suddenly feeling like I was about to lose it. I jerked away from his grip. "I can't. I have to leave. I have to be alone. I have to _think_."

I could see that I had just hurt him. His eyes suddenly welled up with tears. Then _I _started to cry, because _goddamnit, I was tired and I was stressed and I wanted to scream._ I was losing my mind. There were no other words for it.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I choked before walking across the floor to the door. "I'll come pick up the children tonight."

I ran across my lawn, of course stumbling a few times, and tore into the house. I had too many things to do. Something in my brain was still maintaining the fact that I was losing it, and that I was about to break down. I was on autopilot as I ran to the bedroom.

Jacob needed clean sheets.

I tore the sheets off the bed and ran to put them in the washer. There were already wet clothes in there; obviously Jacob hadn't done the laundry. Typical. I pulled the wet clothes out and tried to drop them in a basket, but I missed. Frustrated, I littered the floor with the wet clothes and dropped the sheets into the washer. My hands shook as I measured the soap and turned the dials.

I ran to the linens closet and found some sheets. I quickly made up the bed, arranging the pillows perfectly and even creating a pallet for his healing leg.

Jacob needed easy access to pain relief, food, water, a television remote…

I ran into the kitchen and pulled a TV tray out. I quickly made a tray with a bottle of ginger ale, a bottle of Tylenol, and Saltine crackers, just in case the anesthesia made him sick. I dropped a few crackers, but left them in the floor, barely even noticing them. I ran to the room and set the tray up.

Jacob needed a clear path for his wheelchair.

I ran and grabbed the broom and clumsily swept toys and other things out of the way. Some little cell of my brain was vaguely aware that I was creating disorder and making a mess, but that was alright. I just had to get my chores done.

Jacob needed a clean bathroom.

I ran there and picked up the towels in the floor and squirted some Clorox into the shower before turning the water on. I knew that my cleaning wasn't making any sense, but I just needed a distraction. I was going crazy…

_Jacob needs, Jacob needs, Jacob needs, Jacob needs…_

I couldn't take it any longer. I dropped in the living room floor, resting on the carpet, and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Mama," a little whisper said as a finger prodded my face. "Mama, up!"

I opened my eyes groggily, squinting as the light hurt them. Abby was standing by the bed, probing my face with her finger. When she saw that I was awake, she gave me a big smile and kissed my lips.

"Abs?" I asked drowsily, sitting up. The bedroom was familiar, but it was not mine. It was…Edward's. "Abby, where's Uncle Edward?"

"I'm right here," Edward said from the door. "I'm sorry she woke you; I was changing EJ's diaper, and she got away."

"What time is it?" I asked him.

"Four PM. Emmett and Jacob are still at the hospital. I called Em. You have time to recompose yourself."

"Did you bring me over here?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Bella, you kind of passed out in your living room. I went over to check on you and you were practically unconscious, with food in the kitchen floor and the shower running and wet laundry in the floor…

I blushed deeply. "Yeah…I don't know what that was."

"You're overwhelmed," he said simply. "I couldn't leave you alone."

I sighed and collapsed against the pillows. Abby climbed onto the bed and snuggled into my side, squeezing me tight. EJ peered out from around Edward's legs, but Edward lifted him up and propped him in his arm.

I wrapped an arm around Abby and stroked her hair, back and forth, back and forth. The repetition was comforting. "Edward, I don't know what to do."

"Go back to sleep."

I shook my head. "No, I can't. I had my little moment of insanity; I can't go back to that. I have to find a solution. Jacob is scaring me, but I have to face him."

"Are you ever going to tell me what he said to you?"

I shook my head. "No…no. I've had my meltdown for the day; I don't want to have another one."

"Fair enough," he allowed. "Your house is clean and ready for Jacob. And your kids are safe with me. You can take care of yourself now."

_Take care of myself._ Honestly, I liked the way that sounded.

I nodded and sat up. Abby's clinginess had already been solved after a few hours with her beloved Edward; she slid off the bed and went to his side to tug on EJ's bare foot. "Ee-ay," she said, tugging on him.

"Go play with your sister," Edward said tenderly, kissing my son's cheek and putting him on the floor. The bugs ran off together.

I stood up to make the trek back to my house—once again. Even if Edward had fixed all of my messes, I still had things to do. "I'm making Jacob homemade chicken soup," I told Edward. "Do you want me to bring you a bowl?'

"You don't have to—"

"No, I will. I'll bring EJ and Abs some solid chicken or something. Don't worry about feeding them." I sighed. "Thank you, Edward…once again. I'm so embarrassed you had to witness my little moment of insanity."

"He's driving you mad," was his simple reply.

I shrugged and walked away. What else could I do?

Everything was in place when Emmett called me and said they were on their way over. Our house had a wheelchair ramp on the porch for Billy, so Emmett effortlessly brought a very drowsy Jacob into the house. I turned the covers back as my strong friend moved Jacob into the bed.

"Everything alright with you?" Emmett asked Jacob.

My husband nodded. "Where's…Bella?"

I saw his cringe at my name. "I'm right here, Jake," I said weakly.

He simply nodded and closed his eyes. "God, it hurts…"

"Oh," Emmett said, looking at me. "They pretty much drilled a hole in his leg. They gave him a prescription for painkillers. We picked it up for you."

"Excellent," I told Emmett. "Do you want some homemade chicken soup?"

"Sure," Emmett said, throwing Jacob a weary glance.

I patted Jacob's hip. "Be right back, honey."

We went into the kitchen. Emmett happily took a big bowl of soup, but he kept his voice low as he talked to me. "He's in a grouchy mood, Bells," Emmett warned. "If he gets out of hand, go straight to Edward's house and call me."

"I will."

"I mean it."

"So do I."

But even Emmett couldn't find an excuse to hang around, so he gave me an encouraging kiss on my cheek and left. I tiptoed into the bedroom. Jacob's casted leg was on a pallet of pillows. I noticed that the hand his IV had been in was bruised from the needle. I looked at my own hand and saw the bruises he had left there.

"Bella?" he asked me, inhaling sharply.

"When was the last time you took a pain pill?" I picked up the bottle and glanced at it. One every six hours as needed for pain.

"I don't know. Where were you when I woke up?"

"I was getting the house ready for you."

He gave me a funny look. "Where are the kids, again?"

I swallowed hard, remembering that somehow, Jacob knew everything about me and Edward. "They're at Edward's house, sweetie."

He gave me a hard look. "Were you at Edward's house?"

_Might as well be honest._ "Yeah, I spent some time over there, too."

Jacob's eyes suddenly grew wide.

His next question scared the hell out of me:

"Did you fuck him?"

My mouth went dry and my heart started to race. "Not today, Jacob."

He suddenly sat up, his eyes hard and his fists clenched. "What do you mean, _not today_? So you did fuck him before today?"

"Jake," I said, my voice high and my eyes fogging up. "Let's don't talk about this today. You're high and we need to have Jasper here."

"No, we're talking about this _right now!_" he shouted, trying to swing his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Don't!" I exclaimed, diving forward to put my hands on his thighs. "Your leg needs to be in one position. Don't move it!"

"To hell with it," he snapped, pushing me away. I bumped into the wall behind me.

He reached over and grabbed the bottle of pills before opening it and shaking one into his hand. He dry-swallowed it before looking up at me. "You fucking cheated on me!"

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, my tears spilling over. "I didn't cheat! I thought you were dead!"

"But I wasn't dead, was I?" he exploded, managing to move his leg over the edge of the bed. His damn crutches were by the bed, so he quickly grabbed them and stood up.

"Sit back down," I told him. "You are going to have to have a correctional surgery done."

"_Shut the fuck up!" _He took a very slow step toward me.

I moved so I was in the doorway. "Jacob, you aren't thinking rationally. Please, baby, lay back down."

"Don't call me 'baby,'" he replied loudly. "I'm not your baby if you go fucking the neighbors!"

"I didn't cheat on you!" I exclaimed again. "You were dead, for all I knew! The marriage was void!"

"Yet you still moved on in a fucking short time!"

"It took me a year!" I replied. "A year, Jacob. Honey, you're scaring me."

"You're damn right I am!" He suddenly threw one his crutches over my head and into the hall.

"Stop throwing things," I warned him before stepping backwards into the hall. "I'm going to call the police if you don't stop."

He hobbled toward me. "Maybe I should call the divorce lawyer! Or maybe I should just go over there and snap his neck! He stole you away from me, Bella. _He took what was mine._"

My maternal instincts kicked in. "You are _not_ going over there," I said firmly. "Our children are over there, and while you're in this state of mind, I'm not allowing you to see them."

"_I don't want to see the fucking children!_" He suddenly swung the crutch around and hit the wall, leaving a hole in the sheetrock.

"Stop it!" I exclaimed, but he had me pinned against the wall in no time. I could smell the anesthesia on his breath and body; it made me want to gag. Or maybe that was just the nerves in my stomach.

"You're a dirty fucking whore," he growled. "You were supposed to be mine forever. But you gave your body and your heart to a damn _lawyer_. Was it the money, Bella? Were you just fucking him so he could take care of your precious babies? Was it good looks? That charming personality?"

I tried to shove him away, but he was holding my shoulders firmly. "Tell me, Bella. I'm a fucking soldier; I can handle the pain."

"It was your absence," I whispered, trying to keep myself under control. "I was lonely and needy and he was there. He loved me. I hadn't felt love in so long."

"So you fucked him to honor your dead husband?" he boomed, shoving me against the wall again.

"Jacob, stop it!" I begged. "You're hurting me!"

He shoved me again before turning around and covering his face in his hands. I took that as my opportunity to run to the kitchen, where the phone was. I needed to call Emmett.

But I couldn't find my cell phone. I searched the counters frantically.

"You lied to me!" my husband shouted as he paced slowly into the kitchen.

"I never told you I didn't move on!" I replied. "I just didn't tell you about Edward."

"So you lied to me!"

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked him, moving to the other side of the kitchen.

"You were supposed to love me forever!" he screamed, hitting the cabinet door with a crutch.

"_And you were supposed to stay with me!" _I shouted before I could think.

Jacob's eyes widened, and I clamped my hand over my mouth.

"It was my job!" he shouted. "I went to Iraq to make fucking money so we could maybe start a fucking family when I returned!"

"No, Jacob." My mouth was firing off before I could stop it. "You chose your country over me. You chose your Army pride over me. I was never the most important thing in your life!"

He suddenly knocked a glass plate off the counter; it shattered in the floor. "So you're the one who feels rejected? What about me? What about the fact that my wife was unfaithful?"

"I wasn't unfaithful!" I shouted again. "Damn it! You were dead! Jacob, you're scaring me! I'm calling your doctor…"

"Find the fucking phone first," he smirked before slamming his crutch into the glass cabinets above the counter. I flinched as that glass broke and showered down to the floor.

"_Give me my phone!_" I demanded.

"You only wish I was dead," he snarled. "You wish that I had never come back. Hell, as soon as you met Edward, you probably wished that I was dead. Prayed that a damn terrorist would blow me up."

"You know that's not true," I gasped as he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. "Ahh!" I wheezed in pain. "Jacob, please stop!"

He didn't. So I did the only thing I knew to do.

I balled up my fist and punched him in the nose.

"_Damn!_" he screeched as his nerves and blood vessels reacted. He let go of me, and I ran to the living room to find his cell phone. I heard my other glass cabinets break as he took out his frustrations with his crutch.

The phone wasn't anywhere to be found.

I heard him make his way to the living room, so I ran in the other direction to the hall, which circled back around to the kitchen. I went out the front door and tried to run down the stairs, but of course my shoelace got caught in a crack on the wood paneling. I fell on the steps, scraping my elbows and hands.

He heard the door slam behind me, and quickly made his way to the porch while I tried to get my shoelace out of the crack. He picked me up by my shoulders and pushed me against the support beam on the porch. "I'm just asking for honesty, Bella," he growled. "Just confess to your mistakes."

_No. Edward was not, is not, and will never be a mistake._

Edward's face in my mind made me realize that he could possibly help me…so I took the advice that my daddy had given me since I was a child.

Apparently Jacob had forgotten that I was a policeman's daughter. I was in pain from my fall, and I suddenly realized my hand felt broken from where I had punched him. I guessed the adrenaline had masked it before. I was weak and sore, but I knew what to do if I didn't have a fighting chance.

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

And just as I hoped, after a few seconds, I heard the door slam on the house next to me. I continued to scream until my throat burned as Edward and Emmett ran across the lawn, Em holding something in his hand.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Edward shouted as they ran up the stairs, Emmett tackling Jacob to the floor. I quickly moved off the porch as Jacob tried to fight him. "Goddamnit!" Jacob shouted, and I realized that his leg operation had been a complete waste. It was probably already rebroken.

The shock of the entire situation finally hit me.

"Bella," Edward said, coming down to me and pushing me away. "Go to my house!"

"Keep your hands off of her!" Jacob shouted, throwing his crutch at us.

Emmett suddenly raised his hands, and I realized the object was a small gun.

_Emmett has a gun?_

"Don't you dare throw another thing at her," Emmett commanded him.

Understandably, Jacob froze at the sight of the gun.

"Bella, go to my house," Edward said firmly. "With the kids. Call Jasper and my dad!"

I understood that this was necessary. I ran to the lawn, tripping a few times, and bustled into his house.

Somehow, by some miracle, my children were still asleep. I suddenly realized that maybe there was a reason they needed a nap so badly. Maybe God, or Fate, or whoever, had been planning for this moment and wanted them to be asleep.

I picked up the house phone. Jasper's receptionist in his office recognized my name once again, put me through to him, and I knew that he still had my name listed as an "emergency patient."

"Bella," he said as he answered the phone. "What's wrong?"

The hysteria started then.

"He's gone crazy," I began to rush through my words. "Absolutely crazy and he's throwing things and breaking things and shoving me and Edward and Emmett have him at gunpoint and I'm hurting and my kitchen is destroyed and my marriage is destroyed and Emmett has a fucking gun and I'm at Edward's house with the kids and there is a gun —"

"Calm down," he drawled. "I'm on my way. Keep the kids at Edward's house."

I called Carlisle next and basically gave him the same message. He told me he was on his way.

I paced on Edward's porch, watching the situation. Emmett still had his gun up, but Edward was talking to Jacob.

Finally, Jasper and Carlisle arrived at about the same time. Jasper was in his typical psychiatrist's outfit: shirt, tie, slacks; and Carlisle still wore his lab-coat and stethoscope.

"Jacob, calm down," Carlisle immediately said, holding his hands up. "I'm not going to do anything to you, but we need to get you to a hospital. I'm scared you have shattered the bone, just judging by the angle of your leg."

"I'm not going to the fucking hospital!" he shouted.

"It's either the emergency room or I'm having you committed to the mental ward," Jasper growled at him.

I couldn't watch anymore. I went inside, sat on the couch, and cried.

It felt like hours later when I heard Edward's front door open. He and Emmett walked in the front door, Emmett unloading his gun and dropping everything on the table.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked very clearly, keeping a few feet of distance between us.

I knew what was going on. He was worried that I was in shock, or I was going to lash out.

"I'm fine," I whispered.

Edward looked down at the little pallet on the floor, where EJ and Abby were still sleeping happily. "Em, can you take the bugs and put them in my bed? Put the pillows around them so they won't fall off."

"Sure thing," Emmett said, pulling Abby and EJ into his arms carefully. He looked like a gentle giant as he cradled them and kissed their faces.

Edward came and sat beside me, opening his arms. I collapsed into him, crying hard. "Shh, it's okay, love," he whispered, rubbing my back soothingly. "Shh, my love, I've got you…"

* * *

_And let the rants begin._


	49. A Bad Feeling

**Author's Note: To clear up some questions, EJ and Abby are fifteen months old.**

**This is a short one, but I'll be updating all week.**

**Disclaimer: Steph owns the characters you recognize.

* * *

Chapter Forty-Seven: "A Bad Feeling" Bella's POV  
**

Jasper and Carlisle took Jacob to the hospital while Edward held me together. Emmett came and sat in the living room, but he let his brother comfort me.

Finally, I couldn't cry anymore. I just tried to catch my breath, wretched and heaved a little, even throwing up my lunch. Edward held my hair back as I vomited in the sink and then sweetly washed it down the drain, scrubbing the sink.

"Come here, sweetie," he said softly, pulling me to the table. He already had a first aid kit out. I sat in silence as he sanitized my hands and bandaged them up.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

Very softly, he kissed the bandage on the heel of my hand. "You don't have to thank me, love. Let me see your elbows."

I was just scraped up all over.

I winced as the Neosporin stung my sensitive nerves. "You do too much for me..."

Esme and Carlisle came into his kitchen them. Esme immediately ran to me and pulled me into her arms, kissing my head. "Bella, sweetheart, are you alright?"

I nodded slowly. "I'm..." I searched for the appropriate word.

"In shock," Carlisle finished for me. "Thank you, son, for taking care of her."

"It's my job," Edward said simply.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked Carlisle.

He smiled in what I think was meant to be a reassuring way and pulled me into his arms. "He's about to be in surgery. Jasper is with him. He pretty much splintered the bone. They were scared a piece would break off. Bella, I went in the house and saw his pain medication. Some people react violently to that medication. It was nothing you did, sweetheart."

"No," I disagreed, resting my head against the chest of the man who was so much like a father to me. "I did do something."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," he said gently.

"I'm making tea," Esme said quietly.

Emmett came in the kitchen with EJ by the hand and Abby resting her head on his shoulder. "Nana!" EJ exclaimed happily, running to Esme and reaching up for her.

"Hello, my darling," Esme cooed, pulling him up and bouncing him on her hip. "Do you want to help Nana make your mommy some tea?"

It looked like the kids didn't have a clue what was going on, and that relieved me so much I sat back down and smiled at Abby. "Do you love your Uncle Emmett, sweet girl?"

She grinned, still rubbing her eyes, and stayed in his arms contentedly.

"She adores me," Emmett boasted. "But she loves her mama even more."

"Let me finish bandaging your elbows," Edward said softly, pulling my arm toward him. He looked so concerned for me that I squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"I'm okay," I whispered.

He just sighed and continued to work his first aid magic.

"What am I supposed to do after his surgery?" I asked Carlisle.

"They're going to keep him for a few days, probably," the doctor said. "We don't have to worry about that right now. Let's decide when he's...stable."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"Esme and I are going to clean up the destruction in your house," Carlisle told me. "The bugs don't need to be around all of that broken glass."

"You don't have to-"

"We want to," Esme interrupted me. "Bella, would you please stay with us? I don't want you to be...there...alone."

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I don't want to be there, either. But I'll have to go pack an overnight bag for the three of us."

"I'll go with you," Edward offered.

We walked slowly across the lawn to the house, without speaking. I stayed close to him, able to smell his unique scent, and taking comfort in it.

But that comfort vanished as we walked onto the porch and I saw drops of my blood on the steps.

I shivered.

"Are you alright?" he asked me softly.

"I'm such a weak woman," I sighed.

He took my fingers between his and pulled my chin up so I was looking him in the eye. "You are not a weak woman," he said firmly. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met. Look at how good of a mother you are, Bella. Your children are happy, healthy, intelligent, well-mannered, loving, and perfect. That alone should prove your strength."

I glanced down at our feet. "I've made such a mess of this."

He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head. "I love your messiness."

That made me smile, despite everything. I inhaled his scent one deep time, and then I said quietly, "Shall we?"

It was exceedingly difficult for me to see the damage. The glass cabinets that Jacob had so lovingly built were shattered. There were broken plates and bowls, and I hadn't even noticed that Jacob had knocked the pot of soup in the floor. Broth, chicken, and noodles swam on the linoleum.

Edward kept a firm arm around my shoulders and led me to my room. I flinched as I saw the hole in the wall.

"Shh, you're okay," Edward whispered to me, kissing my temple. I nodded and went to the closet to grab my bag, completely unbothered by his affection. It was comforting.

While I grabbed clothes, pajamas, underwear, and my toiletries, Edward folded it all up and put it in the bag. I went to the nursery and found the twins pajamas, a few changes of clothes, diapers, and a few toys. I went to the kitchen to grab sippy cups, Gerber snacks, and a bottle for EJ-just in case. I didn't feel like arguing with him.

I tried not to lose it all over again as I saw the damage. Somehow, it was more real when I didn't have Edward's protective arm around me.

"I can't believe I've become so helpless," I sighed to Edward.

He gave me a disapproving look. "Bella. You could have a perfect life and I would still be dying to help you. You're not helpless. My family just loves you like you're one of us."

I nodded silently. I still felt awful.

"Come on," he said sweetly. "I'll pack the portable crib."

Later that night, I was walking down the stairs to Esme and Carlisle's kitchen to prepare EJ a bottle of warm milk. Abby was sleeping happily in the portable crib, but EJ was fussy and asking for his baba. I was too tired and sore to stay up with him.

"Okay, Mommy is getting you a baba," I tried to say soothingly as he cried into my neck, soaking my skin and hair with tears. The kitchen was dark, so when I tiptoed to the fridge and heard Emmett's deep bass, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Midnight feeding?" he asked, smacking through a sandwich.

"Oh, jeez!" I nearly shouted, my heart racing. "Emmett, gah…"

He chuckled. "Sorry to scare you."

"It's fine," I said, pulling the milk out. "And yeah, he has been insisting on these feedings for the past few nights. He's still stuck on the bottle."

EJ was only getting more impatient as the milk heated, but finally I was able to pop the bottle into his mouth.

Happy baby at last.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked Emmett. "Shouldn't you be home with Rose?"

"She is staying with Alice. Jasper is on duty at the mental ward. And I thought that I might be needed here. Do you want a sandwich?"

"No, thanks." I cradled EJ in my arms, tucking his blanket around him as he sucked it down.

"Hungry little booger, huh?" Emmett asked.

"It's more for comfort than anything," I replied. "Hey, Emmett? Can I ask a question?"

"Of course, Bells."

"Why did you have a gun? That was so random."

He coughed uncomfortably. "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded slowly.

"Do you remember when I had to have my wisdom teeth cut out in college?"

"Yeah..."

"They gave me painkillers," he said quietly. "I guzzled them down because it hurt like hell. I just wanted to go to sleep. But they made me quite rowdy instead..."

"Rowdy..." I repeated, unsure of what he meant.

He sighed and stared down at the table. "I couldn't control myself. I lashed out at Rose...I never hit her or shoved her, but I said some really awful things to her. We broke up after that. But after she talked to a doctor, she realized that I really didn't mean any of it, so she gave me a second chance. I haven't had an episode since...but I just had a _bad feeling_ about Jacob. So when you asked me to help you, something just drove me to get Bertha—my gun-and put her in the glove compartment, just in case. After I left your house, I still had the bad feeling that I just couldn't shake. So I went to Edward's house and took Bertha in there-out of reach of the kids, of course. When we heard you scream, I knew that I had that bad feeling for a reason."

"Wow," I whispered. "Emmett..."

"Don't thank me," he said gently. "You have nothing to thank me for."

"I saw Jake freeze at the sight of the gun," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks at the memory. "I was so grateful...but so terrified at the same time."

"I hope I didn't scare you."

"You didn't," I reassured him. "I had never been so relieved."

"The only thing that mattered was that you were safe, little sister," he softly said. "I would have killed him, if it were necessary. I wouldn't even think twice."

EJ, frustrated that I wasn't paying attention to him, let out a squeal around the rubber nipple and tugged on my hair. "I'm watching you," I told him. "Calm down, Mr. Jealous."

Emmett smiled and gave me a look of...admiration? "You're such a good mama, Bella."

"I try," I sighed, sitting up straight to stretch my back muscles. I winced and let out an "Ow!" at the pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked me immediately.

"Nothing," I started to say, but he had already stood up and turned the light on. I sighed as he came and looked at my shoulders, bared by my tank top.

_I really should have gotten a t-shirt._

"He left bruises on you," Emmett stated.

"They're not bad," I replied.

Very carefully, my "older brother" traced the bruises with his index finger. "I can see where his fingers were. Bella, this is unacceptable."

"You just told me he couldn't help it."

"But was it really the pain pills?"

I sighed and shrugged. "I'm alright, Emmett. I swear."

"I know _you're_ alright. But_ I'm_ pissed as hell."

I shifted EJ in my arms, making him coo at me. "So I have another question."

Emmett returned to his seat. "If you want me to teach him a lesson, the answer is yes."

"No, not that..." My voice trailed off as I tried to formulate the words. "You say that there is such thing as a second chance for something like that?"

He gave me a stern look. "Bella..."

"Just answer me, Emmett."

He let out a long breath. "Rose gave me a second chance, yes. But I didn't lay a hand on her, much less leave bruises."

"I'm just...trying to figure this out," I tried to explain. "I have huge choices ahead of me."

"Don't go back to him," Emmett begged me quietly. "I'm not sure you'll survive. Edward told me about your little moment earlier today, where he found you in the living room floor..."

I rolled my eyes. "I was just exhausted."

"Kind of like your kid there?" Emmett asked me, motioning toward EJ.

I looked down and saw my son was asleep, the bottle still in his mouth. He had wrapped a fist in my hair and was smiling.

"Oh, thank god," I sighed in relief. "Sleep at last." I very carefully pulled the bottle out of his rosy little mouth and put it on the table.

"Go on to sleep," Emmett told me, coming around the table to kiss my hair and EJ's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, Emmett?" I asked as he was walking out of the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"What was Edward saying to Jacob on the porch?"

"He was just trying to calm him down," Emmett explained. "He was just telling him that there was no reason to be angry with you. Edward is quite a soothing person, actually."

"Yeah, I've noticed."

* * *

I didn't realize that Esme, Carlisle, and Edward had spent the night at my house, cleaning up the damage. That was really why Emmett was there-to make sure I was okay.

Jasper swung by the Cullens' house the next morning, exhausted from his graveyard shift. He explained to me that Jacob had been in extensive surgery but was in the hospital for recovery. He was fine, on different painkillers, and he claimed to have had no memory of what had happened. Billy was sitting with him.

But Jasper told me another interesting piece of information.

"He needs to be in mental treatment, Bella," he told me gently. "I'm not talking about counseling. I mean that he needs to be monitored and possibly put on medications. I have patients in the mental ward who are more stable than him."

"What do I do, Jazz?" I inquired.

"He needs to be hospitalized in the mental ward. I can be his doctor. He'll stay in a room where he can't be a danger to himself or others. He'll go to group therapy sessions and we'll try medication, if I feel it's necessary. We'll watch his blood levels and his appetite and see which medications work best. Of course, we'll have to do it after he is discharged from surgery recovery..."

"He'll never agree to it," I replied.

Jasper sighed. "Unless he is declared to be insane or a danger, you can't force him. But Bella, if he isn't willing to do this for you and the children...then maybe that will tell you if this painful marriage is worth it."

I nodded. I understood. This could be the deal breaker.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll talk to him."

* * *

_The next chapter will probably be up Tuesday, like I promised this chapter would. I just had a bad day and needed to write something gloomy. So hopefully my bad day turned into something good for you._

_I hit 600 reviews-thank you guys! This Thanksgiving week, I'm extremely thankful for my readers and reviewers. You guys make my life so much better._

_Seven chapters left. Hopefully I'll be finished with this story by Dec 1. Of course, that means you only have ten days to vote in the poll!  
_


	50. Reasons for Existence

**Author's Note: A few of you expressed concern that Bella will somehow fall in love with Emmett. Believe me when I say that this is never going to happen. Ever. Brother/sister relationship only.**

**Your reviews lately have made me feel so good. I can't believe that my readers are actually dreaming about EJ and Abby; or that you guys are only getting two hours of sleep a night so you can reread my story. Although this is about to be over (and I'm still not sure about a sequel), y'all really don't know how grateful I am.

* * *

Chapter Forty-Eight: "Reasons for Existence" Bella's POV  
**

I gave Jacob another day in the hospital to heal before I went to see him. To say that I was horrendously nervous was an understatement—once again, I threw up my lunch. But I had to "put my big girl panties on" (as Rosalie would say) and deal with it. So I left EJ and Abby with Esme, being sure to kiss their chubby little cheeks. They didn't seem to be happy with this new "Mama." I had always been stable, careful, and willing to give them as much attention as they liked. Now they had a Mama who cried all the time and had bandaged arms that grew tired after holding them for just a few minutes.

"They love you unconditionally," Esme assured me with a kiss on my forehead.

_Yeah, at least my kids do,_ I thought.

Before I went to the hospital, I went to the jewelry store and picked up the engagement ring they had already repaired. I hadn't worn it in over a year, so it felt funny on my hand—like it was too heavy. I tried not to think of the irony of that situation.

I was on my way to the hospital when Charlie called me. "Hey, Dad," I answered the phone.

"Isabella Marie!" he snapped. "Why didn't you tell me what the fuck happened with Jacob?"

_Yikes. _Charlie didn't often curse, so I knew he was mad. "I…had it taken care of, Dad," I said lamely. "Edward, Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper took care of me."

"You didn't call the police?"

I sighed. "Dad, I promise, I'm fine. I'm just a little bruised up. What did you hear?"

"Billy just decided to call and inform me that Jasper Hale had picked him up and said that Jacob had re-broken his leg while roughing you up. How badly are you hurt? I'm going to kill that son of a—"

"Dad," I tried to explain patiently. "He shoved me against the wall. I have bruised shoulders and a bruised back. That's all."

"_What the hell is wrong with him?_" Charlie exploded. I had to hold the phone away from my ear. "Bella, he's no good for you _or _my grandbabies."

"I know. I'm actually on my way to the hospital now to talk about options. Jasper thinks he should be hospitalized."

"He should have his ass kicked! Bella, I'm on the way to the hospital. Don't go into his room without me."

"I highly doubt he will be able to do anything—"

"I'm coming to the hospital anyway, because Billy had the nerve to ask me to give him a ride. I'm going to have a few words with Jacob."

"Don't let this ruin your friendship with Billy," I begged Charlie. "You two have been friends for forever."

"My daughter comes first."

I sighed. "Dad, I will meet you at the front of the hospital."

Sure enough, Charlie was waiting for me. He made me show him the bruises on my shoulders. He was royally pissed off—especially when he saw the bandages-but I tried to calm him down as we walked together.

"Dad, you've got to let me handle this," I said quietly. "It's my marriage. And my children."

"I know," he sighed. "I still want to kill him, though."

"_Trust me,_ you can scare the shit out of him," I promised.

My stomach turned over and over as we rode the elevator up to Jacob's room. I knew I could handle this, but if the truth were told, I really didn't _want_ to handle this. I hated the fact that my life had been shattered and reduced to these few jagged puzzle pieces that never fit together.

We found his room number. I held my breath as I walked in. To my surprise, Jacob was asleep. That made me a little angry. I had, once again, spent my nights with a fussy baby and sore shoulders. Why did _he_ get to sleep when I didn't?

"Bella," Billy whispered from his bedside. "Are you alright, my daughter?"

"Well, to be honest, I'm kind of banged up," I said crossly, eyeing the peaceful expression on my husband's face.

"I can't believe Jacob did that to you," my father-in-law sighed. "Something is wrong with him."

"Something is _very_ wrong with him," Charlie agreed unhappily, crossing his arms.

"I know," I admitted. "Billy, Dad, can I have a moment alone with him? He and I have to discuss something very important."

"Of course," Billy sighed, putting a hand over mine. "Bella, you know I love you like you're my own…but if staying away from him is what is good for you and the children, then please…just divorce him. You're the best thing that has ever happened to him, but you have kids to think about."

I nodded. "Thank you, Billy."

"Come on, Charlie," he sighed, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Oh, _hell no,_" Charlie said. "I'm going to talk to the fucker myself."

I cringed as he woke Jacob up. Billy rolled himself out into the hallway.

"Hey, you," Charlie said, purposely shaking Jacob's hurt leg. "I know you're in the hospital with a fucked up leg, but don't think that I'm going to let you get past assault charges."

"Dad," I hissed.

"Charlie," Jacob sighed. "I was on medication and—"

"No excuse," Charlie snapped. "You left marks on my daughter. Your sorry ass is mine. I swear if you ever touch her or my grandchildren again, I am burying you so far beneath the jail—"

"Dad," I said firmly. "Let me handle this."

Charlie gave me a pitiful look, but he nodded. "I'll be down the hall," he said to Jacob. I realized that it was most definitely a threat.

I closed the door behind Charlie and turned around to face Jacob, who had finally sat up in bed. His eyes were sad and he looked pale, but I didn't feel one ounce of sorry for him.

"I left marks on you?" he whispered.

I suddenly felt bold. In my mind, Jacob didn't look remorseful enough. He needed to see what he had done.

So I just went ahead and took off my shirt. His eyes lit up, like he was actually expecting me to just climb into bed with him, but they quickly clouded up as I walked to his bedside and turned around to show him the bruises.

"Bella," he gasped. "You know I would never—"

"But you did," I said shortly. "Do you see the way the bruises so perfectly match your fingers? The way you squeezed me until you broke the blood vessels under my skin?"

He winced. "What about the bandages?"

"When I was running from you, I fell down the porch steps," I said bluntly. "So yeah, you're responsible for those as well."

"Bella, honey, you know I love you—"

"Jacob," I said, my confidence shooting through the roof. "I'm just going to be frank with you, but you need to be quiet. Do you understand?"

He hesitated, and then nodded silently.

"You have left bruises on me and caused me to scrape myself up. You destroyed the kitchen by breaking the glass cabinets. You left a hole in the wall. I am _so_ grateful that my children weren't there to see you act like that. Because frankly, you scared me to death. After Jasper and Carlisle took you away, I ended up hyperventilating until I threw up everything I ate. You made me physically _sick,_ Jacob. And you still claim that you love me?"

"I love you more than life!" he exclaimed.

"Then prove it," I continued. "Check in to a mental program for me."

His mouth fell open. "Are you calling me a crazy person?"

"Do perfectly sane people leave bruises on their wives?" I challenged him.

His mouth fell open. "You're kidding me."

"No, I'm definitely not."

"How can you do this to me? It was the pills…"

"Are you _sure_? Or are you just using that as a scapegoat?"

His eyes were wide. "Bella…"

"Do you remember why you lashed out at me?" I asked him.

His face fell. "It was about…Edward Cullen."

"So you _do_ remember," I scowled.

"Jasper told me, actually."

"I can't believe you would think that I would cheat on you," I stated. "Jacob, you gave me your blessing to move on. You left me a letter. How could you hate me for moving on?"

He cleared his throat before admitting quietly, "You never moved back." He stared at his flimsy blanket, picking at a loose string. "It's always been all about _him_."

"It's been about EJ and Abby," I corrected him. "Edward has been more of a stable father figure than you ever have."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," I continued, "but they're my top priority."

He sighed.

"Jake," I said morosely, sitting on his bedside. "I love you, baby. No, wait…I love who you _used_ to be. But after yesterday…I can't love this scarred individual you have become. I need my husband back. You need to seek mental help."

"Isn't counseling enough?"

"That depends," I snapped. "Have you bruised me enough?"

He actually flinched. "Bella, I will _never_ lay another hand on you."

"I can't trust that anymore," I whispered. "Your word means nothing to me now."

"It was _one mistake_, Bella."

"No, Jacob," I replied sincerely. "It was a lot of little mistakes that led up to one _huge_ mistake. I can't trust you around my children. They've already been impacted so much. And I'm not going to put myself in a position to be battered again. So you have a choice: you either check into a mental hospital after you are discharged from here, or I take the kids and I walk away without ever looking back."

He stared at me for a few minutes before responding. "Bella, as soon as my leg is healed, I'm going back into the Army. You won't have to deal with me. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to go to a loony bin for you if I'm not even going to be living with you full-time."

My mouth fell open. "Are you _crazy?_ The Army is _not_ going to give you another tour with a fucked-up leg and a fucked-up mentality!"

"I can go to OCS."

"Newsflash: officer candidate school requires physical training!" I exclaimed. "I'm not a soldier but I'm an Army wife, and I've been fucked by the system for too long! So I know what the hell I'm talking about! And like I said, you have to have _a sound mind_ to be an officer!"

He rolled over in the bed away from me, which was awkward since his leg was propped up. "Thanks for having so much faith in me," he muttered.

"Thanks for leaving bruises on me," I countered.

"You're never going to forgive me for that, are you?"

"That depends. Are you going to fight for my forgiveness and meet my condition?"

"No, because I'm not going to be living with you."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Jacob!" I replied, the tears starting to fall down my cheeks again. Why did I have to cry when I just wanted to be angry? "And even if you were admitted back into active duty, I don't think I could stay with you. You have no idea what that year—longer than that, actually—did to me. I can't live through that again. I can't constantly wonder if my husband is alive, I can't get ready to vomit every time my doorbell is rung, I can't explain to my children why Daddy is gone or why Daddy acts the way he does when he comes home. _I'm not strong enough._"

"Well, I'm not even Daddy," he said bitterly, not looking at me. "So that knocks a couple of things off that list. Pretend that Edward is their daddy. I'll be the dark-skinned uncle that swings in once every year."

"That is seriously fucked up, Jacob," I told him, wiping my cheeks on my sleeve.

"It is what it is."

"The war isn't going to last forever, you know. You would have to come home eventually, before EJ and Abby are eighteen years old."

"You'll figure it out."

That was it. I had dealt with enough for one day. I stood up and grabbed my bag, fishing my keys out. "I'll come see you when you drop the sarcasm and start thinking like an adult. Meanwhile, you can be deciding if you're going to choose your wife or your career. I'm already warning you that you don't have a future with the Army, but since you're convinced otherwise, that is your choice. It's me or the military. Call me when you decide to get off your ass and be a man."

I marched out of the room. Charlie immediately saw me. I walked to him and Billy, trying to clear up any evidence of tears. "I'm fine," I said shortly. "Charlie, don't kill him yet."

"Bells, honey, what did he say?" Charlie asked softly.

I shook my head. "We just discussed a few things. I have to get home to the kids…Charlie, _please_ don't approach him. He's upset enough."

"I won't, honey," he promised me, giving me a hug. "I'm going to come by and see the kids, okay?"

"I'm at Carlisle Cullen's house," I told him, "but you're always welcome to come over. Esme loves to entertain."

Charlie gave me a hopeful smile. "You couldn't be in better hands. Thank God for the Cullens."

I couldn't agree more.

* * *

Later that night, I was up again feeding EJ his bottle. We were in bed while Abby slept on the other side. EJ was being surprisingly quiet as he fed. I hoped that was a good sign that he was sleepy.

The silence was deafening, however. It let my thoughts become the most prominent thing in the room. I marveled at the way my son looked just like my husband, and that caused some very unpleasant thoughts to come into my head.

I knew for a fact that even if Jacob was hired as a recruiting officer in Forks, I couldn't live with him unless he sought serious mental help. And I also knew that after the way he hurt me, our marriage would never be the same.

I still loved him deeply, but bruises ran deeper than any love he could offer me.

It was a strange feeling. I could remember a time—not so long ago—when Jacob was my reason for existence. I woke up in the morning only because he kissed me "good morning" and I went to sleep at night only because I felt so content after we made love. My heart had been inextricably tied to his.

I felt a bit…hollow…now that this was no longer the case.

EJ started to cough, and I quickly pulled the bottle away and put him over my shoulder. I softly patted his back as he finished coughing.

"You okay, sweetie?" I asked him softly, not wanting to wake Abby.

He smiled sleepily at me and touched my face. "I lub oo, Mama," he said happily.

My world suddenly stopped spinning right then and there. My sweet son had convoluted the pronunciation a little bit, but since I was so familiar with his voice, I knew exactly what he meant. _He loved me._

And of course, being the mess I was, I started to cry.

"Where did you learn—" I started to say, but that seemed to be unimportant. "Oh, sweet boy, I love you, too! So much, my love!" I hugged him tightly and dropped kisses on his face. "I love you so much!"

"I lub oo," he repeated.

"Mommy loves you, too," I said, nuzzling my nose to his. "Did Uncle Edward teach you that, or are you just parroting what we say? Wait, do you know what? That doesn't matter. I know you love me. It's so sweet to hear you say it, though." I kissed his lips.

"Baba?" he asked me, which made me laugh.

"Yeah, you haven't finished it, have you?" I asked, putting him back into baba position.

And as my baby fell asleep in my arms, and my other baby rolled over to snuggle into my side, I realized why Jacob was no longer the center of my world.

I had a new gravitational point to revolve around. Edward Jacob and Abigail Hope were my reasons for existence. I would do anything for them, even if it meant sacrificing my love for their father.

* * *

_I'm not posting as many more chapters as I originally planned. I realized that they were poorly written and unnecessary, so I cut them out. We'll see how many more are left._

_As always, please leave a review. I would love to hit 700 before this story is over._

_And go vote, if you haven't already.  
_


	51. Over Jacob's POV

**Chapter Forty-Nine: "Over" Jacob's POV**

My little fight with Bella in the hospital wouldn't get out of my head. All I could think about was how I had hurt her, and how she had made it perfectly clear that she could live without me. But there was no way in hell I was going to let her admit me to the damn mental ward. A man has his pride to worry about. If she didn't want to love me forever, like she had promised, then I didn't want to appease her every demand.

It was already quite obvious that she had moved on.

And as much as that broke my heart, it was remarkably easy to accept it. I had been preparing myself for that truth ever since I saw the way Edward Cullen looked at her. Maybe even ever since the moment in Germany when she had shown me the pictures of the twins. There was something almost…religious…about the way she talked about them. I knew then that I was no longer the most important thing in her life.

I knew that I couldn't just sit in the hospital and waste away as I turned this over again and again in my brain. I had to talk to her. I had to work some things out. I had to let her know that while I still wanted us to be together, I needed her whole heart. Not just a fraction of it.

And there was something else she had said that bothered me. _It's me or the military. _She had no idea how much that hurt me. Of course I loved her; she was the most wonderful person I had ever known. But there was also a part of me that didn't belong with her.

It truly did belong in harm's way as I defended my country.

I loved my wife, but I loved my country as well.

How could she ever make me choose? It was an impossible choice.

So I called her three days after our confrontation. I couldn't make this decision on my own. Truly, it wasn't even a Jacob decision. It was a Jacob-and-Bella decision.

"Hello?" she answered her cell phone, sounding tired.

"Hey, it's me," I said shyly.

She paused for a few seconds. "Hi, Jake."

"I'm ready to talk."

"Like an adult?" she asked dryly before saying away from the phone, "EJ! Don't do that!"

_Of course she is distracted by the children. They're in every thought she has and they're always in her line of sight. They're constant distractions._

But fortunately, I kept my mouth shut this time and just said, "Yeah."

"I'll be at the hospital in a few minutes. Abby, don't touch Nana's vase! Come to the kitchen and get some num-nums. Jacob, I have to go."

She hung up without giving me a chance to say anything.

"Alright, then," I sighed, putting the receiver back into the cradle.

She showed up forty-five minutes later in a red t-shirt and jeans. I always loved the color red on her, but I noticed that she had a white stain on her shoulder.

"Hey," I said in a soft tone, guessing that the stain was milk or spit-up. _Do fifteen-month-olds still spit up?_

"Hi," she said just as reservedly, coming to sit on the side of the mattress. "How is the leg?"

"They ran some X-rays on it yesterday," I replied. "Everything looks like it's finally working out. It will take weeks to get me back on crutches and months of physical therapy afterward."

"That sucks," she stated.

I shrugged. "I guess I have to pay for my mistakes somehow. Consider it karma for the bruises."

She actually smiled a little. "That's a good point. I hadn't thought of that. That makes me feel a little better."

And for just a second, I could see a glimpse of who she used to be. A younger Bella, without the pressures of being a mother and a one-time war widow, who loved motorcycles and cliff-diving and a good (occasional) shot of whiskey. A girl who had only married me so we could live together with her father's blessing. A girl who preferred to stay up all night loving each other and to spend the days napping together in front of a movie. A girl who had once loved the young boy in me.

But I wasn't that boy anymore. My life didn't consist of carefree joyrides and a beautiful girl who catered to my crazy whims. I was a man now, with physical scars and mental scars to prove it. I had survived one of the darkest places in the world. I had seen my buddies die and I had come close to death myself.

And then I realized that Edward Cullen, as much as I hated it, was better suited for her than I was. He may not have been a motorcycle enthusiast, but he loved her children. And for Bella, that was now everything.

"You've already moved on," I whispered. "You no longer love me more than anything else."

She raised an eyebrow. "I had that conviction recently, actually. But you don't love me more than you love your military service, do you?"

I couldn't look into her beautiful brown eyes. I stared down at my hands. "It's two different kinds of love, Bella."

"No, it's not," she replied dully. "Love takes up your heart, no matter how you love something. You don't want to be here with me, Jake. You're willing to let your life be cut short for your country—and that means you're willing to limit your time on earth with me. I know that millions of women—billions, trillions, quadrillions throughout history—are able to accept that, but I just can't. It's so selfish, Jacob, but I just can't deal with the knowledge that you don't even want to live with me."

"So I guess the Army is my 'bugs,'" I stated.

"I guess so," she said very quietly. I looked up and found that she was uncomfortably staring at her lap. "So if you can't even consider EJ and Abby to be your 'bugs,' then why are you pretending to be a father figure?"

I could only admit, "I don't really know."

But this answer didn't surprise her. She simply nodded. "So not only are you putting the military before me, but you're putting the military before our children."

"I guess so," I said, borrowing her words from just a few seconds ago.

"And if you're putting something before our children…then I can't be with you."

I stared up at her as the realization set in. This was it. Our decade-long relationship was over. We were about to call it quits.

Somehow, the tears didn't spring to my eyes.

"I still don't believe the Army will take you," she admitted, "but what are you going to do when you get out of the hospital…if we're over?"

_Over._

The word echoed through my head, but suddenly, I was able to run through a list of real possibilities. I hadn't been able to do this in so long. I had felt trapped—trapped by my captors, and then trapped by my physical injuries, and then trapped by my unhappy marriage. But now it was like the world had opened up to me. I could get out of La Push, maybe even get out of Washington. I knew that before I would be deployed, I would have to go to a domestic Army post. Fort Sam Houston in Texas, Fort Benning in Georgia, Fort Knox in Kentucky, Fort Jackson in South Carolina…there was Fort Lewis in Washington, but my days in Iraq had given me a distaste for the constant rain.

Really, the possibilities were endless. I knew that I would be assigned a base, but it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and move close to the one I most desired. Usually Uncle Sam could be gracious…

I had gone to basic at Fort Jackson, and I loved the Columbia, South Carolina area. I had gone through drill sergeant hell there, but I had lots of good memories there as well.

"I'll have to think about it," I confessed. "I never thought I would have to put together a back-up plan for our marriage."

"Me, neither," she allowed, and I heard in her voice that she was crying. I looked up at her and saw her twist something around her finger.

"Here," she said gently, dropping something in my hand. "I just got it repaired."

Her engagement ring glittered in my large hand.

"No, keep it," I replied, hating the way she was crying. Even though we were…over…I still didn't like for her to cry. I knew I would always love her, in a way, and it still felt wrong to see those chocolate eyes weep. "You can sell it or pawn it and use the money for the kids. I'll happily pay child support and even alimony, if you need it. I don't need much money when I'm overseas. So…you can keep the house, too."

She nodded slowly. "Child support would be wonderful, of course, while I'm still a librarian. If I even still have that job after such a long absence. Do you want to have any sort of custody arrangement so you can see them?"

"Let me think about it," I mumbled. "Bella, are we really doing this? Getting a divorce?"

She nodded again. "Yeah, I think we are. Doesn't it feel…right?"

"Well, it certainly doesn't feel wrong," I admitted.

"My thoughts exactly. I think we'll both be happier." She glanced down at the ring in her palm, tears still falling down her face.

"I think you're right," I agreed, taking my wedding ring off and putting it in her hand. "Sell that one, too."

"Wait," she said, and my heart skipped a beat. "What are you supposed to do while you're in the hospital? You need to be taken care of…"

"I won't be here for long."

She shook her head. "No…it's the least I can do. Just let me get you on crutches...please, Jake. You're the father of my children. You gave me the two greatest blessings of my life. I owe you this."

"Crutches," I nodded, mostly to satisfy her. "Sounds good."

"This is crazy," she laughed without humor. "We were supposed to be together forever."

"Yeah, but then we grew up and grew apart."

"That's certainly a way of putting it." She toggled the rings in her palm. "I have to admit, I'll miss what we used to have. I already do."

"As do I," I admitted. "But we'll both find something better. I think you've already found something better."

She glanced at me, almost shyly, and then her eyes smoldered as they landed on me. She leaned forward, and I knew immediately what she was about to do. She was about to indulge in me one last time, a kiss to seal the deal.

It was a passionless, flat kiss. My lips no longer held the magnetic tingle for hers. They barely reacted at all to her mouth.

"That kiss sums it all up," she snorted, and I realized that she wasn't into it, either.

"I guess so," I said lamely.

"You'll find an amazing woman, Jake," she tried to assure me. "Maybe she'll be a redhead. I know you love redheads."

"Apparently, you do, too," I said lowly, fidgeting with my sheets.

Her face faded to scarlet. "Edward is a good man, Jacob. Please don't hate him."

"I don't hate him, actually," my mouth fired off before I could stop it. The entire statement shocked me—_where did that come from? _But then I realized that it was true. I didn't hate Edward. Bella and I were just never supposed to last. That truth was so very obvious now. "I know he must be a good man, because you love him. Are you going to go to him now?"

She shook her head, a coy look on her face. "I need some time for myself, and the twins. I'm not saying that I'll avoid Edward. I love him madly. But EJ and Abby need me more than anyone else needs me. They're both a little desperate for time with Mommy…this situation has distracted me so thoroughly...I need to soothe any aches that this whole ordeal has inflicted on them."

"You're a good mother, Bella." _Maybe that's why I've been so envious of the twins. Because you've been a good mother to them, but you can't be a good partner to me because I'm not a good partner to you. _Of course, I kept the thought silent.

"Thank you," she said in a puff of happy sincerity, a trace of a smile on her lips. "They're truly my pride and joy. Well…I better let you rest. Do you want me to start packing up anything?"

I shook my head. "Let me do it. Let me disassemble the life I've already started to tear down…" _How cliche can you sound?_

"Okay, then," she replied, seemingly a little surprised at my sudden theatrics. "I guess I better go back to the children. Esme took off work so she could watch them for me today. 'Bye, Jacob. It's…been good, while it lasted."

I couldn't have phrased it better myself.

She turned and walked out of the hospital, taking her first steps out of my life. She didn't look back. Before she even disappeared from sight, I had already turned away.

I wasn't going to look back, either.

* * *

_So Jacob and Bella are over. Where does this leave Edward and Bella...?_

_Well, Edward's POV is next. So we'll find out!_

_I love reviews and votes in my poll.  
_


	52. Wait Edward's POV

**Chapter Fifty: "Wait" Edward's POV  
**

I was at home working on my next court defense—again. I would have much rather been at my parents' house with Bella and the bugs, but I knew that Bella needed some space to hash all of this out. And I also knew that I couldn't postpone a case without losing my client. Although I had only been hired on a handful of small trials, I had built myself a good reputation in Forks and still had yet to lose a case. I couldn't ruin that reputation, especially if I was going to provide for Bella one day.

_Edward, stop it. You can't keep thinking like this. She probably won't choose you. Get over this little dream._

I hated that inner voice. As correct as it probably was, it was so annoying and just plain defeating.

"Okay, Cullen," I sighed out loud. "You're waging a war within yourself and living in a fantasy world in which Bella was never married to Jacob and the bugs are your own children. It's time to pull yourself together and win this damn property dispute case."

_Hey, Edward?_ the inner voice nagged. _You're talking to yourself._

"Oh, shut up!" I shouted. I really was about to go crazy.

I couldn't sit still any longer. I stood up and went to my iPod dock. I quickly turned some loud music on and retrieved a glass from the cabinet. I was helping myself to some cold water when I instinctively looked out the window at Bella's house. It really was second nature to look over there and daydream, as sad as it sounds.

I realized then that Jack Johnson's "Angel" was playing, a song I had sung to her many times. I let out a noise of disgust and hit the "next" button on the iPod.

The Beatles.

"Damn it," I muttered as I finally turned the thing off. A movement in the corner caught my eye, and I realized with a shock that Bella was pulling into her driveway.

She stared at the ground as she got out of the car, and then opened the door to the backseat. She was obviously unbuckling a child out of the car seat. There was something that looked morose in the way she moved.

My radar went off. Something was wrong.

By the time she had Abby out and on the ground, the little girl was already reaching for her mommy. EJ proved to be more difficult, clinging to Bella's neck. I saw Bella let out a long sigh as she forced him to stand in the driveway. Obviously unhappy, Abby stomped her feet and started to cry.

They were both so needy lately. Why did they want one-hundred percent of Bella's attention?

Because they were both just as stressed out as anyone in this ordeal. They were too young to deal with such a poor family situation.

I squinted as I tried to read Bella's face—and then I froze. My love was crying. Sighing in defeat, she leaned against the car and buried her face in her hands as her children vied for her attention. She needed help.

I practically tore out of my house and ran toward her. She heard my familiar footfalls and peered up at me.

"What's wrong, love?" I whispered huskily, swiping a tear out of the corner of her eye.

Shaking a little, she held up her left hand.

Her fourth finger was completely empty.

My mouth fell open. "W-what do you mean, B-bella?"

_Way to sound like a strong man. You're stuttering, you moron._

"We're separated," she confessed quietly.

And my world lit on fire.

"Whoa, wait," I said, my breathing heavy and out of balance, my head spinning. "Tell me what happen—"

I was interrupted by Abby, who was still jumping up and down and screaming. "Mama!" she demanded. "Mama-Mama-Mama-Mama-Mama!"

I bent down and scooped the little girl up. "Stop it," I said a little firmly, wiping her tears off her face. "Let's go inside and get you and your brother ready for bed." It was twilight, still in the late afternoon, but I could tell by their ill moods that they were tired. I guessed that they hadn't had naps.

"Daddy!" EJ shrieked, holding his arms up for me.

Bella's crying grew louder at her children's name for me.

"Yeah, you're coming, too," I smiled at him, picking him up in my other arm. "You guys are _so _jealous of each other. Bella, love, let me make dinner and then we can talk about it."

She sniffled and nodded.

She sat at the kitchen table while I took EJ and Abby to the playpen. They weren't happy that I was forcing them to be away from their mom, but when I returned with bowls of dry Cheerios for them, they cheered up considerably. They were just hungry; that was all. I went back to the kitchen and found Bella with her face buried in the table.

"Okay, let's talk," I said softly, sitting next to her.

She drew in a jagged breath and turned her face toward me. "I had to choose between my children and my husband."

"You made the right decision," I immediately said. _Now if only you'll make the next right decision and just marry me._

"I know I did," she replied, her eyes blank and emotionless. "And Jacob chose between me and the military. He thinks he'll be able to serve another tour, and that's…more important than his family, apparently." Her voice broke on the last word.

"Oh, sweetie," I sighed, pulling her into my arms. She buried her face in my shoulder and began to sob. I loved being there to comfort her, but she really didn't know how much this hurt me. Once again, I was just a Kleenex for when her husband broke her heart. Again and again and over and over.

"I don't know why I'm crying," she admitted, her body quivering in my arms. "I should be happy. He'll never hurt me again. I won't have to worry about my safety or the safety of my children. I won't be _trapped_. But it hurts so badly…"

I stroked her hair softly. "You _should _be hurting, love. You had a long, mostly-wonderful relationship with him. You're grieving the loss of part of your life. It's only natural that you're in pain."

"We were supposed to last forever," she whispered.

"I know," I said simply. How else was I supposed to respond?

She sat in my lap for an immeasurable amount of time, only weeping into my shirt. I didn't know what to say to her, so I mostly just peppered her sobs with "Shh, love" and "You're okay, sweetie."

Finally, she quieted down, pressing her sweet face into my neck. It didn't take me long to realize that she was asleep. Cradling her head in my hand, I craned my neck to see that her eyes were closed, her lips were still, and her raw, red skin was finally fading back to her normal, lovely skin tone.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and carefully stood up, holding her to my chest. I walked through the hallway and took her to her bedroom, where I tucked her into her bed. She gripped at my shirt, and it was _so_ tempting to just lie next to her and fall asleep. But the children were still awake and hungry, so I pried her fingers away and turned off her lamp.

"Daddy!" EJ and Abby whined as they saw me. "Num-nums!"

"I'm going to cook you guys some dinner," I promised them, picking them up and taking them to the kitchen. After that whole conversation, I didn't have the energy to cook an elaborate dinner, so I settled for PB&J's and pretzels.

After I tore the sandwiches into small pieces, they ate happily and quietly. I could tell by their heavy eyes that they were getting tired, which was good. They needed to sleep. I would have to spend the night in case EJ wanted his bottle. I wasn't sure that Bella could handle being woken up by the child who looked so much like her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

After they finished eating, I wiped the sticky residue off their faces and fingers, changed them into pajamas, and managed to simultaneously rock them both to sleep. Abby was more fussy than EJ, so I took her into the living room while he slept. I sang to her quietly while she touched my face.

"You look so much like your mommy," I cooed to her, kissing her little hand as it ghosted over my lips. We were lying on the couch instead of rocking. I was just exhausted after the past hour and couldn't handle the stiffness of the chair.

"Daddy," she whispered softly.

"I wish I was, my love."

She finally burrowed into my shoulder, much like her mother had done, and faded into sleep.

In the silence, the realities of today set in.

Bella was finished with Jacob, but she was left broken and bleeding inside.

She hadn't dropped a hint that said she wanted to be with me.

These children would probably never be considered mine, I realized with a pounding heart. I would probably always be the loving uncle. Maybe even the godfather.

I knew that Bella had strung me along a bit cruelly. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I knew that I would follow her to Antarctica in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even have to consider it…

But I have to admit, I hated Jacob Black for marring her heart so much. Only a few months ago, I was already dreaming of diamond rings and proposals and white dresses. Maybe even ultrasounds and tiny onesies. And now, once again, I was obligated to comfort her because he had broken her heart—_again._

At least she wouldn't be living in fear of domestic violence. I could at least breathe easier over that one.

Abby whimpered softly in her sleep, pressing her face into my throat and gripping my shirt. Bella slept in much the same way. It was actually adorable to see how Abby was developing her mother's personality, even if it did break my heart all over again.

Again, again, again.

How many times would I be shattered before somebody reassembled me?

* * *

I woke up to the sound of EJ crying at three thirty in the morning. Abby was still asleep on top of me, her hair falling prettily in her face. Once again, she looked so much like Bella. Then it hit me that EJ was actually _screaming_, and he was probably going to wake up one of my sleeping girls.

Careful not to jostle Abby, I took her to her crib and then plucked EJ out before running him to the kitchen. He was crying for his baba, of course. He didn't seem to be happy with me at first—he kept asking for his mama—but he chilled out as soon as the warm milk touched his lips.

I sat back down on the couch and dozed a bit as he fed. I hadn't even realized that I had fallen asleep with Abby. I have to admit that it hurt to wake up in Bella's house and not be in her bed…

After EJ was asleep again, I tucked him in and went to check on Bella. She was balled up under the covers, shivering a little. I went to the closet and pulled out a quilt to spread out over her body. As soon as she felt it, though, her eyes snapped open.

"Edward?" she asked, sounding a little scared.

"It's just me," I assured her, tucking the quilt around her. "I'm just checking on you. Are you cold?"

She nodded slowly. "What time is it?"

"Almost four AM. EJ just had his bottle. They're both asleep."

Her face softened. "Thank you so much, Edward."

"It's really no problem, love."

She sighed. "I guess I have some explaining to do."

I shook my head. "Not now…go back to sleep."

"No," she said. "I don't think I can fall asleep again. Will you come lay down with me?"

_You don't have to ask twice. _I walked to the other side of the bed and maintained a comfortable distance between us as I laid down, tucking my arm under the pillow. She stared intensely into my eyes, mirroring my position.

"I don't know why I'm so upset," she admitted shyly. "I still have you, right?"

"Always and forever," I whispered. "But only if you want me."

She blushed lightly. "Please don't think I'm calling you a last resort. You're actually like…paradise. I've been longing to have you for so long…" She suddenly offered me a smile so beautiful that it made my breath catch.

I reached over and took her hand before pulling it to my lips. I kissed her palm softly before asking, "You're choosing me?"

She bit her lip nervously as she used her hand to trace the planes of my face. "I can't be the woman you fell in love with right now. I need time to adapt to this new life…I need time for my divorce to finalize…I need time to_ heal_."

I felt a sense of dismay, but also relief. "I understand, my love. I can wait. I can wait until we're ninety years old, if you would like."

She giggled lightly. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. "I won't make you wait that long."

I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I knew that I had to respect her wishes to wait.

So she simply took my hand and used it as leverage to pull closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled into me, dropping a kiss on my chest through my shirt. I put a hand on her hair, kissing the crown of her head.

She smiled. "I've missed this."

"I've missed _you_."

Her nod told me everything.

Just a few minutes later, she fell asleep to the lullaby I was humming.

And for the first time in weeks, I fell into a deep, happy sleep.

* * *

_Two more chapters left. I'll probably have them posted today!  
_


	53. Daddy

**Author's Note: Yes, this is the LAST body chapter before Edward's epilogue.**

**I hope all of my American readers have a fantastic Thanksgiving, and all of my foreign readers have a great rest of the week!

* * *

Chapter Fifty-One: "Daddy" Bella's POV**

I woke up feeling stiff and a bit disoriented as I woke up, the sun pouring through the windows stinging my eyes. I realized that it wasn't early morning; the sun wasn't bright enough for that. A little confused, I looked at the digital alarm clock.

Five thirty PM.

I remembered waking up at four AM…had I really slept for over twelve hours?

I sat up, but the sudden movement made my head spin. I suddenly remembered everything that had happened, and the emptiness on my left hand grew to be the most prominent thing in my world.

Jacob and I were finished.

And Edward…

Well, Edward had stayed the night with me and promised to wait for me.

I nearly collapsed in relief at that memory, but suddenly a much more important thought came to me.

EJ and Abby. _Where are they?_

I flew out of bed, noticing I was still dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, and ran down the hall. "Abby?" I called. "EJ? Bugs? Where are you?"

They weren't in the nursery, living room, or kitchen. Panicking a little, I ran down the hallway.

The bathroom door was open, with the light on. I screeched to a stop at the door and peered inside.

"EJ!" the auburn-haired man laughed as he knelt by the bathtub. "Quit splashing me, love!"

I let out a breath of relief. Edward was bathing my children. Both EJ and Abby were in the bubbly water, letting out exuberant giggles. "Close your eyes," he warned Abby, tilting her head back so he could rinse her hair out.

"No, Daddy!" she laughed as he poured the warm water through her hair.

EJ splashed his sister, who retaliated quickly. Somehow Edward got soaked, but instead of flipping out like Jacob would, he just chuckled and splashed them back.

"Seriously, you guys," he grinned. "You're getting more water on me than you are on _you_."

"Daddy?" EJ asked him. "Num-nums at Nana's?"

"We'll eat dinner at Nana and Doc's if you let me get you clean, precious boy," Edward replied. "Abby, you're good to go. Come here, love."

He tried to pull her out of the water, but she was more interested in pouring some shampoo on her brother. "Ee-ay!" she cooed lovingly.

"You are so silly," Edward told her, tickling her sides. "Come here. You need to go wake your mama up, but let's get your brother clean."

Abby wrapped her arms around Edward's neck, completely soaking his shirt in soapy water. "I love oo, Daddy," she told him, pronouncing the words a tad better than her brother.

I had never seen a more joyful look on a man's face. "I love you, too, sweetie," he replied, kissing her cheeks.

"I lub oo!" EJ exclaimed, vying for Edward's attention with a big splash.

Edward laughed. "I love you, too, sweetie." He kissed EJ's wet hair.

I had seen enough. I couldn't bear to stay away from them. I went and sat next to the bathtub on the closed toilet lid.

"Mama!" EJ squealed, making Edward turn to face me in surprise.

"Hi, love!" he said happily, putting Abby back in the bathwater so he could talk to me. "Did we wake you up? We've been having fun…"

The sparkly look in his eyes was enough to convince me one-hundred percent that I had made the right choice. Edward not only loved my children, but he adored them, cherished them, _lived_ for them. Jacob never cared for them. Edward loved my children, and as a mother, that was more important than if he loved me.

But I knew, of course, that Edward did love me. _And_ adored me and cherished me and lived for me.

Thank God I felt the same way.

So the glint in his emerald eyes was the driving force behind my next action. I bent down and pulled his chin so his face was closer to me. When my lips pressed to his, it was a very_ full_ kiss. All of the emptiness I had felt in my last kiss with Jacob was gone. Now I felt passion and romance and adoration and pure _love._

I moved away for just a second and whispered, "I've owed you a kiss since that day in your office, remember?"

Edward obviously felt the same current that was flowing through my veins, because he moved to his knees, his lips reclaiming mine. He tangled his fingers in my hair as his mouth moved sweetly and simultaneously with me. I wrapped my legs around his torso, holding him there as I conveyed every single emotion I felt through that kiss.

To be honest, I had forgotten about the rest of the world until water was thrown on us.

"Mama!" Abby said impatiently, making us freeze and turn our eyes to her. Our lips never stopped touching. "Daddy! Stop!"

EJ obviously agreed with her, because he gave us his own splash and glared at us. "Daddy," he whined. "_My_ mama."

Edward and I started to laugh, and he softly laid his head against my chest. I kissed his beautiful hair. "Sorry," he apologized to my son—_our _son. "You can't share your mommy?"

EJ splashed water on us again.

"I think that's a sign that we need to get them out of the tub," I told Edward, stroking his cheeks with my fingers. "You said you're taking them to Nana and Doc's?"

He nodded. "Mom invited us over for dinner. I was going to wake you up and ask you if you wanted to go."

"I would love to go," I replied, staring down at him. I was still a bit in shock over all of these whirlwind events, but his face alone was comforting. "I guess I have some announcements to make, huh?

He smiled crookedly. "We don't have to tell anyone anything."

"Well, I have to say that I'm about to be a single woman again," I pointed out.

He gave me a humorless glare. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

I giggled and leaned my forehead against his. "I still need to wait…but you can still fight for me."

"Like this?" he asked me before peppering a kiss on my nose, and then on my eyelids.

I smiled in contentment. "Mmm," I nodded, pecking his lips again.

"_Mama_," Abby groaned. "_Please._"

"Are you learning manners, little girl?" I asked her in surprise. "Nana has really been working on you two, hasn't she?"

"Actually, that was me," Edward admitted.

I smiled at him. "You're such a good daddy."

He raised his eyebrows. "Am I a daddy?"

"Do you want to be?" I asked seriously.

"_Daddy!"_ EJ nearly shouted.

Edward gave the bugs a sideways glance. "I think they've already made the decision for me."

I smiled. "It's settled, then. _Daddy_."

He returned my grin. "Alright, _Mama_."

Another big splash from the bathtub caught my attention. "Okay, okay," I told EJ and Abby. "Abs, you come with me while Daddy finishes bathing EJ. You have thoroughly soaked both Mommy and Daddy."

I lifted her out of the tub, wrapped her in a towel, and took her to the nursery. As I dried her off, diapered her, and dressed her, she played with my hair and babbled away. Apparently one day with Edward had made my daughter happy again.

"I love oo, Mama," she told me sweetly as I brushed her hair and tried to put a bow in it. I wasn't as good as Alice, Rose, and Esme at the girly stuff.

"I love you too, sweetheart," I replied, kissing her nose.

"I love Daddy," she added, sucking on her pinky.

I couldn't fight the smile that spread across my face. "I love Daddy, too."

As Edward and I got ready to go to his parents' house, I reflected on what was surely going to be my future. Edward had already claimed us as his family. It would be a while before I would be ready to go public with our relationship. I would be holding back a lot as I licked my wounds left by Jacob. But I would be made happier…and my kids would be happy.

And the man I loved would be happy. Both of them would be happy, actually. We had all made a decision that benefitted each individual.

Life was, one day, going to be so much better. Edward and I would have to take baby steps to get there. But I knew that he would be patient with me and would love me no matter how long it took.

Finally, the battle scars were going to fade.

And my little family—Bella, Edward, EJ, and Abby—would be happy and healthy.

And truly, that was all that mattered. It would just take a while to get there.

But at least I didn't have to walk the road alone.

* * *

_I'm about to post Edward's epilogue._

_And about the sequel? You're not going to find out the poll results or the big announcement until the end of the epilogue. Sorry (evil grin).  
_


	54. Epilogue Edward's POV

**This final chapter is dedicated to rosellebec for the fabulous feedback and wonderful support she has given me in this story, my other stories, my "mini-story", schoolwork, and well, LIFE. I hope you like the ending, Megan, since you've been so coy about which team you're on. I appreciate you so much!

* * *

**

**Epilogue: Edward's POV**

**A year and a half later…**

"Daddy!" a very familiar voice shrieked as footsteps bounded into my bedroom. It snapped me out of my sleep, but I still wasn't quite ready to wake up.

A little body jumped onto the bed—actually, right onto my stomach. What felt like an Emmett-style kick to the gut_ definitely_ woke me up.

"Oh!" I said in reaction. "Son, what's wrong?"

"Daddy, _wake up_!" my daughter squealed as she joined her brother on the bed.

I opened my eyes to see the apples of my eye two inches from my face, hot breath blowing on me. EJ and Abby were watching me with excited grins on their faces, waiting for me to react.

"What's wrong, my loves?" I asked sleepily.

Abby looked like she was ready to explode with excitement. "Happy Daddy's Day!"

_Daddy's Day_. Pure love radiated through me as I realized what she meant.

"Abby, it's _Happy Father's Day,_" EJ rolled his eyes. "Happy Father's Day, Daddy."

I laughed at the exchange. "Thank you, loves!" I exclaimed, suddenly rolling over so they were on their backs beneath me. They giggled and protested as I tickled their bellies and then kissed their faces. "You guys are so sweet!"

"Daddy, you gotta shave," Abby crinkled her nose as my stubble scratched her face.

"I'm sorry," I replied, pulling her shirt up and blowing a raspberry on her belly.

"No!" she cried with a smile on her face. "EJ, help!"

EJ decided to save his sister by squirming away from me and jumping on my back. He sat on top of me like a horse and gave me a playful smack. "Leave my sissy alone!"

"I surrender!" I announced melodramatically. "I surrender!"

Abby laughed as I fell on the bed next to her in defeat. EJ rolled off of me and sat on my pillow. "We gots you presents," he informed me, "but Mama said to wait until she cooks you brecky."

"Don't tell him, EJ," Abby said with a sassy eye-roll of her own.

Recognizing his word for _breakfast, _I promised him, "I'll keep your secret," and sat up to pull them both into my lap. "You guys are so big," I marveled, squeezing them in a hug.

They really _were _big. They were now thirty-three months old, which I suppose should have been translated as "two years and nine months." They were now capable of dressing themselves (of course they required assistance with tight clothes, buttons, and zippers) and could carry on conversations. The pediatrician said that they were ahead of the curve in vocabulary and sentence structure, but I knew that was because of Bella's avid reading and talking to them. Bella and I were also potty-training them. Of course, we had our own reason for that one…

"Where's Mommy?" I asked them.

Abby wiggled away from me so she could stand up and whisper in my ear. "She's cooking," Abby revealed. "You have to stay here."

"Oh," I said.

But my wife didn't take long. She came through the door, her swollen belly entering before she actually did, with one of the TV trays Alice had bought for her during her bed-rest days. "I see my sweet bugs woke Daddy up for me," she said brightly.

"Yep!" EJ exclaimed. "Can we bring him brecky?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you in the kitchen," she replied. My bugs scrambled off of me and ran into the hallway. Bella bent down to kiss my lips. "Happy Father's Day, sweetie."

"Thank you, love," I replied, putting a hand on her belly. "You really didn't have to do anything—"

"Of course I did," she cut me short. "Enjoy the home-cooked breakfast while it lasts, you silly man."

"Mmm," I replied as she kissed me again. "How are you feeling…?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, and _they're_ fine." She rested a loving hand on her belly.

Bella's pregnancy had been a surprise, considering we weren't even discussing marriage and more children when we discovered it. It was, as Emmett called it, an "oopsie" but definitely not a mistake. But the real surprise had once again popped up at the ultrasound: twins again! To say that we were astounded was an understatement, considering that Bella was on birth control. But I suppose that since my fraternal uncles were triplets, and Bella's mother was a twin, we shouldn't have been surprised. So we had a rather quick wedding, bought a bigger house in Forks, and I was currently in the process of legally adopting EJ and Abby as my own. I wanted _all _of my loves to have the last name of Cullen. I also didn't want Abs and EJ to feel like I loved the new babies more than I loved them, because that was simply ridiculous. I had loved the bugs like they were my own since before they were born.

I was a bit more shocked than Bella because I was still getting used to having _two _children. Now I was about to have a total of four. It really did blow my mind, but I quickly adjusted to the idea and now I couldn't wait for them to pop out. Luckily, Bella was just as excited as I was. Our families were ecstatic as well, but no one was more excited than EJ and Abby.

"Stay here," she said firmly. "You're going to have breakfast in bed whether you like it or not. And I better go to the kitchen before a disaster happens."

"Yes, ma'am," I faux-scowled. "These pregnancy hormones are—"

She grinned and interrupted me with a kiss. "Shut up, dearest husband."

"Yes, dearest wife," I snickered.

Feeling playful, she shook her bottom at me before leaving the bedroom.

"I definitely want to see that again!" I called after her, making her giggle.

After a few minutes, they all came into the bedroom, EJ and Abby carefully holding plates of food. Bella placed them all on the TV tray, handing me a mug of coffee.

Bella, feeling a little winded after her work, climbed into bed and laid next to me.

"I cooked the toast," Abby said proudly, sitting between Bella's legs and resting her little head on the baby bump. "Is it good, Daddy?"

"It's very good," I promised her after I sampled a bite.

"And I gots you a present," EJ said a little gloomily, "but Mama said we have to wait until you're done eating."

"I can't wait to see it, little man," I assured him. "I'll eat fast. But you guys—my EJ, my Abby Hope, my Bella, and the new babies—are the real gifts. You all mean more to me than anything else."

"Mmm, I love you," Bella murmured, kissing my cheek.

Of course the mention of the new babies stirred Abby up. "When are they going to be here?" she whined.

"Three months, sweet girl," Bella said soothingly, stroking Abby's hair in that way that managed to comfort all of us. "You better enjoy having Daddy's arms to yourself."

Both Abby and EJ took that as an invitation to jump on top of me just as I swallowed a bite of toast. The piece of toast got lodged in my throat, and I started to gag…

It was just another little drama in the life of a busy parent. After Bella laughed and patted my back until I coughed it up, the little drama had been taken care of. But of course Abby and EJ were immediately contrite and apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Daddy!" they exclaimed.

I coughed a little. "It's okay, loves. I'm fine."

But they still insisted on giving me apology-kisses.

Little did they know just how those sweet kisses had gotten me through so much. It made me a bit sentimental as I thought of the past year and a half. It had been a rollercoaster-that was for sure-but things were shaping up nicely. Of course we still had our little dramas—a choking daddy, a hormonal mommy, the transition to the world of big-kid beds—but it all worked out in the end.

"Mommy, I gots to go potty," Abby whispered, jarring me out of my thoughts.

Bella winced. "So do I," she said, patting her tummy. "Edward, I hate to ruin your breakfast, but can you help Abby? I'm about to have an accident."

"I have to potty, too!" EJ exclaimed.

_Speaking of little dramas…_

_

* * *

_

**Okay, announcement time. Yeah, there's a reason I left the epilogue so open to possibilities. And this probably won't surprise anyone, but after 94% of voters wanted a sequel...well, you're getting a sequel.**

**It will be called "Aftershocks." And since you've made it through fifty-three chapters, you get to read an extra-long summary!**

**_Aftershocks: Sequel to 'Battle Scars' (Rated T)  
Bella chose Edward to be her love and a daddy to her children, but life didn't magically turn into a fairy tale. While she works out details of her divorce and custody arrangements, her love life suddenly becomes the hot topic in La Push and Forks. Edward is madly in love with her, but he is scared of "coming on too strong" while she heals from her failed first marriage. Meanwhile, Abby and EJ are steadily making the transition from infants to toddlers, and that includes giving up EJ's precious 'baba.' But what happens when Bella finally commits wholly to Edward and winds up pregnant with twins? A shotgun wedding with lots of new beginnings are in the cards for Bella, Edward, and the bugs. Of course the Cullen family is there to help, but Bella and Edward will have to learn how to face life as a couple-and how to be doting parents to an expanding brood of children._**

**And yeah, there will be a ton of fluff and Daddyward moments, just because I'm a strong believer that he's the best! Also prepare for Grandpa Charlie, Nana, Doc, Uncle Jazz, Aunt Alice, Uncle Em, and Aunt Rose (and their baby!). And of course EJ and Abby are going to be mischievous as they hit the terrible twos. It's going to be a fun story to write.  
**

**I really hope you guys read the sequel. I'm sure the new story will be posted sometime this week, while I'm on Thanksgiving break. Like I've said before, I am so very thankful to all of my readers and reviewers! I hope this has been a fun ride for you and I hope that the sequel will be even better. Honestly, I can't believe you guys have stuck with me for this long-and that you want to read even more!**

**I love y'all!**

**P.S. In a review, let me know if you have any questions or issues you would like to see addressed in the sequel.  
**


	55. The Sequel is Here!

**In case you don't have me on Author Alert, "Aftershocks" has been posted. Here's a little sneak peak at the first chapter, in case you don't have time to read the whole chapter now.  
**

**

* * *

Chapter One: "Not Now" Edward's POV  
**

_I pulled in to my parents' driveway, noticing that my love Bella was frozen next to me. I took her hand in mine, softly stroking her skin, and put the car in park. "Are you ready for this?" I asked her._

_ "What are we going to tell them?" she asked, pursing her lips in worry._

_ "Whatever you think we should tell them," I replied._

_ She glanced in the backseat, where her children—our children?-were strapped in their car-seats. "Nana?" Abby asked happily._

_ Bella bit her lip and looked back at me. "I'm going to have to tell them I'm separated from Jacob…"_

_ "Yes," I nodded, "but what do you want to tell them about us?"_

_ "Nothing," she decided after a minute of pensiveness. "Considering that I'm not even sure how to classify…us…then let them assume what they want to assume. Right?"_

_ "Sounds good to me."_

_ She gave me a small smile. "Emmett will be the first one to say something."_

_ I shook my head. "Mom will corner me as soon as you're not looking."_

_ "I'll be sure to keep my eyes on you, then," she replied. "Edward? You love me, right?"_

_ "More than anything," I promised her._

_ She finally beamed. I had missed that wide smile. "Then I can do this."_

_ I quickly pressed a kiss to her temple and cut the engine of my Volvo. "Of course you can. Come on, silly. Emmett's going to eat all of the food."_

_ I pulled EJ out of his car-seat while she retrieved Abby. I walked into the house confidently, giving Bella an encouraging wink. That little flash of a smile from earlier was already gone. She had too much on her mind._

_ "Edward!" Mom exclaimed happily, coming to kiss my cheek._

_ "Hi, Nana!" EJ greeted her._

_ "Hello, my sweets," she replied, kissing him. "Nana has made lots of goodies for you and your mommy and sister!"_

_ "Did you just go on a cooking spree or something?" Bella asked as she set Abby on her feet._

_ "Yeah, I was in the mood for turkey and dressing," Mom shrugged, pulling Bella into her arms. "Darling, you look more rested than you have in a very long time."_

_ Blood tinted Bella's cheeks. "Edward let me sleep all night and all day," she admitted, throwing me a grateful smile._

_ "That's my boy," Mom winked at me. "And Bella, how is Jacob? I know you went to see him today."_

_

* * *

_**Dum dum dum...**

**Go check it out. I'm really excited about this story.**

**Also, I have started a "mini-story" called "Play Dates." The summary is:  
_Bella is the single mother of a five-year-old son, Emerson. Edward is the single father of a five-year-old daughter, Emmy. They've given up on finding love for a very long time-until their children become playground buddies. Fluffy with Daddyward. AH._**

**I'm pretty excited about that one as well.**

**Love y'all,  
Sarah**


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